Hi How are you?
Finally, tomorrow is the waiting Crossover between "Chicago Fire" and "Chicago P.D." I can wait to see what it's going to happen. I think that Gabby was in danger. I hope that Matt ask her if she want to marry him. I think that it's going to be a scene so cute for the end of all the drama episodes. What do you think?
Thanks you so much for the support and the amazing reviews:
-maggymoo21: thanks for the follower and for your review. I hope that you let me more review with your opinion.
-Camila (guest): olá Thanks for say that you are anxious about the next chapter. Thanks for your idea. As soon as I read your idea I know that it was perfect for my other fanfic "Let her go". I am sorry for not uplode so often, but in this moment I am really busy with the university. But I will try at least to have one chapter of each fanfic each week. Abraços e sucesso.
-jscat2: you are right. Matt is always so strong, and this is why I started to write the fic. He was so broken after Hallie's death.
-M. Louise E: Sophie part was also my favourite. She was the only one who make him react and come back to the reality. Take care :p
-goldistic: Matt is so depresed and everything can happen, you will see...
-xxwinterbeautyxx: Thanks for saying that you love my story and for the follower. I hope that you send me more reviews with your opinion.
-Guest: Thanks for your review. I am not sure about what it is going to happen in the next chapter but maybe could be some drama between Gabby and Matt. What it's sure is that in my other fic "Let her go" it's going to be some drama between them :p.
Like I said in my other fic "Let her go", today I come back to the University =( and on Wednesday I have a practical test =( So I am study and also I one month I have the final test and the presentation of the poster of my dissertation. However, I will try at least to have one chapter of each fanfic each week.
Thanks
Have a good week.
Namine Redfield
Chapter 6: Losses are gains.
Ambulance 61, Young man, suicide attempt. 251 of West Washingtom St.
After heard the alarm and the address a deep silence took place in the firehouse. For them it was really difficult to hear a call like that after what happen two days ago. They couldn't imagine what Matt was thinking for doing something like that.
"Dawson?" Shay said near to her "We have to go now" she knew that she should keep an eye on her friend because spite of she denied she was affected about what Matt did.
"Yeah. I will call you later Christine. I have to go" and she hung up their conversation
Severide was sitting in the Squad table but as soon as he heard the call, he looked his chief. After he heard the address he had a strange presentiment, something like a feeling that something bad was happening in that moment. "Chief" Severide said approaching to him "that is Matt's neighbourhood"
"Matt is in the hospital in this moment" Chief Boden remembered to him "you don't have to worry" he squeezed his shoulder.
"He escaped this morning Chief" Dawson said scared to both of them in her way to the ambulance
"Go" he said knowing what Severide was going to say "call us as soon as you know if is him or not"
The three of them ran as faster as they can to the ambulance. Shay and Dawson jumped out in the front part of the ambulance, whereas Severide did it in the back where all the medical supplies were.
Shay was the one who was driving at high speed through the long streets of Chicago. Occasionally she was looking through the rear view to Severide or to Gabby. Gabby was absent trying to content her tears while Kelly was looking through the small window to the road completely also absent.
It could be say that Kelly was pretty scared. Possibly in that moment his best friend, who was like the brother that he never had, was again fighting for his life maybe in an alleyway. Or worse, there was the possibility that they don't arrive on time to save his life like few days ago.
"I shouldn't say what I said him yesterday" he said broken the silence "I told him so many nonsense"
"What did you say to him?" Shay asked. When they come back to their flat, she asked him if wanted to talk but he said that he wasn't ready to talk about it.
"I said: you are not a firefighter anymore" his eyes were welling with tears "And I took away his badge. Since I met him in the preliminary test before to enter in the academy, all that he wanted was to become a firefighter. It was his dream since he was a child and my father rescue him from a fire" he took out his friend's badge from his pocket and squeezed it against his heart. You have to be fine buddy he thought.
"Your father?"
