Chapter Twenty Two

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Abby-Rue awoke with a start and stared wildly at her surroundings, which she could not recognise. She had been in the Arena, with Harry and Belle, with dead bodies scattered around the cave. Then they had jumped from the cave's edge.

Suddenly, the door opened and she recognised her surroundings at last. She was in her bedroom at home, and there stood her mother in the doorway.

The moment she saw her daughter had awoken, Katniss threw herself across the room and wrapped her arms tightly around the girl, calling out for Peeta to come and see. Abby was extremely confused by this, wondering why her mother was so ecstatic, but then her father wrapped his arms around the two of them as well, and Abby allowed her questions to wait, revelling in the fact that she was safe at home again.

Abby made no attempt to speak, enjoying the blissful silence that filled the room. Silences had been few and far between in the Arena; whenever they appeared, they almost always meant danger was nearby. It was wonderful to have a quiet that she could merely relax into, not having to become tense and alert, ready to fight to the death with any attackers.

"How are you feeling, Abby?" Katniss asked her daughter, holding at arm's length and looking her up and down, searching for any visible injuries. There were cuts and bruises aplenty dotted around her arms and face, fresh reminders of the ordeal she had gone through, but Katniss could see nothing worse, except for in her eyes. Those were the scars that would not heal so easily, as her parents knew very well, the memories that would haunt her until the day she died.

"I'm fine." she lied, not wanting to worry her mother, who since the Reaping had looked as if the weight of the world rested on her shoulders. She could tell that the woman did not believe her, but neither questioned the lie. When it came to the aftermath of the Hunger Games, it seemed as if these lies were all they had, small semblances of reality that they clung to desperately to stop themselves falling over the precipice into despair. Abby had not understood the truth in that statement since now. 'It's no wonder that my parents still have dreams about the Arena.' Abby realised. 'I suppose I will do as well, and my children will have to listen to me crying out in the night and never know why. At least, I hope they'll never know. It's better that they never know.'

A sudden question came to the front of her mind.

"Is Harry okay? And little Belle?" she asked, breathing heavily. "They got out alright, didn't they?"

"They're back at home with their families." Peeta answered immediately, knowing how worried his daughter must have been. He still remembered his own fears for his family back at home, and Katniss', which had been stronger tenfold. Most, if not all of those they had feared for were dead now; if anything, that made the memories more painful.

The relief washed over Abby like a calming wave, hiding the bitter grit of exhaustion and pain that had been all she had known since the train had left District Twelve. But once the tide went out again, it revealed something deeper, a memory she had buried in her heart to stop it hurting so much.

Tears flooded the young girl's eyes as she buried her head in her mother's shoulder, clinging to her as she sobbed. She had been so fixated on whether her friends had made it home safely, she had forgotten the one she was certain would not do.

"I know, sweetie." Katniss whispered into her daughter's hair, rocking her backwards and forwards as if she was still a baby who could not sleep through the night. Abby felt just as helpless as a baby. "I know. I'm so sorry."

"He's gone." the young girl whispered, more to herself than to anyone else. She still could not believe it. In the Arena, everything had happened so quickly, it had become a blur of bloodstains and booming cannons. There had been no time to come to terms with the losses she had sustained to remain alive.

"You really cared about him, didn't you?" Katniss asked. She did not seem truly surprised, nor could she have been, when she had watched the events of the Games on the screen just as everyone else had.

Hiccuping as she tried to slow her wracking sobs, Abby responded with a shallow nod, all she was capable of in such a state. It was a few seconds before she had calmed enough to speak coherently. "You know what it's like in the Arena. It feels like your District partner is all you have at the start. And when you don't have anyone else, you're bound to fall in love with them, just a little bit. You'd know that better than anyone; just look at you now."

While Peeta smiled a sympathetic smile, tightening the hand that rested on his wife's arm, Katniss frowned in disbelief.

"You loved him?" the woman whispered, her voice suddenly hoarse and quiet. "You were in love with Alex?"

There were so many ways she could phrase what she wanted to say, so many combinations of words, some that may please her mother and some that may break her heart. In the end, she chose the simplest way of all. "Yes."

Perhaps she was too young to know what love truly was; that was the statement gleaming in her mother's eyes. But she knew the rush of happiness that had coursed through her veins when Alex had come to the cave, and she knew the agony that had shattered her heart when he was taken from her. If that was not love, then she did not know what was.

"Yes." she repeated, tears welling up in her eyes. "I loved him more than I ever thought I could."

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