The Vapor of Haruhi Suzumiya

Chapter 15: Just Kill it Already

I swung once, drunkenly, and only received a sharp left hook to the face for my troubles. That didn't knock my completely to the floor, but I did stumble a bit and left me feeling more and more like I was going to vomit just all over the 'raptor.

My eyes were so blurry with tears and sweat, I couldn't coherently figure out which part of the dinosaur was the mottled brown color of it, or the bright red of the boxing gloves. I couldn't attack for half a shit, never mind defend.

So switched the other dagger to a reverse grip, and held both of them in front of my face, blades facing out.

It seemed like a good idea for exactly two seconds.

I started taking hits to the gut, but on instinct, I swung down, and did manage to find some dinosaur claws to put my blades into.

It hissed in pain and leapt backwards, the blood from its' wounds spattering onto my face, leaving it even warmer than the receding buzz of the booze I had relatively recently consumed.

Blood feels good...no matter how smashed I am. Good to know.

Another hook to my face, this one giving me a fat lip and causing to the crowd to go wild. I was knocked right onto the floor. I heard Sasaki start counting. Really? A traditional countdown in a cage match? What a bitch.

I got up at 6, and backed right up to the mesh of the cage and the ropes of the ring. I took a chance, and whipped one of my daggers right at the velociraptor that was picking up the slack and closing in on me.

It worked for a second, lodging in him somewhere, couldn't really tell where because it was so goddamn blurry, but he somehow grabbed it out of him and threw it right back. It lodged itself into the mesh next to my head, giving me easy access to retrieving it, and teaching me not to screw with a boxing dinosaur. Not that I would willingly do so. Velociraptors be crazy, yo.

He came at me, and gave me a nice pounding against the cage, with nowhere to escape. The constant force of his punches was pinning me against the wall, the feeling of vomit rising in my throat getting larger with each successive hit. I managed to pull my feet up and kick at its' feet, but it didn't even trip, more like weaved through the kick and continued handing me my ass on a platter.

Nope, time to vomit.

It came out with the force of a thousand pissed off politicians. Maybe slightly more than that. The raptor did not see it coming, and didn't have enough time to avoid the mass of recycled stomach acids and fermented juices.

I don't think reptiles like having highly acidic substances on their skin. The poor bastard started hissing and rolling around on the floor in agony until it dried or something. Either way, it stopped causing it the discomfort it had been, and the boxing badass had gotten back to his feet long before I was ready to go again.

On the bright side, I don't feel nearly as nauseous as before, and I can kinda see! I wiped my eyes on the sleeve of my shirt, fixing nearly all of the blurriness, other than the blur caused by the bright lights outside the cage peering in.

The crowd didn't know how to react to what just happened. Some people were giggling, others were retching, obviously not good with bodily fluids...but with the way healing works here, they must be the odd ones out...ick.

"Finish him off! You got this!" Someone was shouting in the crowd, but I waved them off, settling into a more comfortable fighting stance, switching my offhand dagger back to a normal grip. My headache was still there in full force, but it was a lot easier to concentrate with the blur turned off.

The raptor was being cautious now, no doubt wanting to avoid another bout of "Insane Girl Juice" all up in his scale-y bits. Ew, not like that. I choose to consciously not offer up my bits to prehistoric creatures, you buffoon! The need to be at least from after the first Ice Age. After that, I'm down for basically anything. Mammoths make good lovers, you know? No reason to doubt their strength...

Anyways, where was I?

Oh, right, taunting the poor bastard some more.

I blocked out the crowd, and focused more on the matter at hand: getting him down for the count for long enough to get out of here.

I've seen WWE on American TV before, so I had an idea or two. Plus, I had some more vomit left in me, making half of my plan much easier!

Now, raptors aren't great at climbing chain-link-fence enclosures, so I had that going for me. I turned around and scrambled my tiny ass right to the ceiling, and then climbed hand-over-hand to the middle of the ring, my feet dangling high above the raptor's reach.

The crowd had no idea what was going on. Probably. They wouldn't expect the next part, for sure.

Did I mention before how corrosive my vomit is? A lot moreso than your normal gal's.

So I did the completely sane thing, and forced some vomit out of my mouth and onto the cage above me, melting a nice little section out of it, which I proceeded to climb out of, into the small crawl space between the fence and the ceiling of the basement.

I oriented myself nicely, so I was looking down at the raptor, who was now just curious as to what the hell I was doing. I stuck my feet through the hole, so I was sitting on the edge of the gap.

I plummeted down to the ring, putting both of my daggers right into his neck.

"Goddamnit, you're not supposed to kill her!" Shut the fuck up Sasaki, I got this. You wanted me to fight for my sins or some shit, and I'm doing just that.

Wait.

HER?

I pulled out my daggers, which were now bloody up to the handle, and got off the struggling dinosaur.

Sure as shit, the collar had a tag that read "Monica".

Oops.

Well, in any case, she didn't get up after that, and I won. The crowd came back to me in a rush, with the general consensus being that they were both happy that they got more than they paid for, and slightly uncomfortable with the method in which they obtained their extra value.

"Hey Sasaki, let me out of here, will ya? Or I might get extra stabby with your little prehistoric friend." She was still ushering people out the door, but I knew she heard me. Girls just know shit like that, okay? I also could tell by the smell that she was doing something to herself that was consciously self-destructive at certain private times of the day.

How disgusting.

After everyone was gone, I was let out of the thrice-padlocked door in the cage, before she rushed in an used her healing magicks that didn't include chopping off the malignant portions of the body, much to my surprise. She didn't care that I was suffering some good ol' internal bleeding.

Monica got first dibs on healing, of course.

"So, good news is, you didn't kill her. Bad news is, you almost killed her. Better news for you is, that was hilarious and worth its' weight in gold, and you better believe I had a chronomage here recording that for future prosperity. Hell, I won't even charge you for the hole you punched in the cage. That was some crazy shit."

We had gone back up into her house, where it was now night-time, and Sasaki called up my apartment, getting Emiri on the phone in no time at all.

"Hi, Emiri? Yeah, we're done here. Yuki-chan should be good for now. How? A girl never reveals her secrets. She might not be able to make it home on her own, you should come get her."

As she hung up, I raised an eyebrow towards her.

"...I'm not that hungover, you know." She laughed and pointed at my clothes. Ah, right, spattered with veloci-blood. That might have something to do with it. When I went to look down further, I fell into blackness, waking up on my own bed in a huff of stress releasing all at once. Emiri was next to me, her wry look staring at me.

"Sasaki knocked your ass out before I showed up. Not sure how she managed that...is that dinosaur blood on your clothes?"