Hi How are you?

It has been one week since the last chapter that I published of this fic and I bet that you want to know how continue right?

Thanks for the reviews:

-Ms Isabella: thanks I hope that you like this new chapter ^^

-af1011: thanks for the follower

-Camila (Guest): Olá. Thanks so much for all your reviews. Obrigada e Abraços! :p

-M. Louise E: Yeah! like you say the fight start now. His friends and family have to make him react in 24 hours =/. Have a nice week and take care you too! ^^ Thanks also for the favourite

-jscat2: He doesn't deserve all this pain. He is a good guy. =/.

I hope that you like this new chapter. Also I want to ask something in case of someone could help me. I saw that there is a comunity called "Dawsey Fanfiction" and I would like to add this fic and "let her go" to that comunity but the problem is that I don't know how to do it. So, if someone could help me I will be grateful. Thanks

Have a good Week.

Bye!

Namine Redfield

Chapter 5: Help

The next morning after Matt tried to kill himself with the pills; his mother and sister stopped in his house and packed in a duffel bag some of his stuff. They thought that he would feel more comfortable maybe wearing his own cloths, with his mobile phone or with the bock that he was already reading.

When they arrived to the hospital, Severide, Gabby and Chief Boden were waiting them in the office of the Dr. Nivans.

"We are sorry for arrive late, but we think that he will feel more comfortable with some of his stuff while he is here" Nancy said with the bag in her hands.

"I think that it is a good idea. Give it to me and I will give it to psychiatry's nurse to check it before give it to him" he held the bag of shacking Nancy's hands.

"Why?" Kelly asked confused "I mean is his stuff, why do you have to check it?

"In this moment, he can't have anything that he could use to hurt himself again" Dr. Nivans let the room

"Had any of you see him this morning?"Christine asked

"He is sleeping" Gabby said

"How are you Gabby?" Nancy asked knowing that she was more affected of what Matt did than her. She discovered his body after he swallowed those pills have to be really hurt for her. And of course, it has to be really stupid for not see that the young EMT has some feeling for her son. She knew that her son is a little reserved about themes of love, but since she saw both of them in her parole hearing she knew that there was some feeling between both of them.

"I blame myself for what happened"

"You can't do that. It not your fault" Christine said

"I was with him few minutes before that this happened" tears started to build in her hazel eyes "It is my fault. I am sorry. I should have be there and stopped him" she was sure that his family would blame her for let him alone during those minutes. If she didn't leave the house that day, he will be in that moment in his house and not in a hospital bed"

"Gabriela, thanks to you my son is alive. So, don't say never again that you sorry. Because in the same way, it would be also my fault. I wasn't there for him when he most needed me"

"He is going to be fine" Kelly said rubbed Gabby's back

/ Matt was sitting in his bed; it has been a few minutes since he woke up, he was disorientated not knowing where he was. The last thing that he remembered was being in his bed trying to sleep and later he swallowed some pills.

"Hi Matt I am Dr. Nivans. You are in the Lakeshore" the doctor said entering in the room "How are you?, Do you know why you are here?"Matt didn't answer. "Look what we have" he said putting the bag that his mother and sister brought in the bed "Your mother and sister brought it" he said opening the bag "They brought your cloths, your wallet, a book and a few more things" he put his stuff in the bedsite near to him "However, I am sorry but you can't have all of them. You understand why?" he said seriously. Matt didn't respond "yesterday, you tried to kill yourself. We almost lost you in the ICU"

"I am not crazy" he said looking him

"I know. But what you did is something that normal people don't do. And we are here to make sure that you are fine"

An old, short and a little chubby nurse entered in the room with a tray in her hands. It was his breakfast "Hi Matthew" she said smiling "Here you have" she said putting a tray in the bed "this is your breakfast. It is important that you eat as much as you can, ok hon?" and she left the room closing the door after her.

"Can I have my clothes?" for him it was embarrassing to wear a gown.

"yeah" he gave it to him and Matt got up of the bed took the clothes and walked to the bathroom "I am sorry but you can't use the bathroom without supervision" Matt remained standing in the middle of the room looking his doctor. "If you want to change you can do it here" he hopped that he reacts, however, he didn't do nothing. Immediately, he changed the gown for a sweatpants, a shirt and a sweatshirt. "Alright, now if time that you have some breakfast, I am sure that you have to be starving" he said smiling and put the tray in the little table of the desk that was near to the bed.

Matt sat again in his bed and took the plastic spoon watching it curiously.

"In this moment this is the only cutlery that you can use. When you finish I will bring your family. They want to see you" he left also the room leaving this time the door opened. Some nurses were walking around the hallway checking the rooms making sure that all the patients were safe.

