Hey there, sorry for the wait. Finals are over and I hope to update a little sooner starting now.
And a huge THANK YOU to all of you. You are awesome, so many follows and favs in one chapter, it really made me happy! :)
The car mentioned later on is based on Anna Kendricks real car. By the way, happy Birthday Anna!
Sadly, I own nothing.
I still can't believe it's true. I mean, it's not, definitely not. That's why I'm here. I can't take some stupid little plastic stick serious.
My eyes wandered across the room, studying the people. A girl around my age sat to the left, chewing her gum and tapping lazily on her phone. Her nails made small clicking sounds when they hit the display.
A woman in her mid-thirties sat across from me, a small child playing by her feet. She looked tired, one of her hands held her head up while the other hung from her leg. The young boy drove his car around, circling her left foot once. She glanced down at him and he looked up, smiling brightly. It was kind of cute, he adored his mother. The woman closed her eyes again, not even showing a small smile and the boys smile vanished. His tiny hand stretched to pat her leg, but he retired it before actually touching her and continued playing silently.
Am I going to end up like this? Worn out with thirty, not even paying attention to my child? The poor boy, I would never tread my baby like this.. Not that there is one to begin with, stupid thoughts. But would I sit here on my own when the baby is around his age? Without a father to care for him and me being distant? I'm exaggerating again, maybe his father is at work and the sitter couldn't take him or they don't have a sitter? Stop it, Beca. That's none of your business.
The boy looked up again and caught my eyes. He stared at me for a few seconds, not moving at all, before I smiled shyly and moved my hand a little, indicating something like a small wave that hopefully no one saw. His face broke out into another bright smile, he waved back energetically and started pushing his car in my direction, robbing across the floor while doing so. Shooting glances at me every now and then. Is he coming to me? Does he want something? Damn, his mother is probably angry! I looked up again, seeing the woman relax into her chair. Nope, not looking angry at all.. Does she even care, for goodness sake? Something tucked on my denim and my eyes wandered down again. The boy stood in front of me, looking at the floor. Was he acting shy now? The hand holding the fabric of my leg tightened a little and his eyes met mine again. He had big, brown, innocent eyes. His short blonde hair looked ruffled.
"Playin' wif me?" He couldn't pronounce the th correctly, it was kind of cute.. "Please?"
I leaned forward and smiled, feeling a little unsure about where this was going. "Sure, but you have to tell me your name first buddy."
His smile returned and his hands patted my legs excitedly. "Josh. You like cars? Mine is a hero's car!"
He was irresistible, I just had to play along. "Josh? Isn't that a superhero's name? I'm Beca."
His arms stretched out in my direction and he laughed. Does he want me to lift him up into my lap? I held out my hands and he stepped in between my legs, waiting for me to lift him up. His weight surprised me a little, I thought he would be lighter, but it wasn't uncomfortable. I tried to hold him in place without looking too helpless and hurting him.
"I'm a hero!" his hands flew up and he nearly hit me with his car, his excitement growing tenfold.
I couldn't contain my laughter any longer. "Wow, slow down a little, superman. Would you like to show me your awesome hero car?" Josh nodded and started explaining every little detail about his car. It was a simple, red, sports car, but in Josh's imagination, it was able to get invisible and save people. He entertained me with bits and pieces about every superman he ever heard about.
"Beca Mitchell?"
My head flew up. A nurse stood at the door, holding a chart and looking around, waiting for someone to speak up. The moment I stood up and sat Josh onto the floor again carefully, a girl left one of the examination rooms and pulled a phone out of her pocket, checking the display before putting it away again. Brown hair covered her face before her head moved and our eyes met. My heart, stomach and every other organ within me plummeted to the floor. It can't be..
"Beca? Hey, what are you doing here?"
"Stacie?"
The taller girl covered the distance between us with a few long strides, grinning widely. Something tucked on my leg and my eyes wandered back to the floor. Josh stood beside me, his little fingers buried within the fabric of my denim again, hiding his head behind my thigh. It hurt and warmed my heart at the same time, seeing him so unsure, yet so trusting. I couldn't help myself and crouched down beside him, patting his head with my right hand.
"Hey buddy, do you know my friend Stacie? She's super nice and has superpowers herself!"
I stared at Stacie for a few seconds, daring her to say something else. She returned my stare, asking me questions I didn't want to answer with her eyes.
"Really? You have superpowers?"
The question broke our stare down and Stacie eyed me one last time before crouching down beside me, offering Josh one of her hands with a smile.
