The Vapor of Haruhi Suzumiya
Chapter 9: I.O.U
A/N: Hope this isn't too late! (Or short, for that matter.) I was fussing over how the plot was actually going to begin, then said "Screw it", and now I'm winging it. It worked okay so far, right?
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I tried to sleep in late, if only to remove any thoughts or mental images from the previous day's work. Like the veritable mountains of severed limbs, bodily fluids, and bullet wounds I had to deal with. This stream of happy thoughts was disrupted by Emiri bursting into my room fully dressed and leaping above my bed, and more importantly me, and delivering a brutal elbow slam to my stomach. I think I heard something crack.
Needless to say, I pushed her off my bed and got up, if rather painfully, to remove her from my room. She managed to scramble to her feet before I could land a hit on her kidneys. She was audibly gasping for air and giggling after she was out my range. I did not find any humor in the situation, so I remained still until she explained herself.
"Hee...hee...heh, hehehe...hee. I got you pretty good Yuki-chan! On any level, you had to get up anyways."
"And why is that? I think I can sleep in a little, I saw things yesterday that human eyes are not meant to gaze upon!"
"We're going on a job today. You know, a 'good chance of someone dying in a horrible fashion today' job."
The words had a physical effect on me, jolting me awake. I had completely forgotten the instructions Haruhi had given me yesterday. Though she had come to talk while I was retching into a garbage pail, so it was not completely crazy to think that I had missed part of it. Or all of it, for that matter. Nor was it crazy for Haruhi to tell Emiri to remind me if I forgot. It's like she KNOWS, or something.
Wow. Things really have changed. I think that's the first time I've forgotten anything in...uh, ever, I think. The DITE would not allow an interface to forget any experiences it had accumulated, so this was an entirely new experience. Rather frustrating, too.
Anyways, I hurried to get dressed, looking at the clock. 7:45, only allowing me 15 minutes before we were to meet in the lobby. At least they were respecting my privacy this time.
Now that I knew the nature of what a 'job' consisted of, I was able to dress for the occasion. I had disposed of the white shirt I wore the day before. It had collected 9 different types of bodily fluids on its' surface, and despite possessing the knowledge on how to clean it, I simply dropped it on the trash after changing into my pajamas the night before.
This led me to wearing the same general type of attire as I did for the previous assignment. Baggy pants, a pastel green vest with carrying loops stitched to the back, open-fingered leather gloves, bracers with compartments for knives, my poison-holding bracelets, and a black beanie with fluffy cat ears. I'm a sucker for fluffy things, okay?
Meeting Emiri in the living room with 4 minutes to spare, I placed my blades on my back, thighs, and in my bracers, and eyed Emiri as she say on the couch and read. The title of the novel was "The Danger Below" and the cover displayed a ladder descending into total darkness, the last rung covered in claw marks.
She looked up to me, saw me prepared, and closed her book with a snap. Getting up from her seat, she grabbed a bag next to the door which made dull metallic thumping noises as it moved.
"They're my cannon shells. They weigh 5.5kg a piece." Emiri explained offhandedly as she slung the bag over her shoulder while picking up her revolver cannon, which had been leaning against the wall next to the front door.
I simply raised an eyebrow to her statement. Five and a half kilograms was kind of a lot, and she must of have at least 20 of the things in the bag, maybe 30. That would be a combined weight of at least 110kg. Not exactly easy to carry on your back. Emiri makes it look pretty simple though. I'm beginning to believe that Emiri has somehow retained some of her abilities to manipulate data. This further isolates Emiri's position as nutcase with a big gun…..just like the guy in that movie. The one with the cat food. You know the one, right? Oh, and the robot!...which is creepily similar to Tom. I wonder if he has missile hands? What if he has missile hands?
Pushing the thought away, I led the way out into the hallway, heading towards to elevator. I heard the distinct click of Emiri locking the door, then rapid clunks as she rushed to keep up with me. She arrived at the elevator just as I entered it, turning around to be greeted by her pouting face.
"You're supposed to wait for me you know."
I just shrugged and replied as we were getting into the elevator, "That's what you get for being late."
The chime sounded, and Emiri pushed passed me to exit into the floor first.
I just stood there for a second, before saying, "Emiri, this is the first floor. The lobby is one floor down."
She whipped around in surprise, as I smirked as she attempted to get back on the elevator as the doors slid shut. She was unsuccessful. I had a quiet little laugh as the elevator continued on down to the lobby.
The others were already waiting for me, and to a lesser extent, Emiri. Haruhi turned to me, giving a characteristic frown.
"Yuki, where's Emiri-san? She lives with you, right? I might have to give her a penalty! Something to do with Mexican wrestlers, maybe…."
"She was mad at me for not waiting for her at the elevator, and stepped off on the first floor. She has to wait for the elevator to go back up to her. She won't be long."
Mikuru and Kyon both chuckled at this, before a loud crash and a louder boom were heard just outside.
