hello all, i'm back. sorry about the wait, work has been crazy. as promised, this chapter contains a sex scene, or at least my attempt at one.
and it's about twice as long as usual, but as this is more of a series of ficlets than anything else, it's not super long.
also, i own nothing, blah blah, Gail and Holly need to get their shit together because I am tired of Rookie Blue making me sad.
until next time!

vii. secret keeping is a dangerous sport

Holly really likes watching Gail.

In the mornings when Gail's alarm goes off at 4:45am, she slowly extricates herself from Holly's arms, places a soft kiss to her forehead and moves quietly for the bathroom.

And Holly lets her believe that she is still asleep because she really likes watching her.

The perceived lack of audience allows Gail to let slip the false bravado that so often takes over. It takes her to her default setting, one where she doesn't need to convince anyone else that she is just fine, thank you, and she really doesn't care what you think anyway.

(Holly learned long ago that neither one of those statements is really true.)

This morning is different, though. There is nervousness about the way Gail is moving. She keeps shooting quick glances back at Holly, either making sure she is still sleeping or still there and Holly knows why.

After a few minutes, Gail seems to finally accept that Holly is in fact still unconscious, but that doesn't seem to do anything to settle her mind.

The second they walked through the front door, Gail had turned to her, raised her eyebrow, and asked if she was okay. And all the residual feelings from the night slipped away, replaced by a rather mind-numbing sense of lust.

It was the goddamn eyebrow thing. She had lost count of how many pointless arguments ended with them tangled in their sheets, or sprawled out on the living room floor just because Gail played the eyebrow card.

And so the second the question was posed, Holly had surged forward, grasping at the collar of Gail's olive bomber jacket and kissed away anything that would have followed. It was a surefire way to distract Gail from her worries.

A kiss from Gail stopped Holly's mouth from running and a kiss from Holly stopped Gail's mind from running.

The method came through once again because just before the moment where all rational thought slipped from her head, she felt Gail flip their positions, pushing Holly against the closed front door and deepening their kiss in a rather aggressive manner that made Gail's intentions quite clear.

And there was a thigh pressed between her legs, and why did she think there was anything wrong again?

Because Gail's hands were slipping under her shirt, moving confidently up toward her bra, before stepping back momentarily to pull off her jacket, then Holly's, and toss them across the room.

Then her hands were back, prompting goose bumps along the flesh of Holly's torso, or maybe that was the fact that her shirt was suddenly gone, and how did Gail manage to do that so quickly?

But then she was being whisked away towards the stairs and why was Gail still clothed?

Apparently because climbing the stairs backward doesn't mix well with taking off clothes, except when it ends in a fit of giggles and then there was a stair pressing into her back but Gail's tongue was making it's way down her throat and who was she to complain?

"Hmmm, baby, we aren't doing this on the stairs."

"What? Oh, right."

Gail let out a raspy chuckle that did nothing to encourage the fog to leave Holly's mind, but she pulled herself together enough to climb the rest of the stairs with Gail leading her by the hand.

The minute they were on solid ground, Holly yanked Gail back against her, intent on retaking even an ounce of control over the situation.

"I need your clothes off now."

And Gail smirked and lifted her shirt over her head before Holly pulled it out of her hand and launched it down the stairs.

Then Gail was laughing again.

"What? It was in my way."

"Yeah? Well, your pants are in my way. Take them off."

But before she even had a chance to react, Gail was clawing at her belt and the zipper of her jeans and those too went the way of Gail's shirt.

"Mmm, much better."

"Hurry up."

Another raspy chuckle. "Someone is anxious."

But Holly was past the point of teasing. "Just shut up and let me fuck you."

The grin disappeared from Gail's face, replaced with a look of overwhelming desire and need and Holly knew the control was back in her hands. So pulled Gail back towards their bedroom, shutting the door by placing Gail's back against it. She tore at Gail's belt and jeans, pushing them down her hips and thighs before pulling them off her ankles. She remained on her knees, placing her forehead against Gail's hipbone and breathing in the scent of her skin.

