Chapter 7 - Closeness
"It's not going to last."
Vanille's body sprung up. Her slumber was disturbed by the same annoying, repelling, disgusting voice. She sat still on her host's bed for a moment to gather her thoughts, to know that she was alive, and to confirm that she was living in the present – or more appropriately, reality right now. Tiredly, she rubbed her droopy eyes with the back of her hand and… how strange, when she pulled back, she could feel it damp with a warm liquid.
She couldn't control it. "Stop crying," She whispered to herself, "Don't think about it…"
Burying her face into her palms, she tried to picture happier images. Anything would do – flowers, sugar, sunshine, rainbows, children, laughter, stars, calm nights, waves…
"This… illusion, if you will, can't shield you for a lifetime."
… crashing tides, gunfire… them, storms, starless nights, lifeless bodies, the stench of blood, death—
"You empty shell,"
Vanille got out of the bed and slowly made her way to the window. On some days, the sun would rise with a life-filled light; on the other days, it would carry an unwanted grimness with it. And today was one of those 'other days'.
"… what's your limit?"
The room lit with the same melancholic bluish-white lights at midnights, she used her own senses to reach for the door. The silent hallway she was walking through always reminded her of the sleeping strawberry-blonde outside. Though, even with those godly ears of hers', Lightning, the heavy-sleeper, would never wake up to mere footsteps. As she reached the living room, expecting the soldier to be asleep on the usual white sofa, she was surprised to see a shadow of a figure on the ground, stretching to her toes. Looking up, she found the said soldier leaning onto the window on one side of her body, her back against the girl, and she was holding something in her hand. What it was, however, Vanille was unsure, for she quickly hid herself back into the hallway.
The girl had no idea why she had that urge to hide… no, wait, she knew why. Of course she knew why. Vanille peeked into the room, only a tiny bit of her head cutting through the boundary of the hallway. She gave herself a better look; squinting her eyes, she found Lightning holding onto… a picture frame. The redhead glanced at the drawer beneath the mounted television – it was missing. Then, she turned back to the strawberry-blonde. Yes, that had to be the picture. Lightning was looking into her family portrait.
"What is the limit of your emptiness?"
Vanille quietly drew herself back to lean against the wall. Her eyes glued onto the soldier's shadow on the hardwood floor as she began to think what the best way to approach her was. Time went by quicker when people don't pay attention to it, Vanille thought, as Lightning's shadow became darker, she knew that the sun was getting brighter. The sad blue colour faded, and was now replaced with a familiar, warm, golden light. Strange that the soldier remained still for such a time, or, even stranger, she didn't notice the presence of the girl.
She stepped out of the dark hallway, into the light, and towards the strawberry-blonde.
The soldier had her eyes shut. It almost looked as if she was standing up asleep, but Vanille knew she wasn't. She just looked dreadfully tired. The family portrait was held onto loosely – seemed to the girl that Lightning didn't want to hold on, but at the same time, she didn't want to let go.
"Onee-san,"
Lightning kept her eyes closed.
She tried again, "Up already?"
Slowly, her eyelids opened and the beautiful blue eyes pierced through her pink bangs. For a moment, she glanced at Vanille, and then her eyes dropped to the picture she was holding onto. "Why were you hiding?"
Oh, of course. How could Lightning not know? Vanille felt a vein pop in her neck.
No immediate answer was heard, and she did not feel that there was a need to pursue for one. "Never mind," She dropped the subject. Everything was said in a very weary tone – almost sorrowful.
What was with this… 'I don't care about anything' voice? It wasn't as cold and hurtful as it usually sounded. Actually, right now, it sounded like the woman was going to faint due to stress or fatigue or… something. It just wasn't right. Vanille knew that Lightning wasn't the type to express herself, but she had to do something. This felt as bad as… perhaps if she were to make a comparison, she would have to say that it feels like 'Lightning being unable to see Vanille smile'. Yes, it was probably that – maybe worse – she didn't know. The girl stepped closer, "Do you miss them?"
That instantly made her grip onto the frame, hard. She didn't know it, but her eyebrows were narrowed. It was all because she didn't know how to respond.
