first off, terribly sorry for the wait. and the shortness of this chapter. i just really wanted to get something up here for you guys. i promise next chapter will be longer and will have the moment that this is all leading up too.
again, i own nothing. however, if someone has a holly stewart for sale, i would be totally open to that

viii. radio silence and quiet defeat

As it turns out, she lasts four days. Barely four days.

And really, the third day doesn't actually count because Gail pulled an all nighter at the station and Holly only saw her for a total of six minutes.

But those six minutes were torture to get through.

The first day she wasn't very worried because she had three autopsies in a row to keep her busy and she knew as long as she wasn't actually talking to Gail it would be okay.

And it was working. Except when Gail asked what she wanted for lunch that day and Holly panicked, stuttered for a minute, and then said she was too busy to take a break.

The next day it was beginning to get a bit ridiculous. She had sanitized every machine and tool, took inventory on all the supplies, and considered digitizing old files into the new system.

And as she was rolling her eyes at her ridiculous desperation, she phone vibrated. She glanced at the screen, saw Gail's name, and hesitated a moment before answering.

"Hello?"

"Hey."

Holly sighed. The quiet defeat in Gail's voice was surely a result of the fact that she knew Holly had been actively avoiding her for two days. "Hey," she responded, trying for levity.

"Um, are you coming home soon?"

Holly closed her eyes, her chest suddenly feeling tight. "Yeah, I just have to finish up here."

"Okay? So, not soon?"

"I honestly don't know."

"Uh, alright. I'm just going to bed then. I have to go in early tomorrow."

The brief feeling of relief that shot through her at the words was followed by a deeper feeling of guilt. "Well, goodnight then."

"Yeah. Night."

"I love you," Holly said, her was of attempting to stem the tide of uncertainty that was no doubt washing through Gail. Her way of saying this wasn't a real problem between them, this wasn't something Gail needed to be worried about.

There was a moment of silence again, then a sigh. A tired sigh from a woman who didn't deserve to be so resigned. "I love you, too."

Immediately after, there was a click and a dial tone and Holly knew she needed to figure this out and soon.

She needs to figure how to propose before Gail got it in her head that this is Holly's way of saying she didn't want her anymore.

Which she knows is an issue with Gail. It will probably always be an issue with Gail, no matter how long they are together. Which Holly sincerely hopes will be for the rest of their lives.

It will always be there in the back of Gail's head: the idea that she might to be wanted. Not wanted, not worth it, not good enough.

But this is just another reason Holly needs to be the one to propose first. As much as she loves that Gail feels comfortable enough in their relationship that she would put herself out there like this, Holly just needs this. For Gail.

For Gail and the fact that there will always be a part of her that thinks she is not wanted, not worth it, not good enough.

She wants to do this in a way that will shot Gail just how special she truly is. And even though it does take a bit of the surprise away, she is grateful that she doesn't have to worry about Gail not wanting to marry her.

Not that she was actually worried about Gail saying no, but it is just one less worrisome thought that she has to deal with while planning.

But even with knowing all of this, she is lost.

So here she is, on the fourth day, with absolutely nothing, staring aimlessly across her empty lab, trying to come up with something to do that would keep her from going home.

But she misses Gail. Misses her like crazy and she hasn't even gone anywhere. The six minutes she saw her yesterday only made it harder. Gail had been quiet, avoiding Holly's eyes and biting worriedly at her lip.

So maybe going home now will be fine. Gail had texted an hour ago letting her know that she would be pretty late so there was no way she was planning on proposing tonight. Especially with the last three days they have had.

So she has nothing to worry about.