Edward

"Just shut up!" I screamed into my mothers face. Her eyes looked wild at my outburst. What can i say? She deserved it. I grabbed my keys off the counter and slammed the door behind me. What a way to start the morning. Why did she always have to start on me? Every day she always just tried to talk to me. I was tired of her trying to make is seem like everything was okay. Things were not okay.

I unlocked my car and got inside. Maybe i would just drive myself over a cliff and make everyone happy. I was so angry. I was angry at everything! Yesterday at the clinic nothing had happened. No new information, not a damn thing. It was the same as it always is. There was nothing we could do for Alice. I couldnt stand seeing her laying in her bed so miserable. I was sickened at the sight of her small withered hands. How desperately i wished i could just make it all okay.

I would give anything to make Alice okay. To see her smile and run around like she used to do. Why do people miss things only after they are gone? I took for granted her smiles and laughter. Now she smiled less and was in pain more. I should have been the big brother. I should have protected her and instead i was the source of it.

I jammed my key into the ignition and revved real loud for my mother to hear. Hopefully she would hear it and worry. It would do good for her to worry. No i shouldnt blame her. This wasnt her fault. I pulled out of the drive and made my way to school. I would be late if i didnt leave now.

The whole ride there all i could think about was that blasted town in Alaska. Right before i left i had went over to James house to say good bye. James was my best friend. Or so i had thought. When i got there, him and the boys were sitting out back. I walked around the house and waved at them half hearted. They didnt even really acknowledge me.

"Hey guys, my plane leaves soon." i say. They dont even stop to listen. I walk towards James and sit beside him. He looks over at me. His green eyes hold nothing.

"You guys even going to miss me?" i say a little angrily. I didnt forgive them for that night either. They should have stuck up for me. I thought thats what friends did?

"Yeah dude." he said softly.

"Why havent you guys tried calling me or anything? I've been calling for days now."

"Been busy...you know how it is." James replied.

"No i dont!" i say angrily, "Not one of you have even bothered to come see me or my sister!" I say loudly and gesture to the rest of the group. They finally stopped chatting and turned to me. I could see no friendly faces. Were these the same boys who i spent all of my summers with? The same boys who spent the night at my house watching movies and talking about girls?

"Listen Eddy, maybe you should just go." Ted says slowly standing up.

"Screw you Ted. I thought you guys were my friends." i say trying to bite back my bitterness.

Ted raised an eyebrow, "You want us to feel sorry for you?"

"No i want my friends."

"Edd you never had friends. It was always about you." Ted says.

"Thats not true." i sputter.

"And you had a tantrum and hit your sister with your car. I feel bad for that little girl man." James says from behind me. I whirl around and stop myself from hitting him.

"That was an accident." i say trying to hold back my tears of anger.

"Hey dude, dont be crying for yourself, cry for her. I think thats messed up what you did. We all do." Johnny finally says.

"But i didnt do it on purpose!" i try saying to defend myself.

"We dont want to be seen around the child killer. You understand. Its best if you just leave." Ted says with his arms crossed.

What is this? These guys i called friends? You have to be kidding me. I was down at my weakest and they didnt give a shit. Well screw these losers.

"Fine, you guys were losers anyway." I say and start to walk away.

"Eddy you might want to do some thinking. The real loser is the one who refuses to see that he lost." James calls after me. I left there trying to hold back my anger and tears.

That was years ago, but i never forgot the looks on their faces. I never forgot the faces of anyone. Everywhere i went, people pointed and shook their heads. I was the failure and i knew it. I had made a mistake. I was suffering because of this mistake. I knew what i did wasnt right. But there was nothing i could do to change it. I would give my life for Alice's. My life didnt matter worth a damn. Couldnt anyone see this?

I had tried to take my life. After my friends had deserted me. I had felt completely lost. I didnt know what to do. My mother had been the one to save my miserable excuse for a life.

She found me passed out on my bedroom floor. I had swallowed as many pills as i could find. I still remember her screams for my father.

"Carlisle! Carlisle!"

My father, being a doctor, had ran into the room. Got me to throw up and took care of me until they got me to the hospital. He had carried me in his arms and i thought maybe he had forgiven me. Except when i woke up in the hospital, he was never there. He had never been there.