Vanille could tell, Lightning wasn't annoyed, nor was she angered. This insecure child was afraid – afraid of the truth.
She stared into the girl's eyes, unaware that through all of this, her grip on the picture frame was tightening to the point where her hands started to shake.
Vanille noticed it all. She reached for the woman's hand, placing her cold fingers onto her shaking ones.
The icy-cold feeling sent chills all over her body, but at the same time, it made her realize how out of control she was. She twitched out of natural reaction, and her eyes finally softened.
Glad that she was back to her usual self, Vanille gave Lightning a small smile.
It'd be nice if you can smile back.
It was a usual thought. It often came to her, but she never wished for it. Suffice to say, Lightning wasn't the type to show emotion – that was a given – so what would make her think that she would even smile? Vanille kept her fingers on Lightning's as she looked down at the photo.
A smiling girl – two smiling girls.
One would think that they were identical if it wasn't because of the difference in height. The shorter pink-haired girl was smiling ever-so sweetly… and the taller strawberry-blonde… she was—
"If I neglect this,"
She wasn't expecting Lightning to break the silence. Vanille immediately shot her head up to confirm that the voice came from the soldier.
"Then I will forget everything," Lightning continued as she brushed her thumb over her mother's face.
"…"
Her azure eyes moved planted onto Vanille's emerald ones, "… I won't remember how they'd look like."
Unbeknownst to Vanille, she was now holding onto Lightning tightly. Her grip on the back of the woman's hand more secure than anything she's held onto in her life. Yeah, okay, Lightning wasn't the type to show emotion, and there was no doubt about that. But that didn't mean she was unable to express herself. Vanille wasn't sure, but what the soldier told her just now… it didn't really make sense – 'Neglect'… 'Remember their faces' … what! It could all possibly be her hidden thoughts, stored away for years, all mashed and mixed up. Perhaps this was the reason why Lightning didn't like to talk? Perhaps she didn't know how to talk.
"Do you want to see them?"
Lightning dropped her heavy eyelids, letting Vanille's question linger in her mind for a bit longer before answer, "I don't know, do I?"
"Seems to me that you do,"
And she reopened them, their gazes locked together once again, "Even if I want to," Her voice became deeper, "… it is impossible to do so,"
"…"
"After all," Lightning looked back down at the picture.
To Vanille, the image reflected quiet magnificently in the soldier's blue eyes – it was charming.
"… They were the ones who left. I couldn't control it."
"Left…?" Something inevitable? Death? Betrayal…?
The two had nothing more to say. They stood there for a long time, as Vanille could feel the growing warmth of the sunlight on her cheek.
Lightning pulled her hand away from the girl's. She walked towards the TV and placed the frame back where it belonged before stepping towards the doorway. Her back against Vanille, she muttered, "I'm going out now." And she put on her boots.
Nervous, Vanille followed the woman to the door – almost in a trotting pace. Her hands clasped behind her, she began in a soft voice, "Y-you will be back tonight, right?"
The soldier turned around and looked at the redhead curiously.
"It's… tonight… isn't it?"
She let out a low breath before grabbing her weapon atop the shelf. Placing it in her black pouch, she replied in a casual tone, "Yeah, it is."
"…" Vanille didn't know what to do. Maybe the busy soldier didn't want to go? She looked down at her toes, ready to tell her that it was fine—
"I'll be there,"
Surprised, she jolted her head up.
Lightning was fixing her pink bangs with her fingers, her eyes narrowed to look up. "I'll be there, but maybe just a little bit late. I don't know, it depends," She dropped her hand to her side and turned to reach for the doorknob, "So wait for me, okay?" Finally, she left her flat silently.
The sounds of the woman's heels tapping onto the floor faded gradually, it was then Vanille realized what Lightning just said. "And I thought you didn't want to go…" Vanille smiled to herself, unable to get that feeling – butterflies in her stomach? – out of her. Happily, she skipped to the sofa and threw herself onto its softness. "How silly of me to giggle like this…" She lied down on her side, her eyes facing the black TV screen. They naturally moved down to look at the picture Lightning was looking at moments ago. Her attention once again caught by the taller strawberry-blonde girl, Vanille's smile got bigger.
… In the picture, Lightning was grinning.
