The next morning, Davy and Linda were in the kitchen eating breakfast while Micky was still upstairs in bed. Davy tutted when the phone started ringing, disturbing their breakfast, and Linda went to answer the phone.
"Hello?" Linda asked. She paused, looking towards Davy in surprise. "Yeah, he's here." Linda held her hand over the receiver as she held the phone out to Davy. "It's Mike." She whispered.
Davy raised his eyebrows in surprise as he took the phone from his fiancée. "Mike?" He said.
Davy was met with silence. "Hello?"
"Have you seen Micky?" Mike asked seriously.
"You mean since the other night?" Davy wondered. There was another silence, which Davy took as a 'yes'. "Yeah, I have. He's here now. Well, not right here; he's still in bed."
There was another silence which caused Davy to roll his eyes, but he figured he should probably elaborate on his response.
"He's staying here with us for a few days until he gets his head straight." Davy continued.
There was a short pause. "Is he okay?" Mike asked.
"Not really." Davy replied honestly. "He's been better, but he could be worse. He'll be alright though."
Another silence.
"Is that all you wanted?" Davy asked with a bit of attitude, annoyed at all the long pauses.
"He was doing cocaine." Mike finally said. "I..I saw him."
"Yeah, I know." Davy said bluntly. "This isn't new information. I told you how messed up he was and that's why we're trying to fix him."
"We?"
"Yeah, me and Linda." Davy said, glancing at his fiancée who was watching him intently.
Another silence.
"I guess you're wondering if she knows? Because she does." Davy said, having no time for nonsense. "She knows everything."
"You better not have told anyone else." Mike snapped.
"Do you think I'm mental?" Davy questioned. "Don't worry, your not-so-little secret is safe with us."
Davy could hear Mike take a deep breath.
"He's still totally hung-up on you, you know." Davy said, unable to resist. "It's a shame he's not been able to move on as quickly as you have. How is the wife, by the way?"
"Don't pretend you know anything about me." Mike said in a quiet yet warning tone.
"You don't need to feel bad, by the way." Davy said bitchily. "Micky doesn't blame you for his screw ups, so you don't have to feel guilty. I mean that's why you called, isn't it? Because you feel responsible for him being all fucked up. Or maybe it's because you wanted to check that I haven't spilled your little secret to anyone else."
Silence.
"Did you ever even have feelings for him?" Davy wondered. "He seemed to think you were totally mad about him, but I don't even think he's sure about that anymore. What was it, some kind of experiment? Was he something to kill the time before your wife would take you back? So you told him what he wanted to hear until you got what you wanted?"
The phone went dead.
Davy held the receiver away from his ear and looked at it with raised eyebrows before putting it back on the hook.
Linda was looking at Davy accusingly with her head tilted to the side. "Was that really necessary?" She asked.
"I'm sorry but he really pisses me off." Davy said in his defence. "If I broke up with you and then found out that you'd turned into a head case like Micky has then I would do anything to make sure you were okay again."
"He did call, Davy." Linda said.
"Only because he feels guilty!" Davy hit back. "Or because he's worried I'll spill the beans about him and Micky."
"You don't know that. I'm sure he's worried." Linda said.
"Pfft." Davy said, sitting down. "Worried about himself more like."
"There was still no need to be so harsh." Linda told him. "You don't know what he's dealing with himself at the moment."
Davy and Linda heard something, and when they looked up they saw Micky standing in the doorway.
"Who are you talking about?" Micky asked, looking a little paranoid.
Davy and Linda looked at each other frantically - they weren't sure how much Micky had heard and didn't know whether or not to lie about Mike calling.
Micky looked confused by the couple's behaviour. "What's going on?" He asked.
Davy sighed, giving in. "Mike just called." He replied. "He wanted to know if you were okay."
Micky looked completely taken aback. "H-How did he know I was here?"
"He didn't. But he does now." Davy said.
Micky looked a little spaced out. "What did you tell him?" He wondered.
