Hi How are you?

First of all I want to say that part of this chapter is an idea that xxwinterbeautyxx give to me. Thanks a lot for your idea! I hope that you like the chapter.

Thanks also to:

-Camila: olá: thanks for saying that you love my Fic. I am glad to heard it. Thanks also for your idea, that Like I said before, I will used in my fic "Let her go" in respond to your other idea, I already think about something similar when I saw that episode, you will see in the next chapter. ^^

-jscat2: Yeah. Like in the TV programm, he need time to understand that the feeling that he has for her it's not just friendship, it's something more.

-maggymoo21: thanks for the review

-M. Louise E: Thanks for your amaizing review. However, in this chapter it's going to be a little drama between Matt and one of his friend... Have a good weekend and Thanks for the Luck :D

-goldistic: thanks for your e-mail. At least he opened a little bit in the last chapter acepting what he did ^^

-m16m203: Thanks for the follower

I hope that you like this new chapter and let me some amaizing reviews.

See you!

Have a good weekend and have fun!

Namine Redfield

Chapter 7: Finding the gain.

It had been two days since Matt ran away from hospital. When he felt a little better thanks to painkillers and antibiotics he received a good scolding by his doctor. In his defense, he said that he just wanted to see his friend, talk with her and ask for her forgiveness. But for doing, he needed to get out of that world of white coats, wires and worried faces in which he was a prisoner. He needed to get out of there to find the courage to do it.

His mother and sister were also there for him. When he finished of speaking with the psychiatrist, he called the nurse and asked her if his family was out and if she could bring them. He needed to ask them forgiveness. As soon as they entered in the room he began to cry telling them how sorry he was for swallowed the pills and also for worried them when he ran away.

Flash back

"Matt" Christine asked entering the small room. Her brother was lying in his bed with his hands over his aching stomach. In his forearm there was an IV.

"The doctor said that you are going to be fine in one week" his mother said sitting in the bedside brushing his short blonde hair

"I am sorry" he said after a few seconds of silence "I'm sorry for trying to kill myself some days go" his eyes were filling with tears. All that he wanted in that moment was that his mother cuddled him as when he was young and he had a nightmare. As soon as he started to cry or scream because of the fear of the dream, his mother woke up and ran to his room. Between kisses, sweet caresses and hugs she get all his fears away and he could come back to sleep.

"come here, baby" His mother hugged and pressed his head against her chest. "Sh.. It's going to be ok Matt" he continued crying in her protective hand while his sister rubbed his back making little circles with her hand.

"I fell lonely"

"You are not alone, baby" she move his head and obligate him to looked at her "We are here for you. All of us"

"I love you mom"

"I love you too son" she kissed him in his forehead

End of the Flash back

During the last two days, Gabby was in his side as she promised him while he was being attending by Shay in front of the firehouse fifty-one after he collapsed because of the pain.

Although, he didn't mention, she know that he was glad that she was there with him. He still had to rest in the bed so, his peritoneal tissue could heal; but with her at his side everything was easier for him. In the mornings and in the evenings they gave a small walk around the hospital, of course he was in wheelchair and she was pushing it.

The only time in which Gabby was not beside him, was when his sister or his mother came to the hospital to be with him, so she could go home, shower, eat and sleep a couple of hours before to come back to the hospital.

"How are you? What are you thinking?" Gabby said sitting in the bed site holding his hands "How do you have the eye?" She looked his left eye, which was surrounded by a nasty bruise purple and black.

"Better than yesterday" he touched his eye. It still hurt a little, but it was expected.

"Are you gonna tell me what happened with Severide, Mill and psychiatrist yesterday?"

"It's nothing"

"Your eye does not say the same" he looked to her hazel eyes doubting whether or not to tell what had happened yesterday.

Flashback

Kelly Severide and Peter Mills they left the lift and walked to the small reception of that floor. That morning Chief Boden had received a call of Dr. Tisdale asking if some of Matt's partner could go to the hospital and meet him in a little section.

He wanted to know who Matt was before of his attendant of suicide. He wanted to leave the hospital as soon as he was better of his peritonitis however, his psychiatrist didn't think the same thing, in his opinion he should be in the hospital for at least few more days.

Chief Boden thought that it would be good if Kelly go and talk with the doctor; after all they were best friends since they entered in the firehouse as candidates. Nevertheless, Dr. Tisdale wanted to speak with at least two of them, and that it's why Peter Mills was there together with the Squad's Lieutenant. Mills had been doing some drills with Casey during the last couple of months, so, he could maybe tell a little bit how he was before.

