"What do you mean you killed your mother?" There was a momentary flash of something in Liara's eyes that Shepard couldn't quite put her finger on. Though only there for a second, it was something that Shepard had never seen directed at her but there was the smallest amount of familiarity behind it. Suddenly the identification of the emotion came to the Commander. It was wariness with the slightest hint of distrust. A pit of emotion opened in Shepard's gut even though the essence of caution had disappeared in half a heartbeat and was replaced by Liara's now common expression of concern.

Shepard swallowed to loosen the lump in her throat before she worked up the courage to speak. Anything to push that memory of the short-lived fear she had created in Liara. "I don't like to talk about my past. And if I do it's vague to say the least. You know that I grew up on Earth and that I was part of gang. The leader of a gang. All before I joined the Alliance military and became Earth's precious little war hero. You know all that."

Liara nodded. She had caught on to her reaction towards Shepard's confession and was disgusted at herself over it. She prayed to the Goddess that the red haired marine hadn't seen it, and she too attempted to move on from the feeling that her eyes gave away. Yes, Liara knew of Shepard's rather unorthodox upbringing on the streets of an Earth city. The name escaped her for a moment before she recalled it; New York. Shepard was right. She rarely talked about her childhood or the rather unsavory gang, the Reds, that she had to align herself with in order to survive. Liara had been struck by the sharp contrast of her love's childhood to her own where as the only daughter of a powerful matriarch, pureblood status aside, she lived in the lap of luxury and had almost unlimited resources to educate and better herself. Liara recalled an anecdote that Shepard had once relayed to her in a tender moment about how she had never read any book besides the Holy Bible until she began basic training at age eighteen. The asari shook herself out of the recollections and forced to focus back on Shepard's seated form directly across from her own on the bed.

"But I never told you who my mother was." Shepard paused for a second and smiled at her feet. "They gave me her name as my middle name. Maria."

"They?"

"The convent sisters. They ran a shelter for battered women. My mother was a prostitute. She had been impregnated by a customer and her pimp started beating her when she started showing and wasn't bringing in any business. She went to the sisters for help after his final beating caused her to go into premature labor. At least that's what they told me."

"Is that how she died?"

Shepard gave a nod of her head before continuing. "She was young. Fourteen, maybe fifteen. They never found out. She didn't tell them anything, only her name and what had happened to her. Just enough to get herself in the door. They called for a doctor and they delivered me. But she was too small, her birth canal wasn't wide enough for a baby's head to fit through. She bled to death on the table before they could do anything. Apparently they were too concerned with saving me to deal with someone as "unclean" as her." Her fingers made air quotations around the word, a gesture that signified to Liara that Shepard did not share the view that the word imposed. It was probably something that she had been told about her mother.

"I was 5 months old. A couple of hundred years ago I would have been dead before my lungs even took in air. But I lived. The doctor estimated that I was conceived on Christmas day. So they named me Natalia. Which is ridiculous because it's Russian for born on Christmas, not conceived. But they needed something and those sisters, heaven forbid a name didn't have some meaning."

"That is not your fault." Liara responded. "Mortality by childbirth is not uncommon, especially in cases like your mothers."

"I know that. But you see Liara, I'm cursed. Everyone who's connected to me dies." The smile returned but it was not a happy one. It was haunted and oddly enough it seemed fitting on the face of a woman who believed that she caused death and destruction from her birth.

"You are not-"Liara stopped herself. She knew that this was an identity that Shepard had imposed on herself since her youth and nothing that she said would be able to change that. At least not in a single conversation. She forced herself to let go of the statement before trying to move the conversation along, half to help Shepard through the mental trauma she had experienced and half to satiate her own curiosity. As much as she hated to admit it. "Fine. Who was that girl? The pretty one with the dark skin and curly hair?"

"Ah Katie. She was the first person I ever loved. She was my best friend first. The Reds scooped both of us off the street about the same time so we went through the initiation together. We went through everything together. When I took over as the leader it was only fitting that she became my second in command. A lot of people accused me of playing favorites, saying that she only got it because we were sleeping together."

"Were they right?"

