Rating: M

Genre: Comedy

Pairing: Charlie's mustache

Word-count: 581

A/N this one is way out of my norm..it was all because of a conversation one day about Charlie's pornstache...huge thanks to WolfGirl7411 for the edits :)

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended

The Days of a Pornstache

Monday morning: I was woken rudely up by crumbs disturbing my peaceful slumber.

Tuesday afternoon: What the hell is this? My human made me meet a new mouth. This mouth was smooth and nothing like my friend below me.

Wednesday morning: Oh my! My human ate a sticky bun and got sweet pasty stuff all over me...then had the gall to drown me with something called water.

Thursday evening: God, I know you're busy but if you have time to help me and Mr. Mouth persuade my human that we are not meant to have icing on us, I will be forever grateful.

Friday: Nooo...how could this be? My human coated me in some type of gel that he said is supposed to make me look styling...whatever that means.

Saturday night: Oh the merciful gods! Please save me! I was minding my own business and my human decided I needed to meet, eat and drink. What an experience that was! The human got me all wet and called me a flavor savor by introducing me to another human's mustache...but it wasn't a normal mustache...this one was all wiry and wet. Sure tasted good, though...even if it didn't look like me or Mr. Mouth.

Sunday night: Dear God, if you can hear me...please save me...my human is shaving (*sounds of clipping and screams of terror*) Oh God, noooo! He got Frank! JESUS SAVE ME! He's going to kill me!

(*muffled screams, then silence*)

Monday morning: (*scared voice*) I made it...Frankie wasn't so lucky...are you there, Bobby? (*Bobby whispers, "yeah"*) Phew...we survived...I wonder when the human is going to see that weird mustache again...I want to meet, eat and drink again with it.

Wednesday night: PRAISE JESUS! My human took me to see the weird mustache again and got me extra wet while the other moustache's human pressed it right against me and made weird sounds. I still didn't understand but, hey, as long as I get to eat and drink with my new friend, I am happy.

Thursday evening: Trouble in paradise...someone call 911! My human and my new friend's human are shouting at each other. Oh the agony! Please, don't take my new friend away from me!?

Saturday afternoon: Yes! There is a God! My human brought me back to my new friend and oh, how good did she taste...the weird sounds, I could do without but, oh, the yumminess of it all is like heaven to me.

Sunday morning: My human confused me...while that tongue thing was sticking out, he told my new friend that he loved her and her taste. IT IS NOT HIS JOB to love her taste! It is MINE, dammit! I wanted to shout at my human.

"I don't think you're understanding the position that you're putting me in."

He was hoarding my new friend all to himself...old bastard.