There was no place to sit at all. The beach was completely crowded with citizens and tourists – more so the latter, but that didn't matter; she couldn't find the one tourist she was looking for.
Redhead with pigtails… redhead with pigtails…
Not in sight at all. Maybe… she was just taking her time with her clothes; she always did that anyway. Lightning crossed her arms and looked up at the empty transparent dome. The annual Bodhum Fireworks was about to start, but she wasn't feeling excited for this at all. What was the point? She got to see this show – the same old show – every single year. Nothing has ever changed… it was the same routine. Though, the only difference was that for the past four years, the time she has spent here was when she's on duty. Today, for the first time, she was off, and she could come and watch the fireworks as a Bodhum citizen, and not as a soldier.
"Onee-san,"
Lightning pulled her eyes away from the dome and looked down. It was none other than Vanille, holding two ice-cream cones in her hand. The woman sighed, "So that's why it took you so long?"
She grinned. "I couldn't help it! So many kids were lining up and saying how good the stall makes it, so I just…"
"Uh huh,"
"So!" Vanille held the cones up higher, "Strawberry or vanilla?"
Lightning blinked a couple of times before looking at the tempting, sweet, and delicious-looking dessert, "I don't like sweet things." She turned back at the huge glass dome, keeping her arms crossed.
"Hmm…? I do remember Maqui saying something about how you love sweets… Aw man, I would totally walk into their bar and ask them right now if it wasn't so busy…" The girl looked behind her, the gang's bar was just a few steps away, but it was jam-packed with people. Clearly, it would be pointless to even try to find the four busy workers tonight. "So yeah, I'm pretty sure, onee-san, you would like this…"
"…" She bit onto her tongue.
Vanille could see the soldier getting tensed up. Giggling, she continued to tempt her, "This ice-cream looks really good…"
"…"
"It's sparkling and gleaming with sweetness! Look at the soft cream – oh, hey! There are real strawberry bits in this strawberry-flavoured one! It looks soooo good! But… what should I do? I can't possible finish them on my own…"
Lightning knew very well that this was all just a play, but she turned back to the girl, "Ugh, fine," And was about to reach for the pink cone, but then, for the slightest second, the slightest split of a second, she could see the redhead twitch a little. The woman shook her head lightly, and changed her hand's direction towards the white vanilla cone. "This one,"
She grinned and happily handed it to Lightning. Right away, Vanille dug herself into the pink ice-cream, savouring, munching on the strawberry bits whilst smiling to herself as if she's never eaten something so wondrous before.
And Lightning couldn't help it but to stare in awe at her child-like innocence. It was just an ice-cream, but the girl looked so, so happy. She turned to her own ice-cream and stared at it. The white cream was starting to melt, but it wasn't dripping down the cone yet. Lightning licked up the melting parts quickly, and wow – how long has she not touched food that was dessert-related? The sweet taste just reminded her how much she adored the taste of vanilla, and that her favourite flavour was, in fact, vanilla. Hungrily, she finished the rest of the cone.
Vanille, meanwhile, has already finished her own. She was gazing at the woman, who was eating the ice-cream with etiquette, but at the same time, it was easy to tell that she was bloody hungry. "Onee-san, you like vanilla, don't you?"
She nodded, never taking her attention off the sweet cone.
"Is it your favourite flavour or something?"
She nodded again.
"Oh…? Vanilla is your favourite flavour…"
"What are you thinking?" The woman asked in a straight voice as she finished the final bit of the crunchiness, suspicious of the fact that she repeated her answer.
"Well... it's just that I've always thought strawberry or anything that is pink would be your favourite. Look at your hair colour!"
Lightning raised a brow. "Ridiculous. Your name is 'Vanille', why didn't you choose to eat the vanilla one?"
"Right, I guess I get your concept!"
Thunderous sounds filled the beach. Green, red, blue, yellow, colourful lights lit up the dark sand. The shooting sparks sent the crowd wild; people were cheering, children were jumping, 'ooh' and 'wow' sounds were heard here and there.
"Oh! It's starting, it's starting!" The girl jumped with joy, very much like the children nearby. Then, unexpectedly, she turned quiet. Like the first time Lightning saw her on the beach, Vanille brought her hands together and made the same hand gesture with her eyes closed.
