first off, apologies again for the wait. i was on vacation with my family because next month i am leaving to study abroad for a semester.
anyway, i got my one hundredth follower with my last chapter and i can't begin to explain how awesome you guys are. as for reviews, i read every single one and they all make me really happy.
user jidbdbdjsindnfkd said some really great things that made me smile as did nicasol , dancingwriter13, Onecleanpebble , SezClom , and LuceLuxe. i look forward to hearing more from all of you.
also, shoutout to mmmiller13 for being my one hundredth follower.
thanks again and as always, i own nothing, just borrowing for a bit to work through my Holly Stewart obsession.
viii. in which they know they are a couple of idiots (with some crazy, dumb luck)
The house is quiet when she gets home, just as she suspected. The light in the front hallway is off as is the light in the living room.
Holly is so sure she is the only one home that she doesn't notice the light coming from beneath the bedroom door.
But the first thing she sees when she opens the door is Gail sitting on their bed with her legs pulled up to her chest and her chin resting on her knees.
Holly freezes for a moment and there is something about Gail's position that reminds her of the weeks after the shooting and the quiet and the cheekbones and why are they even in this situation to begin with?
Oh, right.
Five years from now, she tells herself, they will laugh about the absurdity of the past few days, while they are sitting on the couch with a big bottle of wine and the laughter and squeals of a small child filling the background.
But right now, it just hurts. It hurts in that uncomfortable sort of way where you feel like an idiot because you know exactly how you got there but have no idea how to get back.
"Hey. You're home."
Gail nods slowly, not bothering to lift her head. "We finished earlier than I thought we would." She extends her legs to stretch for a moment before directing her haze towards Holly, fixing her with an inscrutable expression.
They hold eye contact for a moment, each waiting for the other to address the unspoken tension between them before Gail raises a brow in something akin to acceptance and slides off the bed. "I'm going to go get something to eat."
Holly watches as she walks out the room, opening and closing her mouth a few times as Gail passed in front of her, closer than they have been to each other in days.
She listens to the sound of Gail's feet descending the stairs before letting out a deep sigh and dragging her hands through her hair. She lets her hands drop to her sides and feels her right hand collide with the small bump in her right blazer pocket.
She takes it out and flips the top open, running her finger over the ring she used to play with when it rested on her grandmother's finger for so many years.
She thinks about this utterly ridiculous situation she has gotten them into, and why.
This was all supposed to be a way to make sure Gail knows how loved she is. How special and strong and brave and beautiful and so, so good she is.
But everything about her behavior this week has assuredly accomplished the opposite.
Which means one thing. She has to do it tonight. Surely Gail has lost whatever confidence that led her to have the conversation with Traci.
She had to do this tonight, right now, and then she can have Gail back. And Gail can have her confidence back.
She glances in the mirror before she leaves the room, setting her shoulders back and attempting to psych herself up. But there is nothing about her appearance that works to reassure her. She looks tired, and she is, physically and mentally.
She raises her gaze to make eye contact with her reflection and tells herself that tonight will be the last of it. This next hour will, hopefully, fix everything.
Not change everything though, because ring or not, she knows Gail is the person she wants to be with for the rest of her life. Gail is her family, her happiness, her everything. And soon she will be her fiancé, and then her wife.
Wife. She really likes that word.
She smiles at the thought and reminds herself not to get too far ahead. First she needs to fix the damage of the past week.
She exits the rooms and descends the stairs at a rapid pace, her eagerness overcoming her generally uncoordinated nature, and by the time she gets to the bottom of the stairs, she is genuinely surprised she didn't end up in a tangle of limbs on the floor.
However, her astonishment over the momentary display of athleticism is enough of a distraction and she trips over the hallway coffee table, dislodging the small brass statue. She catches the statue and manages to steady herself just in time.
The noise is enough to cause Gail to poke her head over the kitchen bar.
"You okay?"
Holly lets out a small self-deprecating laugh. "Uh, yeah. All good. Just forgot for a second that I have no athletic ability whatsoever." She is banking on Gail's love of teasing her over this fact, about how she fulfills all the stereotypes of a nerd and none of a lesbian.
And it works because there is the beginning of a smile evident at the corners of her mouth and a small crinkling of her eyes. She looks back down to the avocado she is cutting up. "Usually when you forget that, it leads to large bruises in weird places and me having to go get more band aids."
Holly beams. She really loves this woman. "Yes, well, no blood spilled this time." Gail only hums her agreement and, in an attempt to extend this tenuous reprieve of theirs, she tries small talk. "So, how was your day?"
Gail glances up for a moment, an unimpressed expression across her features, before returning to the avocado. "Fine. We caught a guy today because he left his credit card with the cashier he was trying to steal from."
"People are idiots."
That earns her another hum of approval and Gail turns to the fridge to search for green salsa to mix the avocado in.
