Chapter 3-Inward Battle
Roxas spent the entire remainder of the class internally fighting to keep his composure. He desperately tried to pay attention to what the teacher was saying, but just sitting next to the girl made his heart pound and his concentration diminish exponentially. He could barely breathe, let alone focus. While his attention was partially in the front of the room, he couldn't help but notice the girl's crystal blue eyes turning to stare at him in sporadic intervals as if he was an entirely new creature she'd never seen before. Her constant staring made him feel self-conscious. Was there something on his face?
At one point Roxas tried looking back at her to catch her off guard; almost instantly, however, his already red cheeks went bright crimson and his thoughts all blurred together. He saw her gazing at him again with her soft, shy smile; the sunlight from the window lighting up her eyes. He gave her an awkward sort of grin in return- one he hadn't actually meant to be awkward at all- and he retreated back to staring intently at the teacher's notes on the blackboard.
Just then he realized he probably should've been copying them onto his own notes. He looked down to see how far he'd gotten, cringing slightly when his eyes met the blank white page. Oops.
The hour-long class slugged by ever so slowly, but Roxas didn't really mind-not in this case, at least. Jotting down the notes he missed, and then catching up on the new ones so fast his hand cramped up and felt like it would fall off at the wrist in a matter of seconds-he was perfectly fine with this. Scribbly, unreadable handwriting that could easily be confused for hieroglyphics was probably his best academic attribute, anyway. Although the girl's short stares made him feel flushed, shy, and awkward, he couldn't help enjoying the feeling more than just a little bit. So much so, after a while his pencil just kind of dropped and while he looked at the board, he had given up on his notes and his full attention was on the girl.
Three or so daydreams later, a loud SLAM! shocked him back to reality. The teacher stood in front of him, a large textbook back in her hands ready to be dropped again. She smirked and let it hit the desk with another SLAM!
"Oi. Pay attention, please. Okay? Save the daydreams for later." She softly scolded him, her blue eyes smiling with some sort of amusement as her face loomed in uncomfortably close to his- for a teacher anyway.
"Oh! Uh, y-yeah. Sorry. I will." Roxas answered, vaguely aware of the quiet giggles of the girl beside him. Slightly frustrated with not her but with himself, he sneaked a peek at her notes- surely she hadn't done much of anything either, she'd been staring at him for most of the class period.
Her paper was filled in margin to margin with notes all the way down to the bottom of the page, her neat penmanship copying the thoughts from the blackboard word for word down to the last punctuation mark. Utter surprise left the boy's mouth hanging open and his eyes wide as saucers.
What?How in the-?
The teacher finally wandered back to her desk just in time for the bell to ring. From behind the stack of papers she had just picked up she said, raising her voice above the noise of people packing up their belongings,
"Have a good afternoon, everybody. See you for your last class of the day. Don't do anything stupid and hurt yourselves, okay? Thanks."
Roxas absentmindedly nodded at the instructor's typical goodbye message. His eyes focused on his desk as he tried to build up some courage to try and say something to the girl without thinking too much. If he gave it too much thought, he feared his courage would disappear to hide under a rock. He took a few deep breaths.
Say something, idiot. Anything. No seriously. Say anything at all! It doesn't even matter what it is, just open your mouth and say SOMETHING.
Roxas looked up at the girl's now empty seat and, in a panic, his head swiveled toward the door. He silently willed her to still be in the classroom with all his might, his brain practically begging-and then he saw her. The girl noticed him looking at her as she reached the doorway and gave him a small smile just before disappearing into the fray outside.
His heart nearly stopped. He hadn't even known he was holding his breath, but sure enough he realized he really needed to get some air or he'd probably pass out. Slamming his head down on the desk, he imagined his conscience beating him like a punching bag for letting this amazing opportunity escape his grasp. She'd smiled at him, and even laughed at him! If only he'd been able to get up come courage a FEW seconds earlier. Roxas let out a long, disappointed sigh.
Something dropped on his head. It was small, and felt no bigger than a piece of chalk. He lazily glanced up and spotted it-a small stick of light blue chalk sitting on his desk. He lifted his head a bit more, and the top of his head brushed against something. Then out of nowhere the teacher's big blue eyes appeared, staring into his own. Roxas screamed, flinching and lurching backward. His chair tilted dangerously, ungracefully toppling over and the confused victim crashing to the floor. He could hear his teacher, Aqua, laughing at him from the other side of the desk.
"What was that for?" He asked. As he attempted to stand back up with approximately the balance skill of a rubber ball, he rubbed the back of his head where it had had an unexpected meeting with the carpet.
"Has anyone ever taught you the phrase, 'it's now or never'?" She taunted him, picking the chalk up and poking him on the forehead with it. He hung his head slightly and nodded-still inwardly hyperventilating from the expert-level tumble he'd just taken.
"All the time, actually..."
Aqua chuckled. "Do you ever listen?"
Roxas blinked at her and shrugged, to which she nodded.
