Chapter 9 - Serah
The burning heat in the air, her heavy and spinning head, her aching muscles… it was as if everything in the world was preventing her from keeping those eyes closed. Lightning groaned and squirmed uncomfortably before finally prying them open. The morning brightness in her room struck her eyes like metal pins, and she was forced to shut those eyelids again. Lightning could hardly control what she wanted to do. Her top priority was to turn on the air conditioner because it was so stuffy, but at the same time, she wanted water, badly. Her throat felt like a desert, her head felt like scrambled eggs, and her stomach was behaving as if she drank tanks of gasoline. To put it more simply, Lightning felt like she was dying. She would much rather put a bullet through her head right now. Still…
Why is it so freaking hot!
It was only mid-spring, yet her room felt like a microwave.
What the hell is with this thick air!
Yes, it had to be her AC… it must have died or something.
What the hell happened!
… Right, what happened?
Sledgehammers were working in her brain, and she couldn't recall what she wanted to know. Frustrated, she began to squirm about. Her strong legs were the first pair of limbs to obey her will; a leg stretched to the end of the bed, and a knee began to rub against something oddly warm—
"Hnn…"
… Lightning was very sure that she did not make that sound, as it came from right in front of her, followed by a cool breath of air.
Oh no…
The brave soldier finally had the strength to snap her eyes open, but all she could see was blurry, white – orange…
Orange…?
She blinked several times to adjust—
… Orange curly pigtails… V-Vanille…?
Her eyes remained opened. The pain in her head was getting to her, but she kept her eyes opened. In front of her was the redhead, sound asleep, their faces mere inches apart. Lightning was very sure that this was just a dream, but instincts told her that she had to get away from this situation. With luck, she somehow managed to pull her knee away from Vanille without making the girl flinch. But when she tried to move her hand, she noticed that it was touching something extremely… smooth and soft? Her eyes wandered everywhere – she couldn't feel where her hand was as her body was numb as hell – until she saw an unnatural bump underneath Vanille's pink tank top, and then—
Oh fuck!
Lightning stopped herself from cursing out loud. The last thing she wanted to do was to wake her. But to see her own hand in Vanille's shirt, to have her own hand cupping Vanille's breast, to feel Vanille's softness—
What the hell did you do last night!
—And then there was her knee that was nudging against the area between the girl's legs…
You're in deep shit.
God damn it. That pounding pain increased by tenfold. Now, it felt like she was being whammed at the head by a giant metal hammer. And that disgusting feeling in her stomach, chest, and throat too… she was going to throw up if she didn't get something to drink soon…
"Nnn…" The redhead moaned again. Her eyeballs rolled from side to side under her eyelids.
Lightning gasped. She had to pull out of Vanille… she had to, otherwise… well, otherwise she wouldn't be able to face the redhead anymore.
Anyone but Vanille.
Slowly and carefully, as painful as her head was, Lightning gathered the little concentration she had left to slide out of the girl's tank top. Her palm slithered down Vanille's smooth abdomen, unintentionally feeling that flat stomach at the same time.
"Hehe… stop it…" She squirmed slightly and giggled in her sleep.
As if this wasn't hard enough for her, Lightning began to sweat. The pain intensified, and so much blood gushed up to her brain, she felt as though her head weighed a few hundred pounds. Hearing Vanille talk like that… oh god… her face must be burning in deep crimson by now. A part of her wanted to look at that cute sleeping face, but a part of her was saying that this was wrong. She could touch, kiss, or sleep with anyone she wanted, but no…
Anyone but Vanille.
Yet Lightning made the same mistake. Her eyes – desire – just couldn't be controlled; they were attracted, like magnets, onto the redhead's sleeping face. Everything about this innocent girl was so mysterious… was this the reason why she felt this way towards her? Was it merely an element of mysteriousness? Lightning had no idea. Instead of pulling her hand out of the girl's shirt as planned, she moved it back up and held onto her waist lightly. Leaning forward, she had the intention of pecking her on the lips, because what they couldn't do yesterday… she could do it now… Lightning could do it now…
Anyone but Vanille.
… Now was a good time… yet…
"… They held me down." Her fingers dug into her thighs, clawing at her white flesh, "I couldn't move,"
She shut her eyes. "No." Lightning whispered.
No.
As a person who had toyed with so many people's feelings just for the sake of satisfying her own needs, the woman knew that this was exactly the same. This urge to kiss the girl – it all must be, had to be, her uncontrollable, overwhelming selfishness. And Lightning knew that she couldn't possibly hurt this girl; the feelings that she predicted she had for Vanille… she thought they were "love", but… no, it couldn't be love. Most likely, she was just being selfish again. Why the hell not? Even Serah said that she was—
"You never talk, you never listen, you're always so selfish…"
Serah's sobbing voice rang in her ears.
Wait – Serah—
"Snow!"