She glanced up and saw Gail's chest heaving and the white-knuckle grip she was attempting to get against the smooth wood of the door. Placing a single kiss to the front of Gail's black lace panties, she got off her knees, moving them both towards the bed so that they fell together.

But Gail regained the upper hand once again when she placed her knees on each side of Holly's hip and her hand's on Holly's forearms, pressing them into the mattress.

Holly struggled against the hold for a few seconds before admitting defeat with a huff.

The smirk on Gail's face grew. "Don't pretend you don't like when I have you like this."

Holly rolled her eyes. "There are better things you can do with your tongue than mouthing off."

The smirk morphed into a grin and Gail's placed her lips against Holly's neck, nipping at her collarbone without releasing her grip on Holly's arms.

Holly arched her back against Gail's body, encouraging her ministrations. Gail finally let go of Holly's wrists, trailing her fingernails up her arms towards her chest, moving her lips down to the soft skin between Holly's breasts.

She took advantage of the curve of Holly's back and slipped her hands around to detach the clasp of her bra.

The bra was tossed over her shoulder and Gail bent back down, flicking her tongue once against Holly's hardened nipple before taking it into her mouth, earning a moan from the writhing woman beneath her.

Gail placed her free hand against Holly's other breast, palming it fully before squeezing it gently and why did she even think about fighting this position?

Because then Gail's mouth was moving down her stomach and her hands were about to leave her chest before Holly held them in place.

She only let go when Gail placed a bite against her hipbone and snatched her hand away to yank against Holly's increasingly damp underwear. She sat back on her knees and tossed the panties aside before placing her hands against Holly's thighs and pulling her forward.

Once she was settled with one of Gail's thighs pressed into her center, which was working all sorts of magic in the pit of her stomach, she sat up, reattaching herself to Gail's lips and removing her bra and suddenly she was imagining being able to do this for the rest of her life.

The thought caught her off guard for a moment, giving Gail enough time to push her down once again and make her descent down Holly's body, inching closer and closer and pushing any thought other than having Gail's tongue against her and inside her farther and farther away.

Then Gail's tongue flicked once, twice, three times against her clit and Holly's attempts at begging sounded like more of a strangled moan then anything else.

Because Gail's tongue was working some sort of magic and her fingernails were digging into her lower back and was there anything better than this?

Which was the moment Gail decided to abandon her attempt at clawing the skin off Holly's back in favor of teasing her fingers against Holly's opening.

"Jesus fuck."

Gail hummed in agreement against Holly's clit and thrust two fingers inside, sending Holly's hips off the bed and Gail jerked back with a laugh.

"Patience, baby."

"I have no patience. Just, please-"

Gail shut her up with a kiss and began working her fingers again and moving back down towards Holly's breast, causing her to slip her fingers into Gail's hair, pulling against her scalp, eliciting a moan from which Holly felt the vibration against her nipple.

And all that mattered was the feeling of Gail and her fingers and tongue and the buildup that she knew Gail was sensing when she added a third finger, which was almost too much in the very best way because suddenly Gail's lips were back at her own and she was moaning into her mouth and it all felt like love and devotion and forever.

But then Gail pulled away just enough to keep her forehead against Holly's and she curled her fingers inside and whispered, "Come for me, baby."

And Holly came.

Afterward, when Gail was slowly removing her fingers and trailing them against her thigh slow enough to leave a trail of wetness, the fog from Holly's mind lifted just enough to know everything that just happened was Gail's way of asking if she really was okay and that the only way she could really answer was to make Gail feel as loved and wanted as she had just made her.

She blinks away the memory and watches as Gail slips on her clothes for the day. She watches as the lines of her brow deepen and the biting of her lip becomes nothing short of frantic.

And Holly knows why. She wants to reach out and reassure her but that would mean giving up the charade of sleep, which would only make Gail feel worse.

So she doesn't. She lies there and thinks about the night before and everything that brought this spent the night with Steve and Traci, celebrating the first anniversary of the latter couples wedding. It was a great night with great food and great people and at least one conversation Holly wasn't meant to overhear.