/

The door of the office was opened and Dr. Nivans and Stone entered.

"How is he this morning?" Chief Boden asked

"He is fine. He woke few minutes ago" he said smiling "However he looks like if he isn't himself. He continues enclosed in his own world. As I said you last night, if in the next 24 hours he shows a reaction, cry, smile or even yell we will have taken a giant step"

"We will try our best to make him come back" chief Boden said determined to do what it would be necessarily to help Matt

"I am glad to hear that. In this moment we give him some breakfast. When he finish you will be able to say him one by one" Dr. Stone said

/

Half an hour later he had not eaten any of the oats that they given to him for breakfast; Dr. Nivans and his family was watching him from the hallway how he played with his breakfast.

"I think that he know that what he did is wrong but, he is not showing any sign of repentance. Dr. Stone and I are going to talk with now. After that you will be able to sit with him"

Matt didn't have hungry. He felt so broken inside him. He knew that he need help, but he didn't found yet the correct word to ask it.

"Matthew" the same nurse that brought his breakfast said entering in his room "has you finished?" she said looking at him with a pleasant smile.

"Yeah" he whispered leaving the plastic spoon in the tray that was in his bed.

"You haven't eaten" she said looking the tray "You have to eat"

"I am not hungry" he said looking through the windows. He was lucky, the views of his room overlooked a small park.

"Ok. I am going to leave the tray here in case of you have hungry later" the nurse said putting the tray in the little desk that was near to his bed "your family and some of your friend are outside. Do you want to see them, hon?" she said trying to cheer up him

He didn't answer; he wasn't sure if he wanted to see them. It would be very difficult and embarrassing for him to look at them to their eyes after what he had done. He knew he had disappointed everyone. He has been doing it during all his life, first was his father, later Hallie and now all his family of the fifty one and his mother and sister.

The nurse sat near to him and held his hands "I know that it could be really difficult for you to see them in that moment" she said softly "but they need to see by their own eyes that you are fine. Yesterday, it was a horrible day; and believed me when I say you that they are going to forgive you. No one is going to blame you"

"Have you finished?" he looked her. She nodded hopping that he wanted that she bring her family "Leave. I want to be alone"

She rose and said "if you need me, call me"

Why it has to be so hard for him to ask for help?, people just say it and everyone was helping them. However he wasn't able to express his feeling with words; it was a problem that he has since he was young. He preferred the actions; and this time it almost cost him his life.

"how are you Matt?" Someone asked near to him and frightening him "I am sorry, I thought that you heard us when we entered in the room. I want to introduced to you one of my college Dr. Stone." Dr. Nivans said referring to the women that was near to him

"Hi Matt, I am a psychiatrist in this hospital" she said "Do you want to talk with me for a while"

"I want the rest of my stuff" he said not looking to them.

"We can't give it to you. Anyway, why do you want it? You are going to be here at least for a few days and your family and friends are here. They want to see you"

"I want them back"

"There is something in that bag that maybe you want?"He nodded "What do you want?"

"My badge" he didn't know why but in this moment he wanted it. He became a firefighter because he wanted to help people. Maybe his badge gave him some of the strength that he lost during the last week.

She looked to the other doctor who nodded accepting his request.

"We will give it to you but you have to speak with us" he said sitting in the bedsite "Why did you do it Matt?" he didn't respond "come on we just want to help you. Nobody is going to judge you. We just want help you" he gave him his badge.

"Do you want to see your family?" Dr. Stone asked hopping that at least he speaks with them "they are worried about you" He didn't respond. "I will bring them"

"I don't want to see them. I want to be alone" It wasn't the first time that he was depressed. He had depression since the day his parents divorced when he was fourteen years old. Nevertheless, he never had attempted suicide before. But, he was sure, that this time like in the past he will recover by his own without the help of anyone.

The first one who entered was his mother. She didn't know what to say, his son was lying in a hospital bed just looking the wall, immersed in his own world.

"Hi Matthew. Can I sit in the bedside near to you?" he didn't respond so thinking that he maybe doesn't care she sat near to him "Matthew, How are you?" she said brushing his blonde hair "Why you did it, sweetheart?"

"They have removed any sharp thing and everyone treats me like if I am crazy" he said taking the plastic spoon of the tray.

"The doctor said that you swallowed 23 pills. 23. We almost lost you"

"Apparently, they are not enough. Maybe next time I have to take more pills or maybe cut my veins"

"I would like to give you a slap"

"Do it" he said defiantly and before that he could react she slapped him in his face.

"Are you happy?, now you are like dad or even worse" he said. It wasn't a secret that his father was really strict with him and in some occasion he slapped him, something that his mother not approved. However, in this occasion she thought that it was necessarily for making him react. But the result was the opposite.