… That huge reaction when she punched her so-called 'fiancé'…
"No!"
… And she didn't even listen. She didn't even listen to her only little sister.
"Onee-chan, please stop!"
Right, everything came back now. She could remember that after throwing those punches at Snow, she headed straight for the bar, and then she – "Ugh…" Lightning groaned in shame. Such a proud soldier as herself lost to alcohol… somebody who was known to be invulnerable to alcohol became drunk… what nonsense. She took her eyes off Vanille's face, and glided down to her neck, and to her surprise…
Red bite marks… wait, hickeys!
Yes. She could see at least two on the girl's white skin. Her eyes moved lower—
"Oh shit…" The words slipped past through her gritted teeth. Wait… but even though Vanille looked so… violated, the woman was pretty sure that they couldn't have gone too far last night. Knowing herself, the girl would probably be naked right now if they actually did. No, no… who could say for sure, though? She was drunk, and… anything could have happened –ugh… god damn, who was she trying to kid? This, obviously, was just her way of shoving her problems aside.
Irresponsible.
Lightning tried hard to dig out a memory… a piece, a fragment of a 'clip' of whatever happened. She needed to know… what did she do to the girl? How… how could she do this to Vanille!
"Onee… san…"
Another moan escaped her lips. It gathered up Lightning's attention, and reminded her of where the position of her hand was—
Vanille's eyes started to open tiredly.
—but she was completely stunned, frozen, and could not find the single bit of strength to move—
Her droopy green orbs slowly focused onto the familiar face in front of her.
Lightning swallowed hard. Should she pretend to be asleep? No… she was moving too much – probably, trembling in fear – actually, she wouldn't know; this was all too sudden.
What… who is this person…?
Vanille's brows furrowed slightly; she was pretty sure that she waited until Lightning fell asleep first, and then she—
Oh no.
—And then she told herself that she would move elsewhere to sleep. But, realizing that she did not actually do as she thought she would, her eyes immediately snapped open.
That sudden change in expression was more than enough to throw the woman back. She fell off the bed, landing with a hard thud onto the ground.
Alarmed, Vanille sprung up and got off the bed as well, with the intention of helping her, "I-I'm so sorry!" She knelt down beside her.
Great. Not only did she have a hangover, but she was probably going through the most awkward and worst situation she was ever going to go through in her life. Lightning could only pray that the feeling in her stomach won't get to her, because she really did not want to puke…
"Here, let me help you…" The girl pulled the soldier's toned arm over her shoulders. Now sitting up, she supported Lightning by holding onto her back.
Ashamed of that pathetic tumble, Lightning drew her arm back and looked everywhere but at her eyes. Her vision then accidentally shifted to Vanille's loose shorts, though… and those milky-pink panties that were exposed. A deeper shade of pink spread across her cheeks as she turned to clear her throat. "Uh… y-your clothes…"
"Eh?" The girl looked down at herself.
A sharp gasp was heard. From all the panicky-shuffling noises, Lightning could picture Vanille fixing her clothes clumsily. Her imagination was vivid enough to tell her that the whole scene was cute, and that she had to look, but her willpower was telling her to stay still.
… How ridiculous.
She wasn't embarrassed when Vanille ran out of the shower in a towel, nor was she embarrassed when she had to patch her up from that wound… but… this! Why the hell was she acting like a coward begging for mercy in a dumb situation like this! Why was she being so weak and scared? The soldier held onto her forehead, rubbing her temples at the same time. She couldn't believe what she was doing – no, she couldn't believe what she was not doing. Where did that strict and serious front she has built up for so many years go? Gathering herself together, Lightning apologized calmly, "Sorry,"
"No…! Um…!" It was all said without hesitation. She fiddled with the zipper of her shorts, and managed to put them back on properly with those trembling fingers. "You… didn't…"
Her fingers stopped massaging. "… Didn't…?"
"I mean…!" She fixed her bra underneath her shirt back to place and then looked up at Lightning, who couldn't bring her head up. She continued quietly, "I mean… nothing happened."
Lightning pulled her hand away and stared at it blankly, as if testing her hangover-vision, "Nothing?" She then dropped it in her lap. "Are you sure?"
"…"
"Do you like me?"
Unforgettable words from the night before.
"Vanille…?"
She could still picture, she could still feel the entire thing.
"Do you like me?"
"Onee-san…"
I do.
Finally, Lightning turned back to the girl. She responded, "What is it?"
I really do.
Vanille smiled slightly, "To be honest…" Her emerald orbs rolled to the corner of the room, "You… really did want to… y'know…"
The woman gulped.
"… But when I told you to stop, you stopped."
Confused, she raised a brow. "What…? But your clothes…?"
Her cheeks flushed crimson, "Y-you passed out right after, and I was too tired to… like… move… s-so… your hands were still… um…" Vanille really wished she could stop stuttering.
