-SoKawaii

ACT V
Adrenaline Fix

I pulled up to a large rod-iron gate, suspicious and doubtful. There hadn't been a residence in at least a mile. She is drunk and passed out… maybe she'd given me the wrong address. Though looking down at the business card she gave me, I read back this very address. I looked up from the small and elegant card with black roses etched among the bold name 'Yuki Kaname'. I glanced at the girl beside me who slept soundly with her head resting against the older glass window. I narrowed my eyes further; staring at the house number she had recited… hoping it were correct.

This was the house? 'Of course it is.'

I punched the voice dial button next to the gates keypad, pausing for a moment to collect my thoughts. I couldn't see past the walls that had been engulfed by dense green vines that sprawled amongst the concrete and the thick woody rose bushes that stretched by hundreds of yards. These walls were a beautiful barricade, I was sure of it.

"Is this the Kuran residence?" I questioned without a doubt, leaning out of my truck window whilst speaking into the smaller box. I was surprised to see the grand rod-iron gates open automatically without an answer. 'This seemed fitting of Lord Kaname.' I mentally mocked, disgusted by the shameless ostentation of wealth.

I drove through the large rod-iron gates and through the lush and impeccably manicured garden to see a large three story home. It was bright and elegant, evident in the lights shining in through large windows. It was a mansion. My eyes narrowed seeing the large balconies and large exotic and dark front door. It seemed needlessly inviting, ironic for such an uninviting resident. I glanced down at the girl in the passenger seat, watching her sleep soundly in peace for a moment… Who was I to offer charity to a girl who had everything?

However, that moment was shattered after seeing Kaname push past a butler and out towards the drive. His eyes were frantic and searching, though he kept a calm exterior composure, though his alarm slowly faded into disbelief, which then fell to a somber displeasure – hidden by his still and calm expression.

"Kiryuu," Kaname walked up to the truck before I had a chance to turn the ignition. He glanced at my decaying and crumbling tuck, expression unchanging, his eyes had met mine. "Thank you." He immediately opened the passenger door, halting suddenly to see her sleeping soundly with a seatbelt stretched over her torso. His eyes scanned her chest, staring at the strap that rest snugly between her cleavage. My back grew tense seeing his emotionless and halted expression.

"She just fell asleep." I confirmed, narrowing my eyes back at the man who stared without so much as a glimmer of relief in his dark russet eyes. I strapped her into that seat. He should have been grateful, rather than accusing. I had no further intentions, though I couldn't say the same for Yuuki. . .

"I was worried… I called several times." Kaname spoke solemnly as he gently removed his fiancée from the truck in a ghostly manor, holding her dearly and tenderly like a precious and prized doll against his rigid chest. "There was never any answer." He glanced down at her bare feet, confused. His eyes shot back up to mine. I could see he finally caught the strong scent of alcohol.

"I'm not surprised." I scoffed, tossing her purse at the man who caught it with a fierce snatch, though never waking his beloved. "She's drunk and delusional." I watched as Kaname's frame went stiff just as his brows lightly furrowed. I noticed his questioning eyes, asking me to explain further.

I wouldn't humor him.

"Thank you." Kaname gently spoke, fixated on the girl in his arms rather than myself.

"You shouldn't have left her alone at a bar." I narrowed my eyes in disgust.

"I am her fiancé." He stated rather seriously, gravely stressing his words as if fact. However, his eyes softened with a smooth and calm exhale, "Not her keeper."

"I wouldn't be so naïve." I reached over, slamming the passenger door to my truck.

'If you won't keep her, there are plenty who would do anything to keep her.' I snidely thought, glaring back at the man who was selfish and arrogant at best, yet tenderly holding the limp young aspiring model and actress in his arms as if he truly did care. 'I could have kept her.'

"Good night." Kaname called out as he walked back toward the house.

I lit the ignition with the flick of my wrist. I hadn't realized it, but I was furious. My blood boiled as I watched him act so noble and caring. It was obvious that he cared for no one but himself. He wanted Yuki as a token to hold and to lock away unless it was convenient for him. Leaving her alone at a bar? He couldn't love her. His act of concern sickened me. She seemed genuine. Beneath those dark glassy russet eyes I saw a glimpse of concern - a glimpse of the girl who hid behind her pretty face. Though I couldn't discredit her stupidity.