"the doctor said that we should help you to express your feelings. But, I think that after being in jail all this time, we distance so I am not going to say anything more because I think that you're immune to my words so I will leave forever" she made a pause hopping that he said something or maybe do a movement that could indicated her that he didn't want that she leave. But he didn't do anything; he was just looking her "You are not going to say anything?"

"Why? You said everything"

"Do you really want me to leave?"

"I had no family for the past 15 years. I do not care if you let me again. I know how to take care of myself"

Without say any other word she left the room completely dismayed. She was losing his boy again. When she entered in prison he was seventeen and he wasn't allowed to visit her. However each month he sent her a letter telling her every single thing that happened in his life ad even sent her some pictures. She kept all his letters and every day that she felt that she could not continue in prison she reread them. Some of them were wrinkled, in others the ink had run a little as a consequence of the unshed tears for so long. Despite being on parole, she was still reading them some nights. Those letters was her encourage, maybe if he found again his encourage he wanted to continue living.

"how was it?" Kelly Severide asked when she entered in the waiting room

"Not really good. I am not being with him half of his life and I don't know how to help him. Maybe you can help him. I need to take some fresh air" she said moving away from him.

The next one who entered was his sister. She was with him a few more minutes that his mother. However, the result was the same. He didn't say anything about what happened or why he did it.

Chief Boden and Severide entered after the nurse brought Matt his lunch. Matt had to be watched while he eats and they offered to do it. He was playing with his food like he was doing with his breakfast; in his left hand he strongly squeezed his firefighter badge.

"Hi Casey" Chief Boden said sitting in the plastic chair that was near to his bed "You are not hungry?"

He looked him for a few seconds and continued playing with his food. "I am not hungry. I finish" he put the tray on the floor and lied on his left side to avoid looking them. He knew that they were disappointed with him.

"Matt, come on buddy. Talk to us" Kelly said in front of him. "Why you did it?"

"You don't want to know the answer to that question"

"Say it" He didn't respond. Kelly clutched his left hand and grabbed his badge "In this moment, you are not a firefighter anymore" he said with tears in his eyes

"I firefighter never take his own life like you did yesterday" Chief Boden said "a firefighter is an example to follow. Until yesterday, you were it for all of us. Every day, we learnt some new thanks to you"

"When you get back to be firefighters, when you get back to be again one of us, I will give it to you" Kelly said

And not waiting that he responds they leave the room. They walked in silence to the waiting room; apart of Gabby, his mother and sister, there was also some of the firefighter of the firehouse fifty-one.

"Time is running out" Kelly said

"How can we help him?" Peter Mills asked. Despite of having problems with his Lieutenant, he appreciated all the effort that he had made to help him to improve and he wanted to help him.

"I have an idea, of how could maybe help us" Herrmann said "Come on we have to go" he said and all the firefighter run to the truck while Herrmann tell them his idea.

"I am going go to talk to him" Gabby said. She rose from her chair and walked to his room not knowing what she can say to him to help him.

When she arrived to his room she saw that he was sleeping. Maybe it's going to be easier in that way she thought.

She sat in his bed and held his hands "Hi Matt. I do not know if I've ever come to you, if I knew what you thought or if I made you feel something. I do not know how to get you back, Matt, how to make that you want to live again, I do not know" she said crying "I love you. I love you like I've never loved anyone. People do not know what it is to fight, fight and never give up" she said dried her cries "But I am going to fight for you Matt. I don't mind if I have to be with you 24 hours a day. I don't mind because I love you. I always love you since the first day that I arrived to the firehouse and you were up the Truck checking the garage's door" she kissed him in his lips and left the room.

When he heard that she leave the room he touched his lips with his fingers. He wasn't sleeping; he just closed his eyes trying to avoid the conversations. That she said that because it's real or it was just a lie he asked himself. He knew that it could be possible that she has felling for him but after he screwed up in her cousin's party he wasn't sure if she continues having those felling. He was in love with her for some time but he thought that he lost his change of having a relationship with her after he knew that she was dating with Peter Mills.

"Hi Lieutenant" Herrmann said from the door "How are you?"

He didn't respond

"Lieutenant, all us want to help you" Mouch said referring to all the firefighter of the Truck and the Squad that was in the Hallway "But we don't know how to do it"

"We do not know what to say, so we brought someone else that perhaps will help you more" Peter Mills said putting on one side. Behind him there was a teenager that he recognized immediately.

"Sophie"

"Hi Lieutenant Casey" she said smiling. She entered and sat in the plastic chair near to him.

"What are you doing here?" he said shocked that she was there.

"I am here to help you, like you did when you saved me in the fire of me house four years ago"

He remembered this fire. It was horrible; he didn't know where she was, the flames were in everywhere. Finally, he found her under his bed. One of her forearm and shoulder were pretty burn but after all she survived, and he was there to help her and her father.