"Yeah. He rescued him and his sister. It was a fire in their uncle's home. Matt was five and a half years old and Christine ten. They were hidden inside of a wardrobe. My father told me after he visited the firehouse some months ago"
"I didn't talk with him last night" she was as broken as Kelly was "He was sleeping when I had the enough courage to see him again face to face. I should have woken up him; or wait until he woke up. But no, I just leave like I did two days ago"
"He is going to be fine" Shay gripped her hand and say "We are here"
As soon as Shay parked the ambulance in one side of the street, Severide jumped outside the ambulance and ran to where there were some cops attending to the victim. Gabby and Shay took their equipment and preparing themselves for what could be one of their worst calls.
There was a lot of blood in the side of the street and in the victim's clothing. Judging by the amount of blood in the neck and the shirt of the person, it could be possible that the person had cut his jugular vein of his neck. His face was unrecognized because of the blood.
Kelly started to cry thinking that the person who was lying on the street was Matt; however, something caught his attention. The guy had a big tattoo in his forearm and he was sure that Matt didn't have any tattoo; he was always a little afraid of needles so in no way he would get a tattoo like that one. He continues looked to the guy that was on the floor. Matt was blonde and he could say that this guy's hair was dark brown.
"He's not Matt" he said releasing the breath content "he isn't Matt" he said without couldn't believe it.
"Thanks God" Shay said "Dawson, I need gauzed. We have to stop the hemorrhage"
Shay and Dawson started to treat the guy applying pressure on the deep wound. He had lost a lot of blood, but he would have a chance to survival if they quickly took him to the hospital.
"Are you looking to that man that disappeared from the hospital?" one of the cops said approaching to Severide
"Yeah! Have you seen him?"
"No. I am sorry. I am glad that this man wasn't the person that you were looking. We stayed in his house but there wasn't anybody there" the other cop said
"Severide. We need that you drive as soon as you can to Lakeshore"
"Yeah sure!" he jumped out into the driver seat and drove to Lakeshore still asking where his friend could be in that moment and worst of all what he could be thinking in that moment.
/
Gabby was washing her hands while Shay finished of filing the report about their last call. Severide was trying to call again and again to Matt's mobile but always jumped his voicemail. Tired of not getting a respond, he felt angry with his friend. He smashed his cell against the gurney.
"If you break it you are not going to get any respond in case he calls you" Shay said. He was still angrier with himself. How he can gave him his back like he did yesterday to his best friend? After both of them made the peace few months after Andy's death, he promised himself that he would never do anymore something like blaming him or give him his back like he did during a few months. And he was doing it again. "I know that you are scared about him. But we are going to find him, alright? We have to optimist"
"Yep and I am going to kick his ass for all of that" he said smiling
"I will help you" Gabby said.
"Gabby" someone said from the other side of the hallway. Christine, Nancy and his brother were walking to them really worried.
"Say me that the man that you brought here some minutes ago it wasn't Matt" Nancy said
"It wasn't" Shay said
"Thanks goodness" his mother said grateful
"Had he leave maybe a note or something that we could use for know where he is?" Kelly said
"Nada" Antonio said "I sent some cops to his house and ask to his neighbor but all of them say the same thing. They didn't see him"
"Had you send someone to Hallie's house or call her parents?"
"they blamed him of her death" Christine said
"are you kidding me!" Kelly yelled angry "he risked his life to recover her body. Without him they wouldn't have a body a body to bury. Besides, the coroner said that she dead before the fire start owing to a blunt force trauma" How her parents could say something like that? Maybe they were responsible that he was so depressed like to want to kill himself with the pills. He thought trying to put together all the pieces of the puzzle.
"they don't see it in that way" Antonio said "they are really hurt because of her loss"
"that it's not excuse to say something like that" Gabby said annoyed
"I know" He could understands that his sister were really annoying with all of that. According to what Christine told him she was the one who found him after he swallowed the pills. Since the first time that he meet Matt face to face, his sister already spoke to him about Matt sometimes before they met, when he had a problem with Detective Voight he know that his sister had some felling for the young Lieutenant. "I promise that I will do all I can to try to find him as soon as I can. All my partners are helping me alright?" he said holding her by her shoulder
"thanks Antonio" she hugged him and he kissed her in her temple.
