Criss Angel is a Douchebag Part 1

Jeb Dexter was doing card tricks for an audience.

"This, this isn't a trick, okay?" he said. "I, I, I don't do tricks. This is a demonstration, about demons and angels,"

Dean, Sam and Angela approached, wearing FBI suits.

"Love and lust," Jeb continued.

"What a douchebag." Dean commented.

There was a camera person and a microphone person in the audience.

"All that stuff mixed up in my head." Jeb added.

"That's Jeb Dexter." Sam said.

"I don't even want to know how you know that." Dean replied.

"He's famous, kind of." Sam shrugged.

"But whatever happens, no matter how," Jeb started again.

"For what? Douchebaggery?" Angela asked.

"Messed up it gets, don't touch me, okay?" Jeb added. "For your own safety." Jeb inhaled.

Jeb exhaled, shaking his head, then imitated something like a seizure. With one hand he grabbed for the cards in his other hand and scattered them, flinging them in the direction of the window behind him.

"Go back to hell, demon!" Jeb yelled.

The card that stuck to the window was the ace of diamonds. Jeb dragged his hand over the card to show that it's on the far side of the glass.

"Is this your card?" Jeb asked.

There was applause.

"You've got to be kidding me." Angela scoffed. "A fake demon possession?"

Dean and Angela headed away and Sam followed.

"I can't believe people actually fall for that crap." Dean muttered.

"It's not all crap." Sam defended.

"What part of that was not a steaming pile of BS?" Dean asked.

"Okay, that was crap, but that's not all magicians." Sam shrugged. "It takes skill."

"Oh, right, right, I forgot." Dean smirked. "You were actually into this stuff, weren't you?" Dean added. "I mean, you had, you had, like a deck of cards and a wand."

Angela laughed. "Are you serious?" she asked, looking up at Sam.

Sam huffed. "I was 13. It was a phase."

"No, no it's not a bad thing." She giggled.

"Just, it bugs me." Dean commented. "You know, playing at demons and, and magic, when the real thing will kill you bloody."

"Like a guy who drops dead of ten stab wounds without a single tear in his shirt?" Sam asked.

"That's what I'm talking about." Dean nodded.

~/~\~

Vance's assistant tossed a bunch of metal rings into a mostly packed trunk. She turned to face Sam, Dean and Angela.

"So did your boss have any enemies that you know of?" Angela asked.

"Vance had plenty of enemies." The assistant replied. She leaned down and grabbed the end of a series of tied together handkerchiefs.

"How so?" Sam asked.

"He would steal from other magicians. All the time."

"What would he steal?" Angela questioned.

"Stage effects, close up techniques, anything he could get his hands on."

"Is that enough to get him killed?" Dean raised a brow.

"These guys take this stuff pretty seriously." The assistant said while she moved a cloth off a white rabbit. "There you are." She picked up the rabbit.

"Did you find anything weird in Vance's stuff? Well, weirder?" Dean asked.

"Matter of fact, I did."

The assistant put the bunny in a bag and pulled out a Rider-Waite tarot card: the Ten of Swords. The image on the card was of ten swords sticking out of a man's back.

"I'm guessing this didn't belong to Vance." Angela commented.

"He hated card tricks. Never wanted them around. Let alone in his precious cape."

She handed over the card. Sam looked at both sides of it: it looked like a perfectly ordinary tarot card.

~/~\~

There was a sign that read The Incredible Jay over the Table of Death. Jeb Dexter was on the phone nearby.

"It's a lame gig." Jeb said. "I'm in a fleabag hotel doing this man of the people crap, and freaking Angel's in Vegas doing Cirque du Solei! That should have been mine."

Jeb sat down at a table. Charlie and Vernon were at an adjacent table. Dean and Angela approached them.

"All right, boys, get it in gear, I don't got all day." Jeb said.

Jeb's camera person and microphone person started moving. Dean and Angela crouched behind Vernon.