"Just that you're staying here for a few days and that you'll be fine." Davy said, trying to remain casual.
Micky was thoughtful. "Should I call him back..?"
"I don't think so, Micky." Davy said sternly. "He didn't call to speak to you. He was just checking up on you because he obviously feels guilty."
Linda glared at Davy, but Davy ignored her.
"Oh..." Micky said quietly.
There was a short silence.
"How are you feeling today, Micky?" Linda asked, trying to change the subject.
Micky took a moment to respond. "Uh...alright, I guess." He replied.
"Must be good to wake up without a hangover for once, eh?" Davy joked in an attempt to lighten the mood.
Linda shot Davy another bemused look while Micky just stood there.
"Yeah, I guess." Micky replied quietly.
Another silence fell upon the room.
"I don't think I feel up to going to the mall today." Micky admitted. "I'm tired... I think I might just stay in bed and read a book, if that's okay."
"Yeah, yeah. No worries." Davy said. "We've still got some time. Maybe tomorrow, yeah?"
Micky forced a smile. "Yeah, maybe." He said.
Micky did spend the rest of the day in his room - well, Davy and Linda's spare bedroom - lying on the bed attempting to read a book he'd brought with him. It was the Return of the King, the last book in the Lord of the Rings trilogy, which he had started reading several months back but never finished.
Micky's concentration wasn't up to much, and he found himself staring at the same page of his book for several minutes without taking in a single word. In the end, Micky gave up his attempt to read and decided to do something a little more productive instead - write Christmas cards.
Micky wasn't usually one for sending many cards, but he found himself making a bit more of an effort this year. He wrote the usual Christmas pleasantries, but when it came to writing a card for Samantha, he decided to spend a little more time on it.
It was ages before Micky decided what to write. He thought of maybe spilling his heart into a letter, but he felt that now wasn't the right time. He still wasn't in the right frame of mind to try and put his feelings and thoughts into words, and he knew it was too soon after being rejected by Samantha to expect her to truly appreciate anything he had to say just yet.
Micky understood that it wasn't just Samantha that needed time, but he needed time, too. His head was still a mess, and his body wasn't much better, either. So Micky decided to write a fairly simple message to his pregnant ex-girlfriend.
"Sammy,
I hope you have a great Christmas. I'm getting better, I promise. I'm working really hard to clear my head, and as soon as I'm ready, I'm going to come see you. Please don't give up on me, because I'll never give up on you and our baby.
Happy Holidays to you and your family.
Lots of love,
Micky."
Micky hoped it wasn't too much, and he also hoped it wasn't too little. He wanted to give Samantha hope without pummelling her, and in the end he decided keeping it short and sweet was probably the best option.
Micky was still feeling pretty rattled by Mike's phone call earlier - even though he didn't actually speak to the Texan. Micky tried desperately not to get too hung up on it or read too much into the call; as Davy had said, Mike was probably just feeling guilty and wanted to make sure Micky was okay to clear his conscience. Still, Micky tried his best to not think about his ex partner checking up on him as he knew that if he truly had any hope of moving on and getting over Mike he needed to not read too much into little things like that.
On the 23rd of December, Micky decided it was time to leave Davy and Linda's. He wasn't going home though; instead he was going to be staying with his mother over Christmas and New Year.
Before Micky left Davy and Linda's, he thanked his friends whole heartedly for letting him stay and ultimately helping him get back on the right path again. Micky was far from a hundred percent - he still felt tired and emotionally and physically drained, but he was still significantly better than he had been only a few days before. He wasn't constantly drunk, for a start.
"Thank you so much for letting me stay here, especially on top of Christmas." Micky told Davy and Linda before he was due to leave. "It really means a lot to me."
"It was no trouble, Micky." Linda smiled.
"Seriously though," Micky said, looking at his friends hard. "You've both been amazing. I really needed this, to stay here, to get away from my house. I know that if I was at home on my own I'd end up doing something stupid."
