Hot Pocket: Starring the 3 Pines brother's and their little sister.
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Shermy never signed up for any of this. He never signed up to be on his parents speed-dial, nor did he sign up to be the older brother of three little troublemakers who used that speed-dial more than they did 911. The oldest of the Pines was beginning to, fear the arrival of his own son from this, fearing that it would be the same process of wake up, tend to someone sobbing, eat breakfast, stop them from sticking a fork in the outlets, and so on. It was honestly getting on his last nerve having to do it for his own siblings, and yet he still found himself waiting by the phone, with his keys already in hand.
Ring! Ring!
"Hello?" Shermy answered almost instantly, hearing the shrill cries of his baby sister in the background.
"Sherms! We need you over here, stat!" Stanley all but screamed into the phone. "Code: Hot Pocket! This is not a drill, Sherm!"
Code: Hot Pocket to the Pines siblings had one of two meanings to it. It meant that either the house was burning down, or that something was wrong with Shirley. He was going to go out on a limb and say that this call involved Shirley this time.
"On my way. Whatever you do, DO NOT step away from the baby and hide behind the couch like last time!" Shermy called into the phone, suddenly dropping it onto the receiver and hopping over his own couch as he raced out of his apartment and towards his car.
"I came as fast as I could!" Shermy announced as he rushed into his old home and began to look around the room.
Stanley was curled up into a little ball, with oven mitts taped to his hands and a trashcan lid on over his head. Though he was happy to see that Stanley was acting normal, the older brother didn't have time to dwell on it, and instead got straight down to buisness.
"Where's Stanford and Shirley?" He barked, suddenly pulling his brother up and then slapping him.
"Ow! They're in the bathroom, jerk." Stanley snapped, removing one of the gloves and using it to slap Shermy back. "And a simple "Hi, how ya doin'" would have been a nice greeting also. You know, instead of slapping me in the face!"
"Just shut up and tell me what's wrong with Shirley!" Shermy snapped angrily as he began to head off towards the bathroom, his brother following behind.
"Shirley is constipated. Ford is trying to find the baby ointment in the bathroom but it's missing." Stanley filled him in, stopping just before the door. "Its a war zone in there, so be careful."
"I will."
With that, the bathroom door was flung open, and the horrid wail of the baby girl nearly sent the two brothers packing, but still the oldest pressed on. He found Ford, hurriedly searching through the cabinets of the bathroom, with Shirley clinging to his shirt and howling directly into his ear.
"Ford!" Shermy called to him over the roar of the little one, just as his brother turned to him.
"HI SHERMY!" Ford exclaimed, his voice rising over his little sister's cries, probably due to the hearing loss he might be experiencing. "SHIRLEY, LOOK WHO IT IS."
Shermy stepped forward and snagged Shirley away, causing her cries to turn into tiny whimpers, as she attempted to communicate to her older brother that she was still hurting but at least happy to see him. Just then, Ford turned to them.
"WELL, I CAN'T FIND THE OINTMENT, BUT MA SUGGESTED GETTING HER TO DRINK SOMETHING MAY HELP."
"Poindexter, why are you yelling?" Stan asked, plugging his ears at the sound that was equally as annoying as Shirley's earlier cries.
"WHAT?" Ford called back, clearly not hearing a word that the other said.
"Nevermind! Let's just go with Ma's idea." Shermy cut in, leading his younger siblings down the hallway as he shook his head. "I swear, you three are a mess without me around this place."
Upon entering the kitchen, the baby was placed into her highchair and her brother's got to work preparing a quick fix to her potty problem. Upon being set onto her bottom, the girl waved her arms around and the wailing began again, causing her brothers to frantically search the fridge for one of her bottles.
"Kid! Shut up! We're looking for it!" Stanley groaned, trying to cover his ears and search at the same time.
At long last, their eyes suddenly found a bottle, just behind the off-brand ketchup and expired mustard in the back of the fridge. Unfortunately, thats all they would find, as Shirley's formula for that bottle had already been consumed earlier and no more remained now. Holding the empty bottle in his hands with a blank expression on his face, Shermy was quickly let in on yet another awful thing.
"Shit. And we're all out of formula so we can't make another..." Stan said as he sighed heavily.
"All out!?" Shermy exclaimed as he looked to Shirley.
"JUST UNTIL MA GETS BACK, BUT SHE HAS A HAIR APPOINTMENT TODAY." Ford said, trying to explain this to the suddenly frantic frantic adult and baby girl, who only responded with yet another round of ear-splitting cries.
Unable to stand the sound so close to their ears, Shermy and Stanley plugged their ears and began to search the fridge for something else to give her. The first thing they found was... A beer?
"This shouldn't even be in here. You're all underaged." Shermy scolded, shoving it further back with the secret intentions of taking it for himself later.
"Eh, it would help to shut her up." Stan muttered, though he did feel bad for Shirley.
"But it would also help in getting us all in trouble if ma were to find out." Shermy added, rolling his eyes as the search continued.
"What do you care? You're a grown-ups adult who-" Stanley was suddenly cut off by his brother.
"Kid, the only thing we have left in here is-" Shermy paused suddenly, his eyes widening at the sight of what lay before him.
"Absolutely perfect!" They exclaimed in unison rather uncharacteristically.
Happily, the three jeered as Shermy quickly snatched the glass container from its spot in the fridge and rushed over to the child, who by now was calmed down enough to watch him as he worked. Carefully, Shermy uncapped the lid of both the container and the empty bottle and started pouring the blood colored liquid into Shirley's bottle, with her watching in amazement. For good messure, he watered it down until the liquid was soupy and then offered it to her. She pulled the bottle away and for a second Shermy feared that she was going to freak out, only to be saved by her cries of sudden delight. She quickly puts the bottle to her lips and downs the entire bottle in milli-seconds.
"Hot Sause. Our pet monster's only known weakness." Shermy said in delight, returning to the fridge and cracking open the beer from before before grabbing a couple of sodas and tossing them to his younger brothers. "Job well done, gentlemen."
"I'd say so. This time only Ford lost his hearing." Stanley commented, watching as Ford pressed his soda to his ear.
"In all fairness, that wasn't my fault." Shermy muttered sheepishly.
"Eh, you still handled this like a champ." Stanley laughed, "12.2 minutes to get here and you tamed the beast in no time. Heh, you're going to be a great dad."
"And you two are going to be horrible uncles." Shermy teased, sipping his beer and then knocking them both in the shoulders. "Still, feel free to use the speed dial whenever you want to. My wife won't mind."
"WHAT?" Ford suddenly exclaimed, causing an eruption of laughter to come from his siblings, which promptly ended due to a sudden disturbance in the force.
"Crap... I think Shirley finally got all of that out of her." Stanley muttered, wrinkling his nose. "Ford, change the kid."
"I DID IT LAST TIME!" The bispectacled brother exclaimed, slowly backing out from the room. "YOU DO IT, STANLEY, SHE LIKES YOU BETTER."
"What!? No way am I getting near that thing! Shermy should do it! Practice for his own kid or whatever!" Stan said as he followed after his twin quickly. "Good luck!"
Shermy frowned and rolled his eyes as he walked over to Shirley and picked her up, only to hold her out at an arms length so he could change her without dying from the smell alone. He swollen thickly, walking out to the livingroom while praying to God that his own child would never be this messy, and that he'd be able to get the diaper on correctly this time around...