Chapter 13 - Yet, Uncertain
"Va – ni – laaaa—!" A certain raven-haired huntress popped out of the middle of nowhere. "What kind of person would you like to date?" She leaned onto the railing with her elbows and asked playfully.
The girl gasped. "E-eh…? W-what's this all of a sudden…?" Obviously blushing, she turned to avoid that devilish grin from the taller woman.
She widened that grin, arguably in a childish fashion. "The boys in the village are asking me to ask you."
"Asking you to… ask me…?"
The huntress rolled her eyes. "They're pursuing you, Vanille. Is it that hard to understand?"
"T-that much I know!" She shot back, containing an annoyed scowl. "It's just that… I…"
"You would rather have them ask you head-on and not indirectly like this?"
She nodded lightly.
"Knew it."
The girl pouted. "Then why are you still helping them!"
"Simple," The huntress snickered, "That's 'cause I want to know what kind of person you'd want to date as well."
"Fang!" Always the playfulness. Her friend's habit of taking advantage of her shy side had always annoyed her.
"Okay, okay! I'm sorry!" The taller woman laughed, blocking the nowhere-close-to-harmful punches from the girl. "So, what? You can't tell me?"
Vanille scoffed. She leaned onto the railing as well and took a minute to actually consider that question. Her mind wandered elsewhere, however, when her eyes met the floating bronze planet above. The world was miles away from their open sky, but to Vanille, it was as though she would be able to touch it if she reached a hand out. Maybe because it was foreign and different, but the girl had been fascinated by its beauty ever since she had set her eyes on it as a child.
Its vivid green colour in the centre always stole her attention away from anything to everything for god-knows how long. The girl would picture, imagine, and visualize the life up there, and then she would become confused. This war that seemed to have gone on for over decades now showed no signs of progress – both sides had neither the advantage nor disadvantage; to her, innocent people of both worlds were simply risking their lives for their respective corrupted government. Yes, the people of Cocoon and Gran Pulse were enemies, but they were human, living creatures, so no matter how much their views opposed, they would still have some sort of similarity, right? Vanille often wondered if the Cocoon citizens had the chance to live through peaceful days like the villagers here in Oerba. Would those who weren't fighting be lucky enough to talk about trivial matters like this? Would they even have the opportunity to think about love? If they did, then perhaps someone up there might… just might have the same standards as she did.
"Hey, have you fallen asleep or something?" Fang waved a hand in front of her face, bringing her back to reality. "I swear, if you look at that floating wretched world any longer, it's going to consume you one day." She joked.
The girl shook her head and smiled to herself. "N-no… I was just wondering if those people lived normally, y'know, like us."
"Huh?"
"I mean, they're humans too, right? Surely they'd have friends, family, crushes, lovers, and whatnot…"
Fang frowned with discomfort and irritation. "Yeah, they're humans, but they're out enemies. They'd eat you inside-out if they ever get the chance, so don't even think of showing compassion, let alone thinking that they're like… us."
"But if they're humans, then they are like us…"
Right now, she was probably more than irritated – frustrated, even. The huntress held onto her shorter friend's shoulders and started, "Vanille, haven't you heard that the Cocoon soldiers sent down here would murder every sign of life-form they see? They really don't mess around, so—"
"And the soldiers of Gran Pulse sent up there have done pretty much the same."
The woman grunted and slapped her forehead. "God, you're so simple-minded…"
"Maybe you're just thinking too much?" Vanille clasped her hands behind her and teased innocently.
"No," She sulked, "You're just still too naïve to understand. You haven't seen what they have done to the villages they've occupied. Rape. Slavery. Massacre. It's all and only that. We're lucky Oerba Village is part of the government's sector…"
"And that's why most of the villagers have gone off to fight. I think it's pretty unlucky, if you ask me."
Fang held her hands at her hips and stared at the girl with suspicion. "You know… if I haven't known you since you were a kid… I would think that you're a spy from up there?"
"W-what! No! I'm one-hundred percent Pulsian!"
She smirked, her expression playful. "Yeah," But it suddenly turned solemn and near-frightening to younger children, "Then stop giving me good words about them."
Vanille, however, was used to that serious face of her friend's. The raven-haired woman would use it whenever she went a tad bit far on teasing. "Okay, I'm sorry," The girl apologized insincerely, clearly emphasizing her childish behaviour. She turned to the railing again and leaned back onto it. "But… do you think the day would ever come for this war to end? It'd be nice to have the two worlds be friendly and everything. Then, the people of Cocoon can show us their world, and we can show them ours." The thoughts were piling up like heavy bricks. She was actually excited about this, and really wanted to share the joy. Vanille turned to Fang, hoping to get some sort of response that she could relate to, but all she got was an expected frown. "… Sorry." This time, the apology came out earnestly in a weak mumble.
"…"
"Just saying, really…" Vanille droned quietly, afraid that she might get scolded for real.
A Vanille that was anything but happy was never a trait Fang could get used to. She could easily cheer her up because of this. "Hey,"
Though hesitant at first, the girl finally turned to her, head down.