Holly watches as Gail reaches to the top of the fridge to get the bag of tortilla chips. The movement is enough to make the hem of Gail's shirt ride up and expose the dimples on her back and she is reminded of the fact that they haven't had sex in almost five days. Which is way too fucking long.
God, this is excruciating.
"What about you?'
"Hmm?"
Gail turned from the fridge and placed the salsa and chips on the counter. "How was your day?"
Oh, right. Serious conversation now, sex later. Hopefully. "It was alright. I had this guy on my table today. They thought he chocked to death but Randal ruled COD as cardiac arrhythmia yesterday so the case was closed before the tox screen even came back. But this morning his girlfriend came in for the formal ID and there was just something off about the way she reacted so I had him run the tox again but to open it up to more substances. Turns out he had Aconitum napellus in his system. It's a plant called Monkshood. It causes cardiac arrhythmia and makes it look like the victim choked. Apparently, the girlfriend snuck it into his food because he was cheating on her."
Gail sets down the fork and she was using to mash the avocado and looks up slowly. "Are you telling me you solved a murder because you sensed something was "off" with the girlfriend? What was she doing? Clapping and squealing over his dead body?"
Holly shakes her head with a small smile. "No it was just- I don't know. The things she was saying. It didn't really seem like she meant them. When we bring people in to do the formal ID, they always start telling us stories. They are talking to us, but it's like they don't even know we are there. They never stop looking at their loved one. But this girl, she took one look at him and seemed like she wanted to get out of there right away. And when she was talking about him she kept using past tense. He was the love of her life. She loved him so much. It just seemed weird. If someone is the love of your life you don't just stop loving him or her because they died two days before. You don't stop loving them if they died two decades before."
She looks up to see if Gail agrees with what she is saying or if she is crazy but she is met with a completely different expression. Gail is looking at her with a wide-eyed mixture of awe and sadness and so much love.
"What?"
Gail shakes away the look, adopting something much more blank and cold and unfeeling. She is scared, Holly knows. She stops feeling when she is scared. "Nothing, that is just pretty impressive. So has she confessed?"
Holly nods. "Apparently she said that he deserved everything he got. That no one has the right to play around with someone like that. She said if he didn't want to be with her anymore then he should have just told her." She studies Gail as she says the words, watching as her jaw clenches and her hand tightens around the fork.
Gail takes a deep breath, looks everywhere but Holly and says quietly, "She is right."
"Yes, she is."
Gail just closes her eyes and abandons her food, turning back to the kitchen sink. She turns the water on and picks up one of the coffee mugs, scrubbing rather aggressively. Holly waits until her back is all the way turned before pulling the ring box out and setting it on the bar. She is just about to call attention back to her when Gail starts rambling.
"I mean, she isn't right about the murder part, obviously. That is just ridiculous. But if you don't love someone anymore then you should let them know. You shouldn't just let them be in a relationship with you and think everything is okay."
"Gail-"
"And you are right about the other thing. About not just falling out of love with someone so quickly. I mean if you really loved someone to begin with, that doesn't just go away. Not if they die. Not even if they don't love you back anymore."
"Gail-"
Gail finally turns around, her left hand gripping the coffee mug with whitened knuckles. "Holly, just tell me the tru-" Her voice fades away when she finally notices the opened box sitting on the counter. The coffee mug fell though her fingers and Holly flinched at the shattering noise but Gail didn't seem to notice. "What is that?"
And maybe this isn't really her dream proposal scenario but Gail is in the kitchen and Holly is halfway into the living room and these are their places. This is their reality show debate and their first fight and their first "I love you", so what better place to make Gail know that all she really wants is to spend the rest of their lives together, and that maybe if she was the type of person to believe in fate and destiny, that this is where they where they were always supposed to be. And that maybe the rest of their lives isn't quite long enough for her, but it would be enough as long as they spent it together.
She takes a deep breath and pushes her glasses back up her nose. "It's-uh, it's my grandmother's. My grandfather gave it to me last year, at Christmas? When I introduced you to him? He pulled me aside after dinner and gave it to me. He said she would have wanted me to have it. That there is something about the way we look at each other."
She can't look up from the ring because she can't look at Gail and she is rambling and she hadn't planned on saying this but she hadn't planned any of it and wasn't that the problem?
"And he is right. I look at you and I just- I can't- ugh. I have been trying to do figure out how to do this for the past week and honestly I couldn't think of anything other than tossing the ring at you and saying, 'hey, you wanna marry me, maybe?' but we both know that would never work because if I tossed it at you my aim would be so terrible that it would probably fall down a vent or something so, you know, here we are...and-"
She is cut off by the sound of something being set on the bar in front of her. In the time it took her to get through that ridiculous speech Gail managed to fish the ring she showed Traci that night out of her bag. So now it seems they have switched places. Because Holly is staring at the open box sitting in front of her and the ring that is facing her and it is insane. Like, really insanely gorgeous. It must have cost a small fortune. There are three circular diamonds on a platinum band, the middle diamond just slightly bigger then the other two. And even from the small distance away that she is, she can see that the diamonds are flawlessly cut. And very, very bright. And shiny.