"You Vernon Haskell?" Dean asked.

"Who's asking?" Vernon replied.

"Federal agents." Angela said. "Ulrich." She nodded to Dean. "And Fowler." She added as both she and Dean flashed their badges.

"Looking into the death of Patrick Vance." Dean said.

Jeb talked into the camera. He was sitting across from Jay.

"I'm Jeb Dexter." He introduced. "This is Devil Twist. We're chilling at the International Magicians' Convention, which is a dope chance to tip my hat to the wicked cats who came before me. Smoking hot effect last night, Jim."

"Jay." Jay corrected.

"Huh?"

"My name is Jay."

"Yeah, whatever." Jeb waved it off. "We can loop it later."

"What a douchebag." Vernon muttered.

"Couldn't agree more." Dean replied.

"Is, uh," Angela pulled out the Ten of Swords. "This familiar to you?"

"Should it be?" Vernon asked.

"Well, we heard that you used tarot cards in your act." Dean shrugged.

"My act?" Vernon laughed. "That was a long time ago. I haven't touched a deck in years, you know…" Vernon held up a shaking hand.

"Do you know someone that might use them now?" Angela asked.

"Well, there was a guy down on Bleeker Street." Vernon replied.

"Oh, yeah. He, he peddles that kind of specialty stuff." Charlie nodded.

"Did he have a problem with Vance?" Dean asked.

"Matter of fact, Vance crossed him about a year ago. Probably cost him fifty grand in royalties." Vernon answered.

Charlie nodded.

"You know the exact address?" Angela asked.

"Four twenty-six Bleeker." Vernon said.

"Ask for Chief." Charlie added.

"Chief. Thank you." Dean said.

~/~\~

Dean and Angela walked along the street till they came to a neon sign saying 426. Dean knocked on the bars on the door. The chain link door swung open, revealing a young man who eyed them.

"We're, uh, here to see Chief." Angela said.

The young man raised his eyebrows and opened the barred door.

~/~\~

Dean and Angela followed the young man downstairs.

"Stay here. Don't touch anything." The young man said.

He left. Dean and Angela looked around. There was graffiti on the walls and the bass line of music was audible. A door opened and Dean and Angela turned to face it: a large man, Chief, climbed the stairs, backlit, and the music was more clearly heard. Chief was wearing all leather and carried a flogger, which he slapped into his other hand a couple of times.

"You two are really gonna get it tonight." Chief smirked.

"There's been a misunderstanding." Angela said. "I, uh, think we've been had."

"Oh, you ain't been had till you been had by the Chief."

Dean and Angela frowned.

"Oh, and before we get started, what's your safe word?"

Dean swallowed and Angela moved a tad closer to Dean.

~/~\~

Sam was sitting at a table working on his laptop. There was a knock on the door. Sam looked up, waited, then got up and went to peer through the peephole. He sighed and opened the door. It was Ruby, arms folded.

"What are you doing here, Ruby?"

"I should be asking you the same thing." She replied, walking in.

"I'm working a job."

"The whole world's about to be engulfed in hellfire, and you're in Magictown USA." She said.

Sam laughed. "You got something against magic?"

"That would almost be funny if 34 seals hadn't been broken already." She said. "34, Sam. That's over halfway. The angels are losing this war. Every day is one day closer, and if someone doesn't do something soon—

"And that someone is me?" Sam raised a brow.

"Who else would it be?" she replied.

"I don't know where these seals are. I don't know squat. So why don't you tell me where you'd like me to start?"

"Well, you can quit dicking around here, for one." She shrugged. "Bigger fish, Sam. And if the seals are being broken, you might want to go after the one doing the breaking."

"Lilith?"

"Cut the head off the snake. You're the only one who can stop her, Sam. So step up and kill the bitch."

"Oh, I'm game, believe me. It's not the psychic thing I got a problem with."