"Of course! Do you probably have superpowers too?"
Josh took her hand and shook it excitedly, nearly jumping up and down while doing so.
"Yes! Mummy? Mummy! Did you hear, this girls' a superhero!" The woman across the room looked up, eying us for a second before her attention settled on the excited boy between us.
"That's awesome, Josh. But please don't annoy those people with your heros. Okay, honey?"
I don't know what's wrong with me, but how could this woman be so disinterested? I mean, her son is such a sweet little guy, and she looks like he's only getting on her nerves. He didn't even talk to her until now! The nerve of..
"Beca Mitchell!"
Damn, the nurse still stood there, waiting for me. I patted Joshs head once more. "Be a good guy and help as many people as possible in the future, okay? It was really nice to meet you, Josh."
He looked like he was about to cry before he nodded, rubbing his eyes with the back of his hands. My heart twitched and I ruffled his hair, turning to Stacie.
"I guess I'll see you tomorrow."
Her hand grabbed my wrist and she jerked me back lightly, whispering so that only I could hear her. "You better tell me what you're doing here later. And don't try to say something about routine check-up. We both know that you hate these things and would never come here for something like that."
My throat went dry and I felt my palms getting sweaty. She would have seen my eyes widen, but I'm glad that the only thing she saw was my back towards her and probably the slight clenching of my fists. I ripped my arm free and went to the, by now annoyed looking, nurse. Seriously, couldn't she see that I was having a conversation? I know why I hate people.. They are so, so.. impatient! I mean, I hate waiting myself. But that doesn't mean they couldn't wait for me, right? Goodness, that sounds way too self-absorbed..
"Please take a seat, the doctor will be here shortly." The nurse opened a door and I stepped through, the room was painted with different kinds of yellow. It was probably supposed to keep you calm and make you feel at home, but that's the problem, no doctor could ever make me feel comfortable or at home. Pictures of pregnant women or anatomic drawings littered the walls.
I felt something against my stomach and had to refrain myself from yelping in surprise. My hand started caressing the skin through my blouse lightly. I ripped it away in shock, staring at my fingers with wide eyes. What was happening? I already knew, definitely knew, that I wasn't pregnant. Is that what they call a mothers instinct? But, I'm not pregnant! That means that I can't be a mother. Therefore, there's no instinct!
I'm discussing things with myself.. I totally lost it. Is it possible that those actions were caused due to Josh? The pictures? The fact that nothing else besides that damned pregnancy test occupied my mind the whole day? I don't know what to do.. What if.. What if I'm really pregnant? What am I going to tell Chloe? Or Jesse? I can't tell them. No matter what happens, they can't know. I would take care of the baby myself, because it wouldn't be Jesse's and it would break him, knowing that I slept with someone else while being in a relationship with him.. And Chloe.. oh, sweet, loving Chloe. I'm sure she would try to take responsibility, but her mind is occupied with so many things right now. The Worlds, finals, her future.. I couldn't possibly burden her with the sleepless hours of a crying baby.. I'm screwed. If I'm pregnant, I'm totally and completely screwed.
My fingers still stared back at me. What am I doing? I let my hand fall down again before I sat on top of the stretcher. The picture of the pregnant woman hung right across from me, mocking me from the other side of the room. L.A... I'd have to forget about my dream. Now, that I finally had a chance with the internship! The lump within my throat was back. Where was that stupid doctor?! I need to know what's going on. I need something solid, something I can work with. I mean, not work with, 'cause you can't work with babies, but aren't you working for them? Gah, whatever! I just need to know what's going on..
It felt like forever before the door opened again and a woman, probably around her mid thirties entered the room. Her blonde, short hair bobbed up with every step she took. She held a chart in one hand while her brown eyes scanned the words scribbled across it. The woman stopped a few steps away from me before lifting her head and meeting my eyes. A small, friendly smile appeared and she offered me her hand. "Hello Ms. Mitchell, my name is Doctor Green. The nurse told me that you are here because you have a few questions, is that correct?"
Now or never.. I took her hand, my fingers shock a little and my palm was clammy. "It's Beca. I actually want to know one thing. And, depending on that, eventually a few more.."
Dr. Green nodded and pulled a chair in front of me, sitting down "ask away than, Beca."
My heartbeat quickened again, it felt like it crashed against my ribs every second. I wrung my hands, how am I supposed to ask something like that? The Doctor sat in front of me, waiting for a question, but nothing left my mouth. I opened it a few times before turning my head away, staring to the right.