The raven-haired woman clenched a fist loosely and knocked her forehead light enough that only made Vanille squeak girlishly.
"W-what was that…?"
"For changing the topic." She lied. Naturally, the girl responded by tilting her head, puzzled. Fang rolled her eyes again. "My question, you idiot. I still need to tell the boys, right? They're actually serious about this."
Relieved, Vanille huffed. "Oh," She gave a small shrug of her shoulders and pursed her lips. "It's… pretty typical, I guess," Looking up at the planet again, the redhead continued to admire its unearthly beauty as she tried to picture an ideal in her head. How would a good-looking person look like up there, on Cocoon? "… Erm… kind, protective, and… probably tall, strong, tough on the outside, but really is like a puppy on the inside."
"Uh… tough on the outside, but like a puppy on the inside…?" Her friend repeated, obviously confused.
"Like… y'know, loyal, loving, and cute…"
Fang raised a brow. "That's some strange fetish you got there…"
"It's not a fetish! A puppy would always run back to its owner, right? Well, I want my ideal to always run back to me no matter what happens." She laughed.
The woman sulked. "Only well-trained ones would…"
"Yeah! That's what I'm saying, a well-trained puppy!"
Fang could never get accustomed to the younger girl's weird analogies. "You might as well date a boomerang—"
"Oh! One more thing!"
"…"
Vanille smiled, her cheeks flushed. Clearly, mentioning all of these traits was getting her embarrassed. "That person would stay by my side, hold my hand, and never let go when I'm going through the hardest times!"
The huntress blinked several times before sighing. "You and your high standards…" She chuckled. "I guess the boys in the village are out of luck, eh?"
She covered her mouth with a fist as she giggled back. "Yep! None of them are tall enough anyway!"
Vanille kept her eyes on their linked hands as Lightning dragged her home. Just moments ago, she was expecting Lightning to kill her. She was expecting the worst to come, but what came out instead was…
"Vanille, I love you, and nothing in this universe can change that feeling."
It was still so confusing to her. The thought of calling out to the pink-haired soldier came to her many, many times. She wanted to tell her to let go, but the voice she needed never went past her throat. She wanted to shake her hand off and run away again, but the strength she needed never reached her arm. Eventually, the two ended up back in that cozy apartment which she felt so guilty of staying in.
Lightning guided Vanille to the sofa and gently seated her. A hint of hesitance prevented her to look the girl in the eye, so she allowed their foreheads to touch whilst her eyes stared down. She took off her blue gloves to stroke the redhead's cheek and to feel its smoothness with the back of her hand. "Stay here, I'll be right back." She finally whispered.
The moment Lightning released her hand and disappeared into the hallway, her urge of running for the door overcame her. It was simple, really; the door was right there. Nothing was stopping her, and she was sure as hell that if she did it now, she could outrun the woman this time.
But Lightning trusted her. She told her to stay here because she was going to come back. Lightning trusted her… she couldn't abuse the faith that she had put on her. The faith that she had put on an alien, a liar, a traitor, a coward, and… and a murderer…
Why?
"Onee-san…" Vanille clenched onto the white sofa's leather material, its scrunching sound filled the cool air.
Useless. Incapable. Pathetic.
Those words were all and everything that she was, nothing more, and nothing less. If that were the truth, then it was the woman's own fault for believing such a pitiful person. She was an enemy, and she shouldn't be trusted in the first place. Lightning was an idiot. That woman… that foolish woman whom she lied to and fell in love with… still believed in her.
But she was ready to run. Her legs were ready to move, she was so, so, so ready, yet her body just… wouldn't react…
She reached to clutch onto her aching chest. The burn in her heart seemed as though it wanted to tear out of her flesh. It wasn't an internal injury or anything. Rather, it was a mental one. But, by the gods, she felt as if she were bleeding her guts out. The guilt and the sins she had carried thus far could never be erased. Even if the soldier told her that she still loved her, Vanille could never get over it. She could never get over the fact that her people had murdered her parents. That because of her people, Lightning was stripped of all happiness and, perhaps, even her life itself. The pain increased by ten – no, hundredfold as she thought more about it. Lightning was so stupid… she was so naïve to still love her… Lightning…
Lightning was so…
A hand touched her gently on the shoulder.
Vanille lifted her head. She caught the woman's soft gaze and reacted by tensing up. Her hand clenching onto her burning chest tightened with fear. No matter how much she wanted to run away, there was always an undeniable desire to stay…
Lightning was… too kind.
When she caught sight of the girl's eyes, shaken with nothing but fear, the soldier dropped all the resolve that was left of her. She sat down beside Vanille and reached for her cheek, cupping her tender warmth as their gaze continued to interlock. Her thumb grazed – barely touched Vanille's cherry-blossom-pale lips. When she brushed onto her soft skin, the girl parted them ever-so-slightly, as if she wanted to say something. Lightning could only wait, but when she felt her heart skipping beats, she knew she couldn't control herself. Her body disobediently moved in.