Wow, she could be this merciful when drunk? Lightning found this rather amusing. "You're sure?"
Somewhat frustrated that she wasn't being believed, Vanille pouted. "I… I was the one who watched you fall asleep… if anything had happened, I'd know…"
Disappointed in herself and, in no doubt, relieved at the same time, she shook her head before apologizing once again. "Sorry."
"It's… fine."
Lightning stood up, completely forgetting about that major pain in her head.
Naturally, Vanille stood up with her, still worried whether she could stand straight or not.
And, quite obviously, Lightning could not. She fell forward, getting caught in the girl's arms right on time before collapsing onto the floor. Vanille used her own body as a support for the taller woman's ragdoll-like one, wrapping her arms around her slim waist subsequently. "Uh… um…" The last action was done out of reflex – there were no hidden motives at all. But even someone as slow as her could feel this awkward and heavy aura; the redhead thought fast and started, "Onee-san, d-do you need something? I can help you…"
How embarrassing.
Lightning's body tensed up. She probably hasn't felt this weak and useless since… actually, she couldn't remember the last time she felt this way. And by 'weak and useless', she didn't mean her current half-dead state; rather, it was this strange… fuzzy feeling in her heart. To be held by the girl like this, to be so close… Lightning might—
No response was heard, as predicted; nor did the woman give her any gestures. Vanille could only stand there to improvise. Perhaps her headache was preventing her from speaking? Perhaps she was taking her time to regain her balance? Something must be going on, because Lightning hated close contact like this.
—Lightning might be unable to control herself. She swallowed hard, and fought with ever pounding pain from every part of her body with all her will. She pulled back – if only she could see clearly right now, if only that god damn hangover wasn't in her way, the soldier would simply walk away, but right now… "Why…?"
The girl's bright emerald eyes met the woman's half-lidded azure ones.
While she still had a hint of out-of-character-ness within her, while she still had the courage to ask, while these conflicting emotions still pumped through her veins, Lightning continued, "Why are you so nice to me?"
"Why are you so nice to me?"
An echo of those words. She was repeating the words from last night.
"I'm always so selfish, so out of control, and I never talk—"
Not only were words, but the same thoughts, feelings, and even this intimacy…
"Don't waste your kindness on someone like me," Lightning went on, her mellow voice adding weight to the air.
"No…"
"I might end up… hurting you…"
Vanille shook her head, refusing to take in Lightning's confessions. "Onee-san, no…" She rested her forehead onto the woman's shoulder, "You wouldn't. Other people in this world would, but you wouldn't." Her arms around Lightning's waist tightened, as if scared that she might run away.
"Vanille…"
"You're not selfish." The girl said.
"I—"
"You wouldn't be telling me all of this if you really were selfish."
"…"
"Onee-san," Her arms slowly moved up; she rewrapped them around Lightning's neck and pulled her close, "You don't show it, you try to hide it, but your smallest actions give everything away,"
"What are you—"
"They show that you actually care." The girl finished.
"You're wrong." She denied instantly.
"I'm not wrong." Vanille interrupted with confidence, "I know what I know, and I know that onee-san will never hurt me." She stroked the back of the strawberry-blonde's head, her touch as light as feathers.
Lightning wasn't giving in, for even she was afraid of her own flaws. "Vanille…" She said as she pulled away. Even with the horrible blurry vision she had right now, she could still see those deep red bite marks on the girl's neck. She brought a hand up and traced them with her fingertips, the coldness of her skin made Vanille jump. "I did this…" Lightning whispered, almost with guilt. "Vanille, I…" She was cut off by a series of flashbacks – they played in her mind – all the people she has slept with, all their faces were reappearing, and it was then she realized that never once had she thought about what they felt for her. When she was with them, she just wanted what she wanted, and when she was done, she would simply leave.
So how?
"… How am I not selfish…?"
The redhead sighed. She leaned in closer, giving this doubtful woman a proper embrace. "You're not selfish to the people you care about. I think that's all that matters."
"…"
"Even Serah…" Vanille cut her off. She could feel Lightning twitch in her arms upon mentioning the word 'Serah', "Even she said that you aren't selfish."
Lightning couldn't help it but to snicker. "Don't make me laugh," She said bluntly, "She left because I'm selfish, she left because she couldn't stand me and my fucked up personality. She told me loud and clear that I was selfish." Brushing the girl's arms off herself, she turned and made her way drowsily to the door.
Vanille clenched her fists, tight. "That's not true…"
Hearing the weak voice behind her, Lightning stopped moving.
"… It's not because she couldn't stand you," The girl decided from the night before that she was going to amend their relationship, and that was exactly what she was going to do, now.
She turned around, eager for more explanations.