Davy and Linda shot each other a slightly concerned glance.
"I don't mean me sticking my head in the oven or drowning myself in the bath." Micky joked awkwardly, picking up on the couples concern. "I mean giving into temptation. Drinking myself stupid and doing god-knows what else. I really needed this, to clear my head and have you two looking out for me. It honestly means so much to me."
"Seriously man, it's no bother." Davy assured him. "It's just good to see you looking a bit better again."
Micky looked down at himself. "Not totally better though." He sighed, depressed by how much skinnier he'd become. "At least it gives me an excuse to stuff my face this Christmas. Not that I needed that much of an excuse anyway." He laughed.
"You've done well, Mick." Davy told him. "Considering the mess you were in a few days ago, I think you've done really well. You just need to, you know, keep it up."
"I know I do." Micky sighed. "I need to get my act together if I want to stand any chance of Samantha giving me another shot."
Davy glanced at Linda. "You know, you should do this for yourself as much as anyone else." He said a little awkwardly.
Micky watched his friend for a moment before picking up on what he meant. "You mean you don't think Sammy will give me another chance." He said.
"I didn't say that." Davy said in his defence.
"It's what you think though, isn't it?" Micky asked. He wasn't being accusing, he just felt hurt at the thought of Samantha not hearing him out.
"I'm just saying you should look after yourself for you, not just because you want to prove a point to Samantha." Davy said.
Micky sighed. "Yeah... I know. Sorry." He said. "I just can't believe my baby is due in a month's time and Sammy won't even talk to me."
"She probably still needs a bit of time." Davy told him. "She's had a lot to take in."
Micky nodded. "After Christmas, once I'm feeling more myself again, I'm going to go see her." He said. "And I'll do whatever it takes to prove to her that I won't let her down again."
Micky spent Christmas with his family and he enjoyed spending some quality time with his mom, step dad and little sisters. It was a quiet Christmas, which was exactly what Micky needed, and he even spent New Year's Eve with his family, too. As tempting as it was to go out and celebrate with his friends in town, Micky knew he couldn't afford to jump off into the deep end after everything he had been through recently.
Apart from the occasional beer and a glass of champagne on New Year's Eve, Micky had steered clear of alcohol. While Micky didn't believe he had a drinking problem, he was also aware that getting drunk made him do stupid things. If Micky hadn't have been drunk that first night he met Tony, he never would've gone back to his house and done cocaine - let alone anything else. Alcohol - or excessive amounts of alcohol anyway - caused Micky to make bad decisions, and Micky really couldn't afford to make any more of them at the moment.
Micky's general health seemed to be on the rise. His mother had been feeding him up, and being able to sit back and relax had been helpful, too. Not that it was a walk in the park for Micky - Micky still felt depressed, not just from missing Mike or his situation with Samantha, but he was also riddled with shame about his recent antics - particularly the way he'd been treated by Tony and Tony's friends - and he couldn't seem to shake of his negative view of himself.
Micky didn't really like the person he saw when he looked in the mirror. He'd become incredibly insecure not just in the way he looked but of who he was inside. Micky didn't feel like a man anymore, and he wondered when - or if - he'd stop feeling this way.
Micky was often tempted to drink heavily to forget about his troubles and block out the demons in his head. Staying with his family meant Micky was in no position to do that, and he was at least a little proud of himself that he'd managed to control his urges. Still, Micky was a bit concerned about what life would be like when he eventually returned home.
And Micky did return home, on the 2nd of January. Micky knew that now the holidays were over he really needed to work hard on getting his life straight without the help of anyone else - and that started with Samantha.
Micky was at his house for only an hour before he decided now was the right time to visit Samantha. He tidied the rest of the house and locked all alcohol away in a cabinet, hiding it from his view in an attempt to resist temptation. Micky dressed himself in a smart shirt and jeans and spent ages in front of the mirror psyching himself up for seeing his pregnant ex. When Micky felt that he was as prepared as he possibly could be under the circumstances, Micky drove to Samantha's house.
