If you stare at something unwaveringly for long enough, patterns start to emerge. It doesn't matter how plain the initial item is, a sort of image will begin to materialize. The longer you stare, the more complex that image becomes.

Shepard had been staring at the ceiling for days, watching those very patterns swirl in front of her vision. When she had first started watching, moments after Liara had stormed out, there were only basic shapes. Soon that had transformed before her eyes into a perfect likeness of her asari lover. The thin cracks became her crests and slim figure. The bumps became the freckles Shepard loved so much. For a moment she could even swear the image had Liara's blue skin.

The sound of her bedroom door opening tore Shepard away from the image on the ceiling. "I brought you some lunch," Tali said weakly, holding up a plate of food.

"Thanks," the Commander muttered as she accepted the plate with one hand. She took the hastily made sandwich off and was about to take a bite before noticing that Tali hadn't followed suit of her other friends who had brought her food the past two days and immediately left. The quarian was sticking around. "What do you want?" Shepard asked, wincing at the harshness of her tone.

Tali was thrown as well. "I-I just wanted to check on you. To see if you're okay."

"I'm fine."

"Can I sit?"

The marine placed her plate next to her and put her head in her hands and sighed. "If you want to go ahead. I'm not stopping you."

She heard the quarian move a pillow from the side of the bed and sit down.

"Shepard," Tali began. "What have you been doing for two days?"

"Sleeping mostly."

"Why?"
Why was a good question. She was a warrior, a leader. Not someone who hid from the world. She had never chosen the easy path. Doing nothing seemed easy. But there was nothing simple or effortless about it. The best way she could think to describe it was that it felt like a war inside. A comparison that seemed inappropriate in the light of recent events but Shepard couldn't think of anything better. It was like there were two sides to her mind and they were locked in a bitter battle with one another. But how does one communicate that to someone.

The Commander shook her head "I can't explain it. I'm sorry."

"Try," Tali said gently, putting a hand on Shepard's shoulder.

"I can't."

"Shepard, everyone is really worried about you. They don't say it but I know that they do."

"Tali, I really don't want to talk."

The quarian stood and took the plate that once held the sandwich in her gloved hands. "Liara said as much. I just thought that maybe I could help. That maybe you would talk to me. But why would you talk to if you wouldn't talk to Liara? I just-"

Tali was starting to work herself into a sort of frenzy, her speech speeding up with every passing word. And Shepard had had enough. "Tali. Stop."

She turned her head back, glowing eyes focused on Shepard through her mask.

"I," The Commander started, clearing her throat. "I'll talk. Okay?"

"Can I sit?"

"I'm not going to stop you."

There was something unfamiliar about Shepard's voice that had been bothering Tali the entire time that they had been speaking. Her voice was off, wrong even. And she could not put her finger on it until that last sentence. Shepard sounded defeated. The usual strength in her voice had been ebbed away. It was frightening to say the least.

"You know, Liara didn't tell any of us. About…whatever this is. If that's what you're worried."

"She didn't?"

"No. Liara would never do that to you. Did you think she would?"

"Honestly?" Shepard began as she took the last bite of her meal. "I don't know anymore. I've never seen her act the way she did. So I didn't know what she would do."

"Shepard, you're going to have fill me in sometime here. What happened?"

She was never comfortable telling any part of her life story; from her youth on the streets of Earth to even the most current parts of her military life. No matter how much she worked to coax that very information out of her teammates, they quickly found that the same couldn't be done with their illustrious Commander.

But there wasn't a war any more. For the first time in Shepard's entire existence she wasn't fighting. For the first time, she had people that gave a damn about her.

And she had no idea to react to that.

"When I was in the hospital I was put on medication that I couldn't take with alcohol."

"Which I'm guessing you did."

"You guessed right."

"And that's why Liara was angry."

"Yeah."

Tali sighed, not one of disappoint or anger, but a sigh that indicated she regretted having to ask the question. "What is the medication for?"

It was then that Shepard realized that she would never be free of that question. It was only her second time answering it but already she felt like she had been answering it for an eternity.

But this was Tali. The quarian girl she had seen grow before her very eyes on the decks of the Normandy. And the question didn't come from curiosity but from genuine concern.

"I have PTSD." The shame in her voice was evident.

It was only moments after the sentence left her mouth that Shepard found herself enveloped in a hug that was surprisingly strong.

"Tali," the Commander choked.

"Yes Shepard?"

"You're crushing me. My ribs-"

The quarian pulled away abruptly. "Sorry! I'm sorry."

"It's fine," Shepard laughed, her voice stronger and more confident than it had been before. "I'm just still sore."

"I hear that cracking ribs will do that to you," Tali giggled. "What was the damage?"

"Six cracked and two broken."

"Ouch."

"You can say that again."

"Ouch."

Both women started laughing at the bad joke. As their laughter died down, Tali reached over and embraced Shepard again, though significantly gentler this time. "I know it's kind of well, unoriginal but I'm here for you. Okay?"

"Unoriginal works."

They were interrupted by a knock on the front of the open door. "Um, Commander?" Vega stood near the room opening. "Hackett is here. He says that he needs to see you."

Shepard instantly felt exhausted. "He needs me right now?"

Vega nodded. "He was pretty clear on that aspect. I didn't get the feel that it would involve fighting or anything fun like that though."