"Are you, theoretically speaking, totally theoretical!.. Maybe able to, eventually.. Do an ultrasound?"
The other woman nodded, her eyes never leaving mine when I turned my head back, waiting for a reaction.
"Of course. Is there a reason why you would like to do one? Do you have stomach-aches? Problems with eating or keeping your food down?"
I shook my head, my hands clasped together tightly and my skin turned white above the knuckles. "It's not- No. I mean, maybe, I don't know? I just want to know if there's something- someone there, you know?"
"You think that you could be pregnant? How so?"
I tried to relax my hands, stared at them while searching for the right words. "My period. I'm a few weeks late.. I've been under a lot of stress recently, and things like that can make it skip, I know that. But I did a pregnancy test due to certain.. circumstances.. It was positive. I just want to make sure that the result is wrong."
Dr. Green nodded again. "That means you want me to tell you that you aren't pregnant?"
"Yes." Not being pregnant meant that there wouldn't be a little Chloe running around, or a small Josh.. "No." No? I can't afford to be pregnant, what am I saying?! "I mean, I don't know! I just want to know what's going on. There are so many things the answer would affect. I want to know if I have to do something, you know?"
The doctor scanned my face, her brown eyes staring into my very soul. "What would you like to do, Beca?"
"What?" I would turn back time, of course! I wouldn't let it get that far, something like that couldn't happen!
"Would you have an abortion?"
Dr. Greens face looked serious. No sign of happiness being left, she expected me to answer truthfully..
"Abortion?.." My voice failed, it cracked at the end of the word. I couldn't even speak whole sentences anymore. The thought of being pregnant was never this present since I first looked at that stupid plastic stick.. What would I do? I know I said that I couldn't tell anyone, that I had to break it off with Jesse. But the thought of actually getting an abortion never really crossed my mind. An image of Josh flashed through my head, his shy smile and excitement of cars. Would I really be able to deny someone like that to live? To.. kill.. him? My breath became labored, and I stared at Dr. Green in panic. What was I supposed to do?!
"Beca? Do you want to lay down for a minute? I know that's a rather harsh and sudden question, but did you ever consider those things before?"
I wasn't able to talk, my head shook slowly and I laid down, staring at the white ceiling. Was I really having a panic attack right now? I never had one before!
"I'll give you a moment. Take deep and slow breaths, close your eyes if you like to. We're going to do an ultrasound as soon as you feel better. We will discuss everything else afterwards, there's still the possibility of you not being pregnant, okay?"
My vision moved up and down, I probably nodded again. I can't really tell, everything came crushing down just now, the seriousness of the whole situation, everything I had to consider. And I don't even have a real answer yet.. My eyes closed, I tried to concentrate on my breathing. In and out. In.. and out.. Again.. And again.. My heart slowed down after a few times and I laid there for a few more seconds, still staring at the ceiling, trying to make my mind as blank as the white up there.
"I'm ready. Let's do this."
Doctor Green smiled slightly and stood up, waving for me to follow her example. "Okay, it won't take long. I'll bring you a glass of water while I prepare everything. I just have to tell a nurse what we'll be doing." She left the room afterwards, giving me one more reassuring smile before closing the door behind her. My right hand went through my hair and I released a breath. My left hand started to drum against my thigh lightly while my other hand held my head. I had my body back under control again when the doctor returned, she held the plastic cup out to me with a sympathetic smile and I downed its contents rather quickly, without being rude. She took the now empty cup again and threw it away before disinfecting her hands and indicating for me to lay down again.
"Did you ever get an ultrasound before?"
"No, it's the first time."
"Okay. I need you to lift up your shirt, a few centimeters under the rim of your brassier should do. I'll put a little gel on top of your stomach, it's probably going to be a little cold."
The doctor did as she told and searched my eyes again before she put part of the ultrasound on my skin. "We're going to get an answer now every second. I want you to relax. If you feel uncomfortable or want me to stop, tell me immediately, okay?"
I returned to nodding my head, the lump was back.. I held my breath when the machine met the skin on my stomach. The doctor moved it around a little, catching different angles while searching the monitor beside her. I couldn't really see something, it was black and white-grey mush for me.
Dr. Green stopped her movements and glanced at me before staring at the monitor again. She turned around fully now, facing me. "Congratulations, I guess. You are indeed pregnant." She turned back to the screen and pointed to a little something. "That's your little one."
There it is, the confirmation. What now?
