Bella

Over the past few days, Edward ignored me. I seen him in Art class and he talked then. But any attempt at normal conversation failed. He seemed distant from me. As if he didnt want to talk to me more than he had too. That was fine with me. I didnt want to be a bother to him or anyone. I kept to myself.

Each day my mood started to dip lower and lower. Not even Mike's cheerful manner could help lift my spirits. It was if i had a black cloud over my head. A black cloud that rained every day right onto my head. I didnt want to do anything. I didnt want to leave my bedroom. I felt as if there was no point.

I watched for him at all times. When school started i always kept my eye out for his tall lean figure. He kept up his usual routine. He never wavered from it. He kept to himself and that was all he did. He met up with his friends every morning before the bell. I watched him walk away each day. I watched from the shadows. I watched him smile and laugh like nothing had ever happened.

The kiss obviously didnt mean anything to him. It saddened me but also angered me. How could he kiss me and then act like i never existed? What was he playing at? I had been there to comfort him and he treated me like this? I was in pain. I watched him walk through his life as if i never mattered. As if i was some insignificant blight on his all white page. I couldnt bare that thought. I had thought that maybe things were changing.

Why did my life seem empty now? All my school friends were acting the same. I was the only one who was different. My world had turned grey and it was all his fault. I had used to him not being anything more than friends. And then he had kissed me and ruined everything. I was not torn in half because i wanted him more than i thought possible. His lips on mine had sent a torrent of fire spreading though out my very being. He had made me come alive and now i was dead inside.

I didnt have the heart to talk to him. I couldnt stand it if he rejected me. He had acted like i was a mere shadow. He didnt want me to bother him. He had his own life. He had things going on. I didnt want to interrupt any of that. He also carried the burden of his little sister. I didnt want to cause any drama. He obviously didnt care that i had disappeared from his life. He didnt feel the hole that i felt in my chest. I thought more of him than he did of me. That was the way of the world.

I went through my days the best i could. I tried to appear normal to everyone else. But i could see that it wasnt working that well. My friends would give me curious looks at times. I tried to shove them aside but they knew what was up. Everyone seemed to know what was up. I had heard the gossip all around me the day after.

"Did you hear?"

"Did i hear what?"

That Cullen kid went home with that Bella girl!"

"No way!"

"Yes, they were seen in his car just yesterday."

And it went on and on. Some say i drugged him with some kind of pill. Others say i bewitched him with my witch magic. It went on and on. I never even tried to defend myself. Let them think what they wanted to think. Edward had just given me a ride home. He hadnt wanted anything to do with me. I was the one who had bothered him that day after all. Funny how nobody noticed that the new kid was in pieces when i got to him. It was as if that little fact didnt even mattered. They all just wondered why the hot kid was with the ugly girl. It just didnt make any sense to their twisted little minds.

Why couldnt people just mind their own business? Why meddle in things that dont concern you? They all spout their opinions left and right without feeling like they didnt belong. It was my business what i did that day, not theirs. Just like Edward was allowed to do what he wanted to do. They didnt care what Edward was doing, they only cared about me. They couldnt figure out why a guy like him would be seen with a girl like me. It went against everything they were used too. I hated all of them for that.

I just hoped that Edward wouldnt be too upset over everything. Im sure he told his own tale to all the gossips. I didnt really care what they said. Most of them were just jealous girls that were sad they werent the ones in his car. I didnt know if i was happy to have caught him at his weakest moment or not. I was hurting too much but would i take it back? Would i wish that his kiss had never happened? I didnt think so. His lips on mine had felt like the most right thing in this world.

Too bad he didnt feel the same.

I made it through one whole week without really talking to him. I thought every minute that i was going to die. I couldnt understand why i felt this way. Why i had to be around him. He was like a drug that the more i got the more i wanted. I had to have him around me. But the fact was that he didnt feel the same. He didnt like me like i liked him. It was that simple. I could sit here all day and wish my hardest. But it still wouldnt change anything. Edward was allowed to do what he wanted to do.