"guys, chief Boden have call me. He said that we have to come back to the firehouse. I am sorry" Shay said
"I will call you as soon as we found something" Antonio promised
"Thanks. We will do the same"
"When we come back to the firehouse, I will try to have the truck around the city and some place where maybe he could be" Kelly said
/
On their way back to the firehouse, they stopped in a little coffee shop where Matt sometimes uses to buy a cup of coffee in his way to the firehouse. However, the owners said them that they didn't see him since the last week.
When they parked the ambulance in the garage, they saw that all the firefighters were waiting them. Nobody say anything waiting that they say something. Some of them knew that there was happening something strange as for Severide to climb into the ambulance.
"And?" Herrmann said. He overheard part of the conversation that Gabby, Severide and Chief Boden had one hour ago, and go to his office.
"It wasn't him" Kelly said closing the back gates "We stopped in a coffee shop where he use to have breakfast and ask for him, but nobody see him since last week"
"What it's going on?" Capp said confused "About whom are you talking about?"
"Matt" Gabby said
"I want to everybody go immediately to the conference room. I need to tell to all of you something important" Chief Boden said before that they continue asking question about what happened to Matt. They deserve to know the truth but not in that way.
All of them entered in the firehouse and in silence they went directly to the small conference room waiting for their chief.
"Severide, what it's going on?" Otis asked sitting near to the Squad's Lieutenant.
"Why you three are worried about Casey?" Mouch asked with Pouch in his lap playing with him.
Kelly didn't respond he wasn't ready to give the bad news that his Lieutenant had disappeared and maybe in that moment was thinking about take away his life again owing to Hallie's family were blaming him of her death.
Chief Boden entered and looked them. He looks worried but he had to be stronger in that moment for them "All of you know that our Truck Lieutenant Matthew Casey tried to kill himself two days ago swallowing a bottle of pills" he couldn't believe how he could do that. He was always a really strong man and wise in his decisions, what you were thinking? Why you did ask for help? He asked himself most of the time "This morning I received a call from Detective Dawson, saying that Matt disappeared from the hospital two hours ago"
Some of them put their hands above their head not believing what his chief had just told.
"It is possible" he continued "that in this moment he wants to try to kill himself again" his voice trembled when he said the last part of the sentence.
"Chief" Herrmann said rising of his seat Let me take the truck around the city. We will find him"
"nobody know where he could be. He didn't leave a note or something that we can use to find him. But we are going to find him" he looked to Gabby who was really sad and with tears fallen down her checks "We will find him"
Unexpectedly, a mobile phone started to vibrate in the middle of the silence of the conference room. All of them checked their mobile phone with the hope that it was Matt who was calling them; Gabby was the only one who had not noticed the sound.
"It's your cell" Shay said rubbing her back
She took it out of her pocket and saw that it was a text. "Please meet me at the front of the firehouse and do not tell to anyone. Matt" she couldn't believe Matt had just sent her a text few seconds ago asking to meet with him. "Chief I am sorry but I have to go" she rose of her chair and walked to the door not waiting that he give her permission to leave the meeting.
"It was a Matt?" he asked
"no" she laid and rolled her eyes. If Matt had say her that don't tell to anybody if because he only wanted to see her "please chief its important"
"Alright. Go" He knew that she was laying to him, and he hoped that she has a good reason for it, but he trusted her.
She left the room trying to look relax and but as soon as she was sure that nobody could see her troughs the windows she ran to the garage trying to find where Matt could be. He wasn't in the garage or in his truck. She kept walking until she saw his short blond hair. He was sitting in the bench that was in front of the firehouse looking to the ground. He was wearing the same cloths that he wore the day before in the hospital.
"Matt?" she said approaching to the bench
"Gabby" he raised of the bench happy to see that she received his text.
"What are you doing here?" Her face was a mixture of feelings, doubt, relief, confusion and above all concern.