But she knew that she had to do this slowly, for the woman was extremely sensitive after all. "Serah left because she wanted you to stop dwelling in the past." Before she could get a clear view on Lightning's reaction, she went on, "She told me that your selflessness held you down; you would sacrifice anything and everything for her. Serah said that she didn't want that… she didn't want you to do everything for her. She wanted you to be happy and think for only yourself. She didn't want to be your prison."
Lightning huffed, "Selflessness?" A sound of annoyance escaped through her nose.
"She wanted you to put down your responsibility, and that's why she left you."
The woman remained still and speechless.
She could only define Lightning's silence as 'pissed off', "I'm… sorry… for saying all of this…" Vanille apologized immediately.
"Just go on." It was an order. She said it almost as if it was because she did not accept the girl's apology.
"Onee-san…" She liked Lightning. The girl liked Lightning a lot, but she would still be intimidated by her, especially under these circumstances. She swallowed and continued, "This would all become clearer if you talked to her in person."
Lightning smirked coldly at her comment, "Why would I look for her if she ran away for my own good?"
Vanille blinked. Alright, the soldier can be very stubborn as well. "Why do you think she came back?" She countered.
"Tch," The woman looked even more annoyed now. "The hell if I know."
"Hmm…" Obviously, Lightning knew; there was no way she wouldn't know – she was a clever and bright person after all… why else would she have made it to the rank of a sergeant at this young of age? Was it solely because she was a good fighter? Or was it because of her skills of being able to coordinate missions and have strategic tactics that most definitely outsmarted every single target she's encountered? Vanille would bet on the latter. Even so, despite being such a keen person, Lightning would still lose to her tenacious personality – that was her only form of weakness. "It's very simple, if you think about it…"
She turned to the redhead, her expression as gentle as always. "What do you mean? This is annoying the hell out of me." Lightning finished with a grunt.
Vanille giggled, covering her mouth with a fist. "She's your sister,"
"…" The strawberry-blonde did not know how to reply. Is it really that simple? Lightning wanted to believe it, but for the most part, she couldn't bring herself to do it.
Seeing the confusion in the woman, the girl started, "Onee-san, didn't you think that she acted a bit… 'out of character' before she ran away?"
That annoyed expression on her faded away; Lightning was now trying very hard to remember… she tried to remember everything that happened nine months ago.
"I mean, Serah doesn't seem like the type to run off impulsively and throw hurtful words at you … To me, she's just a simple, innocent, and kind girl."
Right, Serah has never ever spoken to her like that, let alone yell.
"To act so cruelly towards you, onee-san, I think she just wants you to forget about her…"
Lightning held onto her forehead; all of this was adding weight to her headache. "Ridiculous…" She spat.
Vanille shook her head. "The feeling of hatred is the ultimate barrier between you and her. Knowing that you'd be mad and wouldn't forgive her for doing such things, Serah finally… let's say, 'released' you out of that so-called prison?" She went on, "Still, she couldn't fight past her love for you. You are her only family. You are the person whom she loves the most."
And those words hit her like a bullet. All this time, she thought her little sister hated her, but she actually…
"That's why she came back."
No more. "Vanille,"
The girl responded by slowly walking towards her.
"I…"
She took the soldier's hand, surprising her. "Do you want me to go with you?"
Lightning simply looked away and nodded slightly.
Vanille smiled brightly at that cute and child-like response, "But don't you want to wait until your hangover goes away first?"
"No," The woman answered. She looked into the girl's eyes with determination, "I want to do it now."
Somehow, Vanille successfully convinced Lightning to eat, shower, change, and most importantly, get enough rest before going out. It was kind of odd that the woman would drop her desperation and listen so obediently, despite being in a hurry to get this over with. Perhaps Lightning didn't want her sister to see her all filthy and beat up – the soldier was a woman after all, and women always put their personal hygiene ahead of everything else. Still, it was rather quick of that hangover of hers' to subside; maybe it was all thanks to her intense military training? The girl imagined Lightning throwing graceful movements when sparring with other soldiers. In her mind, the woman's fighting style looked more like dancing – dodging and jumping, running and pivoting… everything was done in style, in the swiftest ways – everything was so perfect, the word 'flaw' did not exist in her motions.
"Vanille," The soldier broke the silence.
She turned to the woman beside her, who was staring blankly ahead. "Hmm? What is it?"
Lightning sighed before answering, "I'm… quite stubborn, aren't I?"
The girl had to admit, those words from her were probably the last thing she'd ever expect to hear from her. This woman was always so proud, strong, and full of herself, so… what was this all of a sudden? Vanille blinked several times before answering, "Uh… um…" She coughed, "Well… not… most of the time."
"You mean, 'most of the time', not 'not most of the time'."
She chuckled nervously, "Hehe… you… only act stubbornly when you have to deal with things that relate to yourself. During other times, you behave quite normally."
Her blue eyes rolled to the girl, "Normal?"
"Mhmm…"
"Hn, I'm anything but normal." She countered coldly.
