Bella

I got out of the car. My heart was thudding inside my chest. I wasnt accustomed to things like this. I didnt go meet any boys mother, let alone anything else. What was Edward hiding? Why did he break down and cry so much sorrow? I was scared but excited to finally find out what was happening. This would change our relationship forever, for better or for worse.

I followed Edward up the gravel driveway. He paused at the door and took a deep breath. What for? I followed behind him silently. I wanted to know the secrets he kept buried deep inside him. He opened the door and stepped inside. I slowly went in after him.

My eyes took in the expensive paintings and art. His parents were definitely loaded. Well, he did mention his dad was a doctor. I tried not to feel embarrassed over my shabby attire. I hoped his mother wouldnt look to closely. I wiped my palms on my jeans and followed Edward.

"Mom!?" he calls.

"In here hun." i heard a soft voice call. Edward heads to the left, i follow. His mother was beautiful. Her brown hair framed her heart shaped face. She was sitting in the kitchen on a lap top. She had Edward's emerald eyes. I felt my throat close up.

"Well who's this?" she asks, smiling.

"This is Bella mom, the girl i was telling you about." Edward says. His voice was still low and off. His mother gave him a long look. She then turned to me. her smile returned.

"Well its nice to meet you Bella. My name is Esme. Welcome to our home." she says. She came closer and shook my hand. I hadnt noticed before but there was sadness in her eyes as well. What was this family hiding? I smiled back in the best way that i could. His mom went back to her computer. I stood there all awkward. I really didnt know what to do with myself.

"Mom...i was going to go up and see Alice." he says slowly.

She jerked her eyes up from the screen. Her eyes went back and forth between me and her son.

"Surely that can wait til your guest leaves." she says a little hurriedly.

"I want her to meet Bella." Edward said. His eyes were lowered.

"Do you really think that is a good idea? After what happened before..." Esme says.

"Yeah mom, i do." he replied.

"Okay, well make sure you dont do anything to upset her." his mom says. She turned her attention back to her lap top. Who was Alice? What happened before? I was as puzzled as before. Edward took my hand and led me around the corner and up a flight of stairs. My heart was thudding just at the contact. His hand was somehow cold but warm inside mine. He dropped my hand at the top of the stairs.

There was a door there. Bright yellow with stenciled flowers, a pretty door. Edward led me over to it.

"Bella, i want you to meet my sister." he says weakly. He has a sister!?

"She isnt well, so please just try not to stare. She doesnt like when people stare." he says.

I nod my head and try to swallow. My throat is dry and feels constricted. What was going on here? Edward opens the door and steps inside. I follow behind him as close as i can without stepping on him . I step around him to stand beside him. The first thing i noticed was the smell.

Have you ever walked into a hospital? That clean chemical scent that burns your nose a little? Yeah, i could smell it as soon as i walked in the room. I wasnt prepared for that or the little girl in the bed.

She was small. Her arms were sickly thin. Her black hair billowed around her head as she rested on the pillow. A teddy bear was tucked under her arm. Tubes ran all over the place. Some were connected to her arms, some ran under the thin blanket she wore over herself. This child was very sick. I couldnt help it, my hand went to my mouth. This was the most terrible thing that i could ever imagine.

Edward walked over to the bed and rested his hand on the little girls arm. Her eyes opened weakly. They were the same green as Edward's just dulled.

"Eddy." Alice whispered.

"Hey princess, i brought someone to see you." he replies. He motions for me to come closer. I walk forward, my legs felt like they were filled with lead.

"This is Bella, Alice. She is a friend of mine at school. She helps me not get into trouble." Edward says, trying to be funny.

Alice smiled weakly. I honestly had no words. I stood there numb and speechless. Her little fingers were wrapped around Edward's hands, it almost broke my heart. Edward murmered to her for a long time. I honestly didnt know what to say. I never was good with children before and i didnt want to upset her. Edward seemed to know exactly what to say. Within a few minutes her small laughter is filling the room. It almost brought tears to my eyes.

She smiled only for him. It was if her world was grey until he came back to her. It was a priceless and heartbreaking moment. I felt like i being torn in two. I stood back and watched them talk and i listened to all her words. When at last the medicine that was pumping into her body put her to sleep, Edward took my hand and led me out. He shut the door as quietly as he could. His shoulders slumped as soon as he was out of her sight. He was pretending to be strong for her.

He took a few deep breaths and then took my hand again. He led me down the stairs and through the kitchen to the backyard. His mother had tried to catch him but he ignored her. I could feel his body trembling just through his hands. He was upset and didnt want her to see it. Edward had to pretend to be strong not just for Alice, but for everyone.