"I don't need help. I am fine" He said laid in his bed

"Go to hell" she said angry

"You don't know me. So how are you going to help me?"

"People who do not know you are sometimes the one how can help you more" she said remembering a quote that he said her four years ago "You saw yesterday how was Gabby? You know what happened yesterday? Yesterday she thought that she was losing you. And if you had seen it, today you understand how important you are for her. And not just for her but also for the rest of your friends that in that moment are down the hallway asking how they can help you. Do not you understand that your life does not only belong to you? Somehow belong also those who love you."

"That is your concept of the life. Life is not as you say, it's more complicated. You are young and you'll understand when you're older"

"Why you did it Lieutenant?" but he didn't respond "You do not look like a coward but in this moment this is what you are, you are a coward"

"Leave" he said angry getting up from his bed

"I am not going to leave until you explain me why you did it?"

"Do you want to know the truth?" he said approaching to her.

"Yeah" she continued walking backwards until she left the room with Matt near to her watching her eyes. He didn't notice that they weren't any more in his room.

"I did it, because I was tired of looking for an explanation to everything that was happening in my life. Why Hallie played with my feelings for months? Why I had to mess with my best friend?" He made a pause before continue and whispered crying "I did it, because when you sleep your problems disappear. That is the reason why take those damn pills"

"There is no need to look for the reasons, there is no reason. If you think about it, it just brings more sadness and you sink. Things happen because they have to happen" she rubbing his shoulder. He was so embarrassed of being crying "You know, sometimes people don't cry because they are weak, they cry because they have been really strong during so long" he continue crying during a few minutes letting out all his frustration "I want that you promise me something" she said when he was more relaxed "I want that you promise me that tomorrow, you are going to speak with your family and friends. You need help, and they are going to help you. Just talk to them like you did with me"

"I cannot assure you that I go to fulfill the promise. It is really difficult for me to talk to them"

"I guess that this is why they are promises, because they are difficult to fulfill. For them is also really difficult to see you in that bed with the only thought of wanted to die. I am just going to say them that I speak with you and nothing more. You're always helping the people, let them to help you"

Suddenly, he felt so weak. All the tension that had accumulated since the last few days was being liberated. His knees shaking under his own weight.

"Come on you need to rest" she said guided him to his room. She helped him to get into the bed and tucked him with the bed sheet.

Few seconds later he was asleep. She came back to the waiting room

"How was it?" her father asked

"I speak with him. He was really tired and he is sleeping now"

"What he said?" Gabby asked

"I promise him that I will don't tell to anybody. I am sorry" she said sad of not telling her what he said to her. Sometimes she went to the firehouse to visit him and she guessed that between he and Gabby there was something. Today, her assumption was confirmed when she arrived to the hospital and saw how broken Gabby was.

"It's late" Chief Boden said watching his watch "I think that we should go home and rest. Tomorrow we are on chief" he said looking to all his firefighter

"We will come back tomorrow" Christine said "And try it again"

"Call us if something changes" Kelly said

"Sure" Nancy said

All of them came back home with the only hope that the next day Matt was better.

/

The next morning Christine and Nancy arrived to the hospital early. When they arrive to the floor in which Matt was, they saw that something was happening. Some nurse and hospital security officer were ran around the hallways checking all the rooms.

When they arrived to Matt's room the saw that his doctors and a young detective where there, however there wasn't any trail of him. His bed was empty and his duffel bag was opened on the bed.

"Where is Matt?"Christine asked

"Good morning ma'am" the detective said "I am Antonio Dawson, Chicago P.D."

"Where is my son?" Nancy asked worried

"We don't know. He was here at 7:00 a.m. when the nurse of the morning shift checked him. According with her he was sleeping. 20 minutes later he disappeared" Antonio said

"What were you thinking, Matt?"His mother said

Christine's cell start to sound "It's Gabby"

"Hi Christine. I was just calling you to know how Matt was" she said from the other side of the line "Does he wake up yet?"

"Gabby, you are not going to believe it. Matt has disappeared" she said crying

Gabby was going to say something when the alarm sound saying: Ambulance 61, Young man, suicide attempt. 251 of West Washingtom St.

"Gabby, say me that they don't say 251 of West Washingtom St" she said frozen "That is five blocks from Matt's house"

Hi again.

What is going to happen? What are you going to do Matt? After spoke with Sophie (The teenager that he presented to Peter Mills in the episode 8 of the first season) he looks like he react. However, Why would he disappeared? You will see in the next chapter.

Tomorrow I will start with the next chapter of my fic "Let her go"

See you!

Namine Redfield