The Vapor of Haruhi Suzumiya
Chapter 14: Ceramic is quite Tasty
A/N: Well, it's been awhile, hasn't it? Last updated nearly 3 months ago...shame on me. But here I am! I think my writing has improved a bit since then as well, and maybe that's just what this story needed. I apologize that this isn't as long as the previous chapters, but it's a start! I need to immerse myself in the plot again, and I never made backstory docs for this...which I will have began to rectify...
In any case, hope you enjoy the chapter, and on with the plot! (Old habits die hard, hehe.)
"Hey, I think she's waking up; you hit her pretty hard, you know." Emiri was resting her chin against the barrel of her cannon, which was propped against the couch she was leaning on. The person in question that who was talking to her was none other than Sasaki, who was shaking her head and giggling a little bit, because she was just as (in)sane as the rest of them.
Her expression didn't change, but she leaned forward, taking her chin off of the large projectile weapon.
"I don't think you get it, Sasaki. She was speaking gibberish and attempted to attack me. There's something seriously wrong with her. Not to mention the fact that she ripped apart a guy that we were after and etched her name into his stomach with a goddamn blade. While the guy was still alive. That's not the worst part, even! I bet you heard it from Haruhi, but I'll reiterate for you; she minced his ribcage and ripped his fucking heart out. You cannot tell me that she is in an okay mental state after witnessing that."
I sat up suddenly, surprising the both of them. Oh, I was going to enjoy this.
"I enjoyed it, actually." As one, their faces turned to stare at me. Emiri was holding an expression bordering between disgust and bewilderment, and Sasaki was on the line between laughter and giddiness. I was also perfectly aware of how crazy Sasaki was normally, and now, she was just the type of person to get to sympathize with me.
"Got any ceramics? I'm hungry." Hey, I wasn't kidding when I said ceramic is tasty; it has quite a pleasant aftertaste if it doesn't cut your throat on the way down.
"You...I'm fucking done. You get your mental demons straightened out with her, I'm off to see Haruhi and the others. Don't burn the house down, or something. I'll pay you when you're done Sasaki." With that, she got off the couch, picked up her weapon, and left the house, closing the door behind her with a resounding bang.
Sasaki turned to me, her expression changing completely. I'm either going to enjoy this immensely, or beg for the sweet release of death by the time this is over. I'm hoping it's the first one, because I haven't gotten drunk in months. The SOS Brigade sure knows how to hold a party, let me tell you! Sure there was that murder shenanigans afterwards, but it was totally worth it. I think I read the whole Lord of the Rings series while those idiots were off trying to solve the non-existent mystery. Hobbits over hermaphrodites any day...what, that doesn't make any sense? Who ever said it was going to? Not me.
"Okay, in all seriousness, what the hell has your panties in a bunch? You're normally pretty weird anyways, but I don't think that homicide and whatnot fits the bill." I'm weird? I'm weird?!...wait, yeah I am. Okay, I'm letting this slide 'other-God', but I better get something out of this.
"I dunno lady, but I know what I do want; to get absolutely shit-faced, and I hear from Haruhi that you have quite the collection of fine wines..." Her face brightened, and I bet you a cat and a top hat that we were going to both get paid today, but for me, the only payment I need is booze, because when "I" wake up, I'll be safe inside my own head, so onii-chan will be the only one feeling that awesome hangover! Though I'm totally vomiting all over her rug; that looks like 14th century Turkish shag to me!
She smacked herself in the face, making a nice imprint of her hand on her face. Her index finger is the same length as her middle finger...how odd. Doesn't that mean you like to eat plain Nutella or something?
"So you're not going to tell me what's wrong with you until you get drunk...alright, whatever, I'll just scare the answers out of you afterwards." She led me to a door, which turned out to be a stairway into a dank, dark basement, that was, curiously enough, emitting various animal sounds. She clapped her hands twice, and magic, purple candles came to life all around the large room.
There were animal cages along the wall, but each one seemed weirder than the last. There were dinosaurs with boxing gloves, a kangaroo in a tuxedo, a penguin that was breathing fire, and countless others.
But that wasn't the craziest, or coolest part.
