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Natasha POV

Clint struggled for the better part of a half hour. Straining, whimpering, and following Loki's speech patterns. His limited communication was so uncharacteristic I feared what type of damage might be left once he wakes.

I listened intently to what he mumbled, during most parts he seemed to be reliving the events that took place while he was under Loki's control, except this time he was Clint-minded observer. The pleas and anger had no order, and proved difficult to keep up with. I was able to piece together nearly everything he said within that half an hour into full sentences:

"Don't you say it, don't say her name. You are not married, you are not!"

"Tasha? Where is she? You can't…"

"I kissed her once, just once. To save her."

"You can't break her, she's the Black Widow"

"… then she'll break like glass"

"Nat! Nat! No! Please don't!"

"I don't care about most people, but I care about them."

He spent the next ten minutes panicking and arguing for someone to stop hurting "them" or not to touch "her". I wasn't sure if it was appropriate to react, he'd obviously spent a generous portion of his time talking about me, our missions, and my personality.

He stopped talking and groaned in pain. He began sweating and flexing his muscles, he was waking up.

"Clint. You're going to be alright," even I couldn't recognize own my voice.

"You know that? Is that what you know?" Hearing Clint speak for Loki made me sick. Thankfully, he was transforming away from the mind control. "I-I've got no window, I've got to flush him out."

"We don't have that long, it's going to take time." I stood up to pour him some water. He started speaking again, he began to focus his eyes on me, he looked terrified. I hated looking at his fear, we both hid our frights inside and it was somewhat beneficial to have an overly calm partner when life went sour. To see him actually look afraid was uneasy.

"…Do you know what's it's like to be unmade?" I paused, and looked at him.

"You know that I do."

"Why am I back, how did you get him out"

"Cognitive recalibration," I sat on his cot and gave him a small smile, "I hit you really hard on the head."

"Thanks." There was a small flicker of Clint and Natasha, the real ones. The best friends, the smiling and laughing partnership they both valued.

I began unfastening his restraints when he asked me how many how may agents he had…

I cut him off," Don't. Don't do that yourself, Clint." I meant those words or more ways than one. I wasn't sure to what degree he remembers what took place the past days. He didn't seem to remember our fight, or telling Loki my secrets. Maybe he did, maybe he's hoping that I didn't know about his confession session with Loki. I was sure it would come up again.

"… If I put an arrow in Loki's eye socket, I'd sleep better I suppose," another flicker of who we really are.

"Now you sound like you," I offered him a small smile.

"But you don't. You're a spy not a soldier. Now you want to wade into a war. Why? What did Loki do to you?"

"He didn't, I just…" I couldn't describe a pain of losing him, my past being placed in front of me, or grief that accompanied Coulson.

"Tasha?" We were sitting close together and his voice didn't go above a whisper.

"I've been comprised. I've got red on my ledger, I'd like to wipe it out." I stared at him for a long while. I knew I stalling, I had to tell him.

"Clint," I whispered, "how much do you remember?"

He didn't look at me, "I remember going over the plan, and shooting some arrows but everything else is sort of blurry. Nat, did I do something?"

His eyes were now on me, "Loki. Loki he…" I felt tear welling up, "Clint its Coulson."

I surprised to see no immediate reaction, but then I remembered it was a spy I was talking to, emotionless whenever preferred. He had to be bottling up so many emotions at the moment.

We were both so close to Coulson, Clint especially. I wasn't certain on the details of how Clint joined SHIELD but I knew Coulson had played a huge role in turning him into Hawkeye.

Clint POV

I went numb. I wanted revenge, I wanted to be angry at the world, at life. Even Nat doesn't know much about me before Hawkeye.

Flashback

"Barton." The man in front of me spoke like businessman conducting a meeting, "Do you know why you're here?"

I sat in a classic interrogation room, my head bowed in shame. I decided to speak for the first time that day, "Can I see her yet?" My voice was practically a mumble.

The man paused, then left the room heaving a sigh. He returned a few minutes later with Laura, she was only eighteen at the time.

"Barton, do you know why you're here?" Coulson repeated.

I hadn't taken my eyes off Laura, who looked scared and puzzled.

"Clint?" She whispered, there was a catch in her throat.

I wanted to envelope her in hug and pray that she wouldn't leave me. I knew she was going to, I might as well tell the entire truth. My eyes shifted to Coulson, "I'll tell you everything you want to know, as long as you promise to let her go," I gestured in Laura's direction, "she's got nothing to do with it."

"She's free to go, as long as your story adds up we won't-"

"It will add up." I looked in eyes firmly.

"Alright then." Coulson turned to Laura, "Miss, if you'd please step outside Maria can-"

"No, she deserves to hear this too," my eyes refused to look anywhere except the table.