The quarian stood up and offered a hand to help Shepard up off the bed before turning to Vega. "Tell him that he can wait a few more minutes while she gets ready. Alright?"

"Can do. Just don't keep him waiting too long. The Admiral starts to look a little scary when he's forced to wait."

"Scary?"

"Well, scarier. Anyways, I'll go tell him."

He left the room quickly to deliver the message. "Can you shower by yourself or do you need help?"

"Been doing it alone by whole life."

"You know what I meant."

Shepard smiled, the motion beginning to feel a little more familiar. "I'll be fine. Thanks for your concern."

"I'll be waiting here. Go."

Shepard emerged from the bathroom feeling as though every bit of stress and anxiety had been washed down the drain. For the first time in weeks she felt relaxed. She was ready to take on anything; even Hackett.

"All cleaned up now?" Tali asked.

The Commander nodded, feeling the snugness of her clean clothes against her skin. She still wasn't used to the civvies. "Let's go see Hackett."

As the two made their way out the door, Shepard took the chance to look around at her surroundings for the first time. All other times she had gone throughout the hotel suite were a bit of a blur. Her room was situated at the end of a long hallway filled with doors that lead to other individual's rooms. The hallway opened up into a high-ceiling room containing a kitchen and living room. That room was mostly empty, save for Vega, Hackett, and Liara each sitting on a separate couch in the den.

Liara's eyes caught Shepard's. The asari started to open her mouth to say something but was quickly interrupted by Hackett who had caught the exchange between the couple. "I'm not interrupting anything, am I?" he asked. From anyone else that sentence would have come across as a light-hearted joke to break the tension. But from Hackett it was a serious statement.

Shepard shook her head. "No, you're fine. What is it that you want?"

"A speech."

"I'll have to say Hackett," Shepard said, her trademark smirk working its way on to her face for the first time in a very long time. "I'm not used to you requesting things from me that don't involve fostering galactic peace treaties or firing giant lasers at Reapers."

"This is a serious matter Shepard. The Alliance needs you speak at a memorial service being held for the fallen soldiers of humanity."

Her grin was instantly gone. A speech? She put her hands on the back of a chair and eased herself down, suddenly stricken by panic. But why? She had made hundreds of speeches, some in the midst of battle, others in the calm before the storm. Hell, she even made speeches to get Liara to hand over the television remote. But this was different.

She was the one who fought for this war. And though she knew how many billions would have died without it, the deaths of all of soldiers who had been sent in to protect the galaxy were still on her shoulders. Shepard remembered when she was a recruit, silently cursing those in command for sending in wave after wave of men and women for whatever cause they found necessary. And she had joined the ranks of those warmongers the moment she went to the council with news of the Reapers.

And that was only among humanity. She had chosen to destroy the reapers; her mission from the very beginning. But as a consequence, an entire species had perished along with countless AI's. Not to mention all of the members of other species that had died fighting for the very same war

Over and over she was faced with the fact that she couldn't save everybody. At least that's what she told herself. Maybe she had really chosen to destroy because that was the only way that she could survive. The only way she could see Liara again and give her those promised blue babies. In the end she was just another selfish individual hiding behind the guise of heroism.

"Shepard?" Hackett called out, pulling her back into reality. "Will you do it?"

It took considerable effort for push down her emotions. She couldn't let someone like Hackett see how weak she was. "Why me?"

The question confused the Admiral. "Why you? You're the hero of this entire war. There is no one that those people in the audience would rather see honoring their fallen friends and family then you. There is no one else I or anyone else in the brass would have there up representing Earth and the alliance then you."

Shepard stared into her lap, unable to speak. Seeing this, Liara took over. Admiral Hackett, when would this memorial service be?"

"It's not until Wednesday. So not for a few days. It would give her a chance to prepare a speech, get cleaned up."

"She'll do it."

Explosions of protest burst forth from both Tali and Shepard, the Commander's sound of confusion overlapping with Tali's objection.

There was a moment of silence before Hackett spoke up. "I'll take that as my cue to leave. I'll let the few of you have your discussion." He stood and started making his way towards the hotel room door before turning back for one final note. "And Shepard, I look forward to seeing you on Wednesday afternoon. I'll send you a message with more information."

The moment the door closed. Shepard exploded at Liara. "Why would you do that?"

"I was trying to help," Liara replied calmly.

"How was that helping? I can't go and give some speech in front of a bunch of grieving widows and parents."

"And why not?"

"Because-" Shepard's voice trailed off at the end of the word as she struggled to put her thoughts into words.

"I don't know Liara," Tali said, interrupting the quiet. "Is it really such a good idea for Shepard to be out in front of all those people. I mean, she hasn't been with a large group for a long time. Right?"

"True. But Hackett was completely right. There is no one else that loves Shepard more than a group of Alliance affiliated humans. It's not like she's going to speaking in front of a group of Batarians."

"I'm right here," Shepard interjected.

Liara turned from her conversation with Tali to hug the Commander. "Sorry sweetie. But it will be good for you. Think about it. All those people cheering for you."

"I know that I would be honored to be one of those people in the crowd listening to your speech," James said. "Y'know, if I didn't hear them all the time."

Shepard relaxed into Liara's embrace. "I'll help you write the speech," the asari was saying. "You're good at speeches. It will be no problem at all."

"No problem at all," Shepard repeated.