The woman tilted her head in confusion.
Dropping her hands back to her sides, Vanille reopened her eyes. "Alright, done!" She turned to the soldier, "Onee-san, you should make a wish too! I heard from Lebreau-san that if you wish upon the Bodhum fireworks, anything will come true for sure!"
"Hm," She sighed, "I don't have anything I want in particular."
The girl pouted. "Oh, come on, there has to be something…"
No matter how childish Vanille's voice was like right now, Lightning could tell that she was being serious. Actually, this girl was probably holding back, preventing herself from asking questions. And… fine. She did. She really did have something, but she was unsure whether she had the right to ask for such a thing. Looking up at the bright lights, she tried to think for something else she may desire. Money? No. Authority? No. Power? No…
"Onee-san?" Vanille shook the woman's arm, urging her for an answer.
Lightning turned back at the girl. The green fireworks now lighting up her face, they also conveniently emphasized the emerald colour in her deep eyes. Then, her eyes wandered downwards to her lips. "Vanille,"
"Yes?" The girl stiffened. Having the soldier look at her was rare, having the soldier look at her like this was freaking unbelievably legendary. It all came naturally, Vanille tiptoed, slowly leaned in, because Lightning looked so much like she was about to…
"You have ice-cream on the side of your mouth."
"…!" She gasped and pulled away, quickly looking at everything but the woman.
Lightning took a handkerchief out of her pouch, "Here," She grasped onto the girl's chin, turning her head towards herself gently, and helped her wipe away the pink stickiness. "You're such a kid." Folding the soft fabric into a neat square, she shoved it back into her pouch. "Alright, done, all clean now."
Vanille still couldn't bring herself to look at the soldier, so instead, she laughed it off nervously, grinning with her eyes closed.
The woman shook her head.
And the two continued to stare silently at the fireworks.
It was all very strange; the two were probably the only ones on the beach who knew each other, and were standing so far apart. Everybody else were in groups – it was easy to tell who knew each other and who didn't. Vanille wanted to take a step closer to her, but she couldn't find the courage to do so. Instead, she loooked at the woman at the corner of her eyes.
"What is the limit of your emptiness?"
It wasn't one of those horrible memories resurfacing from her mind this time; rather, Vanille was just thinking about the question, because this was one of those things that she could never hide from. Her 'happy memories' always failed to cover up this question, because the truth was Vanille wasn't sure what 'emptiness' means. Turning to Lightning, she could only imagine that people like her were able to recognize its true definition, and what the question in general really meant. "Onee-san,"
Lightning turned to the girl.
How do you do it?
"D-do you, uh…"
"…"
"Um… I, uh…" She swallowed. Why weren't the words coming out clearly as she had planned!
"Can you not stutter? It's really irritating." Impatience went with her voice.
Vanille didn't know where all her courage has gone, but she took a deep breath and took the woman's hand. "Onee-san," She stared straight into Lightning's blue eyes. "I…"
"… What?"
The fireworks sparkled with her azure eyes. For a brief, hint of moment, Vanille decided that wishing upon the fireworks was a dumb idea. This woman – this woman with these sparkling eyes could easily grant any wish. "I want to ask you…"
More colourful lights shot up and thundered into the sky, covering up the girl's soft voice.
"… so long?"
"What was that?"
… I heard it.
Vanille smiled. "Do you think I'm an annoying, reckless, stupid, and dumb girl?"
Lightning blinked. It was a question that came out of nowhere, but she had an answer. "Yeah,"
… You weren't asking me this.
And as if all the happiness in the world left her, the girl's blazing green eyes became dull and lifeless. "Oh…" She released the woman's hands.
… But I understand. I get it.
Lightning placed a hand on the shorter girl's head, patting her lightly. "But sometimes… just sometimes…" Her voice became quieter, "The irritation, recklessness, and stupidity coming from you make you appear…" She tried to search for the word as the girl looked at her avidly, "… refreshingly cute?"
Instantly, the light returned to Vanille's eyes. "… Really?"
"Just sometimes."
And she gave the woman that radiating smile she liked so much. She threw her arms around Lightning. "Yay!"