I left the doctor's office half an hour later. She told me about the possibilities I had: keeping it, giving it away, having an abortion.. I seriously don't know what I should do.. Should I tell someone? Maybe another opinion would be helpful? But it's my future on the line.. Mine and those of a few more people.. Why me?! I opened the door of my Toyota prius hybrid and got in, connecting my phone with the stereo as soon as I sat down and turned on the ignition. I pressed the shuffle button in one of my playlists and waited for the music to fill the interior of the car. Promises started playing.. I couldn't bring myself to skip the song, it was in one of our set-lists. Maybe thinking about the girls lightened my mood? Eventually forgetting the whole situation? I glanced to the right, in the passenger seat, beside my phone, was a picture. A photo of the little someone growing inside of me. I realized that my car was running already and pushed it into drive before backing out of the parking lot. Thoughts about the future and different scenarios about what to do and whom to tell filled my mind the whole ride back to campus. I couldn't avoid them, no one. We all lived together in that big house now, and going to Jesse was an option I didn't even consider.
I parked my car beside CR's truck and inhaled deeply before shutting it off. I grabbed my phone and my eyes landed on the picture again. I left my phone where it was and picked up the picture instead, staring at it for a few seconds. Soo.. this little one is going to throw a few worlds out of line, huh? And he or she doesn't even know, being all innocent in there.
I had to leave the car, the others would get skeptical.. I grabbed my phone and got out of the car, hastily pushing the picture in the back of my denims before making my way to the house. I opened the door and tried to act as normal as possible, meaning that I had to look bored, annoyed or impassive. I'm not like that all the time anymore, there are moments where I'm just happy and a little outgoing. But I'm still like back then most of the time.
Music played somewhere, probably in the living room again, because they actually aren't inside their rooms for anything else besides sleep. Maybe some studying sometimes, but that's it.
I met no one while I went up the stairs, trying to get to my room undetected. I actually felt kind of happy for the second time today when I reached for the door handle and met no one.
But of course, my hopes had to be crushed as soon as I stepped into the room. I heard footsteps behind me before someone pushed me all the way into the room. I whipped around, my eyes fell on a curtain of brown hair and never ending legs.
"Stacie!" again.. And here I thought I could get out of this whole 'we-are-having-a-conversation-later-thing'.
The brunette turned around and crossed her arms, staring at me for a few seconds. "I told you that we'd have a talk. Spill."
This couldn't be happening.. I just had the probably worst day of my life, and wanted to drown myself in self-pity, but I guess that wouldn't be happening anytime soon now..
"What are you even talking about? Am I not allowed to go to the doctor once in a while? What were you doing there?"
The brunette shrugged and walked up the stairs, giving me a slight push to start walking myself. Do I ever have a choice? I sighed for the probably thousandth time that day and followed her. Maybe this was my change to talk with someone, tell them about the situation and get another opinion? I never got to finish the inner debate with myself before we sat on my bed, Stacie staring at me expectantly.
"Is it Jesse?"
I did a double-take. What did she just?..
"You finally made love and forgot that the whole pulling out stuff doesn't work?"
"What the-? No! Stacie!"
Now it was the brunettes turn to look confused. "So.. You aren't pregnant?"
"I didn't say that!" How did she know? I never indicated something, I just met her in the waiting room!
Stacies eyes softened and she leaned forward, squeezing my hand lightly. "We may not have that many one-on-one conversations, but I've known you for three years now, and we're living in the same house for two. I know when you're trying to hide something. And you were clearly upset and confused, even frightened back then. You would've turned around and looked me in the eye, and not just walked away like that without another word. And the fact that you never go to check-ups or things like that isn't a secret. And you would never visit a gynecologist if it weren't for something big like that."
I just blinked at her, my vision got blurry and I bit my lip. I probably looked like some teenage-girl after her one-week boyfriend broke up with her. But I didn't care. Stacie opened her arms and I lunged into her, giving in to the need to just let it out and losing control for a few minutes. I probably wouldn't be able to do that in the next few days, weeks, months, heck, maybe even years!
The brunette was patient, letting me cry for as long as I wanted, stroking my back and telling me that it would be alright and that we would find a way to get everything okay again.
"Are you telling Jesse? I'm sure he'd want to know that he's going to be a father.."
Jesse.. I still don't know what to tell him. "I-I can't.." The sobs died down mostly, I could tell her. I know she wouldn't judge me.. Stacie isn't like that. Right?
"Why? He's your boyfriend. I'm pretty sure he would actually love to be a father someday."
Now or never.. "I know. I know all that Stace, but it's not like that.. It's just-, it's not him. Jesse isn't the father.."