Shepard laughed. A genuine one that was incredibly refreshing to hear. "Absolutely. But she was right for the position too. Smart as a whip. You would have liked her. I killed her too." All traces of the laughter had faded by now as Shepard exhaled slowly, a sure sign that what she would be talking about something difficult to express. Liara grasped her hand in encouragement. "It was a drug deal. It should have been simple but we went because it was a big deal. Lots of expensive merchandise and the sellers wanted to meet with the people in charge. Katie and I went alone. It was such a stupid decision. We should have known better. We did know better. But we didn't expect it to turn into anything."

"It was a setup. The sellers had been arrested and had been offered a plea bargain if they helped bring down any prominent buyers. We were met by cops. They shot Katie. Right through the head. She didn't have a chance. I took out four of them before they arrested me."

Liara gave a gesture of recognition. She had remembered following the case years ago. The public wanted her dead. They had no sympathy for cop killers, let alone a drug dealing gang leader. The case was expected to be clear cut and end in an execution until the Alliance stepped in. The security footage of Shepard taking down the police officers had gone viral across the extranet and people watched for the woman's fighting skills as much as they did the newsworthy carnage. The major upset had come when they offered her a deal; if she joined up with the Alliance and started the N-program, she wouldn't be executed. People were furious until a year later when the new marine used her previously forgotten leadership skills to stop the Batarian invasion at Elysium.

The asari knew that once again, trying to convince Shepard that Katie's death wasn't her fault was futile. She could only continue to prod and hope that by talking about something the Commander had buried for so long would end up being therapeutic. "And the boy?"

"When I was under arrest in Vancouver and the Reapers attacked, Anderson and I were trying to get to a transport." Liara happened to notice how Shepard's voice cracked when she said the Admiral's name. Clearly that wound was fresher much fresher. "I found that little boy hiding in an air vent and I managed to convince him to get onto a nearby transport. Which was immediately shot down in flames by one of the Reaper's beams. He was the form that the Catalyst chose to take. And even before that I would have dreams, kind of what like you saw, where I was chasing after him. But every time I would reach him, he would be engulfed in fire." She let out a forceful push of air before leaning back and taking her hand from Liara's to cradle her other hand, still bandaged from being fused to her gun. "So yeah, that's every death that I've ever caused. Minus all the ones you knew about it plus a couple million civilians."

Liara was normally not someone who was easily at a loss for words. Even when she was still young and socially awkward, a part of instinctively was able to select the correct words that would offer comfort to whomever she was speaking to. That skill was usually heightened when speaking to Shepard but now the fact that she knew that nothing could say would possibly make her love feel any better or think any differently. Much to her frustration, nothing was coming to her mind except for clichés. Part of her wanted to offer those up, anything to fill the seemingly needless silence. But another part of her, the more reasonable part, knew that those clichés were empty gestures. So she decided to go with her secondary reaction; offering support.

"I am here for you. To be completely honest, I am at a loss for words on what to say. I wish I knew the sentences that would help you how you needed it but for now they are not coming to me. So for now, I will offer my support. Whatever you need from me, just ask. I promise I will be there for you. Whatever you feel, whatever you wish to speak about, I will be there. "

Shepard was stunned by this reaction. When she had begun talking, she didn't know what kind of response she was hoping to elicit. But she had had an idea about what she didn't want. She didn't want sympathy. She didn't want an attempt on convincing her that her feelings were out of place or incorrect. In the end, she wanted to feel validated and supported. And that is exactly what she received.

"Thank you," she managed to stammer out.

Liara smiled in response before it quickly slid off her face. "Chakwas. That was it. That's what I was supposed to do. Call her." She glanced out the bedroom window and noted that it had become dark outside. "Oh she might be asleep right now. I do not want to disturb her."

"I can do it." Shepard activated her Omni-tool, a civilian version that she was still getting used to. She punched in a few commands to pull up her contact list and scrolled down to the doctor's name. Her finger hovered over the call option for a second as she hesitated. "I think I'll send her a message. I'm a little talked out for tonight." She brought up the keyboard and punched in several brief sentences before closing the tool. "Done. God it's pretty late isn't it?"

"We talked into the night. Haven't done that for quite a while."

Shepard smirked. "I know another thing," she said with a grin.

"Now? Are you serious" Liara questioned as smile just as wide as Shepard's blossomed on her face, all seriousness removed from the situation.

"Why not? She's not going to get back to me until the morning. Might as well take advantage of it."

"By the goddess you're ridiculous. Alight then, if you insist," Liara chuckled as she moved forward to embrace Shepard but not before reaching out and turning off the lamp on the bedside table.