Whatever this woman tried to do to her in the alley earlier, Vanille no longer cared. She could disregard everything. What was important was that Lightning, this foolish woman, was here. Vanille loved her, and she needed on reassurance that Lightning shared the same, abrupt feelings.
The redhead's eyes dropped completely, and she did the same when Vanille's breath tickled her skin. Their lips met, and immediately, a strange chill of a sensation spiralled up her spine, making her brain hazy, and the feeling shot to every limb, every corner of her body. How odd, why the sudden eccentricity? This wasn't their first time kissing, they've done it loads before. So… what was going on?
What probably could only be defined as the gentlest and most innocent of all kisses she had had, Vanille pulled away sluggishly as she knew that neither of them had the drive to ruin such a tender moment. Her gaze shifted nervously elsewhere with desperate attempt to hide from Lightning's alluring one.
The soldier sighed. After the events from earlier, she really did not want to force the girl into doing anymore of… that. She reached for the medical kit she took out earlier, and took out a pack of antiseptic wipes. She held onto the hem of Vanille's pink tank top and pulled up, enough so that a tiny bit of that reddened claw mark was visible. The sight of it stung her heart. She could almost feel the pain the girl was going through right now. "Vanille…" She leaned in beside her ear, "Why did you do this?"
Straight to the point, how very like Lightning Farron. In her head, the girl debated whether there was a point in hiding the truth or not, but came quickly to the conclusion that there really wasn't. Vanille placed her hand on the woman's and pulled it close to her abdomen, letting her palm rest flat on her aching wounds. "Onee-san," She exhaled when the pressure on those scars sent electric currents all over her body. "Can I tell you something first?"
Lightning remained still.
She took the silence as a yes. "There's something you need to know about me."
Her brows furrowed. She was getting tired of this. "If this is about you being Cocoon's enemy, lying to me, or not belonging in this world, I told you already. I don't care."
"It's not that,"
Lightning really did not want to hear anymore. "No. I'm going to say this one more time, Vanille, I know what I want."
The girl shook her head. "Please, just listen—"
"I just want you to be the one to hold me when I need someone most."
Knives stabbed into her heart, intensifying the pain inside by a thousand times.
"I just… want you to… to hold me…"
It was the same. On the night when the woman was drunk she told her the exact same words. Lightning already fell in love with her back then, there was no doubt. But… "Would you…" Vanille shut her eyes. Her hold on the woman's hand shook with anxiety. Mentioning this would change everything about them, though it wasn't like the relationship was stable after what just happened. "… Would you still love someone who had been touched, violated, and… raped by other people?"
"Your kindness, your hospitality, your love – everything does not belong to me!"
Her eyes snapped open wide.
So that was why she said those words earlier. The girl was ashamed of herself, she was afraid that Lightning wouldn't accept her after telling the truth.
The different shades of azure in her orbs sharpened. The colour was now all but one, which was ice-blue.
"… Would you still want that someone to hold you? To be at your presence?"
People. Vanille said people, as in the plural form. Nothing else was going through her ears. She couldn't breathe, let alone think. "Who did it…?" Were the first words that came out of those dangerously gritted teeth.
She stroked the back of the soldier's neck lightly, seemingly done as an attempt to calm her down. "Onee-san, please answer me."
"It wasn't the thugs." The woman ignored her. She knew the girl was assaulted, but she was very, very sure that those two never got far. "Tell me who did it…" She hissed. Her voice was unintentionally grinded. Lightning was beyond enraged, but she was keeping it in for the girl's sake.
Vanille shook her head. When she did, she could hear the woman's breath shake, desperate, in need of air.
"Tell me, now." She was completely unaware that her hand underneath the girl's tank top was clenched up. She, too, was clawing at that unsightly wound with anger, reopening those scars. "Who are these people?"
She bit hard inside her mouth to contain the sudden shot of pain. "It hurts… onee-san, stop…!"
"Tell me who they are!" The soldier demanded, pushing the girl flat onto the sofa with her on top. She sealed her eyes shut. If she opened them now, she would start tearing. No, not because of anger, but because she was ashamed, afraid of herself. She could have done the same thing as those people to this innocent girl earlier. She hurt her, didn't listen, and nearly raped her. "Vanille…" Lightning choked. Her arms lost their strength, and she could no longer support herself. The woman collapsed onto the body below and she moved to hide her face in the crook of Vanille's neck.
Lightning was… she was shaking… crying, soundlessly. Vanille understood now. These emotional impulses of hers that kicked in whenever she heard something she did not want to hear… back then in the alley, Lightning only acted violent because she was scared, confused, and lost. This was all, so, very ironic. The invincible soldier would put on a mask that showed strength and distantness; the cheery girl would put on one that showed happiness and ignorance. Both only hid behind their pretenses to hide from fear. Both were only running away from reality. The two were so alike, yet so different.