"Oh, don't say that," Vanille laughed, "Everybody has a unique and distinct personality, so it's really hard to define what is normal, and what's not. Yours is probably more normal than mine; it just depends on how you see it."
"Tch."
The door to the elevator finally opened. They arrived at their destined floor. Vanille immediately noticed that Lightning's body stiffened; she was afraid to go out. The girl remembered: she was here to help her, and that was exactly what she was going to do. She reached for the woman's hand and gripped it lightly, instantly grabbing Lightning's attention.
Question marks were written all over the soldier's face. What was this girl playing at?
Vanille simply responded to her confused expression with a warm smile. "I'm with you,"
She softened up. Even if it was just the slightest bit, that nerve-wrecking feeling died down. This was perhaps the safest, the most reassuring, and the most encouraging feeling she has felt in her life. She couldn't really explain it, for she was unsure, but Vanille… this mysterious redhead could do the strangest things to her, and yet she wouldn't be annoyed. Like, right now, if it were anybody else who took her hand like this, the soldier would most definitely have punched them square in the face already.
"Onee-san?"
Snapping back into reality, Lightning took a deep breath before her fingers decided tighten their grip on Vanille's hand.
The two walked down the narrow corridor in silence. This apartment was evidently smaller and less fancy compared to the soldier's but it wasn't a bad place. Vanille wouldn't mind living here, actually; the downside was just that even indoors, they could hear noises from outside – probably because the location of this apartment was right in the centre of Bodhum's commercial area.
"We're here," She said.
Vanille didn't realize that they stopped walking and were standing in front of a deep crimson-coloured door. Almost right after Lightning said that, she could feel the soldier's grip tighten. Vanille looked at the taller woman, and was reminded that Lightning probably was going through countless complicated emotions in her heart right now, considering how it was actually the hangover and guilt that brought her here, and not her will alone. "Are you okay?"
"…"
"If you don't want to, we can go back…"
She tried to act natural. Shrugging her shoulders, she said bluntly, "I'm here already, so might as well."
The girl nodded lightly. As promised, Vanille came with her to Snow's apartment, where Serah was obviously staying, so that she could act as some sort of 'leash' for the impulsive woman. She released Lightning's hand and pressed the doorbell. They had this all planned out; Vanille was going to be the one to speak if Snow were to open the door – the soldier was afraid that she might lose it again and would punch him, resulting in similar events from last night. If Serah was the one they see first, then Lightning was going to do – say – everything.
It felt like she was going to take an exam. The soldier's body, perhaps for the millionth time of the day, tensed up as she stared anxiously at the closed door. It was almost as if… once that door opened, the timer would start, and then she would blank out, and forget all the answers… she would forget everything she wanted to say – everything was going to turn out all messed up—
"Onee-san,"
She shifted her gaze to the timid, cheery, skinny pigtailed girl.
Vanille smiled, "Relax, it'll be okay."
Somehow, her childish voice wasn't as annoying as it used to be. Come to think of it, Lightning actually has forgotten that she used to think that she was annoying—
The sound of the door unlocking caught both girls' attention, "Coming!" came a gentle, girly voice from inside the room. The door swung open easily, a squeaky sound went with its motion, and a wave of coolness from the room blew at the two standing outside. It was Serah who opened the door, and seeing such unexpected guests, that pleasant and somewhat happy expression immediately turned into a shocked and scared one. "H-hi… Vanille-san," She greeted and forced a smile at the redhead, who smiled back naturally, and then turned to Lightning. "Onee… chan…"
The soldier fought the urge to mention anything spiteful. As if she hasn't done enough. "Serah," She started coldly.
The younger Farron sibling hesitated to look at her sister directly, but finally did so, purely out of respect. "Do you need something?" She asked softly, completely lacking confidence. She clutched her hands together in front of her lap.
Lightning stayed still. She didn't really know what to say, after all. She thought that she could go through this whole thing through improvisation… but apparently, that wasn't going to work out.
Vanille pursed her lips with irritation. Man, the two really need some help in amending their relationship – the girl could swear that she was going to yell at them at this rate if they didn't start talking normally. Subtly, she scooted over to Lightning and nudged her arm with her elbow, whispering, "Onee-san! Remember what you're here for!"
She bit onto her tongue. Why, of course she knew why she was here; it was just that she didn't know what to do. Annoyed, she stuffed her hands in her hoodie's pockets. Maybe she should start by asking how she's been? No, no… that's a bit awkward. How about… asking if she and Snow were doing well? What the hell, that would totally be random—
"D-do you want to come in and have a seat?" Serah finally spoke out.
Lightning flinched. Vanille remained smiling, as everything was up to the soldier.
Seeing her sister's hesitation, she went on, "Don't worry, Snow's asleep, and he's a deep sleeper…"
"It's…" The older strawberry-blonde realized that she suddenly spoke out – which was very unlike her character, "… it's not that." She said, "Let's just talk somewhere else."