"H-hey! I said only sometimes!"
"But now I know that onee-san doesn't hate me!" She said happily, her words muffled into Lightning's Guardian Corps uniform.
"Ugh," She groaned with frustration.
The fireworks continued to roar as the climax of the show approached, and the crowd's cheers became stronger. More sparks flew into the air of the dome; the hovering rides began to gather closer, but none dared to enter the barrier of the dome, for they might get caught in all the explosions.
Something weird came to her mind; she felt almost as if once the show ends, the time for her to stay with this woman would end as well. Vanille started, "Onee-san," She has yet to let go of her.
But Lightning did not mind at all, "Hmm?" Or, at least, she pretended to mind.
"Are you really not going to make a wish?"
"No, I'm not."
Vanille frowned. "Boo…"
Lightning sighed. "Why are people like you so fond of making wishes at… sparkly things?"
She looked up at her, who was staring emotionlessly into the dome. She thought for a bit; that was actually quite a challenging question – why do people only make wishes at sparkly things?
"Even something as genuine as the stars do not grant wishes," The woman continued, "So how would something artificial like this grant them?" Lightning stared at Vanille and waited for an answer.
"…" Was this something that usually went through her mind? All these complicated matters, all these impossible-to-answer, non-scientific questions… "I don't… I don't know," Her grasp on the woman tightened, "But… it feels good to make wishes, doesn't it? I mean, seeing something so bright and full of life, you get this tiny feeling of hope inside, don't you?"
"…"
Vanille was still frowning. "Well… I do…" She hid her face with her bangs, embarrassed by her child-like confessions.
Lightning chortled, instantly grabbing the redhead's attention.
"Hey!" The girl scolded.
"S-sorry," She tried to hold her laughter in, covering it up with small coughs.
"Stop it!"
"Okay, okay! I stopped!" Lightning said honestly, looking at the girl with a smile that she could not erase.
Right away, Vanille's frown turned upside-down, and soon, it became a grin. She knew that the woman didn't realize it, but this was her first time, ever, to see Lightning smile. It was a natural, serene, and beautiful smile. "Good!"
She rolled her eyes. "Okay, then. Can you let go now?"
Vanille giggled, "Nope!" And she embraced Lightning even tighter than before.
The soldier let out a deeper sigh. There was no point in struggling; she wasn't particularly in pain or anything – just slightly annoyed, perhaps. As the final round of fireworks shot into the tall dome, the sounds on the beach became louder. Strangely, however, the only thing that Lightning could hear was Vanille's question. Subtly, she looked down at her, who was distracted by the pretty lights in the air.
"Was it hard to be alone for so long?"
If she were brave enough to answer her, it would probably go down to something like this:
"Yeah. I'm at my limit, and—"
"It hurts."
"Eh?" Vanille drew her attention away from the sparks and turned to the woman.
"... You're holding onto me too tightly. It hurts."
"—it hurts."
"Me, selfish?"
Yes, she called her selfish.
"Is it… really that hard to… to…" Her voice became softer, but the girl was still listening, "To, like, live with someone like me…?"
'No' was basically Vanille's answer. But she was not satisfied. Coming from someone who knew her for a little more than three weeks compared to someone who has known her for a lifetime… whose answer would be more logical? Whose answer would be more valid? Obviously the latter's.
Lightning stopped walking and looked upwards.
Oh, she was home. Strange how these troubling thoughts could help her waste time so easily. They could also ease away her boredom. On the days where nothing would happen, she would fill her thoughts with these echoes. Well, today was one of those days where they came in handy – not only did nothing happened at all, but she also did absolutely nothing during her patrolling hours. She was starting to think that joining the army was an idiotic and pointless decision. Sure, she had become stronger physically and, perhaps, mentally – that was the whole point – but what good would that do? Nothing was going to happen in this dumb town anyway.
She let out a sigh and shut the door behind her lightly, and proceeded to the sofa right after. Lightning threw her gloves and weapon onto the floor carelessly and collapsed onto the seat. The flat was filled with a dim hint of red sunlight, but more so with a deep purple – that was because this part of the beach never came in contact with a full red evening sun. The beauty of the colour didn't really matter, though. Right now, she just wanted to sleep.