"Don't cry, onee-san, I…" Wrapping her arms around the soldier, she held onto her securely as she continued to stroke the back of her neck. "Please don't cry… not for me…"
Her body was trembling, but she returned Vanille's embrace. "I'm so sorry…" She was a monster. As a soldier of the Guardian Corps, her task was to protect and stand for the innocent, yet she defied the most vital, the most basic of all rules. She was a monster, just like those people. Why would they hurt Vanille? Why did Vanille have to suffer? Why did it have to be Vanille…? "Why…?" Lightning muttered.
Why?
"Why did it have to be you…?" She asked, her voice weak with distress.
Vanille was going to tell her, everything. "I let them do it."
Lightning drew back in an instant. Her face mere inches away from Vanille's, she was almost glaring down at the girl upon hearing that. "What are you talking about?"
Vanille reached up for the soldier's cheek. A single tear was shed and she immediately wiped that away. "I… I let them… do it…" Her voice trailed off in shame.
Her heart stopped. "What…?"
The girl looked away. "They told me that they'd spare ten of my friends each time I let them…"
The world was collapsing around her, Lightning could feel it. Everything was swirling, the colours, the objects, everything physical with form… and Vanille… "Each… time…?"
"So many have died, I didn't want… I-I just couldn't lose any more of them…" It was like her breath was clogged up in her throat. To her, gravity suddenly felt twice as heavy. Vanille could no longer talk in a steady tone. "They told me to hide, but I couldn't just leave them. I had to… had to help… and that was the only way…" Her heartbeat pounded violently against her chest, the feeling mixing unpleasantly with that of the pain her scars were shooting out to her. The girl went on explaining regardless. "Those men told me they would spare them. They told me… so I… I let them do whatever… they wanted with… me…"
"… I'm just a selfish slut who abandoned my friends…!"
"But I-I ran away, abandoning my closest friends because I… I couldn't take any more of it…"
"They're… someone in control… with power…" Lightning spoke to herself. Her brain was processing through the different possibilities of people responsible for this, while being completely unaware that she was scaring the girl below with that unnaturally straight face.
"… Onee-san, please stop, I don't want you to do so much for me,"
… PSICOM. It was the Special Forces, the Cocoon soldiers sent down to the lower world. It had to be them, there was no other explanation. Having worked with the military for so long, all Lightning had heard of about the PSICOM soldiers was that they'd risk their lives to help, to benefit the world of Cocoon. But to rape innocent Pulsians…? To rape… Vanille? These were war atrocities. What the hell happened to all the wondrous stories about their heroism? Were they all just lies? Lightning didn't know, and she didn't want to know. She joined the military in the first place, hoping to fight alongside them one day… yet here she was right now, feeling nothing but hatred for those filthy bastards. She felt betrayed, "I'm…" Disgusted.
Vanille looked back into Lightning's eyes. It was near impossible to tell what kind of emotions were going through her head, as the woman stayed completely still, expressionless.
"I'm going to fucking kill them." Lightning hissed all of a sudden. She pushed herself off the girl and stormed straight toward her gunblade, which was lying close to the door.
Vanille reacted quickly. She couldn't let the woman go berserk again – not for her. "Onee-san, no…!" She ran after Lightning, throwing her arms around her waist and held her tight. "Please, no…"
She wriggled to free herself from those delicate arms. "Don't tell me what to do."
The girl responded by tightening her grasp. "Stop it…!"
"I don't have much patience, Vanille." The soldier warned. She held onto her still-bruised wrists and pulled hard, "Let go of me, I don't want to hurt you."
"Listen to me…!"
"I said let go." Her strict voice alone could freeze an entire army.
But Vanille ignored it, as much as it hurt. "Please, just listen…!"
"I'm going to rip off every one of those bastards' heads…"
"Don't! Don't do this!" With force, she weighed the woman down until both were on their knees.
Growling by now, the woman wriggled harder. "Get out of my way!"
"Don't go… don't go…!" She pleaded.
"Are you telling me to let this slide? Are you telling me to forgive them for raping you?" Lightning struggled to drag herself up. Moving only made the girl hold on tighter.
"No, I am not!" Vanille stated, letting the tears fall freely down her cheeks. "But I didn't tell you all of that so you can kill them for me…!"
"THEN WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?" She lost it.
Certainly, her roar scared the girl, but Vanille still managed to hold on. "I just…!" She swallowed, "… I just want to know…!" Vanille choked. Her throat was on fire, and her sobs were getting louder, "Would you still want someone this dirty to stay with you…! To… to hold you…?"
Hearing that, the soldier loosened up. She wasn't about to give up, but Vanille sounded so miserable, it broke her heart. Lightning gave herself a minute to catch her breath and calm that alarmingly fast heart rate. "I…"
"I don't want to lie to you anymore, that's why I decided to tell you everything…" She cut the woman off.