"Yeah, I know what you got a problem with, but tough." Ruby said. "It's the only way."

"No."

"You know, this would all be so much easier if you'd just admit to yourself that you like it. That feeling that it gives you."

"You don't know what you're talking about."

"Oh I don't, huh?" Ruby asked. "Fine."

Ruby went to leave.

"It's simple." She said. "Lucifer rises, the apocalypse starts. You think that you have demons on your hands now? People are gonna die, Sam. Oceans of people. So you just let me know when you're ready." She said as she left.

~/~\~

Sam stood near the entrance. Dean and Angela came up behind him.

"Find anything interesting?" Angela asked.

"What?" Sam asked. "Uh, no. You?"

"Nothing we want to talk about, or think about, ever again." Dean said.

They approached Vernon and Charlie.

"The Chief, huh?" Dean asked.

"What's the matter? Chief not your type?" Charlie asked.

Charlie smirked and Dean smirked back.

"You know, I could have you both arrested for obstruction of justice." Dean said.

"How?" Vernon asked. "You're no Fed."

"We con people for a living." Charlie replied. "Takes more than a fake badge to get past us."

The three hunters laughed.

"You got us." Angela said. "Yeah, they, they are actually aspiring magicians."

"Yeah, we, we came to the convention 'cause we thought we could learn something." Sam said.

"Yeah, get some new ideas for our show." Dean added.

"Ooh, what kind of show?" Vernon asked.

"Well, it's, it's a—

"It's a brother act." Sam said. He looked at Angela. "And she is our lovely assistant."

"Yeah. Yeah, you know, with the rings and doves and… rings." Dean nodded.

"You want to learn something?" Charlie asked. "Stick around."

"Ladies and gentlemen, what you're about to witness is a feat so daring, so dangerous, even the great Houdini dared not attempt it. I give you… the executioner!" Jay said.

~/~\~

"Now, sir, as you can see, this jacket is the real article." Jay said. "Thank you, sir. You may take your seat. Now, I will have one minute, 60 seconds, to escape certain death. Let's see if I can do it." The curtain feel and Jay's silhouette was seen struggling to get out of the straightjacket.

~/~\~

"I don't think he's gonna make it." Dean said.

~/~\~

Jay pushed aside the curtain, unharmed.

"Oh! That was amazing! That was freakin' amazing!" Dean exclaimed.

"That was… not humanly possible." Sam and Angela said.

~/~\~

"Looks like this guy Jay was a pretty big deal in the '70's." Sam said.

"Which in magician land means what, exactly?" Dean asked.

"Big enough to play radio city music hall." Angela replied.

"What got him stuck in their 'where are they now?' file?"

"He got old." Sam shrugged.

"Okay, so maybe incredible Jay is using real magic to stage a comeback." Angela suggested.

"It's possible." Sam nodded. "Some kind of spell that works a death transference."

"How does the tarot card mix into it?" Dean asked.

"I don't know." Sam replied.

"Man… hope I die before I get old." Dean said. "Whole thing seems brutal, don't it?"

"You think we will?" Sam asked.

"What?"

"Die before we get old." Sam said.

"Haven't all three of us already?" Angela asked.

"You know what I mean, guys." Sam replied. "I mean, do you think we'll still be chasing demons when we're 60?"

"No, I think we'll be dead… for good." Dean replied. "What? You want to end up like, like Travis? Huh? Or Gordon, maybe?"

"There's Bobby." Sam shrugged.

"Oh, yeah, there's a poster child for growing old gracefully." Angela replied sarcastically.

"Maybe we'll be different, guys." Sam said.

"What kind of Kool-Aid are you drinking, man?" Dean scoffed. "Sammy, it ends bloody or sad. That's just the life."

"What if we could win?" Sam asked.

"'Win'?" Angela raised a brow.

"If there was a way we could just… put an end to all of it." Sam elaborated.

"Is there something going on you're not telling us?" Dean frowned.