I exited the drive and peeled down the secluded road. The wind whipped at my face causing my eyes to well with tears upon the harsh sting of the cold and still air of night. The full moon peeked over the clouds, enough to illuminate the blurred outline of the trees and shrubs that I daringly sped by. My knuckles were white, clutching the wheel with an intense anger I didn't care to release. I wanted to hold onto this feeling of rage. I wanted it to consume me and to go drunk with anger. I wanted to suddenly revolt against the life I'd been given, throwing my poor hand on the table and running from this endless game.

I watched as the speedometer raced well above 100. I edged the pedal hearing the roar of the engine as I imagined Kaname's pathetic existence. He never truly worked a day in his life. He would never understand this pain and rage that had twined itself so deeply through my body as if it had taken my bones and bitterly crushed them beneath the spindly vines of despair. He would never be half of the man I had to become, just to survive for the one who needed me. I worked to keep him alive, and that was the mere meaning of my existence. Living for the dead.

"Ichiru…"

I swallowed harshly. The car slowed as my foot had removed itself completely from the gas. I breathed heavily, stuttering as my body slowed itself enough to think as the pressure had subsided and the blood rushed back to my limbs. Though my lungs ached with each pant.

His lavender eyes that so often filled with tears smiled back at me, tilting his head lightly with a widened smile though tears framed his pallid face. I felt my jaw lock instinctively at the sudden burning pain within my eyes. How could I be so selfish as to resent him?

FORBIDDEN ACT

"Hey."

I rolled to my side, clutching the blanket beside me burying my face deeper within the pillow that smelt faintly of sweat. My body jolted to the side, rolling onto my back.

"Brother?"

I shot up, clutching my face as I coughed raggedly. I scanned the room through my fingers, shocked to see Ichiru standing awkwardly in the door. Supporting his weight with a faint cough. His eyes were troubled as I gasped for air erratically. I swallowed harshly feeling my dry throat beg for moisture.

"You were screaming again…"

My eyes darted away in shame. He sighed softly, sitting on the bed next to me. His soft hand ghosted over my bare shoulder that was clammy with sweat. I glanced back at him, shamed by his softer smile. "I'm sorry." I cleared my throat. I quickly adjusted myself, crawling out of bed to stretch and prepare myself for work. "You should go back to bed, it's early." The clock read 5:00 AM.

"It was about me, huh?" He smiled, motioning to the bedside table where a glass of water sat expectantly.

I froze, glancing back at his simple expression with hesitant eyes. "Don't worry about it." I nonchalantly focused my attention to the closet, pulling out the fresh laundry Ichiru had folded. I yawned, pulling a shirt over my head. It smelt of him—comforting and freshly clean in fragrance.

"You're late for work."

I nodded, fastening my belt with my back turned to him. "The boats were delayed last night, but I'll have to work overtime again." Even behind my back I could feel his smile cracked slightly, though he caught himself before a frown became visible. "I promise to eat breakfast." I sighed in defeat.

His smile brightened instantly, glowing with a happiness that seemed so effortless. "Good! Because I made you breakfast." He giggled.

"Only if you go back to bed."

He pursed his lips seeing my sharp expression. "Aw, but I do nothing but sleep all day waiting for…" His whine was cut short seeing my back stiffen.

He waited for me. I hated hearing that he would waste his time on waiting for me, but what could I do? What was there to do?

"Waiting for tomorrow morning… so I could finally make you breakfast." He cunningly smiled, causing myself to also feel a soft relief wash over me. Even his lies comforted me.

I tossed my blanket at him playfully, hitting him in the face as it draped over his head and shoulders and into his lap. "Get back to bed. I'll see you in the morning." I instructed, shutting the door behind me. The smell of breakfast reminded me of the smell of home, something I missed.

FORBIDDEN ACT

"Places everyone!" Teal eyes sparkled while stabbing his finger upward in excitement. Everyone bustled around Aidou, laughing and fawning over the man who so eager made a spectacle of himself.

It was too early for this.

"Kiryuu," Matsuri's smile obstructed my view grabbing my forearm with an alarming closeness, "Good morning." She tilted her head with a wide smile, in much of the same way as Ichiru.

I stared puzzled at the woman whose bangs framed her bright and cheery chocolate glistening eyes who eyed me ever so eagerly. "Morning." I sighed, pulling away from her grasp as eyes began to filtrate their way through the crowd of people working on the set and at the two of us.