"Begging to keep a promise" he said ashamed
"You should be in the hospital"
"I don't want to be in the hospital. Yesterday, they asked me a lot of question that I am not ready to answered yet" he said "in this moment, I only want to talk with you" he said holing her hands. There was a silence and he said "you are the only one who didn't ask me or pushed me to tell you why I did it. You are the only one who is not judging me" he placed one of his hands in his stomach as he felt a stabbing pain in it.
"What it's happening Matt? Are you in pain" she released her hand and approached to him with the intension of lifting his shirt to see what was wrong with him. But he stepped back.
"It's nothing" he said. At that time he was breathing with difficulty and was as pale he was after swallowed the pills. He sat again in the bench but the pain didn't disappear.
"Matt there is a lot of peoples worried about you. You should call them or at least let me to call to the hospital and let them know where you are" she knelt in front of him holding his head in her hands.
He felt another stabbing pain worse than the one that he had before, he clutching his stomach tightly.
"Matt, we have to take you to the hospital" she put her hand on his forehead "you have fever"
"No. If you take me to the hospital I will come back to the psychiatry floor; and I don't want to be there" he said with tears fallen down his checks. "I am sorry Gabby. I am really sorry for what I did. Lately, I feel like I keep everyone hurting, my family, Severide, Chief Boden, you. All of you are always trying to help me and I always screw up. Please Gabby forgive me?" he said before he collapsed. Gabby held him before he hit the ground.
"Matt. Matt" his pulse was weak "somebody help me" she yell "Help" she yell until some of the firefighter walk outside of the firehouse warmed for her cries calling for help
"What happen, Dawson?" Severide asked running to her. He could see that she was holding against her chest someone else body
"It's Matt. He collapsed few seconds ago"
"What?" Severide said shocked
"He was the one who sent you the text" Chief Boden said
"Yes" her tears were falling down her chest to Matt's face.
Shay approach the ambulance to them and when she parked Peter Mills opened the back gates "What do you need?"
"I am not sure" Gabby said. Her hands were shaking. "I think that he has pain in his stomach but I am not sure" in that moment she could only focus on holding his head.
"Let me check him" Shay lifted his sweatshirt and shirt, and touched his abdomen "his belly is flat and dilated. It is possible that he is having right now a side effect because of the pills"
"Come on Matt, you have to resist" she kissed him in his forehead "Come on" her tears continued falling in his face and make him to open his eyes.
Shay put on his face an oxygen mask in order to help him to breathe better. "Casey, when the pain starts?"
"Last night" he said weakly
"What do you think that could be?" Severide asked
"I am not sure but could be gastroenteritis, appendicitis, peritonitis and even more. When he arrives to the hospital they will have to do some test on him to determine it. I am going to put an IV, you are a little dehydrated" she checked his forearms trying to find a vein "Oh shit" she said frustrated after a couple of attempts
"What happen?" Gabby asked
"His veins are completely collapsed. I can't find any vein for the IV"
"Why no you tried with the veins of his neck" Peter Mills proposed
Shay started to touch his neck until she found a vein. "Gabby, grasp his head firmly so he could not move while I insert the needle"
Matt rolled his eyes and looked how Shay's hand approaching to him with the needle.
"Matt looked me" Gabby said grapping his hand "Trust me, you are going to be fine"
"I don't want to come back to the hospital" he said after Shay inserted the needle
"I am going to be with you, you are not going to be alone" she said brushing his blonde hair.
"Casey, can you stand up and lye in the gurney with our help or we bring the backboard"
"I can't" he said trying to move but the pain intensified and he felt dizzy.
Mouch bring a backboard from the truck and placed it near to Matt.
"On my count we turn to his right side. Carefully and gently guys. Ready? One, two, three" Chief Boden, Kelly and Gabby turned him on his side while Mills and Mouch placed the backboard where he was.
As faster they can they get him into the ambulance to Lakeshore. During the trip Matt lost his consciousness but he never stopped of grabbing Gabby's hand.