Her eyelids dropped, her mind went blank. Her sore body loosened up and she slowly, very slowly, she…
A soft and silky sheet covered her body, immediately stopping her from entering her slumber.
"… Vanille?" She called with her eyes closed.
"Onee-san, I would tell you to go inside to sleep, but it looks like you're too tired to even move…"
Lightning took a deep breath and sat up. "Yeah, I'm tired," She said as she rubbed her temples. "Why don't you turn on the lights?" She opened her eyes, surprised to find the girl kneeling right in front of her.
Vanille smiled tenderly. "I just woke up,"
"It's almost night time,"
The girl stood up to sit beside the woman, "I didn't know my nap would last so long…" She snuggled closer to her warm figure, almost wanting to rest her head on the strawberry-blonde's shoulder. "Are you… hungry?"
"No,"
Vanille pursed her lips. "I don't understand how that's possible… you persist to eat one meal a day, and they're never at the same and appropriate time. Yet you're so… so…" She turned to the woman, "… Fit."
"I have a strange metabolism," She explained simply.
"Hmm… strangely beneficial. How lucky…" The girl spoke out her admiration, "… Does that mean you can eat desserts for every meal and not get out of shape?"
Lightning grunted. "Unfortunately, desserts do not apply…"
"So you don't eat them all together?" She began to tap at her chin with a finger, "Hm, guess that explains why you didn't want to eat any ice-cream yesterday!" Her teasing got the soldier slightly irritated, but she went on, "Too bad… I made you a cake because it looked to me like you really like sweet things, but…"
"A cake?" Lightning lifted her head up.
Seeing her huge reaction, the girl started to giggle. "Yeah, vanilla flavoured! Took me the whole afternoon… when I was done, I was so tired, so I went and took a nap."
"Wait," She stood up, "Y-you… you made me a cake… today?"
"… Yeah…" The redhead wondered why she had to emphasize the word 'today'.
"But…" The look on Lightning's face was a mixture between confused and surprised, "How did you…?" She did not recall telling the girl about this day. It could have been the four, probably.
"Well, isn't this woman easy to read?" Vanille thought. It was blatantly obvious now, "Actually, I didn't know…" She started.
"…"
"You… kind of told me… just now…"
"…" Lightning quickly looked away.
The girl continued to smile. "So, aren't I sweet? I made you a cake even though I had no idea!"
"It was purely coincidence." She grumbled.
"But are you happy about it?"
"…" She didn't know what to say. More like, she did, but was too shy and afraid to bring herself to answer her.
"Onee-san?"
Lightning looked back down at the girl.
Her cute, emerald puppy eyes…
She sat down. A brief moment of silence filled the air before she finally grunted, "… Somewhat."
"Aww!" Vanille threw herself at the soldier, her weight literally crushing the strawberry-blonde down entirely onto the sofa. "I rarely see you happy, so the fact that you're admitting it…" She paused to look at Lightning, who seemed lost and confused, "… Would most likely mean that you're not just somewhat happy!"
"You make no sense." Lightning mumbled, unaware that she was flushed.
She laughed, "You're so cute!"
"Get off!" Lightning wasn't even trying, she realized. She was merely holding onto the younger girl's shoulders – just holding on. "Damn it…" She wanted to sit up, but Vanille was weighing her down; it wasn't possible to move unless she actually tried. The woman grunted angrily, and decided to push the girl off once and for all… but… but hearing her laugh, so happily, like this… she just couldn't bring herself to do it. Suddenly, she realized that her whole body relaxed; she was leaving the girl on top of her, letting her do whatever she pleased. But, god damn it, didn't she say that she hated physical contact! Especially something like this… it was way too girly; it was way too close… she couldn't do this… "Vanille…"
The girl heard the uncertainty in her voice, and immediately, she sat back up. She cleared her throat, "Sorry, onee-san. Was I… um, too heavy?"
"No," She sat up as well and quickly hid her face with her bangs.
"…" Vanille looked to the kitchen.
Lightning looked out the window, opposite the direction of where Vanille was looking.
