"What are you afraid of?"

Shepard was sitting in Chakwas's new makeshift office in one of the spare bedrooms of the hotel suite. The doctor had come over that morning after receiving the Commander's urgent text the night before and had set up shop instantly. Chakwas had made herself comfortable in an armchair with a pad of paper and pen and had insisted that Shepard take the bed. Their sitting situation was a crude replica of the stereotypical setup for a therapist's office which was somewhat amusing Shepard as she glanced around the room, trying to delay answering the question. As she made note of the contents of the room, she noticed that Chakwas had switched her usual drink of Serrice Ice Brandy to a glass of water, a comforting gesture of solidarity that put her mind at ease. That is, of course, until she realized that the small talk and light banter had ceased and Chakwas had asked her such a loaded question.

"I'm afraid of…" Shepard started before taking a deep breath and letting in out in a shaky exhalation.

"It's alright. Take your time," Chakwas said in a comforting tone.

Shepard closed her eyes tightly and reached deep inside herself to find the courage to admit to someone what she had been denying to herself for so long. She grabbed onto the first bit she could find and spoke as quickly as possible to get the words out there before she lost her nerve. "I'm afraid that people will hate me. I'm afraid that I made the wrong decision. I'm afraid that I've been selfish. I'm afraid that people were continue to hail me as a hero even though I caused so much death and destruction. And I'm afraid of saying all this."

Chakwas leaned back in her chair and tapped the pen against her teeth. "That's a lot to unpack. Let's start with the first one. Who do you think will hate you?"

"I know Legion would hate me. My decision killed the Geth even after he sacrificed himself to give them all autonomy. And EDI. Of course."

"Why?" The questioning look on Chakwas's face was a genuine one, not the expression of a therapist trying to get a patient to delve deeper into their own psyche.

"Liara didn't tell you?" The doctor shook her head. "I was given a choice on how to destroy the Reapers by the Catalyst. I chose the one that destroys all synthetic life. So the Reapers but also-"

"AIs and the Geth. I understand. But let's not talk about the dead. At least for right now. I don't mean to diminish their importance of course, but their opinion of you no longer affects you. Who is living that you think hates you?"

"Joker.

"He doesn't hate you," Chakwas said immediately, almost as a sort of kneejerk reaction. She paused for a second to gather her thoughts into coherent statements. "He's grieving. Anger is the second stage of grief. I already saw him go through the first; denial. On the crash site of the Normandy we couldn't get him away from her body. He kept hoping that her systems would come back online. But he doesn't hate you. He's angry and is lashing out at the person he thinks is responsible."

"It didn't feel like anger. I've been on the receiving end of a lot of anger and that was not it. He's right though. He should be angry at me."

"But you're not responsible. You really aren't. The Reapers killed her. The Catalyst killed her."

For some reason this shift of the blame was not a relief to Shepard. Instead it enraged her. She pushed herself off the bed in one fluid movement and stood up, facing the older woman. "I made the decision. It was my call. I could have chosen something else. Anything else. I need to take responsibility for my actions."

"Yes because you never take responsibility for your actions." Chakwas's rare sarcasm was palpable. "You, the woman who turned herself in after doing everything in her power to stop the destruction of the Batarian colonies." Shepard winced at the reminder, an expression which Chakwas noticed and led to her quickly trying to continue discussion without drudging up painful memories. "Shepard this is killing you. You have to stop blaming yourself. Nothing good will come of it. I know you feel that this was your fault but frankly that no longer matters. You've had enough suffering for a krogan's lifetime."

"But-"Shepard started but was cut off by a gesture from the doctor.

"I don't want to hear an argument. Nothing more today." With one final stern expression, her face softened and a smile appeared. "I have an assignment for you. Well, several. Are you ready to hear them?"

That was the opposite of what Shepard had expected. She was expecting the endless cycle of accusations and reassurances to continue, not it being shelved. It was refreshing to say the least. She loved Liara dearly, with all her heart, but sometimes the constant discussion was a bit much. Of course she knew that her bondmate was just trying to help in her own very special way but it was exhausting. The relief made her completely ready to deal with whatever task Chakwas was ready to assign her. "Lay them on me," she replied with some enthusiasm as she settled back down onto the bed.

Chakwas was enthused by Shepard's interest and gave a wider smile. "Good to hear. Would you like me to write these down or can you remember them?"

