Edward

I waited patiently, my hands at my side. I gave it a few more seconds before i lifted my hand and knocked again. I wasn't even sure she would answer. I stepped back and looked up at the windows trying to see her face. Maybe she knew it was me so she didn't come to the door. I squinted my eyes and tried to see past the dark curtains. I couldn't make out any faces behind the cloth. Maybe no one was home? I was taken back when the door opened.

The wooden door creaked open slowly. I kept my face neutral in case it was Bella. I didn't want to anger her further by smiling like nothing was wrong. A man stood there, i could smell the alcohol on his breath. His red eyes tried to take in my appearance. I smiled politely and asked, "Is Bella home?"

The man appeared to not hear me. He stood there leaning back and forth. I honestly didn't know what to do so i asked again.

"Is Bella home by chance?" i repeated.

The man turned his head to look behind him. "Bella!" he grumbled loudly.

He turned back to me and his gaze was everywhere but on my face. Her dad was an alcoholic? Maybe he just had too much to drink today, but it wasn't even 5 o'clock yet. It was none of my concern. I stood there on the doorstep and just waited patiently. I was hoping she would come to the door. I was hoping that she would let me explain everything to her. I really didn't want to go home and deal with all this guilt and pain threatening to crush me. I had said some things that were not right and i needed to fix them.

I shifted onto my left leg and waited. Bella's dad screamed her name once again. I didn't know what to think. Was she hiding from me? Was she going deaf? Was she not even in the house? I really didn't know anything at this point. She could be elsewhere and her dad was too drunk to even notice that she wasn't even there!

I smiled at her dad and said, "Its okay i will come back another time."

I turned around and walked toward my car. I had hoped for something better than this but i had at least tried. She either didn't want to see me or didn't care enough to see me. I had hurt her feelings, i knew that, but i wanted to make up for them. It wasn't an easy thing to love when your broken. Its hard to let someone in and see the shattered pieces that remain. I had made a mistake and i might be paying for it dearly. I had at least tried.

I never knew that her dad had a passion for the bottle. She had never mentioned anything like that to me. Another thing, she never mentioned her mother either. How come she knew everything mostly about me but yet i knew nothing about her? When we talked, we always talked about me. What i liked, what i did, who i was. We never really talked about her side of things. Why had i never asked? I was curious about her life, i wanted to know everything that she had to say. Why had i now just realized that Bella barely said anything? She didn't have to tell me that her dad drank but i thought maybe she would tell me more about herself. It seemed like Bella was just a mystery.

I took my keys out of my pocket and inserted it into the lock. I took one last look at the house and got into my car. There was nothing i could do if she didn't want to talk to me. There was nothing more i could do. I wasn't going to be the weirdo who stalked her. I would wait til class tomorrow and see if she had anything to say. I could try apologizing and see what happened. There wasn't much more that i could do.

Bella

I watched him leave with a heavy heart. I had been watching him out the bathroom window. I had heard him knocking at the door. We never got visitors so i feared the worst when i heard the sound. My suspicions were correct when he had come to the door. My father was so inebriated that i doubted he would come get me. He had called my name and that was it. I felt relief that he wasn't able to come get me or remember that i was even there.

I didn't want to see him. I didn't want to hear his voice. He had said just a few words to Rosalie and that had been enough. I didn't want him coming here and sitting me down. I could almost imagine it in my head.

Listen Bella, were just friends.

We will never be anything more than friends.

Im sorry if you think i led you on in any type of way.

Rosalie is beautiful and she's the girl i want.

We can still be friends.

Its not you, its me.

I could hear the conversation ringing in my head. I knew what he came here to say. I wasn't stupid. I understood the ways of men even if i never really had one. I always was the one on the outside listening to other girl's talk about their problems. I listened intently and always wondered how it would be. I never really had a boyfriend but i had listened to enough stories to know.

