Another week into the tour, and the group were now in Chicago where they would be spending the next two days. The tour had continued to go well, although Mike and Micky weren't getting to spend a great deal of time together. Mike continued to be uptight and guarded, but Micky had learned to accept the Texan's apprehension and tried not to pressure him into doing anything he wasn't comfortable with.
Mike, Micky and Davy were once again backstage killing time before a show. The three of them were playing cards before they were interrupted by an assistant, telling Micky that there was a phone call for him. A couple of minutes later, Micky returned to the dressing room wearing a confused expression.
"Who was on the phone?" Davy asked as Micky re-entered the room.
"It was Samantha." Micky replied in a puzzled tone, sitting himself back down.
"Oh yeah? What did she want?" Davy wondered.
"She's here in Chicago. She wants to see me." Micky scratched his head.
Mike looked up from the magazine that he'd picked up after Micky had left the room.
"Hold up, she came all this way just to see you?" Davy asked.
"Well no, her friend Mindy moved here when we were together," Micky begun. "So she's here visiting her, and she thought seeing as we're in the same city at the same time, we should meet up. She said she wants to talk to me... but we haven't even spoken since we broke up."
"Well she blatantly wants to get back with you, doesn't she?" Davy said.
Mike noticed Micky looked a little panicked at that suggestion. "But she knows I don't want a relationship with her." Micky said, flustered. "I told her that when we broke up."
"Why else would she want to see you?" Davy went on. "I don't get why you ditched her in the first place."
"I'm not into her like that, that's all." Micky replied a little defensively. "She's a great girl, but... but I just don't want to be in a relationship right now."
"Maybe she just wants to say there's no hard feelings." Mike finally added, and Micky's head turned to look at him. "You said you wanted to be friends with her, didn't ya?"
"Well, yeah... but I literally haven't seen or heard from her since we broke up. That was two months ago now." Micky said, clearly a little rattled. "Do you really think that's it, that she just wants to see me as a friend?"
Mike didn't really believe that was the case, but Micky looked pretty worked up about it. "Did you say you'd see her, then?" He asked, avoiding the question.
"Well I couldn't say no," Micky said. "I told her that we have the day off tomorrow so she's coming to meet me at the hotel. I figured after what happened I owe her that at least."
"I tell ya, she wants to get back with you." Davy said, looking so sure of himself. Mike was annoyed that Davy seemed to be getting Micky more and more het-up. "You should give it another go, mate. She's a smashing lass, she is."
"I know she is, but-" Micky cut himself off, clearly not knowing how to respond to that. "I'm just not into her."
"How can you not be into her? She's really fit, she's funny, and she's English which, you know, is a real added bonus, because us English lot are clearly the best." Davy joked with a grin. Micky simply looked at him, un-amused. "Look, maybe it's not that at all. Maybe she does just wanna be mates. But you know, you need to be prepared for her wanting to get back with you. I know if an ex has ever called me out of the blue, it's rarely been for a little innocent chit-chat, you know what I mean?"
Micky sighed. "Yeah, I know what you mean." He conceded. "I'm just so shit at deep and meaningfuls. I don't want to have to hurt her all over again."
"Well you don't know that you will." Mike said, not really wanting to add much to the conversation, but he felt like he had to. "There ain't no point stressin' about it."
"No... yeah, I know." Micky sighed. "I guess I'll have to see what happens. I mean, she did sound kinda- I don't know, weird, on the phone. Like she was nervous or something. Fuck..."
"Look, if you don't wanna be with her then just give it to her straight." Davy said. "Or, give it to her straight and then say you don't want to be with her, if you know what I mean."
Davy winked and started laughing. Mike glared at Davy, noticing that Micky was looking at him in horror. "I'm not doing that!" Micky gasped.
"Alright, chill out - I was only messing, weren't I?" Davy said. "Seriously, it'll be fine. Don't worry about it."