When Samantha answered the door, she looked surprised to see Micky - just like she had the last time she saw him.
"I know you probably want to slam the door in my face, and I don't blame you." Micky told her. "But please hear me out."
"Why should I listen to anything you've got to say?" Samantha asked.
"Because that's my baby too." Micky said, gesturing to Samantha's enormous bump. "And I'm not going anywhere until you hear me out. I'll stand out here all night if I have to, but I'm not budging."
Samantha watched Micky for a moment, pondering her next move. Micky's heart was racing and his palms were sweaty, but he was desperate to keep a calm exterior as he didn't want Samantha to think he was a vulnerable, pathetic mess. Micky knew that he needed to appear strong and confident if he had any hope of getting a second chance, and he was desperate not to slip up and become a tearful, nervous mess like last time.
After some hesitation, Samantha stood aside and let Micky into the house.
Micky knew that he needed to get Samantha to understand why things were the way they were, and to do that he knew he needed to explain his thoughts and feelings - right from the very beginning.
It wasn't an easy conversation, but Micky managed to stay relatively composed as he spilled his heart out to his pregnant ex-girlfriend. He told her his emotional dismay at realising his feelings for Mike, and their reluctance to let anything happen between them. Micky told her everything - except exactly who his male partner had been.
"For months it was just me and him… just the two of us in our own little world." Micky continued in a small and gentle voice. "And then suddenly it was over, but the lies didn't stop… My heart was broken but I had to carry on like everything was fine. The lies seemed so much easier when we were together, even though it was always hard… but it was so much harder on my own."
Micky sighed sadly, looking into his lap as he spoke. Explaining himself to Samantha had so far been more successful than last time; Micky felt like his head was properly screwed onto his shoulders and he was keeping his emotions in check, which meant he could speak more clear and coherently as he attempted to get his ex to understand his situation.
"You know I've always drunk a lot, and I know you never liked it." Micky went on after a short silence, looking up at Samantha. "I don't like it anymore, either. But it was the only thing that seemed to help. I know that sounds crazy, but— but I just wanted to block everything out. And then suddenly it was the only thing I could do to make myself feel better, and I was doing it all the time… But it didn't help, and it didn't make things better. It just made everything so much worse."
Micky looked down again, feeling ashamed. He hadn't felt shame when he discussed his feelings for Mike and their relationship, but he was starting to feel embarrassed as he spoke about how he'd dealt with the break-up so badly.
"Everyone does dumb things when they're drunk, but me… I've done some really stupid things." Micky said slowly, his voice trembling a little bit. "I've made some bad mistakes that I'm so ashamed of. And the worse I felt about myself, the more I'd drink. And the more I'd drink the worse I'd feel… It was just this cycle going round and round."
Micky looked up at Samantha who was continuing to watch him carefully. Her expression was hard to read; she didn't look angry, but she didn't look completely sympathetic either. She just looked sad.
"That's why I couldn't face you… I didn't want you to see me like that, and…and I was just so sick of lying to you. I know it's no excuse. I know I should've been there for you and if I could go back and change it, I would. I wasn't thinking straight and I was so overwhelmed with everything and…"
Micky trailed off and took a deep breath - he really wanted to avoid appearing completely pitiful and desperate, so he took a moment to compose himself.
"I know I've stuffed up." Micky said in little more than a whisper, looking at his pregnant ex-girlfriend through eyes filled with sorrow. "I know I can't change it but I really wish I could. I can't take back all the stupid shit I've done. But I can control what happens next. I'm not that person anymore. I've tried really hard these past couple of weeks to clean up my act. I don't- I don't want you to think it's too late, because I'm not going to let myself be that person again. If something bad happens, I'm going to try and deal with it like a man instead of trying to find the answers in the bottom of a bottle of booze. I know that's not the answer now. I know- I know I don't deal with things very well. I've learnt so much about myself…and most of it is bad. But now I know, now I'm aware of it, I can fix it. I can make sure I don't go down that path again because I don't like who I become."