/
Few hours later Matt regained his consciousness. He didn't know where he was, the last thing that he remembered was collapsed in front of the firehouse while he was talking with Gabby. He was using an oxygen mask, in his right forearm he had an IV and in one of his finger there was a little machine he supposed that it could be an oximeter.
"You are up" Gabby said softly near to him still holding his hand "How do you feel?"
"Shitty and thirsty" he felt tired and weak "What happen?" he didn't remember so much about their conversation.
"You have Peritonitis. It is an inflammation of the peritoneum, the thin tissue that lines the inner wall of the abdomen and covers most of the abdominal organs. That it's why you have those pains in your abdomen" she explained after he looked confused "You are a lucky guy, you are not going to need surgery. With some antibiotics and a lot of rest in a few days you will feel better.
"thanks" he said
"for what?"
"For everything that you have already done for me"
"You know that I am going to be there for you, right?" he nodded "there is someone who want to see you"
"I am not ready to see my mother and sister again" he said
"It is a psychiatrist. You have to speak with him if you want to leave the hospital"
"Gabby, say him that I am ready in that moment"
"I am not asking you"
She left the room and some few seconds after the door was opened again entering and older man. He could be as older as his mother. In his hand he had a little pocket notebook and a glasses.
"Hi Mr. Casey" he said sitting were Gabby was before "I am Frederick Tisdale, but my friends call me Freddy. How can I call you Mr. Casey, Casey, Matt, Matthew"
"I don't know" he said nervous. It was the first time his life that he told with psychiatrist
"Ok. I will call you Matthew. What it's your job Matthew?"
"No. My mom calls my Matthew when I was a child and I was in problems. Well she still does it. You can call my Matt. I was a firefighter"
"Nice to meet you. I have to say that this is the first time that I talk with a firefighter"
"I used to be a firefighter" he said sad
"Used to be?"
"I am anymore a firefighter. My Chief and Severide, one of my friends took away my badge and say me how disappointed they were with what I did"
"Maybe they do it because they had a good reason"
"Yeah they need it to fire me" he said sarcastically ridding his eyes
"Why not you talk with them again and try to explain yourself? Perhaps, if you say them why you did it they can help you and maybe not fire you"
"I am not ready to answer their question"
"Why not?"
"I am still trying to figure out why I did it" he recognized ashamed "I also had some questions"
"That it's a good step in your recovery. Matt there is any problem is say what you did, as soon as you talk about it as soon as you will be recovered"
"Before I did" he paused "Before I swallowed the pills. I thought that I have the answer to all the questions. But now, I don't have anything. Nothing has sense"
"When you think that you know all the answers, the world changes all the questions"
"Why Hallie had to die?" his eyes were filling with tears.
"Hallie was your girlfriend"
"Ex-fiancée. We have sex the night before she died. But I think that it was just a heater. We met in her house to exchange our stuff and we finished in her bed"
"Did you still have felling for her?"
"I don't know. It's complicated"
"Everything it's complicated in the life and death. Do you know what it's one of the key of the happiness?" he looked and shacked "The secret is that a lost could be also a gain".
"Gain?" he asked confused
"Yeah. If you find what is your gain I promise you that you will be happy again. But you have to find it"
Matt, you do not want to die. What you really want it's being happy againhe remembered Hallie's word. "And how I do it?"
"I don't know. That is your job now while you are recovering. In this moment I have to go, but I will come back tomorrow and I want that you tell who you can find your gain, alright?
"Yes. I will think about it. Thanks" he said before the psychiatrist leave the room.
A lost could be also a gain he thought How her death could be a gain for him? A lost it's a lost and you are sad and confused not happy because of it. Maybe the psychiatrist was right and could be gain on all of this. His friends are family were there for him. Perhaps the loss was so recent that he couldn't see yet what the gain was.
Hi again
What could be Matt gain in all this tragedy?
He is finally talking about what he did :D
Tomorrow I will start to write the next chapter of "Let her go" What Matt it's going to do? what it's the right think?
See you!
And have a good week.
Namine Redfield