In the middle of it all, was a boxing ring, and a steel-mesh cage suspended above it, where cables hung out of sight, ready to drop the cage on the ring, presumably.
In between a set elephants whose trunks were tied together and an aquarium full of elves wearing snorkels, there was the largest rack of wine, spirits, and other assorted booze I had ever seen. That's saying something, too. The whole place reeked of repeatedly distilled flavors, and I was salivating by the time my eyes adjusted to the multiple light sources.
Sasaki led me to the rack, and I could feel a thousand eyes on me.
"Well, you can have anything you want from here, but if you do, I'm gonna get you good and wasted, and then you're fighting something from this room...of my choice, of course."
Of course. Hrm, this was a tough choice...not really; I'm going to get awesomely wrecked, and then I'm going to get my ass kicked by a chinchilla that was the size of a Doberman and had teeth that could easily crush a bull's skull.
I think that's a pretty fair comparison.
"Alright, you drive a hard bargain, lady! I'll have some of your finest French champagne, to start."
After a few shots of that, I could feel the buzz, but I didn't give a shit; I wouldn't have to deal with any of this when I woke up anyways!
Wait, is that a dinosaur wearing boxing gloves?
Wait, wait, wait, hold on here. I'm going to be fighting something in here? Oh, damnit.
"Can I...can I b..back out now, by any-hick-chance?" The floor started to spin, so I spun too, only to be caught by the girl giving me the funny drinks.
"No such luck, Nagato-san. My pets are hungry, and you need to be taught a lesson about ripping people apart without their permission. Unlike you, I have your permission for this, and now that your judgement is impaired by the booze, I can't have you changing your mind on me now. Besides, I'm a great healer; I taught Tsuruya-san, after all!"
Nonononono, that's not any good of a warning! I'm feeling for my soon to be non-existent limbs!
...
I woke up with a pounding headache and the deep desire to vomit all over myself, after the vision through my crazy side's eyes got really blurry, and I was quite dismayed to find myself in a brightly lit square, occupied by nothing else but a Velociraptor wearing boxing gloves and dancing around, like it was ready to fight me.
Looking blearily around to what was outside, I saw a crowd of people cheering and booing, and in the corner, I could see Sasaki taking large sums of money from people entering through a staircase.
Oh, goddamnit.
I got up shakily, using the ropes as support, feeling my legs wobble; I was drunk. Thanks a lot, asshole me. I wouldn't do that to me if I were you!
'You're welcome, onii-chan!' My other half responded from in my head, while also giving me a mental reassurance that even when I inevitably lost, I'd eventually wake up in one piece. That's worth so much to me, surely. My sarcasm skills are improving, I think!
Am I reading this right? Sasaki taught Tsuruya how to heal people? Wow, we're screwed!
'Yes, I realized this, but it was too late to stop it from happening. She tied me up and began letting people in; she has these exhibition matches all the time apparently, and people pay big money to see some exotic animals fight, Tonight, we're the exotic ones!'
I hate you so much right now. How was the wine, by the way? Feels like a million yen.
'Go get 'em tiger; it was pretty awesome, actually. Maybe you'll get some when she's putting us back together later tonight?' Yeah, real consoling thoughts there.
A bell rang somewhere nearby, and the crowd roared as the Velociraptor cracked its' neck, or made motions similar to that, and stepped forward.
I let go of the rope, only barely managing to stay upright, and noticed my daggers were still on my thighs.
Unhooking them, I held one in a reverse grip, not feeling as confident as I looked like a rave DJ who had gotten shitfaced drunk at an exotic animal fighting arena.
Here's to the rest of my life! Or, you know, the 5 or so minutes this is going to consist of. If I'm lucky.
A/N: Well, that was pretty awesome, if I may say so myself. Sasaki has good booze and better animal fights. The Layman will remember that I mentioned the "boxing a dinosaur" idea in passing once upon a time. I'm totally rolling with it, because steampunk magic shenanigans. Plus, I need something for Yuki to get caught up with while Emiri and the rest of the SOS Brigade plan what the hell they should do about Yuki. Single quotes were other-Yuki after she got stuffed back into Yuki's head.
Expect more updates soon!
Ciao~
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