"I was happy to see you had come earlier than the rest of the cast. I'd like to speak with you in private." She smiled. "Coffee?" She pointed back to her small office door, inviting me in spite of the indirect demand.

"We have a lot to discuss." I warned. She knew I was hesitant, no doubt wanting to coach me on the matters of this new job.

"Good thing I have a fresh pot brewing." She gently smiled, leaving me as she walked to her office dodging the many people who bustled around crazily preparing for yet another opening shoot. She had been preparing for this.

I entered her office, surprised to see the clutter of papers and documents strewn around her desk in addition to the many impressive artworks sketched in black in – rushed and simply for amusement. She sat behind her L shaped desk, gesturing to the seat before her. I sat complacently.

"So you read the contract?"

"No," I paused.

"Then do you have questions about the contract or the script? Any concerns or conditions?"

My eyes grew slim, swallowing the sudden lump in my throat that had formed. She knew all too well.

"I'm quitting." I stated firmly, unnerved to see her blank and professional expression crack with a smug snort.

"You can't quit if you haven't signed." She chimed, sitting back with a sinister grin that surprised me. I felt the bead of sweat pour from my brow, lost for words. "You're nervous?" She noted – all the more amused. "You wouldn't be nervous if this didn't mean something to you…" She scanned me, "The pay doesn't satisfy you?"

She smiled seeing my eyes widen, coupled with knitted eyebrows that went tense upon her chuckle. "If not the pay, then what?"

"The distance."

She sat quietly, lips pursed.

"I can't travel at great lengths." I cleared my throat, meeting her serious chocolate eyes that softened beneath my plea.

"If you read the contact you would know what the lengths were…" She exhaled softly. "Why can't you travel?" She mused. "Afraid of flying?" My expression unchanged. "Afraid of losing an old job?

"Oh, Zero…" Matsuri sighed, pressing the mug against her lips pensively with deep chocolate eyes of discouragement. "If you sign my contract it is an all rights exclusivity for five years… unless you buy out the contract." She took a small sip. "Meaning that you can only work for me."

I felt unnerved by the seriousness in her tone. "I haven't signed yet." I reminded, trying to shift things in my favor once more without disgracing her hospitality.

"True," She smiled. "But I'll grant any request so long as you'll stay – as long as you'll sign." She let a ragged exhale escape her lips. She was desperate to keep me.

"Why?" I glanced down at the mahogany seat that I sat within, sitting in front of her matching mahogany desk. She had anyone at her fingertips. "Why me?"

Chocolate eyes sparkled. "Because I know you're struggling," She paused suddenly seeing my expression become rigid. "And I know you have so much talent." She placed her mug on her desk, picking a pen from the cluster. "I'll oblige to any condition." She held the pen out to me, honesty transparent within her expression of desperation.

"I can't." I sat back into the seat, back resting casually against the seat back while gripping the armrests. "I can't travel."

"I will supply all expense paid charter flights if you need to return for whatever reason." Matsuri smiled seeing my eyes widen, shocked by her brash proposal. "I will pay for all travel and living expenses in addition to all medical, dental, and orthodontics." She smiled warmly, "Anything."

I felt my pulse begin to quicken, unable to comprehend. I couldn't turn this down. I couldn't keep enough jobs to pay for medical in itself, let alone living expenses and everything else. Matsuri knew it, smiling as she extended the pen to me – waiting.

"I need a vehicle."

Matsuri's eyes flared in shock at my request. Her shock soon dissipated into sheer amusement. "You sure drive a hard bargain." She chuckled to herself, sipping her coffee.

"Done."

I plucked the pen from her fingers, messily pulling the contract from the stack of the papers before briskly signing. "I guess I should get to work." I stood, smirking back at the woman who gaped at me in disbelief.

"Thank you." She smiled, tears glistening in the corners of her eyes. I turned, exiting her office. My heartbeat hadn't slowed, beating rapidly in fear of regret. I'd sold my soul for a total of five years.

"Kiryuu," the busty makeup artist whistled at me, beckoning me. "I've been waiting ten minuets, honey, let's hurry it up!" She coughed, grabbing a brush as I sat complacently in the chair, eyeing the young boy who smiled at me.

I glared up at the woman who tried to dab my lips with some type of makeup, which she smirked, completely avoiding the area all together having seen my expression.

"Alright, all good to go." She snapped her bubblegum, shooing me with her hand. I quickly left, unsure of where to go beyond that.