This was a very bad awkward moment; one of them had to do something – that was what the girl was thinking. She stood up, "H-how silly of me to not even prepare a present for you, onee-san!" The words forced through that barrier of awkwardness.
The woman turned to Vanille.
"What would you like?"
Her mouth hung open, "… It's not… necessary."
"No, really, please tell me, I'll get it for you tomorrow…"
"It's fine." Lightning persisted, "Besides, you already made me a cake,"
Vanille, however, was still unconvinced. "But cakes don't count… since they're essential on birthdays…"
The soldier grunted. "If you must, then anything would be fine."
"Anything?" The girl repeated.
She nodded. "Anything."
"Okay then!" She cheered, "I'll go shopping tomorrow, and you'll see it when you come home from work!"
Lightning sighed.
"But for now… how about a birthday hug?"
"W-what!"
"Birthday hug! They're also necessary on birthdays." She opened her arms, "Or would you rather have birthday punches?"
"Yeah, I'd really prefer the punches…" The woman moved away from the girl.
"My punches are so weak, they don't even count as punches!" Vanille laughed, "Come on, it's just a hug!" She scooted over to Lightning, all the way until the soldier could no longer move for she was stuck between the girl and the armrest of the sofa.
"You already gave me one…" She looked away and blocked the girl from coming any closer.
Vanille tried to push away the woman's arms, "It's not called a 'hug' unless the other person accepts it!"
"Okay, okay, fine!" Lightning breathed, "Just… just for a bit…"
With that, Vanille gave her one more smile before leaning in to embrace her. She's always wanted to do this; she's always wanted the woman to willingly, or at least, half-willingly let her do this. No, it wasn't because Lightning was her crush, but rather… for a long time, Vanille felt that it was important to, somehow, give this woman attention, affection, and above all, just some sort of emotion, because she could tell that Lightning's really wanted these things – it was just a matter of pride and ego that prevented her from asking.
Or is it loneliness?
Lightning closed her eyes, for she was on the edge of falling asleep all this time. How very unusual. The two didn't know each other enough to be called 'close friends', and yet never once did Vanille showed signs of fear from experiencing the woman's impatience, anger, and frustration. This girl was probably the first person ever who could tolerate her bitterness.
A hand moved up to caressed the back of Lightning's neck gently as her other one stroked the soldier's back. She wasn't planning to let go until Lightning told her to, and dear god, Vanille was hoping that she would never ask. But she soon came to realize that as long as she didn't try anything funny like earlier, Lightning was comfortable with a hug.
The woman remained still. Right, Lightning remembered; she was always the one who held onto this girl, and never the other way around. Was it supposed to feel this pleasant? Was this the reason why Vanille could keep herself in control? Was it all merely thanks to a… a hug? Well, she had to admit, this didn't feel bad or anything – rather, it felt kind of good. It gave her this strange, foreign, and… secure feeling that she hasn't felt since they left her.
The scent coming from the strawberry-blonde was none other than the typical perfume she always used; it had a faint aroma of strawberries (of course) and jasmine mixed together. Just by inhaling it made Vanille feel that she was hugging a child; it smelled so much like baby lotion. Fresh, genuine, and… fluffy was what Vanille would describe the scent as. In a way, the pleasant smell was very much soothing.
Please don't pull away… please don't pull away…
Her mind was chanting these words over and over again, and that was because those words were what she really wanted. To ensure this, Lightning, slowly, moved her hands up as well and wrapped them around the girl's slim waist, pulling her closer to herself at the same time.
Vanille was no doubt surprised, as she always knew Lightning hated physical contact like this…
The soldier rested her head on the girl's shoulder, almost burying herself into it.
Okay, Lightning actually liked this. Vanille was long blushing by now – her crush was hugging her back! – and she could only cover up her nervousness by regaining her breath. But out of nowhere, "Onee-san…" A part of her body made her call out to the woman. She wanted Lightning to look at her.
And she lifted her head up to look at the girl, waiting for her to go on.
"…" Her heart pounded against her chest heavily. So hard, the 'thump-thump' sounds were resonating in her ears. Vanille was afraid that Lightning was going to look at her like this… her gaze was so full of questions and uncertainty – insecurity – it just cleared away everything she wanted to say. And now that their faces were so close together—
"Sorry…" Lightning suddenly said. She began to pull back, as she figured that Vanille probably didn't want her to hold onto her waist like this—
"No…" She tightened her grasp around the woman, just before she could create any more distance between them.