Micky sucked in a deep breath again. "I know I've let you down." He said, gaining a little confidence. He leaned forward and stared Samantha straight in the eye. "But I promise you that's not going to happen again. I want to be there for you the way I always said I would. I'm not going to let anything stand in the way again, I swear."
Samantha was silent. Micky watched her, willing her to speak - she hadn't said a word since they had both sat down. Samantha hesitated for a moment before finally speaking up.
"How can I believe you?" She asked quietly.
Micky knew that was a fair question, and he knew it was a genuine question, too.
"Because I'm going to prove it to you." Micky said firmly. "I want to be there for you - for both of you. I want to be a dad. You were right to be mad at me and disappointed in me, but you were wrong to think that I was bored of the idea of being a father. That's not true at all, Sammy. I really want to do this."
Samantha looked totally torn and unsure what to do or say next.
"I know I should've been honest with you from the start," Micky said, looking down. "I know I've lied to you so much… but I've lied to everyone. My family, my friends… everyone. I was trying to protect you as much as I was trying to protect myself… But I'm being honest with you now. I'm telling you the truth."
Samantha continued to watch Micky closely as if she was trying to read his mind.
Micky stood up from his seat and sat next to Samantha on the couch. He leaned forward and took hold of her hand.
"You can trust me." Micky said firmly, staring straight into his ex's eyes again. "I swear to you you can. I will not mess this up, and I want a chance to prove it. I want a chance to show you that I can be there for you and that I can be a good dad. I want to look after you, and that's why- that's why I want you to move in with me."
Samantha's eyes widened in surprise.
"It doesn't have to be a permanent thing," Micky stressed. "Just for a few months, maybe. I can take care of you until the baby arrives, and help out when the baby is here. I know you've got your family and your friends but this is my baby too, and I want to be there. I want to be involved properly. I want to help out with the night feeds and changing diapers and all of that stuff. I can't promise I'll know what I'm doing but we're both new to this and we can learn together and help each other. Not that you'll need help because I'm sure you'll be amazing, but— but I'd really like a chance to prove to you that I'm for real."
Micky was left a little breathless by the time he'd finished his speech - his words had travelled pretty quickly and he was nervous about Samantha's response.
Samantha looked at Micky in disbelief. "You want me to live with you..?" She questioned.
"This isn't just me trying to prove a point." Micky stated quickly. "I am for real about this. I've thought about it the last couple of weeks and I really think it could work. Like I said, it doesn't have to be forever, but it would be so great if our baby could have both its parents around for the first couple of months at least."
Samantha was silent, her eyes darting back and forward as she tried to absorb Micky's offer.
"Micky," Samantha said. "Do you really think this is a good idea? Do you really know what you're suggesting here? You can't have wild parties or stumble home drunk at 3'o'clock in the morning when there's a baby in the house."
"I won't." Micky said quickly. "I won't, I promise you I won't. I know this isn't exactly a conventional set-up but I think it can work. I'm still me - I'm still Micky. I know- I know I've been with a man and I know that probably totally freaks you out and I completely understand that, but it doesn't change who I am. It won't stop be from taking care of you and our baby and being a good dad."
"It's not you taking care of me and the baby that I'm worried about." Samantha said. "I'm more concerned about whether or not you can take care of you."
"I told you, I'm over that now." Micky stressed. "The drinking, the- the drugs - that's all done. I swear to you. Please… I'm not going to stuff this up again. Just give me a second chance, that's all I ask."
Samantha took a deep breath as she watched over Micky carefully. Her whole aura seemed to have changed, and she most certainly had thawed towards the curly-haired man.
"Please," Micky pleaded. "You don't have to answer right now, just at least say you'll think about it."
Samantha still looked closely at Micky's desperate face. "I don't need to think about it." She said.
Micky's heart sunk, and he hung his head in defeat. He hoped that although Samantha had knocked back his offer to live with him she would at least let him be a part of their baby's life.