At that moment, Lightning wondered if the saying 'ignorance is bliss' applied to her. Perhaps it actually did; as serving the PSICOM was the main reason for joining the military in the first place, she only lost sight of her goals once she found out that the Pulsians were not to blame for that so-called accident at the Fifth Arc seven years ago – PSICOM just pushed the responsibilities on their enemies. Had she not known that, everything would be so different. She would continue to strive for higher ranks, promotions, and whatnot… and she wouldn't be as lost as she was right now. Similarly, if Vanille had not told her any of this, she wouldn't have this hatred and bloodlust for those…
"Those… those sick bastards hurt you… they raped you. Do you expect me to just sit and feel depressed about it…?"
Vanille could hear the sorrow in the strong woman's voice. She disliked it. She wanted the usual Lightning to come back. "… Yes."
"Vanille—"
"Those men were right. That voice was right. I'm just a slut."
Dead air escaped her lungs. Lightning froze. Slowly, she turned her head around, glancing at the redhead buried on her back. Vanille was crying again. And it was because of her… yet, again. "You're not…"
"So there's no reason for you to do so much for me." She cut her off. The woman was no longer resisting. Vanille felt that it was safe to let go. She turned the pink-haired soldier around and looked straight up at her. "But I just want to know," Vanille gripped onto Lightning's hands. "Are you still willing to let someone as tainted as I stay with you?"
"Tainted… huh?" Her azure eyes wandered to their joined hands, motionless. Silence filled the flat as the girl waited, but there was no reason to take so long in answering, for she was certain that the answer in her head was the most definite one. Uncomfortable with her kneeling position, the soldier helped the girl along with herself up. Hands still held, Lightning gently pulled Vanille in for an embrace.
"Onee… san…?"
"You are not tainted. You are no coward either." Yes, she realized that she was only good with words when it came to flirting. So everything she was about to say might not even make sense. Still, "You are stronger than you think; if I were in your position, I don't think I'd be able to endure through any of that…"
"… You don't understand. I have the power to save them, I still do. H-he told me… he told me this morning, that if I went back to him, I can still save my friends… and that if I stayed, you would loathe me—"
"Does it look like I'm loathing you right now?" She questioned.
Vanille turned her head away. She wasn't convinced.
Lightning heaved a sigh. There was no way that the PSICOM soldiers would have freed her friends. They were given strict orders to kill Pulsians, and knowing that they'd rape an innocent girl, knowing that they'd rape her, Lightning was sure that they were simply using Vanille as their entertainer, their… plaything. They made her cooperate by lying about sparing her friends. Most likely, this girl hadn't even seen them being freed, nor had she seen any of them ever since being captive.
"That voice, Vanille, is guilt. And guilt never existed within you. It never should have. That's why the voice is not real."
She wanted to believe it, but it was just so hard. "How do you know…?" She mumbled.
"Because you already did your best." The soldier said reassuringly. "You did everything you could. I am positive that none of your friends would want you to risk your life like that for them, so don't let ghosts of your past haunt you anymore."
Vanille shook her head, still denying. "Onee-san, I've been hiding from that voice for the longest time… i-it only comes back to haunt me after a while…"
"I'm not going to let it." Lightning kissed her on the forehead. "You have me now,"
The girl gasped lightly. The remaining tears lingering in her eyes rolled down her flushed cheeks.
Her initial reaction was to help wipe the tears away. "I will help you," Lightning said softly.
"Why?"
Silence.
"Onee-san, why help me?"
"…"
"Why me?"
Why did you fall in love with me?
"Because," Lightning scoffed and shrugged her shoulders, "… because nobody else knows."
Vanille blinked. "What…?"
A small smile spread across her face as she drew back completely to look at the younger girl. "Really, nobody does."
"Knows… what?"
"Not them. Not any of them."
She didn't understand. What was Lightning talking about?
"Only you do." The woman moved her orange bangs away from her eyes, but they only bounced back disobediently to cover them again, much to her annoyance. "Only you know me, only you are willing to help me."
Confused.
"… Nobody has the will to even try to help the notorious Lightning Farron."
Vanille reached for Lightning's hand, stopping her from moving her bangs. She grasped it firmly, securely, without breaking eye contact.
"Because I scare them away, because all they really want is fame, even if it only lasts for a few days. Shouting 'I slept with Lightning Farron' is all that matters. Nobody cares what I think."
"Why don't you just tell them?"
The girl's eyes appeared worried, Lightning observed through her thick lashes. She sighed softly before continuing. "Because I'm scared, Vanille."
The soldier's soft voice defined fear, that much she could hear. "Of what?"
"Of being weak, of showing signs of vulnerability."
She knew. She only asked to make sure.
Her free hand slid down to the small of Vanille's back, lightly resting her palm there.
Subconsciously, the girl moved forward, "You are not invincible," She whispered, her eyes droopy as their distanced closed.
"Yeah," Their foreheads touched. Lightning watched as Vanille closed her eyes, and then she followed, "… and only you know that." She felt the girl's hand on hers twitch for a second.
"…"
"We're the same, Vanille. Nobody understands us but each other, and that is why I want to help you."
She moved in closer, until her lips hovered over the strawberry-blonde's pink lips.