Her arms still lingering around the girl's waist, the soldier, once again, remained as stiff as she always was and waited for her to continue.
Vanille gathered everything she had and started, "Do… do you not like this?"
"…"
It was getting harder to breathe, but she went on, "I mean… the hug. Do you not like this?"
Lightning swallowed hard, and realized that her throat was as dry as hell. "I don't," Her voice came out as a whisper.
Vanille fought hard with her shaky voice, "I… I see…" If that didn't come out clear enough, then she should really reconsider how selfish and annoying she was. Slowly, she drew her arms away from the woman—
Because she doesn't like this.
—But Lightning stopped her by holding onto her waist, immediately making those green eyes glue back onto her blue ones. The soldier pulled a hand up. Lightly, her fingertips touched the ends of Vanille's orange bangs; they bounced back in their usual position, and she did it a few more times before feeling the girl's soft cheek with the back of two fingers. All this time, her eyes were following the movement of her hands as she couldn't bring herself to look straight at Vanille's eyes. "I don't dislike this,"
The softest gasp escaped her lips.
Her fingers reached the side of the girl's pink lips. She brushed against them gently. This was actually all very new to Lightning, as she has never enjoyed being a lover nor has she enjoyed any of her past 'lovers'. More precisely, however, the woman wasn't sure if it was even appropriate to call them lovers. After all, most of them were just one-night stands – at least she viewed them that way, she could care less what the others would think.
The strawberry-blonde was leaning in, and she could feel her warm palm cupping her cheek. Vanille did not want to think about anything right now, because everything was going so well – never do things go well for her… this was probably a once-in-a-life-time thing. Her eyelids dropped automatically once she felt Lightning's warm breath against her skin, and she waited, she anticipated.
Definitely, no. Those people were definitely not lovers, because this feeling has never overcome her before. This warm, fuzzy feeling that made her sweat so nervously, that made her heart beat so intensely that all those intense training she had with the military seem trivial – no… she has never felt like this before. Was she in love?
Probably.
How could she have not noticed!
Doubt.
Yeah, most likely. Lightning closed her eyes as well, their lips mere millimetres apart—
Ding dong
Both of them opened their eyes, and seeing how close each other were, they quickly jolted backwards and looked away.
Ding dong
Vanille was the first to react. "Th… that's probably Lebreau-san and them…!" She stood up, but noticed that she couldn't stand straight as her legs were wobbling with shyness. "They did say that they wanted to celebrate with you… remember?" She smiled at Lightning, who was kind of looking at her… awkwardly.
She didn't know how to reply, so she looked out of the window again. "Yeah…" She muttered.
"I'll… I'll go get the door!"
As Vanille headed for the doorway, Lightning realized how much she wanted to scream in frustration. Her fists clenched, her eyes shut tightly… god – she's never been so pissed off in her life! She was so freaking close, and the gang had to disturb her now! Holy shit, she was so going to punch whoever talked first. Yeah, that was it – whoever talked first would be the one who pressed the doorbell, so whoever it was going to be would totally deserve it.
"Onee-san…"
Vanille's soft voice broke her train of thoughts. She looked up at her… somewhat troubled expression, and then at the opened door. Confused, she stood up as well, and walked towards the redhead. "What is it?"
The girl didn't reply. Instead, she looked to the opened door.
Lightning followed her eyes, and—
"Onee-chan,"
A girl, with the same height as Vanille, with the same hair colour, eyes, and strictly speaking, facial structure as herself was standing at the doorway.
Vanille looked back at Lightning, who was bearing a more than shocked expression.
Her lips parted, she mouthed some words, and the sounds did not flow out as she hoped. Her blue eyes sharpened as she tried again, "Serah…?"
"Where is Serah? Where is Serah! WHERE THE HELL IS SERAH?"
WELL, THERE SHE IS, HAPPY NOW?
Yay for cliffhanger endings.
P.S: Who else is excited for FFXIII-2! :D