"I'll do it." Samantha said, catching Micky off guard.
Micky's head snapped up and he looked at Samantha in confusion.
"I'll move in with you." Samantha announced.
Micky was completely stunned. "Are-are you serious?" He stammered.
Samantha hardly looked excited by the idea, but she nodded her head.
"Oh my god, I promise I won't let you down." Micky gushed, leaning forward and giving his ex-girlfriend a hug, careful not to squeeze her too hard and squash the baby.
Samantha hugged Micky for a moment and when she pulled back Micky noticed she had tears in her eyes. "I know you're not a bad person, Micky." She sniffed, still not looking entirely certain. "But it's not just me I have to think about anymore; I have to do what's best for my baby, too. Our baby."
Micky nodded slowly. "I know, and I feel the same." He said. "I know I've got a lot of growing up to do but I'm going to try my best."
Samantha wiped a tear from her eye. "No more lies." She said. "You know I'm not-" She paused, taking a deep breath. "You know I'm not homophobic." She said, struggling to say the word in association with Micky. "You should've told me about being confused. I could've- I could've tried to help."
Micky tilted his head to the side and gazed at Samantha with love, guilt and sympathy. He was touched by her words and almost felt a little emotional himself. "I know." He said quietly. "But you don't know what it's like to question everything you thought you knew about yourself. To lie to everyone... it wasn't as simple as just telling you the truth. And-and I didn't want to hurt you. I didn't want you to hate me."
"I have never hated you, Micky." Samantha said, a few more tears falling from her eyes. "I don't think I ever could."
Micky squeezed hold of her hand. He felt like the weight of the world had been lifted from his slim shoulders.
"If you're gay," Samantha said slowly, the words getting a little stuck in her throat. "Then that's okay, I guess. I mean- it's not perfect. It's not ideal. But as long as you keep that separate, as long as you don't let it come between you and our baby... then I suppose we can deal with it. I know that someone's sexuality doesn't define them. I know that just because you're- like that it-it doesn't mean you won't be a good dad. You're great with kids. You always have been."
Micky nodded slowly, swallowing hard. "I'm not planning on being with anyone else for a long time. If ever, actually." He admitted. "I don't- I can't even think about anything like that. Our baby is my main focus, my priority... and nothing is going to stand in the way of that again."
So Samantha moved in with Micky the very next day. Micky knew that Samantha living with him was probably a crazy idea, and he was pretty sure Samantha felt the same, but he also believed that this would be the best for them both - and their baby, as well.
Micky really did want to be hands-on when the baby arrived and he really did want to help look after Samantha until then, too. But Micky also had another motive for asking Samantha to move in with him, and that was so he wouldn't be on his own. Micky didn't want to be alone in his big house with nothing but his thoughts and insecurities. Micky wanted a distraction and something positive to focus on, and he wanted to be able to focus on it all the time. Micky didn't really trust himself, and he knew that as long as Samantha - and eventually the baby - were in the house with him, he wouldn't allow himself to do anything stupid again.
So Micky spent all of his time and energy on preparing for the birth of his first child. His first job was getting Samantha's room ready for her; she was staying in Mike's old room, but Micky made sure he changed everything around in there so it had a different "vibe". Micky hadn't even set foot in that spare bedroom since he and Mike had split up, but he tried not to get too sentimental as he rearranged it ready for his ex-girlfriend.
Micky's next project was the baby's room. Although Micky was aware that for the first few months the baby would be sleeping in with its mother, Micky still wanted to prepare the perfect nursery for his little one - and he wanted to make all of the furniture himself.
Micky had always planned on making things for his baby by hand, but now he was truly throwing himself into the project head-first. Micky spent most of his time in his workshop, slaving away to get everything ready and prepared in time. The first project was the baby's crib, and Micky often stayed in his workshop until late at night trying to perfect it.