The following afternoon, Mike was taking a walk on his own, trying to occupy himself on the bands afternoon off. He knew Micky was with Samantha at the hotel right now, and he couldn't help but be a little concerned with how their conversation might be going. Micky had seemed to relax about the idea of seeing his ex girlfriend, but Mike also knew what a people pleaser Micky was; letting people down or knocking someone back was certainly something Micky struggled with, and Mike could only hope that if Samantha did want to get back with her ex, she wasn't giving Micky a hard time about it.
Mike wasn't sure how long he'd been walking around, but he found himself approaching the back of the hotel once more. From where he was standing, he saw Samantha exit the hotel via the back entrance that the band usually used to avoid the view of the main street. Mike stood just out of view, not wanting Sam to spot him and have to have an awkward conversation about how Micky didn't want to rekindle their romance.
From where Mike was standing, he couldn't tell whether Samantha was happy, sad, or just plain ordinary, but he suddenly had a real urge to find out exactly what had gone down between her and Micky just now. Once Samantha had jumped into a car; he wasn't sure if it was her friend's car, or a cab - Mike headed into the hotel and up to Micky's room.
Mike had a spare key for Micky's room; Micky had requested two, telling reception he needed one for a special 'guest'. Mike knocked gently on Micky's door to announce his arrival, before letting himself inside to find Micky perched on the end of his bed staring into space.
Mike walked in slowly, and it took a while for Micky to even notice he wasn't alone; Micky looked vacant - his eyes were wide, and he looked almost as if he was in some sort of daze.
"I saw Samantha leave." Mike said quietly, his head tilted to the side as he looked at his partner with a little concern. "I thought I'd see how things went."
Micky managed to snap himself out of his trance, and he looked up at Mike with what looked like desperation in his almond shaped eyes. Mike felt a rush or worry, wondering why Micky looked so troubled. Surely his confrontation with Samantha couldn't have been that bad? Another thought instantly entered Mike's brain, and now the worry inside was replaced with panic: Mike feared that Micky may have cracked under pressure and told Samantha the real reason why they couldn't be together.
Mike gulped, not wanting to accuse Micky of spilling their secret without evidence.
"What did she want?" Mike asked calmly, though inside he was hideously anxious. "Did she want to get back with ya?"
Micky nodded slowly. "Yeah." He replied.
Mike's breath got caught in his throat. "Did you tell her about us?"
"W-What?" Micky asked, clearly shocked by the question. He blinked hard. "No. No, of course I didn't."
Mike breathed a sigh of relief, and he felt his whole body relax. "Well what on earth is wrong then, Mick?" He asked a lot gentler this time.
Micky stood up, rubbing his face with his hands. He looked utterly stressed out, and Mike was totally confused by his lover's reaction.
"I didn't know what to say. I don't even know what I said. I just- I just freaked out. What am I supposed to do? I didn't want to hurt her. I don't want to hurt her. But what am I meant to do now? What am I meant to do?" Micky spoke quickly, and he was now pacing backwards and forwards.
Mike was bewildered. "Micky, what are you talkin' about?"
Micky paused, looking up at Mike with a panicked expression. "She's pregnant." He announced.
Mike felt like he'd been hit by a train. He froze, unable to process what he'd just heard. "What?" He asked in a whisper of disbelief and anger, his eyes widening.
"She's pregnant. She- she's three months pregnant, and- and-"
"Micky!" Mike's voice raised slightly, and he rubbed his head with his hand. "How the hell did you let this happen?!"
"Me?! Are you seriously going to give me a lecture on unplanned pregnancies? Seriously?" Micky asked, his voice too rising in volume and pitch.
Mike rubbed his face. "I'm sorry," He said, taking a deep breath. He held out his hand to Micky. "I'm sorry."
Micky slumped back down on the bed again, and Mike instantly sat himself beside his distressed partner.
"I don't know what to do." Micky groaned, losing his hand in the curls on top of his head. He looked like he wanted to tear his hair out.
Mike took a deep breath, clearly able to see how mortified Micky looked at the situation, and realising he needed to be calm and strong for his troubled partner.
"Okay." Mike said, taking another deep breath, getting himself straight. "Is she absolutely sure she's pregnant? Has she seen a doctor?"