"Hi can you us where Dr. Tisdale's office is, please?" Peter asked to one of the nurse

"His office is the second door in the right hallway"

"thanks"

They followed her indication and immediately they found the office. Kelly kneck the door and waited for the doctor to respond.

"Dr. Tisdale?" he asked entering in the small office

"Yeah. You must be Lieutenant Severide" he said looking his Squad Lieutenant Jacket "And you Peter Mills" They shook their hands and Dr. Tisdale sat in his chair while Peter and Kelly sat in the couch "Well I guess that your Chief had tell you why I need you here"

"Yeah! He tell us a little" Kelly said " How can we help you exactly?" since Matt back to the hospital Kelly had not go even once to visit him. He was still upset that Matt sent a message to Gabby and not to him or at least texted him too. They were best friends, and although they had their differences in the past after he Andy dead or when Heater and he had dinner at his house and she slept on his couch, but lately they came back to be friends again. They talked about everything, so, he couldn't understand why Matt didn't call him.

"Matt wants to leave the hospital as soon as he his peritoneal tissue heal enough as to go home. It could be in two or three days"

"That it's great" Peter said happy that his lieutenant could leave the hospital.

"But, I am not sure if he is ready to go home"

"Why not?, I mean he will be better in his house than in a hospital, what do you think lieutenant?"

"He is not the same. I can hardly recognize him"

"that is what I was thinking. How he was before that he swallowed the pills? Was he reserved, shy, he get angry easily?"

"He was a great guy. We were best friend during fourteen years, we were like brothers. We saw hockey games together, hung out to have a beer. I helped him in some of his construction work"

"why do you talk about him in past tense?" Peter said annoyed. Since they met in the parking of the hospital, Peter noticed that Kelly was tense "He is still alive. Maybe, you don't recognize him but he is still our Casey. Your friend. He was the one who was in your side during your rehabilitation although half the days he had just finished his shift and all that he wanted to do was go home and sleep. But at that time you did not need a partner there because he knew that you were able to press yourself to improve and that could be even worse for your injury. What you need was a friend and Casey was there to help. And now, what Casey needs is a friend"

"How long you been in the firehouse, seven months? You think you know everything and you know nothing rookie"

"ok. I have an idea of how he is" he said stopping the discussion "Do you want to see him?"

"yes, please" Peter said

Dr. Tisdale called by telephone to the nurses' office and asked if someone could bring Matt. A few minutes later, the office door opened and a nurse entered pushing a wheelchair Matt. He was dressed in sweatpants and a shirt and he was still a little pale, but without a doubt he was better than when they talked the day before.

"Hi Matt, how are you today?" Dr. Tisdale said approaching to him and offering a handshaking.

"Better than yesterday. Thanks for ask"

"I want to talk with you again like we did yesterday, but today I have a little surprise for you" he said referring to Peter and Kelly. Peter if he had risen from the couch and approached him with a smile from ear to ear.

"How are you Lieutenant?" he said hugged him

"Hi Mills I am fine and you?" he felt a little nervous. Nobody said him that he will have company while he and the psychiatrist talk.

"Fine. Everyone in the fifty-one miss you. We hope that you can come back soon"

"I think that this is not going to be possible" he looked to Kelly who didn't do any move since he entered in the office.

"Why not?"

"You don't tell them?"

"tell us what, Lieutenant?"

"I am not anymore a firefighter. Those were your words not Kelly?" Peter looked to Kelly confused.

"you are a coward" Kelly said

"I am not a coward"

"Why do not you have enough balls to say why you did it? You could have asked for help, but not you took the coward way"

"And what do you know huh? You do not even know what the word help means. You think the world spins around you Kelly and it's not. Do you want that I tell what is cowardly, treat so bad to someone that he wants to end with his own life"

"Are you referring to Renee?" by the tone of his voice could tell he was angry. He opened and closed his right hand several times trying to calm himself.

"No. Maybe you do not remember but after the death of Andy, you did not with me talk or even looking to my face. It's hard to lose a brother fireman but harder it is to lose another when he still alive and you do not understand why" he eyes were filled with tears and he didn't know how many time he will be able to contain them in his eyes.