When the weekend arrived i was kind of glad. It meant two whole days without the sight of him. Maybe i could somehow get over him by Monday. Maybe i could erase his entire self from my memory. But i knew that was impossible. He was forever stuck inside my head. I dont know why he of all people evoked these kinds of thoughts. I had never in my life thought that i would want someone like this. Especially someone WAY out of my league. I didnt stand a chance stacked up to all those other girls. I was just plain Bella. I wasnt anything fancy. I had more inner scars than i liked to admit. I had more flaws than i liked to admit.

Why would he like a girl like me? I just didnt see any way that it would work. Most relationships in High School dont work. Most relationships between people so differet, usually didnt work. I was stuck fighting and endless battle. I just hoped that i would be stronger afterwards. I didnt want this to destroy me. I liked him and he had crawled his way inside me. But that didnt mean my life had to end because i had jumped to conclusions. Edward was a friend, well not even that anymore. I dont know what i had did, but he avoided me now. It was almost as if i did exist.

That hurt more than anything else...

Saturday morning came. I had no plans for today. No plans for anything. I got out of bed and went to the window. It was steadily raining outside. So i wasnt doing anything outside today. I guess i could just sit in the house. Being all miserable.

I walked down the stairs and went into the kitchen. I could hear the tv going so i knew my dad was in their watching his programs. It was late morning. I decided to just make something to eat. Maybe the rain would stop by then. I went to the cupboard and pulled it open. I grabbed the bread and went to the toaster. I would just make some toast. Something light and then i needed to sit and figure out how to keep my mind busy. I didnt want to linger on Edward today. I needed to clear my thoughts and keep them cleared. It hurt to much to think of him.

I ate my toast silently. I almost didnt even taste it. My mind was on so many other things. I needed to get some space. I didnt care if it was raining or not. I grabbed my jacket and pulled it on. I slipped past my the living room, my dad didnt say a word. I opened the front door and slipped outside. I headed off toward the trees. A nice walk through the forest would be nice. I wasnt scared. I had walked through the trees so many times. Nothing had ever came at me once.

I stuck to the path and just kept walking. My feet squeaking in the wet grass. There was no sounds coming from the forest. It was as if i was the only one here. The trees looming above me were silently watching. The small twigs i broke with my sneaker were the only sounds i heard. It was almost as if i was all alone out here. The rain didnt do anything to help my mood. I just needed out of the house. I was sick of being in the house. My dad was just a dead weight. He sat around all the time and never paid attention to anything around him. I should be grateful that he wasnt drunk. I just didnt care today. I didnt care about anything but one thing. And that one thing would destroy me if i kept caring.

Stop thinking of him!

It was alot harder than it seemed. Even out here in the tall green grasses i still seen things that reminded me of him. The scent of the trees reminded me of the scent of his car. He was on my mind and i could not get him off of it. I had to talk to him. One way or the other, i had to clear the air. I had to talk to him and find out what was going on. If he wanted to just be friends, then so be it. If he wanted me to disappear, then i could do that too. Whatever he wanted, i could do.

Was this love? Loving someone so much that even if they didnt love you, you still did anything to make them happy? Feeling despair at the thought of them unhappy? Was that what love was? Did i even want a part of any of this? It hurt way to much to care about Edward Cullen. It hurt way to much to even be near him. Could i even try and break through what shield he had in place? Could i even make a difference in his life? Could i be good for him? I didnt know the answer to these questions. I just knew that i needed to talk to him.

I needed to see him face to face. I needed to ask him questions. I had followed him into the dark place of his heart, he could follow me into mine. It was only fair. He had given me the choice to ditch him there in the backyard of his house. I had stayed and look where it had gotten me. It got me kissed and now i was left alone. I dont know what i did wrong. Was it me? Was it just that fact that i had no chance at all to be with Edward?

Edward could have cradled my heart in his hands. He could have held it tight. His kisses would mend all my wounds. His soft touch could have repaired all the tears and breaks. If i gave him the chance to hold it, would he even hold it? Or would he smash it into the ground like it never even mattered in the first place. My heart left torn and mangled in the dirt.

I honestly didnt think i could have the energy to pick it up once again. I would leave it laying there on the ground. After all, what good was a broken heart?

Authors note: Awww :,(

Whats in store for Bella and Edward next?

More to come... Stay tuned.

Thanks for reading.