"No." Sam replied.

"Sam." Angela pressed.

"No. Look, I'm just saying… I just wish there was a way we could… go after the source. That's all. Cut the head off the snake."

"Well, the problem with the snake is that it has a thousand heads." Dean said. "Evil bitches just keep piling out of the Volkswagen."

"Yeah. Guess you're right." Sam sighed.

"Why don't you go see if you can track down Jay?" Angela suggested. "Dean and I will see what we can dig up on the tarot card."

~/~\~

"Hey." Sam said.

"Maid found Jeb hanging from the ceiling fan." Dean said. "Police think it was suicide."

Angela pulled out another tarot card. "We beg to differ." She said. "Pulled a little sleight of hand myself."

"On Dexter's body?" Sam asked.

"Yeah, so we're thinking if this spell is a death transference, then these cards work like black magic targets." Dean answered.

"Any connection between the victims?" Sam asked.

"Jeb was a total douche bag to Jay yesterday." Angela replied.

"What about the first vic? Uh, Vance?" Sam quizzed.

"Asked around." Dean replied. "Apparently, Vance was heckling Jay at the bar the day he was killed."

"Okay, so Jay sneaks a card into Vance's pockets, does the table of death…" Sam started.

"And Vance takes 10 swords to the chest." Angela continued.

"Then Jay slips a noose and Jeb doesn't." Sam added. "Hell of a trick."

"Yeah, I think it'd time we had a little chat with Jay." Dean said. "Any luck tailing him?"

"He slipped me."

"He's a 60 year old." Angela said.

"He's a magician." Sam countered.

~/~\~

Sam, Dean and Angela followed Jay to his hotel room.

"Up against the wall!" Dean yelled.

"God, who are you? What do you want?" Jay asked.

"Now!" Angela yelled.

"We know what you've been up to." Sam said.

"You been working some real bad mojo to jump start your act." Angela added.

"What?" Jay frowned. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Look, we know you put a spell on those tarot cards." Sam said.

"Messing with real magic?" Dean asked.

"'Real magic'?" Jay frowned. "Come on, there's no such thing as real magic."

"Oh, is that so?" Dean raised a brow.

"Yeah, believe me." Jay nodded. "I've been around this stuff my whole life. It's all just, it's, it's illusions. It's tricks. It, it's all fake."

"Jeb Dexter strung up, was that just an illusion?" Angela asked.

"What? Something happened to Jeb?" Jay asked.

"He was found hanged in his room." Sam replied. "Right after you slipped the noose last night."

"I don't know what you're talking about. Please… just let me go."

"Something's not right." Dean said.

"Usually they're whipping some badass hoodoo at us by now." Sam added.

~/~\~

Sam, Dean and Angela have tied Jay to a chair.

"What do you want to do?" Angela asked.

"All right, so if it's not him, who is it?" Sam asked.

"Even if Jay's not working the magic, he's still getting the reward. His shows are selling out." Dean said.

"All right." Angela nodded. "So, then, whoever it is, they're obviously in Jay's corner."

"All right, so we got Vernon and Charlie on the list." Dean said. "Anyone else?"

"Uh… we could always ask him." Sam shrugged.

Jay had escaped from the chair and was gone.

"Guess we should have seen that one coming." Angela said.

"Come on. He couldn't have gotten that far." Sam said.

The three hunters left the room, Jay peeked out of the closet.

~/~\~

"No way he could outrun us." Sam said.

"Maybe he vanished. I mean, he really is good." Dean replied.

"Or he found a back door." Angela said.

Jay came up behind them as the police came into the lobby.

"That's them!" Jay exclaimed. "Those are the three nut jobs that just broke into my room!"

A/N: Hey, sorry this is up so late. I had camp all day and then soccer and I had to finish writing the chapter because I'm behind and just ugh, I'm exhausted. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the chapter!

Don't forget to review, review, review! Love you guys!

~Emily