The woman brushed feather-light against them, almost as if she were teasing. Once they parted, Lightning finished. "And likewise, I want you to help me, because I need you."
"What kind of person would you like to date?"
A feeling of warmth gradually spread throughout her entire body. Vanille leaned in and rested snugly on Lightning's shoulder, hiding her small smile.
"… Erm… kind, protective, and… probably tall, strong, tough on the outside, but really is like a puppy on the inside."
"So don't run away from me anymore," She pulled back a hand to point her pinky finger at her. "Can you promise me that?"
Vanille stared at her digit for a moment. Who'd expect Lightning to do something like this? She curled her own pinky finger with the woman's. "I promise you." Her smile widened; she had never felt this sure and safe in her life. Well, maybe she had before, but that was only when the strawberry-blonde was around. "I'll look after you,"
Lightning smirked. "Good."
Whether it was because she was overjoyed or relieved, Vanille let out a quiet giggle, catching the woman's attention. Feeling the slight movement of curiosity from her, the girl started, "Ne, onee-san,"
"Hmm?" Lightning hummed.
"Oh! One more thing!"
Without warning, she tiptoed and kissed the taller woman on the side of her lips.
"…?"
Vanille's emerald eyes glistened under a thin layer of tears. "I think I have a crush on you." She said with a smile.
The soldier blinked several times before rolling her eyes. "Oh?"
"That person would stay by my side, hold my hand, and never let go when I'm going through the hardest times!"
"I had no idea." She finished sarcastically.
"So uh, Vanille,"
She placed her glass of water down onto the table and then turned to Snow. "Hmm? What is it?"
"Are you and nee-san doing… well? Like have you guys, like…"
The girl blinked.
"Snow!" Serah elbowed him lightly at the chest, and then she moved up to his ear to whisper, which Vanille could hear, "You don't ask people that so openly!"
"What? Everyone's wondering! It's your sister we're talking about, Serah!" He replied, with no attempt to lower down the volume in his voice.
"Um, sorry, what exactly are you wondering about…?"
Serah spun around at the redhead and smiled awkwardly, waving her hands. "Oh, no, no, it's nothing, Vanille-san, don't worry—"
Lebreau slammed her shot glass down onto the table, catching everyone's attention. "Vanille, they – no, we all want to know how far you and Light have gotten."
Every eye on the table – Gadot, Snow, Maqui, Yuj, Lebreau, and even Serah's were glued onto her face as if some kind of inappropriate tattoo was on it. The air surrounding her was getting heavier, and she had no idea why everyone was getting so worked up for such an easy question. "Onee-san and I are… together…?" It sounded more like a question, as she was unsure whether they'd accept it as an answer.
"Ugh," Gadot ran his fingers over his the fiery colour of his hair as he groaned. "That much we know."
"Um, guys, I don't think it's polite to ask Vanille-san this…" Maqui, the innocent one, cut in.
Yuj rolled his eyes. He grabbed Vanille's empty cup and poured her a drink, mixing various liquids from suspicious-looking bottles. "Don't worry about them, Vanille, they're just being… them."
Lebreau smirked. "How kind of you, Yuj." She received a wink from the boy, and then she went on, "Is that alcohol you're pouring for our little Vanille, there?"
"A little wouldn't hurt," He shrugged his shoulders and pushed the half-filled cup towards the redhead, "Right?"
Reluctant at first, she couldn't say no to that kind smile of Yuj's. "This isn't the heavy stuff, is it? I'm a real lightweight…"
"Don't worry, it's just… a cooler. It tastes heavy, but it really isn't."
Lebreau chortled. Cunning Yuj, why didn't she think of this? She knew exactly what the boy poured, and saying that it was a cooler was one hell of a lie.
Serah facepalmed and shook her head. It wasn't because she was disappointed in her friends' sly acts, but rather, it was because she was disappointed in herself. For she desperately wanted to know as well; so no matter how wrong and rude this might be, the usual kindness, or morals, even, didn't come out. Serah Farron was just going to sit and watch along with the rest of her friends. "We are so dead when onee-chan finds out…" She mumbled.
"It's okay! I'm not a minor or anything,"
Snow dropped his jaws. "What! You look freaking sixteen!"
The girl chuckled. "I'm actually nineteen…"
"Pft, who cares about rules tonight?" Gadot grabbed his glass, "It's just us, and we have the entire bar to ourselves!"
"Are you drunk already?" Maqui took his own cup and poured himself a light drink.
"Toast!" The tanned bartender thrust his arm forward, the quick movement caused a bit of the liquid in his glass spill onto the table.
"… Okay, yeah, I think he is."
"Meh," Yuj held up his glass. "What are we toasting to, Gadot?"
"That Snow and Serah are getting married!"
A brief moment of silence was heard, and then Vanille was the first to burst into laughter. The rest followed along when Serah's face turned deep crimson and Snow grinned uselessly beside her.
"Oh man, I think you just made the joke of the century…!" Lebreau breathed.