Samantha was clearly touched by Micky's hard-work, and over the next couple of weeks things seemed to be going pretty well between her and Micky. The first few days of Samantha living there were a little tense and awkward, mainly because Micky was being a little full-on and overbearing. Micky was fussing around Samantha almost obsessively, desperate to make sure the heavily pregnant woman was okay and to prove to her that he was going to be hands on. In the end Samantha lost patience, snapping that she "wasn't an invalid" and that she didn't need him "following her to the bathroom". Micky took the hint and realised that in his attempts to prove he cared he was actually completely smothering his tired and hormonal ex.
But once Micky had found the perfect balance between being too intense and backing off too much, things seemed to be working really well. Micky still had his moments of being a little too overbearing, or asking if Samantha was okay a little too often, but he couldn't help himself. Samantha didn't seem to mind too much; either that, or she'd simply gotten used to it.
Samantha's due date was rapidly approaching, and on the 24th of January - three weeks after she had moved in - Samantha woke Micky in the middle of the night.
"Micky," Samantha called quietly, shaking the curly-haired man from his sleep. "Micky, wake up."
Micky groaned and opened his eyes to see Samantha hovering over him.
"I think it's time." Samantha told him.
Micky's sleep-induced daze caused him to be totally confused. "Time?" He questioned, rolling over and picking up his watch from the nightstand so he could see exactly what time it was. "Time for what?"
On cue, Samantha let out a small groan of pain as she clutched her stomach. "I think my contractions have started." She said through the pain.
Micky stared at her for a moment as he tried to take in what she'd said. Suddenly his eyes widened and he leapt out of bed - or attempted to leap out of bed, anyway. Instead Micky's feet got caught up in the covers and he ended up flat on the floor. Micky managed to untangle himself from his quilt and he quickly scrambled to his feet.
"A-a-are you sure?" Micky stammered quickly.
"Yes!" Samantha replied, still clutching her stomach.
"B-But we've still got a few days to go!" Micky gasped, gripping his hair. "It's early!"
"This doesn't count as being early!" Samantha said. "We knew this would happen any day now."
"Oh my god. Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god." Micky said, pacing back and forward. He then grabbed Samantha by the arms. "Don't panic. D-Don't panic, okay? Just stay calm! Stay totally calm, it's going to be alright!"
"I am calm." Samantha said through gritted teeth, glaring at Micky. "You're the one who needs to calm down. I'm fine!"
"Okay, let's go. We need to go." Micky said, wrapping his arm around her shoulder and ushering her out of his room and on to the landing. "We have the bag packed already, don't we? We'll grab that and then we can go."
Micky sprinted into Samantha's bedroom and grabbed the hospital bag before rushing back out onto the landing to meet Samantha again. He wrapped his arm around her and begun guiding her along again.
"Let's just keep calm, yeah? J-Just take slow, deep breaths." Micky said, his heart pounding.
Samantha stopped and glared at Micky again. "Micky, I'm not going with you like that."
Micky paused. "W-What do you mean?" He asked, totally confused.
Samantha looked Micky up and down with her eyebrows raised.
Micky looked down at himself and realised he was only wearing a pair of boxer shorts and a t-shirt.
"Oops." Micky laughed nervously while Samantha continued to glare at him. "Maybe I should grab some pants."
"Maybe you should." Samantha said sarcastically.
Micky dropped the hospital bag and ran back into his bedroom. He grabbed the first pair of pants he could find before hurrying back to Samantha again, attempting to pull them on as he went. Once again Micky almost ended up falling over as he hopped into his jeans.
"You're not going to be very much help if you end up falling over and breaking your neck, you know." Samantha said as she watched Micky stumble towards her.
"I'm fine! Look, I made it!" Micky said, grabbing the bag from the floor. "Let's go!"
Micky and Samantha arrived at the hospital fairly quickly. Micky had been a babbling, nervous mess the entire journey there, telling a perfectly calm Samantha "not to panic" - even though he was the only one who was panicking.