He led me outside and dropped my hand. I could hear his breaths coming in short and quick. He was trying so hard not to cry. He walked over to a tree and slammed his back against it. He then put his head in his hands. And then he broke down. I honestly didnt know what to do. I didnt know anything other than what i had just seen.

I was not used to this sorta thing. I wasnt the one to comfort anyone. But if anyone needed comfort it was him. I walked over slowly. I reached out and took his hands from his head. He tried to fight me but eventually succumbed. I summoned all the courage i had, i wrapped my arms around his torso and pulled him close.

I thought he would pull away. I was surprised when i felt his strong arms pressed into my back. His chest was heaving against mine. I could feel his tears wetting my shirt. I couldnt help it. All this raw grief sent me over the edge. I started to cry with him.

We stood like that. Each of us clinging to one another. Each of us crying for different reasons. It was hard work being strong all the time. Sometimes we just needed to break down. Sometimes we needed to be the ones who cried. It was hard carrying a shield all day. You try and block everything out but eventually the world comes crashing down on you. I had never had anyone to comfort me when my world crashed around me. It was nice sharing my grief with someone else. It was nice having someone just be there. I was used to being alone and that is the worst feeling in the world.

Its like a joke that lingers in your head. You look up, ready to tell it, and realize something. There is no one there. There is no one there to care, no one to listen. That there was no one there in the first place. Being alone is the worst thing in the world. Things will always hurt, but having at least one person there to share your grief with will make it hurt less. Its like taking the burden of one and splitting it for two.

I had never felt closer to Edward than in this moment. He had let me in. It had broken him to let me in, but he had still done it. He had opened himself to me and i could feel his pain. With each breath, his body convulsed as he tried to take in a breath. With each tear, i could feel the thousands of tears he already has cried. My pain didnt seem to matter anymore...

I waited until his breathing was starting to return to normal. He still had a fierce grip on me. His hands were clenched around my waist. I was aware of how terribly close we were. It would have brought a blush to my cheeks if this wasnt such a serious moment. I waited patiently, not interrupting his moment. I waited for him to speak.

"Im sorry." he says weakly. His head was still laying on my shoulder.

"Dont be." i say.

"Its my fault...Bella its my fault." he says, his breathing going irregular. I dig my fingers in and press him harder to me.

"Thats not true Edward." i say softly.

"Alice has been sick since shes been born Bella. Her organs were failing since birth. She would never have a normal life. But then i did something Bella. Something that haunts me everyday. Until the grief is threatening to consume me." he says. His voice choking up in his throat.

"Tell me Edward. Let it out.." i say.

His hands were almost uncomfortable around me as he tightened his grip on me. It was almost as if he was scared i would run away.

"I promised her i'd come home and be with her. I lied to her. I went off to a party trying to get some girl. I left drunk and not even aware of my surroundings. When i pulled up in the driveway i didnt see her. She was sitting there waiting for me. If it wasnt for me she would have been in bed. If it wasnt for me, she would still be the same girl she had always been!" he cries into my hair. I hold him as close as i can.

"Now her legs are paralyzed and her organs are shutting down even quicker. She is dying because of me Bella." he cries. I honestly didnt know what to say.

"When i told you my mother wanted to move to here because it was quiet, i lied. She wanted a nice place for Alice to...to die. A place where she could pass on in peace..." he whispers.

Oh no. So my thoughts were right. Alice was dying.

Now i understood. I understood his guilt and his pain. But that wasnt his fault. He made a mistake but that didnt mean he had to pay for the rest of his life. It was a mistake. She had been in the wrong place at the wrong time. Edward hadnt meant to hit her. His mistakes, his parents mistakes, and Alice's were the reason for this. There was no one to blame. They all shared it.

"Edward that was a mistake. You didnt mean to do it." i say.

"Does it matter. She is still going to die because of me."

"Edward she was dying already..." i whisper.

"My friends were not my friends. They called me the 'child killer' in Alaska. Everyone hates me, everyone blames me. How am i supposed to get over that?" he says his voice choked with emotion.

He shudders under my grip. "Edward listen. What has Alice always wanted?" i ask.

It took him a little to answer, "A life."

"Yes, everyone wants that. But Alice has always been like this. I think deep down she knows that she will never have a normal life. So what does she want?" i ask.

Edward hesitates, "I dont know..."

I pulled away and he looked down at me. His green eyes burn into mine. He was only a few inches away.

"She wants you. From that day it happened, she has always wanted you. You didnt see how her eyes lighted up when you talk to her. She loves you Edward. She doesnt blame you for this. If Alice has forgiven you, you need to forgive yourself." i say.

His eyes burn into mine. I was caught in his gaze. I was not expecting his next move.. Not at all.

Authors note: Dang those cliffhangers. Stay tuned my lovely's.