"I can't believe you've been married to my brother for a year."

"I know, it seems a lot shorter than that."

"No, I mean, I can't believed you survived it."

"Very funny, Gail. Actually speaking of marriage.."

"….What?"

"Well, Steve might have mentioned you two went shopping for something last week."

"I'm going to kill him."

"He's just excited for you-"

"He's a dead man."

"Oh stop, Gail. He's happy for you. This is huge-"

"My god. No it's-it's not huge. It's me and Holly. It's-"

"Absolutely nothing at all. That explains the stuttering and the fact that your beer bottle no longer has a label."

"Okay, look. It's just- It's Holly and me. Holly and me. I mean-"

"What if she suddenly figures out who she has been crazy in love with for the last, what, two and a half years and bolts?"

"Two years, three months, two weeks, and four days, but yeah, basically, and don't give me that look, Nash."

"You realize it is Peck now, right?"

"Yeah, but it doesn't feel the same to say my own last name with a sense of righteous indignation. And stop trying to distract me."

"Fine, but you really don't have anything to worry about, you know?"

"Nothing to worry about? It's a huge deal…okay fine, you got me. It is a big deal and I'm really nervous."

"We have covered that."

"I just hadn't realized how much I wanted this…and now you have the stupid look again. I don't even know why I am talking to you about this."

"Oh shut up. Let's try again. You already have the ring. How are you going to ask?"

"…"

"Gail…"

"Ugh, I just- I don't know yet. I mean, I have already eliminated all the stupid cliché stuff. Holly hates that and so do I. I was thinking I would do it at home. In the living room, on the couch, it's kind of our spot…"

And that was when Holly forced herself to walk away because there was no way she was going to spoil this.

So Gail has a ring. And she wants this enough to talk to Traci about the half-formed proposal ideas floating around her head.

Gail has a ring. But Holly had a ring first.

Which is a petulant complaint but Holly really wants to be the one to ask first. Really, really wants it.

She has her own ideas about how she wants to do it but she hasn't made any decisions.

All she knows is that she needs to do it first because there is something really important about making sure Gail knows how much she is wanted.

How much she is wanted and needed and so, so worth it. Worth everything.

And Holly figures that only way she can really make sure Gail knows just how good she is, is to make sure that she is the one to make this gesture first.

Because Gail had been right last night. It was a huge deal. And it was her and Holly. Always her and Holly.

And now Holly is so lost in her thoughts that she has none of her usual subtlety while watching and as Gail walks out of the bathroom and sees her eyes open, Holly knows she has been caught.

"Shit, did I wake you up?"

Holly adjusts her position and rubs at her eyes. "No, it's fine. I was kind of already awake."

Gail's brow furrows just a bit further and she walks back over to the bed, perching herself on the side. She reaches over, brushes the wisps of hair away from Holly's face, and poses the same question from last night.

"Are you okay?"

She wants to say yes, yes I am okay, more than okay, I'm ecstatic, but she can't. She can't give away that she knows.

"Yeah, I'm fine."

And Gail doesn't believe it for a second, that much is clear. But she doesn't push about stuff like this. She doesn't question or doubt, usually because she is too afraid of the answer.

Instead she leans down and places a kiss on Holly's forehead, her nose, and, lastly, her lips, remaining there a little longer than usual and it all makes Holly feel guilty.

"Okay, well I have to go."

"I know."

Gail stares as her for a moment and Holly can see the wheels turning, trying to piece together everything that has been presented to her.

Then her face changes into a smile that doesn't reach her eyes and Holly knows she has stopped herself before she can get into freak out mode.

She stands up and walks to her desk, slinging her bag across her chest. She glances at Holly once more before training her eyes on the ground in front of her.

"Have a good day, babe."

Gail stops just before leaving the room and looks back, a smile on her face, this one genuine.

"You too. I love you."

"I love you, too."

And then she is gone and Holly is left wondering how the hell she is going to manage to keep this secret.