Maybe i should have just died there. Today was definetly going to be a bad day. I really didnt want to go to class. Too many memories are inside my head today. But i couldnt give up on life, Alice needed me too much. And when she is gone, i wont be needed anymore..

I pulled into the school parking lot. I arrived just before the bell rang. I got out the car and locked it. I put my head down and walked for homeroom. I was used to the looks and the stares. I didnt want their eyes on me today. I just wanted to be alone. They didnt know the pain i carried with me everywhere, nor do they care.

I made it all the way through the day with no incident. I talked to my sports buddies, i ate lunch with my crew, and i acted indifferent to all the girls who came up to talk to me. I kept my feelings well buried and deep down. Where no one could see them. No one ever even bothered. I wasnt too excited for Art, Bella would be there.

I didnt know how i felt about this girl. I liked her but i also detested her. Back at my old school, girls like her were only good for one thing. Laughs. That is mean but it is what it is. But for some reason i wasnt the same person anymore. I didnt want to hurt her. I didnt want to make jokes about her. What did she do to deserve that?

The truth of it is, is people are mean. And i was one of them.

I walked into the room and spotted her sitting at our table. Her hair was up and she was doodling away in her book. I seen a few girls giggling and pointing at her. For some reason, this made me mad. I looked at them right in the eye and made a point in sitting close to Bella. Bella looked up at me, as if she didnt believe her eyes. I smiled a little.

"How are you today?" i ask politely.

She looked down, "Good. How was your weekend?"

"Great, just great."

She looked up into my eyes. I never really noticed but her eyes were kinda beautiful. They were a regular brown but for some reason...

The teacher snapped me out of my thoughts. He started the class off normally. I pretended to listen. I had too many thoughts going on in my head. I couldnt get Alice out of my mind. My thoughts were just dark. I needed to just go home and be with her. Hold her little hand in mine and just pray.

Bella and i worked on our project for the rest of the class. I had taken some pictures of my piano, a snap of my back yard, a snap of the trees when it rains. She hadnt said a word when i gave them to her. I was letting her pretty much dictate where this project was going. She was the artist not me.

When class ended i said a quick good bye. I had too many thoughts running through my head. I made it through all my classes until gym. I was in the locker room changing when i heard some voices.

"Did you see the fat girl? Whats her name?"

"Bella?" another voice replied.

"Yeah thats her name! Could you imagine being with a whale like that? I wonder what her parents feed her."

I was only dressed in my shorts, i went around the locker and grabbed the kid by the shirt.

"Dont say that shit!" i said into his face. The kid was a scrawny kid a grade under. His eyes were wide. He tried stuttering a reply. I dropped him.

"Leave Bella alone. Shes actually a nice girl and doesnt deserve that." i say into their faces. I turned around and went back to my locker. I heard soft snickers from the guys in the room. They couldnt understand why i would defend her. I didnt care what they thought. It wasnt right.

That would have been me...if it wasnt for Alice. I would still be the same self centered tool i had always been. It took my life crashing down around me to finally understand. I didnt know how i was going to make it through this last class. I was too angry and upset. I made it through the best i could. Just put all my energy into what the gym teacher said. At the end of it, i didnt even change my clothes. I just grabbed my stuff from my locker and rushed out the doors.

It had started to rain. I couldnt hold the tears anymore. Dammit. I would get ridiculed if anyone seen me like this. I kept my head down and practically ran for my car. I couldnt even see straight. I couldnt get the thoughts out of my head. I felt bad for screaming at my mother. She was only trying to not be crushed by this weight we all carried. I was the one who caused this in the first place. It was all my fault.

I yanked my car door open and climbed inside. I was soaked through. I hadnt even bothered to put on my jacket. I was still in my gym clothes. I was such a mess and i didnt think i could drive safely. Today was just a bad day for me. I shouldnt have even come to school today. I should have just stayed home with Alice. She brought me comfort, and grief. Oh how i loved her. I needed time to relax. I put my head on the steering wheel and tried to calm down. Thats when i heard it.

Tap. Tap.

I looked up, my eyes red and puffy and tried to see out the fogged window. I was sorta bewildered at who i found on the other side of the glass.

Authors note: Edward POV. Thought you guys might have missed him :p This story is just starting up. There will be many more things to come. Thanks for all the support. Means the world to me. I have never had the courage to really post the stories i write. But im glad i finally did.

Enjoy!