I migrated to the water cooler, quickly grabbing a cup and wrenching the small lever. My headache began to grow increasingly by the minute, so I pulled the small packet from my pocket taking a small whitish blue pill to alleviate the pain. Xanax always did the trick.

"Oh," I heard her softer voice. "Good morning, Kiryuu."

I glanced over my shoulder; unappreciative eyes glaring back at her dazzling ember eyes of enthusiasm.

"Kuran." I acknowledged to her discontent, crumpling the paper cup in my hand before tossing it.

"I wanted to thank you!" She chased after me, following me as I walked past the makeup artist over to the photographer. "I'm really sorry about last night." She nervously scratched her head with a wide smile; "I guess I had too much fun that night."

"You can remember?" I scoffed, narrowing my eyes at the girl who froze – hurt.

"Again, I'm really sorry, but I just wanted to thank you for taking me home." She repeated, nervously staring down at her feet in shame. "Kaname told me." She breathed, sheepishly glancing up at my careless eyes.

"So you don't remember." I mused; laughing at the girl whose face alit deeply with a brighter blush. The Xanax began to kick in, cooling my anxious and irritable nerves. "It's dangerous to play single in a bar." I watched her eyes flare to wide orbs of chocolate.

I watched her shift uncomfortably before turning from her and back to the busy photographer. I glanced back from the corner of my eyes, amused to see her so baffled by my comment. I knew her game – women were all like her. Wolves dressed in designer wool, to be exact.

"Where do you want me?" I interrupted the photographer that pointed at the grand dark and rich leather seat that Kaname Kuran lay sprawled out against.

Deep and unmoved russet eyes clashed with my own, lightly gritting his teeth but not so much that it would detract from his perfect jawline. I too grit my teeth.

FORBIDDEN ACT

"Zero," Matsuri called to me, "I'm so thrilled with the photo's this morning! Would you like to see?" Matsuri held the mass of high-resolution glossy photos that had just been edited. I looked down, disgusted seeing myself back-to-back with Kaname Kuran dripping with chains and roses. I shrugged away, humiliation biting deep within my headache.

"Zero," Matsuri followed me to the water cooler as I poured yet another glass before pulling the tin from my pocket and taking a dusty Xanax. I could feel myself spiraling downward, licking the soft blue chalky powder from my lip. "You feeling okay?" She watched me as I crushed the cup, tossing it.

"Fine." I exhaled, swallowing harshly wishing I'd taken two. "You?" I mused to her delight as she spilled over how grateful she was for my participation and so forth. I didn't pay attention, rather sinking deeper into the comfort and stillness that the Xanax had given me.

"Also," She smiled, waking me from my sudden daze. "I wanted to thank you again." She smiled, reaching into the pockets of her cream slacks. "I also wanted to tell you that I made good on my promise." She pulled the strand of keys from her pocket.

I took the keys hesitantly, confused as the sudden realization set in to my foggy and warm mind. "Matsuri," I furrowed my brows, shoving the car keys back at her. "I didn't expect this." I admitted truthfully, shocked at her promptness.

"Isn't that your condition? I can't have you backing out now, especially after these!" She gawked at the photos, shuffling between the ten to fifteen copies. "You'd better hurry it's almost eight – the parallel parking is ticketed around this time." Matsuri smiled down at her watch, glancing up at me with sparkling eyes. "Oh, and I hope you don't mind I took it upon myself to dispose of your truck."

"Oh," I exhaled thinking of nothing but the time that had gone so quickly, despite the pain I endured this afternoon with the actors and makeup staff, directing staff, and photographers. "Thanks." I simply acknowledged with a small salute like we used to do at the docks before leaving for the night. I turned toward the door in spite of Matsuri's farewell, uncomfortable to see only the janitor working at this time. I had this itching feeling as if I should've been working

I exited, pulling the tin from my pocket. I took another small pill, swallowing it dry without much concern. After a moment of absorbing the comfort of the initial Xanax I felt the second begin to course through my blood. It felt good.

I examined the string of keys in my hand I realized that I no longer had my truck.

Memories of my father flashed in my mind. He taught me how to drive a stick shift… and I bought that truck from him for over nineteen hundred dollars. 'That truck wasn't even worth half that.' I felt my eyes burn thinking about the months I worked around the neighborhood doing yard work and small tasks. Now it was gone. I found myself looking up at the overcast sky and the moon that peaked behind the grey clouds. "Shit." I sighed, sinking deeper into the heavy warmth of the small pill I'd taken.