Emiri walked in through the front entrance, twigs and glass shards sticking into her hair, her white outfit and miniskirt quite ruffled. Her rifle was smoking, and she had a caterpillar crawling on her sleeve.
"Don't. Ask."
The malice was almost palpable, and directed at me, but I lost it at that moment, falling to the floor and having a good long laugh. The rest of the SOS Brigade started laughing, but not at the same intensity or volume as myself.
I recovered and stood up after a few minutes, before addressing Haruhi. Emiri still had quite the hilarious face, but I managed to keep my face straight.
"Do tell, what sort of ridiculous antics are we getting into today? Is Godzilla attacking perhaps? Or does Kamen Rider need assistance in his latest fight for justice against Starfish Himmler? No wait, I got it, Saito Kaiba black-mailed a bunch of mecha pilots to protect his city, and we're going to stop it. Am I right?"
Everyone else stared at me like I was breaking a few rules. I just waved them off. After all, I'm not crazy or anything, right?
Haruhi replied to my wordy question with a grin, before pulling a loose sheet of paper from amidst the pages of her spellbook. She handed it to me, which I promptly read. It was a wanted poster.
'WANTED: DEAD or ALIVE
(The picture was of an absurdly thin man who was approximately 25 to 30 years old. He was holding a sawed-off shotgun, and the photo was taken from the side, amid a crowd.)
NAME: Renji Ono
ALIAS: Beefcake
CRIME: Armed Robbery, Arson, 3rd Degree Murder, 2nd Degree Murder, 1st Degree Murder, Extortion, Fraud
REWARD: 500,000 yen
If apprehended, bring to Undercity Federal Prison. '
I just kind of looked at everyone else, especially Kyon, who just shrugged, as if to say "Hey, we're going to do it either way, mine as well try not to piss Haruhi off in the meantime.". Woah, I think I just got his thoughts word for word.
I paused for a minute, trying to figure out why we were going after a guy who could potentially put us in the nearest crazy medical wing, but stopped. We basically took down overdosing drug-fiends of death. By playing rodeo clown on their heads.
Alright, I'm okay with it.
After Emiri finished reading the poster, she returned it to Haruhi, who moved towards the door.
"We'll discuss this while en route to the part of town this slimeball likes to hide out in."
Upon exiting into the overcast morning, I noticed a distinct lack of normal passerby. Almost everyone around was displaying some type of weapon in obvious places.
I dismissed it as nothing, listening to Haruhi as we went in the opposite direction from the school.
"It's pretty dark down there, so I brought lantern that our lead is going to carry. Kyon, that's you, because you have the heaviest armor. Make sure to watch your step too, because the water is almost always about a meter to the right of you."
I didn't catch the first portion of her explanation, so I requested she clarify it.
"Yuki-chan, you're really slacking today, huh? Fine, but pay attention, will ya? This guy lives in the Undercity, which is a pretty nasty place anyways. It's a district that is entirely underground, and it's accessed through either the subways or manholes around the city. Area wise, it covers almost the whole footprint if the city, but it is limited in height to 8 meters. It's a cheap place to live, but pretty miserable too. Only the poverty-stricken, criminals, or occasional cheap-o live down there. The city's prison is also down there, in one of the 'better parts' of the district. I mean, at least they have working toilets." She grimaced in distaste with the last sentence.
I just nodded in understanding. I had heard of the Undercity before, but was not aware that it was that massive sprawling network of a slum.
"Here we are!" Haruhi stopped at a seemingly random manhole. She used her toe to lift the cover, revealing a crudely lit ladder descending deep underground.
"Thank god I can break my fall with magic! See all of you at the bottom!"
Haruhi used some spell to cover her body in a thick blue mist, before jumping into the hole feet first. I watched her fall, while questioning the sanity of everyone present.
Kyon and Koizumi went after her, Kyon barely fitting into the passage with his bulky armor. I went after Kyon was quite a ways down, motioning for Mikuru to get in as well. She blanched, before finally beginning to come down the ladder after I was enveloped by the darkness caused by missing lamps.
Once the manhole was slid into place, all that could be heard was the sounds of everyone's breathing and the slow trickle of water somewhere close by. The trickle got louder the lower we went, as well as the temperature dropping rapidly. By the time I stepped onto the ground in a dimly lit area, I could see my breath in the air, and hear the rush of water. To our right an artificial body of water moved by at a breakneck pace, black as the darkest night. Ahead of us was a small building that music emanated from. I felt like we were being watched, and Mikuru whimpered in the cold, not dressed appropriately. To our left was a collection of desolately run-down shacks, each more ruddy looking than the last. Some were missing windows, others didn't have windows, still others were boarded up, or even missing doors. Rats could be seen scurrying throughout the place, their chattering a dull constant amid the roar of the water flowing by.
Haruhi looked around for a minute, before pulling Kyon towards the building. The rest of us inwardly sighed. Though I also wondered how she could pull Kyon around while he was wearing so much armor. Invoking the suspension of disbelief!
We entered the establishment, discovering it to be a rather dingy bar with a clientele that appeared to have been plucked right out of a cliché cowboy movie.