"I should be good." The words were barely out her mouth before Shepard grimaced. "Actually, you might as well send them to me. My memory, short term at least, is a bit lacking."

The doctor nodded. "Of course. It's probably a side effect of your medication, but regardless, you need to continue to take them every day. Liara can help remind you, of course, but ideally I'd like for you to start to remember on your own. Make it part of your routine. That's your first assignment. Do you think you can handle that?"

Shepard nodded. "Absolutely. But I have a sinking feeling that the other tasks won't be as easy as this one."

The older woman chuckled. "And you would be right about that. These assignments are much more difficult. They may take several attempts and be very emotionally and psychically draining. But they are completely necessary.

"Sounds like every mission I've ever been assigned."

"Except the purpose of these isn't to save the galaxy. I'm giving them to you to help you move on from the traumatic things that have happened to you and to help in your recovery."

"I can deal with that." Shepard responded. "Now are you going to tell me what you want me to do or are you just going to keep dragging it out for dramatic effect?" Her last comment was accompanied by her trademark smirk, something that had been absent during her entire time talking with the doctor. Any remaining tension in the room disappeared.

"Fine. The next thing I want you to do is to go to a shooting range. With the same gun you were using when you confronted the Reapers."

Shepard gulped and tried to ward off the waves of anxiety that she could feel encroaching upon her. "My Predator? But that's not possible. It burned up and fused to my hand. They had to cut it off of me. See?" She held up her right hand, freshly bandaged.

"I know that. But it's not the only Predator pistol in the world. If you would like I can contact the range before you go and see if they can have an identical one set up for you."

The Commander sighed. She hadn't held a gun since, well since she had shot her way through Collectors to get to the Catalyst. The very thought of wielding the same model over her scarred hand was unnerving to say the least. "Can I bring someone with?"

"Of course. In fact I highly recommend it. Any idea who you would want to bring?"

Shepard thought for a moment before mentally selecting someone. "Garrus. We used to shoot targets before all of this happened. Besides, I haven't spoken to him since he came to get me from that hotel. It would probably be good to apologize for that and repair the damage I did to our relationship."

"Two birds with one stone," Chakwas said with a nod. "I like it. All of this careful thinking is a good sign, Shepard. Not only does it assure me that you can remain grounded enough to make important decisions like these, but it tells me that the old you is coming back. The confident, ambitious you. Pretty soon you'll be back to making dramatic speeches to motivate us."

"I'm sure of it. Though after the last public speech I've made didn't end so well. I think I'm sworn off of those for a while."

"Understandable. Now if your experience with the shooting range is a positive one, I'd like you to try out the combat simulator. Not at your normal difficulty levels, of course, but a much more basic level."

"I think I can do that. Yeah I can. Now, do you want me to do that one alone?"

Chakwas stood from her chair and walked over to the dresser to refill her glass of water from the pitcher sitting there. Shepard hadn't even noticed that the doctor had drank all of it. "I'll leave that up to you. If you think you're ready, try doing it on your own. Your recovery is in your hands. I'm just here to help." She lifted the now full glass of water to her lips and took a drink. "Have you had any alcohol since the night of the speech?"

Shepard shook her head. "No. God no. I mean it's been easy avoiding it because Liara cleaned out the entire suite of any amount of booze and she's been sending back any alcoholic gifts. Plus I haven't really had anything to stress me out so I don't really know what that will be like."

"Do you think you will be able to handle it?"

There was a moment of silence before Shepard spoke up. "To be perfectly honest, I don't know. I really don't. Drinking has kind of been my go-to method of dealing with anything and if the next task is as difficult as the one you just gave me…" Chakwas reached over to hand Shepard her glass of water, of which the Commander graciously took a drink from. "Thanks. Yeah. I guess what I'm trying to say is that when things get tough, I really don't know how to deal with them any other way. I've been drinking my problems away since I was a teenager and now I'm left with the first battle I can't fight my way out of." She drained the glass of any remaining water and handed it back to the carefully watching doctor.

"You're not alone in this anymore Shepard. I know that you know that." The two sat in silence for a few seconds. Then Chakwas began to speak again. "Do you want to hear the last assignment or do you need a break."

Shepard waved her concerns away. "No. Tell me. It's going to drive me crazy if I don't know what it is."

"Fine. I want you to talk to Joker."