Once the expectant parents arrived at the hospital, Samantha was taken away to be checked over while Micky waited in the corridor outside the room until he was asked to go back in. Samantha had already told Micky she wanted him to be present for the birth - just as long as he didn't annoy her too much.
Micky paced the corridor back and forth as he bit his fingernails nervously. Micky felt like he was completely out of his depth and he had no idea how he was going to manage to hold it together while Samantha gave birth.
The past few weeks had been a total blur for Micky. From the moment Samantha had moved in she had become his entire world, and Micky seemed to spend every waking moment preparing for the baby's arrival. He hadn't just been in his workshop making toys and furniture, but he'd decorated the nursery and taken Samantha shopping several times to get all the things he wasn't able to make - clothes and diapers and all the essentials - too. Micky had been pleased to have a distraction from his misery, but he was beginning to realise that although he'd prepared all the material things for the baby's arrival, he hadn't mentally prepared himself for what would happen once the baby was actually here.
The realness and the enormity of the situation finally started to dawn on Micky, and he was totally overcome with panic and fear. Micky knew that he would soon have a son or daughter, and this wasn't just an idea or a dream or a fantasy - this was going to be a reality, and it was a reality that Micky didn't feel emotionally or mentally prepared for.
Micky stopped in his tracks. His head was spinning and he realised it was becoming increasingly difficult to breathe. Micky sat himself down on a chair and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees and putting his head in his hands - he was starting to feel a little light-headed.
Micky's mind was beginning to whirl with thoughts of the past few months. He thought about his behaviour; the drinks, the drugs, the sex, and how he had turned to those things in an attempt to deal with his troubles and heart-ache. Micky wondered if he was capable of being a father. He knew he wanted to be a good dad, but wanting and doing were two entirely different things. Micky had wanted things to work out with Mike, but that hadn't exactly gone to plan.
Micky realised that for the past few weeks he had used his impending fatherhood to distract him from his problems. Although Micky had been keeping himself busy and trying to occupy his mind from his dark thoughts, now and then those dark thoughts would fight their way to the forefront. When those dark thoughts pushed into Micky's head, Micky would feel bad about himself all over again.
Not that Micky ever felt good about himself. Micky was still wracked with guilt and shame, and he felt emotionally scarred by the way he had behaved. Micky wasn't sure why he was so hung up about it; he didn't know if that was the impact of the cocaine he'd been using, or whether he really just couldn't stand the way he'd let himself be treated by Tony. Either way, Micky still didn't like himself. He felt embarrassed when he looked in the mirror. He felt insecure and weak. He still didn't feel like much of a man at all.
But how could he be a father if he didn't even feel like a man? That was a question Micky was beginning to ask himself, and it was a question he didn't have an answer for.
Another thing Micky had been trying to avoid thinking about was his feelings for Mike. Micky had actually done a pretty good job of blocking out thoughts of his Texan partner, even though now and then he'd let his mind wander to his ex; "What was Mike doing? Was he happy? Does he ever think about me?" - but right now Micky felt like he needed Mike more than ever.
Micky thought about what Mike would say if he were here. Micky knew that Mike would tell him not to panic and that he would be an amazing father. Micky also knew that he would believe everything Mike said, because that was the kind of power Mike had over him. Mike had a way of making everything okay again.
Micky squeezed his eyes shut, wanting and wishing that Mike was sitting beside him. A caring squeeze of the knee, a touch on the arm, or a look in the eye - any of those things would calm Micky and ease his mind. He thought back to how calm and understanding Mike was when Samantha first announced her pregnancy, and Micky remembered how Mike had given him the words of encouragement he needed to face his responsibilities.
But Micky knew this was the biggest challenge he'd probably ever have to face, and he knew he had to face it on his own. Micky knew he needed to find some inner strength to pull through his panic and fear in order for him to support Samantha in the way she deserved and the way he promised her he would. Micky knew that if there was one moment in his life when he needed to stand up and truly be a man, this was it.