"Fuck you. You hide of the problems and don't face them. You did the same with his death. It was your fault that Andy died and didn't have balls to confess it to Heather. I wish that you had died instead of him"

"Since that night, I have not spent a single day when you have not desired to take his place. He had a family and I didn't have to anybody"

"you are right. With your death all we would have been happier"

"You disgust me Severide. You are the only one responsible of his death. You should have vented the damn house. Do not blame me for your shit"

Kelly was shocked by his words. That was the first time that Matt accused of his death. Rage, exasperation and nerves that he accumulated during the last days took him. Not knowing how he raised his right fist against the face of his best friend.

When Kelly returned to reality felt a slight pain in his right hand, which had small drops of blood around the knuckles. He looked up and saw that Matt was surprised and scared; he never would have expected that his best friend hit him like he did few seconds ago. His left hand was over his left eye while his nose was bleeding profusely staining his shirt

"Lieutenant, are you alright?" Mills asked kneeing in front of him trying to move his protective hand of his left eye.

The doctor was shocked. He never expected that what was supposed to should have been a little talk between friends, had ended up being a fight and possibly the loss of a best friend "Peter, can you please take Matt to outside of my office and found a nurse who check his eye and nose"

"sure" he pushing his wheelchair. Matt was confused. One of his worst nightmares were coming true, he was losing his best friend, the one that he love like the brother that he never had"

End of the Flashback

"Have you spoken with any of them since yesterday?" he shook and she caressed his bruised eye and blew into the wound.

He smiled and said "Thanks. The psychiatrist wants to speak with me again today, but I don't want to see him again"

"It is not his fault what happen"

"He brought him. In his opinion I should be here more time and I just want to go home. I want to stay here until I am cured of my peritonitis. Neither more nor less. And I want to run away that's what I think that I doing if I am here. I want to leave Chicago for a while"

"My dad knows someone who has a cabin on the Luke Carroll lake" She said "my parents have rented it for several summers and is very well. If you want I can get you the number of the owner. I do not think this time is rented so maybe you can go. It is an amazing place. You will love it. It's my father favorite place for fishing"

"I appreciate" he said smiling

"But you have to wait at least one week because of your peritonitis. Even if you are discharged, you still have to stay in bed for a couple of days"

"Ok" he rested his head against the pillow

"I ucan stay with y if you want, I mean you will need that someone take care of you"

"that would be lovely, but you don't have to do it if you don't want"

"I love to do it" she said brushing his blonde hair. Both of them were smiling "really Matt, I am going to be there for you always, you know it, right?"

"Yeah"

Gabby moved her hand and started to caress his right cheek. He seemed not to care that she did it, rather he liked having her soft hand stroking his rough cheek. "You need a good shave" she said joking him "your beard is a little prickly"

"I can imagine it" he said laughing "that would definitely what I will do first when I come back home"

"Oh seriously, I thought that you wanted to have a shower first" she said ironically "it has been a few days since you have the last one and you stink"

Their jokes where interrupted by a knock in the door. Matt looked to Gabby, surely it was the psychiatrist, Matt didn't wanted to see him or talk with him, but he knew that if he wants to leave the hospital he had to talk with him. As if she knew what he was thinking, Gabby took his hands and said "I'll be here with you, no matter what happen, alright?"

Matt nodded and said "Come in"

Dr. Tisdale entered in the room happy that Matt was awake and in good moods. Their laughter could be heard in the hallway. His mother and sister entered also in the room behind him. Christine and her mother sat near to bed. Matt was happy that they were also there for him

"Hi Matt, how are you?" Dr. Tisdale asked

"Fine, but not thanks to you" he not looking to him

"Matt" Gabby reprimanded him before that his mother could do it. In her interior Nancy smiled. Gabby was proving to be a lovely girl who is worried about her son.

"it's doesn't matter, he is right. It's my fault that your left eye s bruised now. I am sorry. Can we talk a little bit?"

"Can Gabby be here also?"

"Yes. I don't mind" I grabbed a chair and sat in front of them "How are you? When I come here we could heard a few laughter coming from this room"

"I am felling better. I am ready to go home"

"I know Matt. There is someone who could be there for you"

"She" he said referring to Gabby

"And also your mother and sister" she said looked to them

"we talked yesterday, and we can take shift for look after him" Christine explained

Matt looked them and smile. His family were helping him to get out the hospital.

"That would be great. Tell me do you know how you can find your gain?"