The barkeeper didn't even spare a glance at us, being too busy talking in low tones to what I had dismissed to be an ornamental suit of armor, but was apparently an actual person, sipping on a drink through a long and dirty straw..
Haruhi walked right up to the most grizzled and mean looking individual in the whole place, and asked where she could find Ono-sama.
This guy looked mean. The way he was sitting was just daring anyone to attempt to mess with him. Like, he would eat you up and only spit out your femurs, because he liked to use human skulls for hard candy. He only had a couple….dozen….scars on his face, and the sleeve that was pulled back revealed a truly staggering amount from large, dark slabs of discolored flesh, to small scars, the type you get when a cut wasn't bandaged and grew back together on its own. His clothes looked like they were stitched together from clothing stolen of the dead bodies of starving children. Yeah, that bad. A few knives poked out here and there from among the folds of his clothing, but that was the least of our worries.
I tensed up, ready to make a move on the man if it turned ugly. The man surprised all of us by giving a raucous laugh.
"Ono-sama? I ain't heard that name in a long time. You must be lookin' for my good for nothing kid. Renji is a real piece of work. Well, he went to ground after he offed some bounty hunters who tried to take him in, looking for easy money. He holed up with some of his goons on the outskirts of the Under, in Gast's Alley, about half a day's walk from here. Course, you could leap in the water and get there in an hour, as long as you don't get eaten by any if the sea life in there. Big fish in there, yes indeedy. Any other questions you got, missy?"
Haruhi had been writing some things on the poster, but after putting it away, looked up to ask, "Why are you basically revealing to us where he is? Wouldn't you want your son to not get caught?"
In one smooth motion, the old man grabbed Haruhi, got his arm around her, and held a serrated knife to her throat. Behind us, I heard the scraping of chairs and tables being overturned, but a distinct lack of glasses smashing. Uh oh.
I felt something cold and hard press against my neck, before being pulled back a little bit. Well, that's not good. I've been working on my sense of sarcasm, haven't I?
The old man almost lazily looked at each of us, before copping a feel with Haruhi, who wrestled against him, in turn putting the knife closer and closer to her neck.
"Good question missy. First off, he ain't really my kid. I work for Renji, and I get paid the big bucks to do so. The obvious answer is, we're paid to. This whole place was erected a few months ago as a trap. Ninety percent of the customers are all in his employ, and we get free drinks, so a lot of us just sit around, waiting for anyone stupid enough to come after him. We also get paid a hefty bonus for any bounty hunters we, how you say, 'take care of', and even allowed to keep all their stuff. I might feel sorry for y'all later, but you have some very nice hardware. It would be a shame to waste it. Especially you, minty hair."
He was eyeing Emiri's rifle with a look of greed, while I turned to look behind us. Everyone had at least four guns or swords pointed at them. In Kyon's case, I counted no less than 4 handguns, 3 other projectile weapons, and 5 swords. The old lady who had been drinking what appeared to be prune juice had a revolver aimed at me, giving me a half apologetic look. As apologetic as one can look while holding a .600 Super Magnum.
Almost impossible to escape from, impossible to escape from unscathed. But the impossible was already being worked on, if only slightly.
Everyone was looking at Haruhi and her captor having a power struggle against the table, and no one seemed to notice Mikuru fiddling with her outfit. I saw a blade slide out of her gauntlets and cone to a rest a millimeter behind her middle finger, and a dull click indicated the same action had been performed on her other side. She also clicked her heels nervously, or so it would seem. A spiked stud slid out of the rear of her left boot, almost invisible, black against black. Perfect for kneeing people in the gut.
Koizumi was slightly more interesting in this regard. He was wearing the traditional Robin Hood hat, and he casually reached up to grab the feather out of it. He twisted the feather in-between his fingers, revealing a sharp blade concealed within. He concealed it within his palm and stood stock still again.
Kyon didn't do anything, but then again, he had a man standing an inch away from him holding a rapier to his throat. None of the other members looked to be any type of apparent threat, other than Emiri, but her captors were enthralled in their boss and his captive.
Emiri, though, did almost nothing to prepare for the inevitable fight, besides adjust her grip on the rifle, making it easier to swing as a club. Due to its' sheer weight, this is actually a pretty good idea. Never mind, she has it under control.
On my part, I undid the clasp of my bracelets, straightening them, and inserting the end that wasn't razor sharp into my bracers. Pinching them middle of them in-between my index and middle fingers, I was ready to shank some people with enough poison to drop an elephant or two.
Then things took a turn for the worse.
"Hrrgmph!"
"Kill the bitch!"
*BOOM*
-SHING-
*POP!*
"Haruhi!"
A/N: Cliffhanger? Cliffhanger.
Some people might point out that there is no .600 Super Magnum, and that it's a .500 Super Magnum. Well I say screw that. I call generic steam-punk 'bigger is better' shenanigans one that particular matter. That, and old ladies with guns should have bigger guns. I don't know.
Review for happy panda making, maybe? You'll get a cookie!