"You probably should," she added, "Believe me, I've been a teacher for enough years to know what I'm talking about when it comes to things like crushes-it may not be obvious to you or even to the other students around you, but to me it's like it's plastered on their face as soon as they walk in and see the person they like. It's actually kinda funny, even. For example, I could tell from a mile away that that Hayner kid's got a long-distance relationship with that Olette girl who transferred last year. I can see it on his face-the way his eyes light up when you hear his phone vibrate in the dead silence of an exam; how he smiles when he forgets to turn his ringer off and that one particular ringtone goes off-you know, the awkward one-and I have to take his phone away; when he daydreams out the window about her all period and I get to slam a textbook on his desk..."
She sighed happily, then stopped and shook her head.
"Not my point. Sorry. My point is, I can tell that you've got a huge crush on this girl. Why don't you talk to her?"
"She's not...the easiest person to talk to." Roxas said, hesitating slightly about telling his teacher something so personal. It wasn't that he didn't trust her-he'd put his own life in her hands in a second if the situation were to arise, actually-but telling her about his personal feelings just felt weird, like he was talking to a distant relative or extended family member about them. Uncle Xiggy didn't give a crap about his love life, so why would his teacher?
Could it be because she actually cared about him, unlike those other people that liked to call themselves his family? Compared to them, he didn't doubt it.
Aqua's short blue hair swayed to the side as she tilted her head to the right in confusion. "How so?"
The boy shifted his weight from his left leg to his right and slowly crossed his arms over his chest. "I just...she's so...how do I even say this without sounding like an idiot? I mean, I could say she's cute, right? But like...I feel like calling her that wouldn't be enough. I don't even know if calling her pretty would cut it. Y'know? It's just...I can't really explain it, but...I feel like she's too out of my league, or something like that. Like I can't even walk up to her, no matter how much I want to. 'Cuz, I mean, she's just so AMAZING. She's beyond pretty, and shecan keep her grades up at the top of the class and take awesome notes and stuff and still have time to just sit there and draw these incredible pictures all period for crying out loud. And I'm just kinda...me. How could someone like her notice someone who's as plain and normal and boring and...well, nobody as me?" Roxas hung his head.
At first, the teacher hesitated. She suddenly seemed far away in thought, as if the situation had somehow struck a familiar chord and sent her back in time. This almost reminded Roxas of someone in particular, but before their face could resurface he immediately pushed them far from his mind. He definitely didn't need that memory rearing its ugly head again. He waited patiently for Aqua to continue speaking. After a couple more seconds she began talking slowly, choosing her words carefully.
"Listen, Roxas...I know it's hard to talk to someone that you like a lot. To shy little snails like you and I, saying things to people in general is about as easy as going into a Struggle match for the very first time and having to battle the champion right off the bat. You know what I mean? Some people have no trouble at all talking to the person they have feelings for, or anyone really, but people that are...more prone to wanting to stay in their shells, like us, tend to make social situations more difficult than they should be. Especially when it comes to people we care about or like."
Confused, the boy tilted his head slightly. "Like us...?"
Aqua nodded. "It may not seem like it, but I'm actually quite shy myself. I have just as much trouble talking about my feelings as you do; regarding someone I like or otherwise. I try to say something, but the words always get caught in my throat and they just won't come out. Just like you, right?"
Roxas never would have thought it true. Aqua, the most energetic and fun and friendly teacher on the planet, was as closed off as him? With her personality, if he hadn't heard this from Aqua herself, he wouldn't have believed it for a second. But he had to admit; she'd definitely hit the nail on the head, and there's no way she would lie to him-not about something like this.
"But I've learned not to let the shyness keep me from going for things when I know I really want them. Yeah, I'll admit, it's a huge pain in the patooshki to let your feelings be known and have everything out in the open, but sometimes it's just what you have to do. Otherwise, the chance might slip away and before you know it, your little artist girl will be snatched away by some douchemuffin with a weird hat or something. You can't let your awkwardness sacrifice your happiness like a little healthy baby lamb to some evil shyness deity laughing in the sky at your expense, okay?" She finished, chuckling lightly at Roxas' reactions to her strange, almost slightly disturbing simile and metaphor.
Just then, a familiar knock resounded at the window near the front door of the classroom, catching the attention of the teacher and student. His face smashed up against it, Axel knocked the glass again in his code rhythm.
One knock; one, two, three knocks; three knocks again; then back to one.
Roxas sighed at his best friend's antics, a small laugh also escaping through his lips. He turned to his teacher and thanked her, telling her he promised to keep her advice in mind. Then he returned her warm smile and left the room with Axel, who handed him a small white bun sealed in a package. His least favorite kind, yay.
"Sorry, buddy," Axel apologized, "vegetable's all they had left. You're really late, y'know. And now you owe me like...fifty Munny, I think."
"Okay. Thanks anyway," Roxas sighed, pulling his wallet out and handing his friend the Munny due.
"Thanks, Roxxy. Alright, let's head on back up. Hayner and the others are starting to get impatient and it's all your fault." Axel lightly punched Roxxy's arm and led the way up to the roof, where he knew doom was awaiting his late arrival.
Hey everyone~! Sorry it took me so long to update ;~; I've been sUPER busy with school stuff, and I just started my summer vacation two days ago. Now that I have three months to myself, I'll be able to hopefully update more! Thank you for your patience and I hope you enjoyed chapter three! Please look forward to the next one~!
~WaywardWayfinder