The redhead blinked. Well, at least something was working out.
Serah didn't know whether she should be delighted that her sister finally talked back, or should be scared that she was talking back. Lightning rarely gave requests, however, so she gave answered right away, "Where would you like to go?"
"Doesn't matter," The soldier's soft voice ironically echoed in the corridor. "Just not here."
"R-right, I'll just… put on my shoes first… please, hold on." The younger Farron sister stammered as she hurried back into the room.
The door closed on its own, and Vanille automatically turned to the woman. "This isn't so bad, is it? At least you're talking."
Lightning agreed, but she didn't find the need to reply.
"I guess there's no point for me to be here, then." Vanille said with a breath of relief.
She snapped her head up, "W-what—"
"I'll wait for you at home—"
Lightning grabbed onto her wrist, cutting her off by surprise. "No," She stared at the girl, those azure eyes screamed in distress, "Don't… I-I… can't…" Even the woman herself found it odd that she would do something so childish. Strangely, she wasn't embarrassed by her actions, because she actually was scared.
And although she indeed had an urge to stay with this helpless side of her, Vanille knew what was best to do. Her other hand reached for Lightning's, brushing her off lightly, but held onto its warmth, "Onee-san," She started with her usual smile, "You can."
The door reopened, Serah stepped out with her typical attire – red, plaid skirt, black thigh-high stockings, pale ivory boots, on her upper body, she wore her semi-transparent, thin, white, silky sleeveless vest, and likewise, a sleeveless white dress shirt underneath. "S-should we go?" She asked, seeing how the two were practically frozen the moment she came out.
Vanille was the first to react. She pulled away from Lightning, "Oh, man, I think I left something in the house… I'm going to have to run back and get it!"
Lightning glared dangerously at the redhead.
She knew very well that her act was not only sarcastic, but it was, in general, as fake as a child's play. Vanille didn't find the importance in putting too much thought into it, however; as her sole purpose was to leave the soldier with her sister, so that they could talk things through. She took a step backwards before turning to Serah, "It's quite important, so I have to hurry. I'll, um, catch up later, okay?"
The innocent younger sister had no suspicion in her actions, so she nodded and smiled back. "Okay, but do take care."
Before turning around to head for the elevator, Vanille flashed Lightning with a grin.
The sisters left the apartment, went through the lobby, walked past the heavy crowd in the market, walked to the eastern side of the town – silently. None spoke a single word, for none knew what it was they wanted to talk about. Though, it was probably more important to note that none of them knew where they were going. They simply walked side by side – yet not close at all – aimlessly. Before they knew it, they have reached the end of the small island on its east side. Funny, their legs brought them home, as their apartment was right around the corner.
Lightning, however, didn't feel like sitting down or enjoying a cup of tea at home while going through what the sisters have missed in life. Instead, she made her way down the steps that led to the beach casually; its emptiness tempted her, and she figured that it would feel refreshing to look up at those stars that stretched infinitely across the dark sky.
Serah followed her soundlessly, almost as if she were a shadow. She watched her sister step closer and closer to the shoreline, and as they approached it, the sounds of the washing waves became louder. What were they doing here, anyway? The younger pink-haired girl had no idea.
Lightning, wearing sandals, stepped into the waves, and allowed the coolness of the water wash up to her ankles. She took a deep breath, inhaling the natural salt-water smell from the vast, dark ocean.
She couldn't take this silence. There was nobody on the beach at this time, so it wouldn't matter what she was going to say. Serah tugged at the ends of her dress shirt nervously, "Onee-chan…" She started weakly.
Her sister turned her head slightly.
"Onee-chan, I… I…" Crap. What was it that she was going to say?
"It's that hard to talk to me, isn't it?" Lightning interrupted softly.
Her voice blended into the tides, but she heard it. Her instant reaction was to counter those words, but being the honest girl she was, Serah knew that couldn't do it. Instead, she looked to her feet and answered, almost in a whisper, "Just… a bit."
"Just a bit… huh?" She repeated and looked up at the night sky. For some reason, she could no longer find the hint of creativity within herself to 'connect-the-dots'. The stars up above looked as bland as streetlights; their beauty no longer mesmerized her like they used to.
"I'm sorry… onee-chan,"
She closed her eyes, head still up. "Don't apologize."
"No, I should have thought it through… and not anger you like that," The younger sister insisted, "It was stupid of me to just run away like that…"
"Serah,"
The younger girl gasped. She hasn't heard that warm voice call her name for such a long time… it felt nice – nostalgic. "Yes?"
"Do you hate me?"
She blinked. What was that…?
Lightning turned around, finally facing her little sister, "Me and my messed up personality, do you hate them?"
"Wha—"
The woman smirked, "I'd hate me if I were you."
"… No!" Serah took a step forward, "No…! Onee-chan, what are you talking about! How can I hate you?"