"Gain?" Gabby said

"Yeah. He told me that "a lost could be also a gain" and now I have to find what could be a gain after all of this" he explain "I think that I need time. Time for thinking in what I did, and how that have affected to my life. I think that it would be a good idea if I leave Chicago for a while, maybe two or three weeks. Alone" he said looking to all of them "I do not expect that everything is going to be as before" he said when saw their concerned faces "I know that what I've done is serious and it has left consequences. I am ready to carry with the consequences of what I've done. And it will not be easy to forgive me. We are all very shocked by what has happened in so little period of time and I had not treated you very well when all that you want was to help me. But I need time, all of us" Christine rubbed his shoulder smiling to him

"That it what we wanted to hear from you Matt" Dr. Tisdale said "you know that what you have done it's bad and I am sure that you are not going to do it again. In my opinion you are ready to go home. However, I would like to talk with you again a few more times" he gave him his visiting card

"Do you know where do you want to go?" Christine asked

"Maybe to Luke Carroll Lake" he said smiling

"I want that while you stay there, you call me at least for a few minutes each two or three days or if you need each day, each day"

"Ok"

"After lunch you're free to go home Matt" Dr. Tisdale said before left the room

"Thanks" he said happy

"We thought that would be easier for you, because you to be in bed for at least a few more days, is you go to your house and we stay there with you" Gabby said

"Each one will stay with you while the other two are on work and one night" Christine added

"I will stay tonight because tomorrow I am not on shift" Gabby said rubbing his shoulder.

/

Later, when the sun was setting over the horizon; Matt and his family came back home. He was a little scared; it had been five days since taking the sleeping pills and just thinking that he would have to sleep in the bed in which nightmare started, made him to feel nervous.

"There are several food prepared in the fridge" His mother said "I prepared the chicken soup that you like it. You only have to warm it up a bit" she rubbed his shoulder.

"With with noodles and carrots?"

"Of course honey"

"thanks mom" he sat on the couch giving a long sigh

"Are you alright?" his sister asked

"Yeah, it's only that I am little tired" he smiled slightly

"Ok, so we are living now" His mother and sister kissed him in his check "Gabby our numbers are in a memo in fridge's door, if you need something, whatever calls us, ok?"

"Sure, don't worry. I think that we will be fine. Do you want that I warm some of the soup"

"Yeah, why not?"

They ate delicious soup that his mother had cooked. During dinner neither spoke much, but none cared, because it was one of those silences in which there was not necessarily to say anything. A glaces could say everything in that moment.

After dinner Matt took a quick shower and put on his pajamas while Gabby get ready to go to bed too. He usually wore only sweatpants or if it was really heat, he slept wearing only his boxers. However, as Gabby was sleeping in his house that night, he thought that she might feel awkward so put on a shirt. He entered in his room with a towel around his neck, water drops down his toned neck.

"How are you?" she was setting in his bed in the nightstand there was a glass of water and a bottle of antibiotics.

"Fine" he looked the bed sheet. Those were not the sheets of the bed the last time that he was at home. Someone had the curtsey to change it.

"I thought that it would be better to change the sheet. I hope that you don't mind" she opened the bottle of pills and took one of them and gave it to him.

"No, it's fine. Thanks" he took the pill and the glass of water. His hands were shaking, that was the first time I had to swallow a pill since he took the bottle. Gabby noticed and grabbed his hands; she took the small pill and placed it between his lips; he took a small sip of the water and smiled pleased "Thanks"

"You still have wet you hair. Sit in the bed" he did what she said and she took the towel from his neck and dryer his wet hair with it "much better. Do you want to sleep?"

"I am not sure" he recognized ashamed "I think that I am not ready to sleep again in my bed"

"Do you want that I sleep here with you?" she proposed

"Will you?" he asked trying not to sound too desperate

"Lie on the bed" she said smiling

"Yes, sir" he joked lying in his bed. Few second later, Gabby joined him. It was a little estrange for them to sleep both of them in the same bed.

"For your own good I hope you do not snore"she said, breaking the weird silence.

"Don't worry I don't snore. I swear" he said laughing

"good night Matt" she kissed him in his check and turned off the light of the nightstand

"Good night Gabby" he said closing his eyes

Hi

How they wake up the next morning? It's will be weird for them or something natural?

I hope that you like the chapter and let me some reviews.

Tomorrow, I will start with a new chapter of "Let her go" well in reality I have some paragraphs in Spanish, and I only need to translate them. Maybe it will be finish for Sunday or Monday I am not sure.

Have a good weekend.

Namine Redfield