She knows that her grandmother's ring is incredible. It is a white gold, vintage style half-moon setting with a halo of smaller stones around the center diamond. Once, when she was a kid she asked her grandfather how expensive the ring was and he responded with, 'That thing cost more than your life, sweet girl'. She always thought he was joking, but she is pretty sure you could say the same thing about the ring Gail has bought for her and it would actually be true.
And even though she knew this was going to happen, she knew that Gail was planning on asking her, it only just now feels real. Because she is standing in their home, after almost a week of avoiding Gail for this very reason, to make sure that she would be the first to ask and she managed to mess it up spectacularly. Because she has the ring out and she has Gail in front of her but she forgot to actually ask the question.
"I wanted to do it first," Gail says and Holly is whipped from her thoughts. "I wanted to do it first because I found the ring in the Pride and Prejudice book so I knew you were going to ask but I wanted to do it first."
And then Holly is laughing and Gail is looking at her with a confused expression but this is just so, so dumb that she can't even contain herself. Of course Gail knew. Of course.
She finally stops because she sees the look on Gail's face changing from confusion to hurt and a little bit of fear and she needs to stop before this all falls apart.
"I heard you talking to Traci at their anniversary dinner. I have been avoiding you this past week because I wanted to do it first. I didn't know you knew that I wanted to ask."
She sees the pieces finally falling into place in Gail's head and a smile breaks across her face. A real smile. The biggest and best Gail smile she has seen since before the shooting.
"We are idiots."
"Yeah," Holly agrees. "We really, kind of are."
"I thought-" Gail shakes her head, "I thought that you were avoiding me because you- I don't know-"
"Because I didn't want you anymore?"
Gail nods her head.
Holly finally moves from her position leaning against the bar and walks around into the kitchen, placing her hands on Gail's cheeks. "I will always want you, Gail. Always. I wake up every morning with you wrapped in my arms and I can't believe how lucky I am. I love you more than I can possibly say, more than I ever thought possible. You are perfect for me. Everything that you hate about yourself, all the things that you think are flaws are, to me, the most beautiful things about you. And if I have to spend every day of my life convincing you of that, it would be worth it because there is nothing more important to me than you knowing how amazing you are."
And Gail, who has never been one with words, is seemingly at a loss. Instead she moves, as she often does when Holly takes it upon herself to speak every word known to man at once, and places her lips against Holly's with such a ferocity that it is a miracle they are still standing.
Then it is all hands, pulling at each other with a desperate need, as if they were trying to make up for the recent distance between them with this single kiss.
Finally Holly pulls away, but keeps her forehead pressed against Gail's. In the moment where they are catching their breath, they both turn their heads just enough to look back to the rings.
"So are you saying yes?" Holly asks.
Gail smiles. "You haven't actually asked me anything yet."
"And you haven't asked me."
They stare at one another for a moment, before Gail moves like a flash out of Holly's arms. She snatches up the ring she bought and, before Holly can shake out of her stupor, grabs Holly's left hand.
"Holly, you wanna marry me, maybe?"
"Goddamn it."
Gail laughs. "That really isn't one of the possible answers."
She looks up from the ring and sees the smile on Gail's face and even though she was adamant about going first, it seems that she still managed to accomplish her goal. There is no fear or doubt in Gail's eyes and it's okay.
"Yes, obviously," Holly laughs. "Just put the fucking ring on my finger."
Gail smiles and bites her lower lip as she slides the ring onto Holly's hand. Holly takes a moment to stare at the ring in wonder, before reaching for her grandmother's ring- well, Gail's ring now. She takes a moment to glance up at Gail in askance, but Gail's eyes are latched onto the ring in Holly's hand, which she takes as approval.
She tries to slip the ring on Gail's finger but her hands are shaking and she is finally realizing what is happening. And that it is finally happening.
Gail wrapped her right hand around Holly's wrist to steady her, an action that causes her to look up. Gail is staring at her in comfort and sympathy and just a tiny bit of amusement. "Baby, you kind of forgot something."
"What?" Oh, right. "Um, yeah. I- Gail, I- Will, uh...will you...m-marry me?"
Gail throws her head back and laughs and the sound puts a giant grin on Holly's face. "Yes, obviously. Just put the fucking ring on my finger, Holly."
She does and it fits perfectly, like it was always supposed be hers. Holly lets go, sliding her hands up Gail's arms until she reached her collar bones. She rests there for a moment, admiring the difference in their skin tones and the look of the ring on her finger, shaking her head at her crazy, dumb luck.
"You said yes."
Gail smiles. "So did you."
"Yeah," Holly agrees. "I did." She closes her eyes and lets out a deep breath of relief and ponders for a moment just how content she feels, before opening them back up and taking in the woman before her. Her woman. Her fiancé. "Now come closer."
"I'm right here."
"Yeah, I know. But I need you closer."