Coulson took a seat across from me while Laura stood looking slightly lost, "I was a runaway, I did what I had to survive. People, gangs, businesses all hired me to take care of the dirtier jobs. I was good at freelancing and 'making accidents' and disappearances. When they asked me to take out… him… I didn't know it was part of a bigger plan."

"Do you know who asked you to kill Nick Fury?"

"I don't do names in this business, just upfront cash and a target."

"How did you not know that Fury was a government agent or the president of the Strategic Homeland Intelligence, Enforcement, and Logistics Division?"

I shook my head, "All the information I found on Fury was either blacked out or outdated, I tried to hack into government files to see why so much wasn't included but there were an unheard of amount of firewalls protecting his name. I was trying to get through them all but the client became restless, so I went in without enough knowledge on who he was."

Coulson nodded slowly before picking up a file, Laura and I both looked shocked to see to the front of the file labeled: BARTON, CLINT. Coulson opened the file and began, "Name: Clint Barton. Gender: Male. Age: Nineteen. Hair Color: Brown. Eye Color…." He drowned on about the smallest details of me. After a half a minute he paused and chuckled, "Choice of weapon: Bow and arrow, we'll discuss that part later," he said, smiling.

"How do you know that much about him?" Laura piped up for the first time.

"He's been making a name for himself since he was seventeen, anyone that does what Barton does, ends up as a SHIELD file. It's sort of what we're known for here," Coulson stood up and smoothed out his crisp suit, "Now, Barton you're going to stay with us for a bit. Laura you're free to go, although I recommend calling a parent," Laura flinched, "or staying under SHIELD surveillance for a bit, for obvious reasons."

I stared at Laura for nearly a minute before she spoke up, "Phil, could you please give us a moment?" He nodded and left.

As soon as the door shut Laura took a seat and spoke rapidly, "Clint I can't go back to my parents' house, I can't. They raided our apartment. I don't know how long they'll keep you here, what about jail time? I can't do this, Clint," she was nervously jumping from one topic to the next.

"I know, I know. I was scared to tell you all of this. I didn't want you involved but I didn't how to get out," he looked into her eyes, "I didn't want to lose you but… it seems to have happened anyways."

Laura shifted in her seat, "I'm not breaking up with you."

I was genuinely perplexed, "You aren't?"

"No, I mean… I don't know," she abruptly stood up and ran a hand through her hair, "I believe you're still you're the same Clint Barton I love but, god this is a lot to process. We both have messy pasts, but this is a messier present day thing." She paused searching for the right words, "I need to figure who you are and if I can with that live with that."

I nodded in agreement, I couldn't lose this compassion, I couldn't lose her. "The farm, my parent's farmhouse I told you about. Go live there. Nobody knows about it, it's safe and secluded and you can take time to decide what you want, the house is yours."

Laura's eyes widened, "You're giving me a house?"

Before she could respond, there was a knock on the door and Coulson let himself in, "Has everything been settled?"

We didn't respond, we stared at each other again. Coulson cleared his throat, "if I could interject, Laura I'd be willing to cover your living expenses at the farmhouse for a few months so you could situate yourself."

Laura didn't take her eyes off me, I glared at Coulson, "You could have stayed in the room if you were going to listen anyways."

Coulson laughed but Laura spoke first, "Okay, I'll go." She walked around to my side of the table, she hadn't taken her eyes off me yet. She put a soft hand on my cheek and leaned down. She kissed me briefly but passionately.

When our lips parted I whispered, "I'll be better."

"I'll be waiting," she pecked my cheek and spin around and left. Coulson caught her arm and handed her a silver credit card.

"I monitor every expense with this card, so don't do anything illegal." He broke into a smile at that last part.

She was gone, I wouldn't see her again for quite some time, but I would see her again, nonetheless.

The next day, Coulson officially offered me a position at SHIELD, with the hopes that I one day become a field agent.

"We've seen you action, Barton. We know skills with hand to hand combat and as a sniper. You could be valuable."

I sat in my holding cell, dumbfounded at the change in his voice since the interrogation room, "Why does SHIELD want me?"

"I never said they did, this offer still stands, gives you a chance to work for the good guys."

I scoffed, "The good guys? I didn't think there's a right and wrong in this business?"

"Maybe there isn't. But if there is, SHIELD would be the good guys I assure you."

"And how are you so sure?"

"Have any of the 'bad guys' offered to sustain your maybe girlfriend out of their own pocket?"

Flashback End

"I need to get cleaned up," I left my spot next to Tasha.

"Clint, wait," she grabbed my arm, "you'll talk to me, right?" her eyes pleaded with me desperately.

"Of course," I knew what she needed, she'd never admit it but that was okay. I wrapped my arms tightly around her and I felt her melt, or break apart I couldn't tell the difference. She let go first, but I could tell it was Black Widow that was pushing me away. What happened to her?

Whoa, that quite a bit of foreshadowing in one chapter! Please let me know what you think!