Micky nodded. "Yeah... she's known for a while, apparently. She was just trying to find the right time to tell me." He replied.
"And is she totally sure that, you know, that the baby is yours..?" Mike cringed a little at the question, but he knew it was one that had to be asked.
Micky turned to look at Mike, and he wore the same awkward expression as Mike. He nodded his head. "I even asked her that... I can't believe I did that. I asked her straight out if she knew for sure the baby was mine. You should've seen her face... she looked horrified. She thought I was accusing her of being a slut or something."
Micky pinched the top of his nose between his finger and thumb, horribly stressed out by the situation. Mike awkwardly wrapped his arm around Micky's back, rubbing it gently.
"It was a fair question to ask." Mike said quietly, trying to reassure Micky. "You did break up a couple of months ago."
Micky put both hands to his face, and he rubbed his eyes hard. He emerged from his hands, looking at Mike as if he was searching for answers. "She wants us to get back together. She wants us to be a proper family and- and... I didn't know what to say. I don't know what to do."
Micky still stared at Mike as if he was expecting the Texan to give him all the answers and make everything okay again. Mike's heart broke seeing Micky so distressed, so confused and so conflicted.
Mike took a deep breath. "What do you want to do, Micky?" He asked gently.
"I want to be with you." Micky whimpered. "I love you. I don't want to be with her, but I don't want to hurt her, I- I don't want people to think I'm an asshole."
Mike tilted his head to the side, wishing there was something he could do to make it right. "But you want to support her? Her and the baby?"
Micky nodded. "I think so. I mean... I don't know. I don't know anything about babies or anything like that. But I'd never let her do it on her own, I mean- I'll be there. If she wants me to, that is. I'll support them. Not just with money and stuff, but with me."
"Then as long as you tell her that, then..." Mike trailed off. He was going to say; "then everything will be fine." - but he wasn't so sure about that. Micky continued to watch Mike, wondering what he was going to say next. "Then," Mike continued, "That's all you can do."
Micky looked thoughtful, trying to absorb everything. "What if she hates me? I don't want her to think I'm the kind of guy that knocks up a girl and doesn't even care."
Mike broke eye contact with Micky. He dropped the hand that was resting on Micky's back, and he stared at the floor. Micky's words had hit a nerve, but Mike wasn't angry; Micky was better than him, and that was no new news.
"Mike..." Micky whispered, clearly realising his error. "I'm so sorry. I know how that must've sounded and- fuck."
Mike looked up. Micky was now leaning forward, his face in his hands once more. Mike's hand returned to Micky's back, and he rubbed it gently. "It's okay, baby." He said calmly. "It doesn't matter. I did make mistakes, big mistakes, but you're nothin' like me. You ain't gonna do what I did."
Micky looked up. "I don't know what I'm doing." He whispered.
Mike reached up, gently brushing a stray curl out of Micky's face. "What was the last thing you said to Sam? When are you going to see her next?"
"I think I said I'd see her tomorrow. She wrote down a number to contact her on here in Chicago and, uh, I think that was it." Micky replied. "She was really cool about it... she said I needed time to process what she'd told me. And all I could say was that I needed to think about it, but what's there to think about? I don't love her. I love you. There's nothing else to think about."
Mike looked down. He was silent for a few moments before he spoke again. "If you decided you wanted to be with her, to give this a chance... I wouldn't stand in your way. I'd let you go. I'd never speak of what we have, or- or what we had."
When Micky didn't answer, Mike looked up. Micky was just staring at him, his eyebrows knitted together in a frown - he looked awfully sad. Micky shook his head in an almost childlike fashion, his mouth downturned and his eyes filled with sorrow. "How can you even say that?" He asked, his voice soft and quiet.
Mike run his fingers through Micky's hair once more. "I want you to be happy." He said.
"I am happy. I'm happy with you." Micky said, almost pleading. "I don't want to be with Samantha or anyone else. I don't want anything to change. I just want to be with you."