"If… if Light-san is ever going to let her sister marry Snow… then… man, I would win the lottery every single time…!"
"Speaking of Light," Lebreau wiped the tears from her eyes, "When is she coming?"
Vanille took a tiny sip of her drink, "Erm… she told me she'd be on her way after work – is this really not heavy…?" She questioned after getting an intense burning feeling in her throat as she swallowed.
"… Anyway, let's toast!" Snow, for once, was smart enough to change the subject. He picked up his own cup and raised it into the air, tempting everyone to follow along.
"One gulp down, don't chicken out, kids!"
"And that's coming from the drunk," The barmaid mocked.
Their glasses bumped into one another lightly, making a glassy cling sound. As they pulled back to drink, everybody (minus Gadot) had their eyes secretly on Vanille, as none of them had forgotten about their objective. They had to admit though, when the girl chucked that drink down her throat, she really looked like a person who drank regularly. Her barely-visible Adam's apple moved up and down as she gulped hungrily, or rather, forcefully.
With the last drop of that suspicious liquid in her glass drained, the girl nearly slammed it down onto the table.
Maqui leaned over to the young bartender. "Yo, Yuj, how many shots exactly was that amount?" He asked quietly.
"About four. Each with forty percent. That isn't too cruel, is it?"
The blonde boy sulked. "It isn't cruel if she takes it in slowly… but that…"
Vanille hiccupped. She leaned an elbow onto the table to support her chin. "Whew, wow…"
"You okay?"
"I dunno…"
The bright emerald eyes she had appeared hazy right now, and Yuj used this uncertain moment of hers as an opportunity; he took her glass and poured her a shot, only this time, it was straight-up vodka. "Here, have another one."
"Mmm… thanks…" The girl grabbed it without hesitation and like before, she chucked the drink down her throat as if it were water.
Maqui adjusted his goggles on his forehead and huffed with amazement. "Yep. We're officially dead once Light-san sees this."
"Calm down, kid," Gadot smacked him on the back, the strength he used literally threw the boy forward. "Little miss, if Light asks, say you were begging us to give you some of our drinks, alright?"
"I thought you were drunk."
"I'm back momentarily—"
"Nooooo problem!" Vanille raised her arm enthusiastically, almost as if she were in a huge group of people, trying to catch someone's attention.
"Hn," Ohh, it's kicking in, it's kicking in! The barmaid smirked deviously. "So, Vanille…"
"Hmm?"
The girl's voice was evidently happier, even if it was just a hum. "You really weren't lying when you told us that you're a lightweight."
She hiccupped again and giggled. "I don't like – hiccup – lying…"
Even Serah was having a tough time containing her laughter. The most she could do was cover her mouth, but right now, and large wave of curiosity was washing over her. "Ne, Vanille-san," She called.
The redhead turned happily to the younger Farron. "Yes?"
Her cheeks were flushed pink by now, and it was then Serah realized how adorable the girl looked; no wonder her sister fell for her. "Has onee-chan ever been mean to you?"
Serah's question made everyone gather closer to the oblivious redhead.
Vanille tapped a finger against her lower lip. "No, no… onee – hiccup – san is always nice… she never… oh, wait…"
"What, what, what!" Snow was the one to call out, but the rest were thinking the same.
Her head was getting a bit too heavy for her hand to support. "Onee-san… she tried to – hiccup – just a few days ago in an – hiccup – but I didn't like it… so she… stopped…"
"Ohhh shit!" The tanned bartender breathed out.
"'Ohhh shit' what! That line was completely censored, I had no idea what she was talking about!"
Serah didn't want to tell them to shut up, but she really wanted to listen on. "Guys, guys! Let Vanille-san finish!"
The girl's head slid down her arm until she rested on it snugly.
"Hey, don't sleep yet!"
Maqui sighed. "Should I be worried? Am I the only one who feels that doing this is wrong? I mean… we are her friends, right…?"
"It's because we are her friends, you idiot," Yuj shot, "Knowing Vanille, she wouldn't mind this one bit. And it's not like we're intoxicating her for her money or life or anything, we just want to ask a couple of questions."
"Yeah, but still…"
"Okay, just shut up, it's my turn to ask." Lebreau ordered strictly. "Vanille, I'm going to get straight to the point. What do you like about Light? Is it the fact that she's so good in bed? You know how she's so famous for that stuff in Bodhum!"
"Whoa, whoa, whoa… aren't you going a bit too fast?" Gadot said.
She grunted. "Ugh, we're all just wondering about these questions in the end, so why not skip directly to it?"
Gadot was about to talk back, but was interrupted by the redhead.
"… We haven't…"
The bell to the door rang as it opened. The group, excluding Vanille who was too drunk to hear the noise, spun around – Lightning had entered the bar, looking bored as ever.
"L-Light!" The barmaid greeted as cheerfully as possible. "You're quite late, aren't you?"