She stuffed her hands in her hoodie's pockets again. "To be so damn bossy, to always interfere with your personal life, to be so obsessed about basically everything for you… how can you possibly not hate me?"
"I don't hate you!" She shouted, frustrated that she wasn't being believed. This was one of her sister's negative traits; she never trusted people, all because of her insecurity. "Onee-chan, I don't hate you! It's just that since their accident, you—"
They were both thrown back by her words. To Lightning, Serah's expression right now was saddened, fearful – she was about to cry.
And to Serah, Lightning looked pretty much the same. She went on, "… It's just that… after that happened, you've changed so much…"
The soldier looked down at her feet, her attention temporarily taken away by the white tides.
"To take care of me, you… you've done too much…"
"I haven't done enough." She spoke coldly.
Persistent as always, her sister. Serah let out a deep sigh as she approached the taller strawberry-blonde. The waves washed under the soles of her boots, but the girl didn't pay much attention to it. She took Lightning's hand and held onto it tightly. "We were like this back then, too, do you remember?"
She didn't want to, but she certainly did.
"Onee-chan, are you still afraid of the sunset?"
Lightning closed her eyes, her brows furrowed. Clearly, she didn't want to listen to any more of this.
Of course, Serah could her sister's frustration. Yet she chose to continue, "I still am. That day when they left us, we didn't know what to do. We didn't want to go home because we would only think of their faces, so you brought me here." Her grip on her sister's hand tightened, "You held onto my hand like this as I cried, and told me that 'onee-chan is here' with the nicest smile."
"Enough," Lightning grunted through her breath.
"You're—"
"I said stop!" She cried and shook her sister's hand off with force.
The younger sister swallowed. "I just want to say," She took her chances of getting punched, kicked, or anything that would harm her, and approached Lightning, "You're the best onee-chan in the world."
Her body twitched when she heard that.
"So it's impossible for me to hate you." She suddenly dropped that stern look and grinned.
Lightning's face stayed straight. It's been a while since she's seen her show happiness so naturally like this, but she was still unconvinced. Sometimes, the woman wished that she could be more gullible; perhaps then she didn't have to bear this harshly cynical nature that scared away so many. Perhaps then she didn't have to challenge people with her trust.
"But…" Serah stood near Lightning again, "… do you hate me, for leaving you?"
Now wanting to lie, she got straight to the point. "I convinced myself to, but I don't know anymore."
"Why? Why did you convince?"
"Because I can't bring myself to actually hate you."
The younger sister felt ten times lighter than before. She never figured that this would be so easy; she was expecting a bloodbath… kind of, but deep inside of Lighting, kindness and innocence dominated everything else – she just never showed it. Her smile widened, she started randomly, "Onee-chan, you're way more charming like this,"
What did she just…? The woman shook her head in shock, "… That was really inappropriate."
Serah giggled playfully. She combed through her side-ponytail out of habit and continued, "Well, I'm just saying… the smallest actions you do can bring you the biggest attention. I use to get really jealous back then when people paid more attention to you even though I was the cuter one…"
The woman grunted.
"… but your smallest actions give everything away,"
Vanille's echoing words and her sister's honesty really weren't amusing her. Bringing two fingers up, she pointed them at Serah's forehead, and tapped her lightly, alarming her. "How much cheesier can you get? It's not all that fun reminiscing the past, you know?"
"…" Dumbfounded, the younger sibling reached up to cover her forehead. Then, realizing what her sister just did, she chuckled inanely, "I-I'm not dreaming, am I?"
Lightning raised a brow. Again, she pointed her fingers at Serah's forehead, and this time, she flicked at her lightly.
"Ow – onee-chan!" She whined and rubbed her flicked red spot with her palm, "That hurt!"
She shrugged her shoulders nonchalantly, "Does that confirm that you're not dreaming?"
Knowing her sister, Serah reckoned that this was her idea of a joke. She chuckled once more, "Yeah, in a very painful way…"
Lightning gave her a subtle smirk.
And seeing this, Serah could finally loosen up. Turning around, she looked up at Eden, the capital that floated in the western skies of Bodhum. The life-filled, luminous city always blended in with the stars, but it was still quite easy to differentiate it from them. "Onee-chan, you should probably save that smile for someone else."
"… Huh?"
"I mean, like, you should smile more often at other people." She was trying to lead her to the answer, as it wasn't fun to just tell her.
"Other people?" Images of a certain pigtailed-redhead flashed across her eyes. She shook to the thought momentarily before glaring at her sister, "What are you talking about?" Lightning tried to remain as calm and collected as possible. Serah was one of the few people who could see through her, so she had to be extra careful when doing even the smallest actions.
Frankly, the younger Farron sister had already 'seen through' her. "Oh, nothing," She hummed innocently, almost in a melodic tune, and clasped her hands together behind from her back. "I was just thinking about the 'dates' you had and always brought home."