Mike nodded slowly, accepting Micky's response. He sucked a deep breath in. "Then tomorrow you explain. You explain that you will be there for her, no matter what, and that you'll be a good dad even if you ain't together as a couple. You'll go to the doctor's appointments, you'll support her financially, and you'll be there every step of the way. Just 'cause you ain't married don't mean you can't be a good father. I know I've made mistakes with my kids in the past, but I'm there for 'em now and by god I would die for them. And you're gonna be just the same, Mick. You just have to be strong. She might think that you marryin' her now will be the right thing, but in a few years time she'll know that it was a mistake. I know - I've been there. Tell her to ask my wife."
Micky looked like a child who'd been thrown in the deep-end of the swimming pool, but Mike knew it was time for Micky to truly stand up and be a man.
"You can do this, Mick. And that's not to say it's gonna be easy, because it ain't. But I'm gonna help ya, every step of the way, just like you're gonna help Samantha. You got that?" Mike asked.
Micky swallowed hard, nodding his head. "I think so." He said in a small voice.
Mike placed his hand on the side of Micky's face, stroking it firmly with his thumb. "Good boy." He said.
To say Micky was tense was an understatement. The sound check later that day hadn't exactly gone smoothly, and Micky's vocals and playing were all over the place just like his head. Davy and the rest of the crew were aware of his meeting with Samantha, although he hadn't shared the not so minor detail about his ex-girlfriend's pregnancy just yet.
Unfortunately for Micky and the rest of the band, the show that night didn't go much better than the sound check. Micky's head was so mashed that he'd even forgotten the lyrics to a couple of songs so Mike and Davy had to awkwardly fill in for him on a couple of occasions. Micky's usual lively, wise-cracking stage persona was nowhere to be seen, either, and the whole show fell a little flat. The crowd still cheered and screamed and didn't seem to notice too much; but the rest of the group did, and Micky faced a little telling off from the bands tour manager when they came off stage, being told that he needed to "get a grip" and not take personal issues on to the stage with him.
While Mike was completely understanding, and even tried to cover for Micky at one point, Davy wasn't at all sympathetic, and when the three of them returned to their dressing room after leaving the stage, Davy decided to give his band mate what-for.
"I know you had a row with Samantha or whatever the hell happened, but you can't let it affect our performance!" Davy snapped, shirtless, with a towel slung around his neck. "The crowd may not have noticed but our critics will! We've been getting rave reviews this tour and I don't want it getting stuffed up because of you!"
"Give it a rest, Davy." Mike sighed, trying hard not to snap at the agitated Englishman.
"I said I was sorry." Micky said, slumping down in a chair and running his hands through his hair. "I've got a lot on my mind."
Davy shook his head in disbelief. "What the hell happened today that's affecting you like this? I know it's not nice having to knock someone back but bloody hell, Micky! The way you're reacting is ridiculous."
"She's pregnant, okay?" Micky snapped. "She's having a baby, my baby. So now do you see why I'm so stressed out?"
Mike was slightly annoyed that Micky had decided to share his news so soon, but at the same time he realised Micky clearly needed to get Davy off his back.
"Holy shit." Davy responded, his eyes widening. He sat down on a chair next to Micky. "That's why she wanted to see you?"
"Yeah, that's why." Micky sighed. "So she does want us to get back together. She wants us to be a family."
"And you are gonna get back with her, aren't you?" Davy questioned.
Micky looked at Davy for a moment before looking away. "I don't love her..." He said quietly.
"So? She's having your kid." Davy looked totally confused. "You're a single guy, so what's the problem?"
Micky's head snapped in Davy's direction. "Didn't you hear me? I don't love her."
"But she's having your baby!" Davy repeated, and Mike rolled his eyes in frustration. "Doesn't that mean anything to you?"
"What- of course it means something to me!" Micky snapped. "You think just because I'm not going to take her down the aisle that means I don't give a shit?"
"I don't get why you don't just marry her though." Davy clearly wasn't going to let this lie. "Surely that'd be the right thing to do."