Your boyfriend was supposed to care about you, eventually love you. He cared about you more than anything else. He put you above his own selfish needs. He took care of you and made sure you were happy. As a girlfriend you would do the same. You would show him love and affection and do the best you could to make them happy. Everyone should understand that. Being in a relationship is one plus one, not just one. You had to give and receive. I think a lot of people forget that.

I couldn't really say from my own experience. I had only been kissed once, by someone i'd rather not mention. My heart still yearned for it. I yearned for someone to love me for me. Someone to hold my hand and reassure me that everything was going to be alright. I wanted that more than anything. I wanted someone to hold me at night and chase away my nightmares. Someone to break down the wall that i had built over these past years.

My day would come, i couldn't keep hurting myself over things that would never be. Edward would be the first guy i kissed, but hopefully he wouldn't be the last. My whole world would not end just because Edward didn't want me. Sure it stung and my heart felt heavy when i thought of him, but i wasn't dying. Someday i would get my prince charming and none of this will even matter.

I had not expected to see him there standing near Rosalie. I honestly didn't know what to think. He had been standing there so close to her. I had been jealous but i would have just pushed it aside. It was more the words he said that had shocked me. I could still hear their conversation in my head.

"Oh Edward, i'v been meaning to ask you."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah about your Art partner. I think she has a thing for you." she says. Her blue eyes were looking at me over his shoulder. She knew i could hear everything that was being said.

"I don't think so. And besides i don't have feelings for her. I never will." he said to her.

I had felt those words crush into me. I had almost just thought that it had been just a bad dream. Like maybe i was sleeping and any second i would wake up. After all that was said, after the kiss, after all those moments, i had felt winded at those words. I couldn't hold Edward to any of those things, really i couldn't. He could do as he chose but i still felt hurt over it. It was just bad timing was all. I should just have never heard those words. But maybe i just needed to hear them. Maybe i needed to understand that there was no future for me and him. Edward and Bella just do not mix.

Those words that he had spoken had still shocked me to my core. But they also helped me understand that nothing would ever come of it. Edward had a bright future. He had money, friends, good looks. He would go far in this life. I was content with my mediocre beginnings but that didn't mean my life didn't matter. I needed to get boys out of my mind and really start focusing on my life ahead.

It was already a few months into the school year. A few more and i would be graduating. Time sure had flew by. The girls who shunned me before were now at least friendly. I had more friends than i had ever had before. Guys actually didn't tease me as much. I was now more accepted than ever before. My life was starting to look up in so many ways. I had more opportunities to smile than ever before. I actually didn't dread going to school anymore. I welcomed every day and i always kept my head up. I was proud of myself. Why should my mood be ruined just because some pretty boy didn't like me? I had so much to offer and it was a shame that he didn't see that.

That was not my concern. I had to fix my thoughts on the important things of life. I needed to get my gears working and focus on what was important. That university in Tucson was my main priority. I needed to be out of this town. I needed to spread my wings and take flight. I would be forever grateful for all those that had finally given me what i always desired. I was now wanted, for however long, i had been wanted. Most people in life desire complex things. They want more money, more fame, more unnecessary items, all i wanted was to be wanted. That is a simple desire and finally i had acquired it.

I was not famous. Men did not come crawling to my door. I did not kiss a different guy each night. But i was okay with that. I had never wanted to be the most popular girl at school. I was content with where i was in the social order. I didn't need a man and no man needed me. I could do fine just by myself. I would graduate and off to Tucson i would go. I would interact as little as possible with Edward and life would go on.

Even though i was trying to be rational, my heart still ached. Even though i was trying to be smart, my heart was still fighting the logic. There would always be a part of me that yearned for Edward Cullen but i would have to hide it. I would have to shelter that from everyone including myself. Loving someone gives them the power to destroy you. I didn't want my heart to break anymore than it has been. I would try my best to hide my feelings.

I just hoped Edward wouldn't make it difficult. Something told me though, that Edward was nothing but difficult.

Authors note:

Sorry for the long wait.

Things have been hectic around here.

I will try and update again shortly.

Thanks for reading and thanks for the support :D

Enjoy!