Gadot swallowed. "Y-yeah, Vanille was getting so worried, she started drinking even though we told her not to…"
"Drinking?" The soldier walked towards the girl, who appeared to have passed out, or at least close to it. "You let her drink?"
"We didn't know she was such a lightweight!" Snow intervened quickly. "She was like this after like… five shots…?"
Everyone nodded. Maqui and Serah were the only ones with expressions of guilt on their faces.
That was all she needed to understand the situation. Lightning scoffed and pointed at her little sister, "You, Serah Farron, are never drinking again."
"Wha—"
"Be glad I didn't tell you to stay away from that useless brute." The woman said sternly, eyeing the said useless brute furiously. "And you," She directed her finger at the blonde boy, "I don't care about you, but you're a freaking minor, so don't drink."
"Y-yes!" Maqui squeaked.
"And the rest of you—"
"Onee-san…" The redhead moaned.
Lightning instantly dropped the anger left in her and bent down, wrapping a hand over the petite girl's shoulders, "Vanille?"
The girl pushed herself up, her wobbly legs barely supported her drowsy form. She fell into the woman's arms and hooked her own around Lightning's neck. Out of nowhere, she started grinning.
"Uh… Vanille?"
She let out another girlish giggle. "I loooooove youuuuuu—"
Lightning widened her eyes. Hearing quiet chuckles from the table beside her, she shot her head at whoever made those noises, but was quickly interrupted by Vanille's peck to the cheek. "W-what…"
"Tell me you love me too…"
"Oh my god." She didn't even bother to listen to those now-bellowing laughs from the guys. Lightning swept the girl off her feet – they were in dire need of privacy.
"There's…" Lebreau choked, "… there's a bed, you know? In the room behind the counter. That is a rest area for us, workers." She gestured at the employees' only door.
The soldier grunted. It wasn't like she had a choice. If she stayed here, Vanille would start spilling out more embarrassing nonsense, and she wasn't going to carry her all the way back to the other side of town to her home, as it was incredibly difficult to call a taxi at this time. With Vanille in her arms, she literally ran for the door.
Seeing the door close behind her sister and Vanille, Serah let out a sigh of relief. "I was… actually expecting something much worse…"
Snow hung his muscular arm over her shoulder, "Tell me about it,"
Yuj wiped the sweat off his forehead.
Gadot gulped down the last bit of alcohol down and started, "Fifty gils on Light is a moaner and little miss is a screamer!"
"Holy shit, quiet down!" Lebreau hissed. "And we're not betting anything, we're not staying either!" She was freaking out.
Serah nodded. "I agree. I wouldn't want to hear my own sister… y'know…"
A hint of redness spread across Maqui's face. He was clearly not mature enough to touch on this subject. "You think they're going to… in there… on that bed… tonight…?"
The barmaid tapped him on the head. "You'll have the honours of changing the sheets tomorrow," She smirked, "Now, let's go."
Lightning laid the girl gently on the bed. It wasn't anything comfortable, but what else could she do? This room wasn't exactly president's suite-level or anything, but at least it was clean enough for her to tolerate. She grabbed a folding chair leaning on a wall and set it out beside the bed, sitting herself down close enough so she could attend to the girl if needed.
Vanille was still moving restlessly, kicking at the end of the bed as her fingers dug into the mattress.
The soldier placed a palm on her forehead. "Hey, come back." She said softly.
"Nngh…" The girl continued to squirm.
She was going to be okay. Vanille wasn't that drunk, and she wasn't going to get a hangover the next day, so there wasn't much to worry about.
"Onee-san…" She called weakly.
Lightning smiled at that rare and troubled expression.
"… I love you…" Her tired eyes searched for the soldier under the dim lights.
She exhaled. "I know."
"They… they think I'm only with you because I want to sleep with you…"
The woman shook her head, but she still could not stop smiling. "Oh? I wouldn't mind that, actually." She joked.
"I love you…"
"Vanille, I know." Her fingertips trailed down the girl's smooth cheek.
"But if that's what you want—"
Her brows furrowed. "No," She scooted her fingers over the redhead's lips, silencing her. "I don't need it, remember?"
"… Do you love me?" Vanille suddenly asked, completely ignoring her question.
"You already know."
"Can you tell me just one more time?"
Lightning's smile never disappeared. She moved to sit on the bed and bent down to capture Vanille's lips. "Just one more time," The woman whispered. "The next time I tell you this, I want you to be sober, because you probably won't remember this in the morning." She kissed the girl again, fully, passionately, and then pulled back just enough so that their lips were still touching. "Vanille, you're freaking adorable, and I love you to bits."
The girl grinned and pulled Lightning's head down, resuming their fervent kiss.
Hi, I'm back… are you guys still with me? :S
Well, I hope the second half of this chapter was fluffy enough to make up for the melodrama in the beginning. Speaking of melodrama, I think I'm going to die if I don't somehow balance these crazy-sad thoughts for this story.
SO. I am actually thinking of making another LV fic, in the M section (haters gonna hate), no dark themes at all, very light-hearted, etc. Look forward to it! :)