"The right thing for who?" Micky questioned. "If I was in love with her, of course I'd marry her! But I'm not. I've told you a million times; I'm not into her like that."
"But you were into her enough to knock her up in the first place!" Davy said, raising his voice. "Can't you see how this is going to look? I don't want our band to look like a bunch of love-rats!"
"Right, that's enough." Mike snapped, rising to his feet. He was unable to keep quiet any longer. "Give him a break, for Christ's sakes."
Davy stood up, facing Mike. "Oh, I wondered when you'd chip in." He spat. "You might think it's okay to go around impregnating women and then pretending your child doesn't exist, but I don't!"
Mike took a step forward, infuriated by the short man in front of him, but Micky quickly stood between them.
"Please don't." Micky said, holding a hand up to both of his band mates, signalling for them to 'stop'.
"I'm sorry man, but I think you're making a terrible mistake." Davy said, sitting back down again, clearly realising he'd pushed it too far. "You're a single guy, it's not like you're seeing anyone else. I just think it'd be easier if you married her. Or even if you don't marry her, just get back with her."
"He's already said he don't wanna be with her." Mike snapped without thinking.
Davy looked at Mike with confusion, and when Mike turned to look at Micky, his partner was staring at him with a look of concern. For the first time, it was Mike's actions and words instead of Micky's that could possibly raise eyebrows.
Mike took a deep breath, suddenly feeling hot under the collar. "I just mean that it's his decision, Davy. Not yours. You can see what a state he's in, and you sure as hell ain't helping."
Davy sighed. "We're just getting things back on track, building our fan base again. I don't want any bad press to stuff this up for us."
"Is that all you care about?" Mike swiped.
"Will you two just stop?" Micky asked, his fingers rubbing his temple as if he had a splitting headache. "Davy, I don't want bad press either, okay? But what am I meant to do? Marry a girl I don't want to be with just to please a few teen magazines? Just because it'll make our band look good?"
Davy now sat in silence, staring at the floor.
"Right now I have bigger things to think about than offending a few stupid fans who don't know shit about the real world." Micky went on. "Like having to figure out how the hell I'm supposed to face Samantha tomorrow knowing that I can't tell her what she wants to hear."
"But you two were so good together." Davy said, softening slightly. "You'd make a great little family."
Davy's words stung Mike. They stung like salt in a paper cut. Mike had been wrapped up in Micky's fears of letting down Samantha, but now the reality dawned on Mike; Micky was going to be a father. His Micky. His boy, who until now had only Mike, was now going to have something else. Someone else. Someone to please, to dote on, to devote himself to. The most precious gift of all; a child. A baby. Micky's baby. A baby that Micky would adore. That Micky would do anything for, the way Mike would do anything for his children, and the way Mike would do anything for Micky. Micky, the people pleaser who didn't like letting people down, would now be a parent, responsible for a new little life.
It was hard enough for Mike being in a relationship with a man. Mike having children while being in a relationship with a man made it even harder. But Mike had been a parent for several years now; he knew how to be a dad, even if he didn't believe he was always a very good one. But now Micky was going to go on this journey, and this new baby was another chink in the chain. It was another spanner in the works. It was yet another hurdle for them to jump.
Every single day Mike blocked out the potential harm his relationship with Micky could have on his children. Mike had learnt to live with the risk, to deal with the risk, but now he realised that Micky was going to have to learn to live with it too. If Samantha found out the real reason why Micky didn't want to be with her, Micky might never get to meet his baby, let alone be a dad. What would happen then?
When Mike finally emerged from his thoughts, Davy and Micky were still talking; Mike just had no idea what had been said.
"...financially, and I'm still going to be there for her." Micky carried on saying, Mike feeling like he'd just entered the room in the middle of a conversation. "She won't have to do anything on her own... that's if she lets me be involved, that is."
"Well if you're sure that's the way you want to play it." Davy conceded with a sigh. "Congratulations, I guess."
Micky smiled awkwardly, almost painfully. "Thanks... I think." He scratched his head. "I've never been more scared in my life."
"Neither have I." Mike thought.