The brunette backed away slightly, staring into my eyes, confusion written all over her face. "But who? You never talked or interacted with anyone besides the Trebles and Luke, but he's gone for a while now and the Trebles never got your attention, except for Jesse, of course."
I turned my head away, staring at my blanket shamefully. "It's not a Treble.. It's actually not even a guy.."
Stacie frowned for a second, before realization dawned on her face. "Are you talking about.. Chloe?"
I just nodded, I couldn't even look into her eyes. I know that I said she'd understand, but I don't want to see the way she's looking at me right now. But the brunette surprised me yet again.
A slight chuckle could be heard. "Took you long enough. It's been obvious since freshman year that you two have the hots for each other."
"What? Stacie, I just told you that I cheated on Jesse!"
The brunette returned my gaze before sighing slightly. "I know. There are probably nicer ways to break up with someone. But I'm pretty sure it was an accident, right?"
I just nodded, signaling for her to continue.
"And you should also know that I'm the last person to judge you for something like that. Except maybe when you cheat on Chloe, but that would never happen, so, yeah. You can't make it undone, that's not possible, but you should make the best of it. Answer truthfully, were you ever as comfortable around Jesse as you are with Chloe?"
I didn't even had to think about it. "No, Jesse is like a very good friend of mine. Nearly a brother in a way, he's goofy and giving me pep-talks whenever I feel down. But Chloe is doing the same. I know that I feel something for her, but I don't know what it is just yet.. I just recently realized, you know?"
Stacie sighed, seriously, is international-sighing-day today?! "But you will never know what it is when you don't give it a try. Will you tell her? You know that she loves kids.."
My hand ran through my hair again. "I don't know what to do. There are so many things going on right now. The Worlds, finals, future.. I can't possibly burden her with something like this. I know that she would want to be there and take responsibility or something like that, but it could ruin her. The stress, sleepless nights, moody me.. I want her to be able to focus on herself and the Bellas. I mean, she failed Russian lit three times for them!"
"It would probably hurt her more if you never tell her and she has to find out from someone else. She would blame herself, and that's going to put way more pressure on her than just telling her the truth, don't you think?"
"I don't know what to think! Everything happened so fast, one day we were having fun and being stupid, the next I'm pregnant and it feels like the world is ending.."
"Hey, it's not that bad. I've seen you with that boy, Josh, today. It was really sweet."
My vision went blurry again and I wiped my eyes with my sleeve, turning to the woman beside me again. "What am I going to do, Stace?"
"I can't help you with that one Beca, it's your decision after all. But we both know that you can't keep it a secret forever and you can't hide in here forever either. They are going to find out eventually, all of them. And I think it would be best for you to tell them personally, as hard as it may be."
"You're probably right. But I think I'm not ready yet, I just discovered it myself. I need time to wrap my head around it."
"I understand that, but you are going to see Chloe soon, we're living within the same house after all."
Stacie looked at her wrist and met my eyes again, looking slightly apologetic. "In fact, you're going to see her in a few minutes. Practice starts in half an hour, we should get ready. Is it okay for you to do sports?"
"Yeah, it's alright right now, I just have to slow down and stop eventually later on."
Stacie smiled and stood up, hugging me one last time. "It's going to be okay, go change and I'll be here in a few minutes to pick you up, we're going there together. "
With that she turned around and went down the stairs, I stood up and nearly run after her. "Stacie?"
The brunette spun around, one eyebrow raised. "Mhh?"
A small smile graced my lips. "Thank you, for everything."
She returned the smile and waved her right hand. "Don't mention it, see you in ten!"
Getting ready after that conversation was fast, I just put on the things on top of my work-out clothes and grabbed my laptop bag and a bottle of water. I pushed the water, my shoes and some deodorant into another bag and went down the stairs. Stacie came down the hall as I closed the door behind me.
"Ready to face the world?"
"No, but that never stopped me before, let's do this."
We walked out of the house and through the front yard. Yes, we actually have a front yard, and a swimming pool. Having your own house is, as mentioned before, really awesome. Stacie told me about her recent date encounter – another disaster, may I add, as we walked to short way to the rehearsal room. We stopped just outside the door and Stacie looked at me, searching my eyes.
"Are you okay?"
My heart beat sped up again and I took a few deep breaths. "Partly, but what am I expecting?"
She nodded in understanding and gave my arm a reassuring squeeze before shooting me one last friendly smile and opened the door.
Meeting Chloe was inevitable now. What should I do? Here goes nothing..
What should Beca do? Was it good that she told Stacie? Tell me what you think!