I gripped the strand with the remote control key and physical key, recognizing the luxury logo. I opened my eyes, straining as I focused harder. It didn't change. The logo stayed the same; several circles entangled together within a strand of four. I clicked the unlock button, curious.

I snapped my to the left hearing the iconic set of two beeps. The lights were faint, on the far corner of the curb outside of the studio. I clicked the keychain again, amused to hear and see the lights in the distance. I walked closer, unlocking the car once more as I walked up the sidewalk looking for the car in the dark, lightened only by the dim street lights. I unlocked the car a final time, relishing in the sound. I stood, dazed in front of the black luxury car that continued to unlock with the iconic set of beeps. It sat low to the ground – glossy black paint with equally dark tinted windows. The rims glistened in the dark, along with the matching logo that marked the front of the sports car. I stared off into the paint watching my mirrored expressionless face. I gripped the passenger's door handle, pulling it wearily toward myself. It opened, revealing a pristine all black interior of chrome and expensive black leathers.

I glanced to my right side seeing the Janitor eye me in disbelief – eyes wide.

I tossed my phone on the passenger's seat, walking around the car to the driver's side before hopping into the car without further hesitation. I slipped the key in the ignition, surprised to see the lights that jumped at me from the dash. I glanced back up seeing the Janitor watching me in astonishment. I turned the key again, waiting to hear the engine roar. However, I quickly caught onto the silence of the car, griping the stick before reversing and shifting into gear.

I smiled, tearing from the curb as the older janitor watched me, craning his neck in the direction I drove off. Matsuri had done well.

It drove so smooth, so sleek and comfortably. I turned the radio off, uncomfortable with the sound – never having such luxury. I rolled the window down, comforted by the icy wind. I smiled to myself in disbelief. "Matsuri." I shook my head with an uncontrollable laughter, thrilled by her stupidity.

I raced home, pushing the black sports car to the test. I shifted once more, racing down the stretch of country at over one hundred and seventy miles an hour. I felt the rush gently elicit chills to roll up and down my spine. I quickly eased off of the gas, skidding around the curb with a smirk of excitement that boiled my warmed and comfortable blood. I felt the rush slowly dissipate, slowing as I approached the more rural side of town. I was almost home.

I parked far from the house, parking in the desolate barn that had been abandoned by our neighbors after their home had been foreclosed – no longer able to support themselves with their farm after the commercialization of the big city not far. I walked up to the house, walking through the dense brush as I eagerly awaited my bed.

I slunk through the back yard, knowing this path well. I glanced around myself, uncomfortable with the disheveled appearance. I stepped up to the back porch, examining the broken porch swing that Ichiru and I used to play on. I smiled, unlocking the door with a warmth I rarely felt – good to be home.

I walked quietly in the dark, careful not to wake Ichiru who slept in the room off of the kitchen – his door open as it always had been. I crept toward the fridge, opening it with hesitance seeing the light illuminating the kitchen.

I noticed Ichiru had left me a plate, covered with a post-it stuck to it with my name on it. My stomach growled thinking of a meal – I guess I'd forgotten to eat today. Instead, I grabbed one beer of the remaining three before shutting the door. I cracked it eagerly, drinking deeply. I pulled it from my lips, exhaling contentedly.

I listened closely.

I set my beer on the counter, glancing into the darkness of Ichiru's room. I listened closely for his snoring, but I couldn't here anything. I stepped into his room, glancing at the bed just out of the moon's reach, instead shadowing the floor with the impression of the window via the white moonlight.

I put out my hand, reaching for him.

"Ichiru?" I panicked, pulling the blanket from the bed. I stared down at the empty bed, fear rising in my stomach. "Ichiru!" I called through the house, bolting from his room.

I called to him, running into my room with a feeling of terror beginning to sink deep within my chest. I stared down at my empty bed, eyes wide. I tore toward the bathroom, surprised to see the light creeping through the crack between the door and the floor. I pulled at the doorknob, wrenching the locked door though it didn't budge.

"Ichiru!" I shouted through the door, wrenching the locked door as I could hear him faintly through the other side – dry heaving. "Ichiru! Open the door!" I roared, stilling waiting to hear an answer. Instead I heard dry coughing and the sound of my pounding heart.

"Ichiru!"