Lightning narrowed her eyebrows. She had an idea where her sister was going…
"They always changed…" Serah frowned and turned back to the taller woman swiftly, "Onee-chan, you should really stop it with one-night stands! I thought I told you that you shouldn't play around with people's feelings! Now that's unfair."
She wasn't in the mood of listening to her usual scolds. Lightning rolled her eyes and looked away.
Then suddenly, "Vanille-san doesn't seem like a bad person, why don't you—"
"What!" The woman spun around and blurted.
"Oh, come on," She laughed, "You know what I'm talking about."
"No, I don't." Lightning denied childishly and crossed her arms.
Yes, I do.
Her sister frowned. "Hm, well, have you at least told her your real name yet? You know making her call you 'onee-san' can make people think that you have a sister-complex, right?"
"W-what! I don't make her call me that, she does it herself!"
"Oh, okay." She agreed sarcastically.
Lightning huffed with irritation. "Enough about me," Her arms still crossed, she went on, "I still have to talk to you about him. How could you have run off with him? I would have been less worried if you ran off yourself, and not with him."
Her expression never changed; the smile on her face was still as bright as ever, "Onee-chan…"
"…"
"You think that he's only following me around because… he can take advantage of me or something, right?"
Lightning shrugged her shoulders. "I can't think of any other reasons. Honestly, what can you expect from a pedophile?"
"Pedo—" Serah cut herself off. She started to laugh, almost unnecessarily loud, "Haha! Onee-chan, you think that Snow is – oh man… I'm – hahaha!"
Unsure of what she has said wrong, Lightning turned away. "What the hell is so funny?"
"Okay," The girl calmed herself down by taking a deep, deep breath, "Onee-chan, if it makes you feel any better about him," She tiptoed and leaned into her sister's ear, whispering, "I'm still a virgin."
Her pink locks flicked against Serah's cheeks lightly, as the girl didn't even pull back completely before Lightning spun her head at her. Eyes widened, and jaw dropped, she took a moment to absorb her little sister's words. Serah nodded slowly and surely, confirming that she has indeed said what she just heard, and the soldier looked to the ground, the longest pause was heard before she started, "… Oh…" Scratching her cheek with a finger, she finished, "… I guess… that's alright…"
She couldn't help it but to giggle at her sister's confused reaction, "Yep."
Fine. Her impression of Snow has changed – just the slightest bit, though. Thinking back, she never took the chance to know that man, so it was probably wrong to judge him so soon. But you couldn't blame her; she was just too consumed by her motherly-concern for Serah, and that was why she would turn hostile against anyone who tried to take her sister away from her. "Go back,"
"Hmm?"
Lightning sighed. "It's getting late," She rephrased, "He's probably worried about you."
The younger strawberry-blonde was stunned. She couldn't be positive what her sister just said, so she asked, "Y-you're… you're letting me stay at his place…? You're giving me permission to…?"
She nodded.
And Serah grinned again. She stepped in and embraced her sister, ever so tightly. "Hnnnnnn! Love you! Let's go for a dinner sometime, yes?"
"You're staying here?"
Still hugging Lightning, she broke into a chuckle, "Just for a little while. We've found a place at Eden. Once Snow's done with leaving stuff behind here, we're going to move there."
She didn't want to sound upset or saddened, so she kept quiet.
"But we'll visit, of course." She released the woman. "Anyway, I'll go back now. You probably should head home as well. I think you've worried her enough…"
"Huh? Worried…?"
Serah flutter her eyelids, "I'm… talking about Vanille-san. When you left us alone yesterday, I explained everything to her, and then she yelled at me."
Lightning sulked. "She… yelled at you…?" Why?
"Mhmm…" The girl nodded slowly, "… Which only proves how much she cares for you, really." She stepped back, "I think it was rather sweet of her to do it."
"What…?"
Serah could only laugh. "Oh, don't worry about it. Good night, onee-chan, see you soon!" She made her way towards the steps, but before reaching them, she suddenly turned back around, "Remember to tell her your real name! To, like, avoid any misunderstandings. You're pretty popular around here, after all; both famously and infamously!"
The soldier gritted her teeth, "You want me to kill you!" Her voice risen, she asked almost half-threateningly. One thing she couldn't stand was to get defeated by words.
Her little sister stuck out her tongue teasingly, "Not really, no!" She snickered with amusement and ran up the stairs.
And seeing Serah run off like that, seeing the little sister whom she has taken care of for so many years, seeing her grown-up form run off like that, Lightning felt a strange soreness in her heart. She let the tides wash over her feet for a while longer. Maybe the cold ocean waters could cool down those tears.
K, I changed my mind. Thiswas way harder to write compared to the last chapter haha… hence the later-than-usual update.
And I'VE HAD ENOUGH with all this melodrama. Next chapter is all fluff, I promise you.