The Vapor of Haruhi Suzumiya

Chapter 13: Psychiatric evaluations cost extra

A/N: Well, after attempting to do this chapter a dozen and one ways, I had a breakthrough. Hope you like it, and be sure to leave a review! It would make me a very happy shazbot!

Now, on with the plot! (~what little there is, of course~)

Everything was black. I was standing, I think, so I wasn't on my bed. Unless, of course, a baby dragon had removed me from my bed and shit all over it, allowing said fecal matter to harden before placing me back on it. Why a dragon? Their dung is odorless of course!

Okay, it's still black. Not good. I looked around, or attempted to, anyways, and only saw more inky blackness. But it wasn't the type of black you see when it's dark out. It was just there, as though someone had replaced all of the colors of the visible spectrum with it.

I attempted to shout out, to see, or rather, hear how large this space was.

"Hello?" My voice sounded tinny, almost weak, and there was no echo. Either this space was extraordinarily well sound-proofed, or it was so large there wasn't a possibility to produce an echo.

I looked at myself. I was still dressed in my outfit from...when exactly? I have no idea how long I've been in this place, but I'll just assume yesterday, if only to fool myself. It was a gruesome sight, blood still painting the orange vest bright red, and the blood seemed to gleam in the lack of light, or maybe the blood was just smiling at me, taunting me for what I have done.

"Well hello there, I didn't expect to see you so soon." I looked around for the source of the voice, low and monotonous, but could not find it.

"Up here, darling." I looked up. Above me, maybe a meter or two, was me. Like, exactly the same appearance, outfit, it was smiling. Smiling in a way I don't ever smile...at least, I don't think I smile in that way ever. I hope I don't. It's scaring me.

I floated down to meet me, standing in front of me, looking at myself. It was then that I noticed small differences. It was mostly in the eyes. The other me had eyes that shone like the primal fury of one million lions, the ferocity of a thousand boars, and the insanity of one hundred mimes. Yes, mimes.

She just stood there, grinning at me like there was some sort of joke that I was not a part of, and it was about me. So I took the initiative.

"Where are we...and who are you?" The other me blinked once, before breaking into a laugh that was neither warming nor hearty. It was mocking me. I stood still, waiting for myself to stop the callous sounds from emanating from her throat...my throat?

"Where are we? Oh, that's a good one. You're in your own head, you silly tanooki! We attacked your friend with the peppermint hair, and she knocked us out with a frying pan! It was the most hilarious thing I've ever seen!"

We? I?...I have a feeling this is going to be messy, complicated, and none too enjoyable.

As though she heard me, she replied to my unspoken thoughts.

"My, my, that's a misconception! Depending on how we handle this, it will be a ton of fun and quite enjoyable...but the messier the better! As long as we don't have to clean it up!" She (I?) ended that with a little giggle, as though that sort of thing made me laugh.

"Oh, I'll ignore that little remark, which was just hiding the truth. I'm you, and you're me, to answer your previous question. We are two sides of the same coin. You are the more sane and calculating one, while I'm the murderous, violent, insane part that kicks ass, takes names, chews bubblegum, rides dinosaurs, and eats ceramic coffee mugs. Every person has two conscious facets of their personality, but due to our little pseudo-dimensional travel, and our mental instability following the time loop that lasted nearly 1,500 years, I was unlodged from your subconscious and became an active part of your psyche. This space we are in right now is where I resided prior to my awakening. Dreadful place, isn't it?"

My thought process ground to a halt. My insanity was just...me? There wasn't any evil machinations to turn me into a Terminator or some shit? Awww, that's actually kind of disappointing.

I ignored my comment about the inside of my head, instead focusing on the me that wasn't very nice.

"Hey! I can be nice...when I'm not tearing out fleshy thing, anyways. But I do quite like doing that."

Yup, she can hear my thoughts.

Other me giggled and smiled like a little schoolgirl...I hope I never look like that ever. Someone please hit me with a large blunt object if I do that outside the dark confines of my own head. It'll be for my, her...our...it's...us'es own good? I'm going to go insane with these pronouns!

Other me began to float up and get dim, as though answering my own plea.

Other me looked down at me with a wink and clicked her heels.

"No such luck, onii-chan! We're waking up, and I'm the main girl in charge right now. You'll be able to see what happens in the world, but I'm making the moves here."

And then she was gone, and the blackness of the room was slowly replaced by the glaring lights of a lamp shining in my face.

I was inside my own head, watching for what an alternate personality of me was going to do while in complete and utter control of my body. I had but two words for myself.

"Well shit." Seeing myself began to blink and move, I sighed, sitting down cross-legged and preparing to watch what would no doubt be quite a show.

Turns out I was right.

A/N: This is a dreadfully short chapter, and I apologize for that. I couldn't figure out how to get the next set of events into the chapter without it flowing badly, so it's chopped into two chapters. Of course, once my current fic (The Library) is done, and it will be soon, Vapor will be receiving the love again, along with another fic idea that is so cracky it may be legitimate, and another brutal-palooza.

Cheers,

Everyone's favorite psycho