Hugs for Tish for helping me out with this chapter. And hugs for each one of you lovely reviewers. 3

Chapter 5

Hardest of Hearts

She was blonde again.

It seemed as though an eternity had passed between now and the last time she concealed her dark red tresses with a bright golden colouring despite the fact that it had only been a mere two weeks. Nonetheless, even as she slipped back into what should now be a familiar disguise for her, she felt foreign and out of place in it. Ironically, Lily thought it felt akin to slipping into someone else's skin.

Nothing of interest happened in the month that she was back working at the pub. The raid seemed like an eternity ago and there had not been any Order meetings since she took back on her illusion of Catherine. She had not seen James- or as she had taken up calling him in her head, that stupid tosser- either for the month that she had been back.

The pub wasn't that busy; it never was right after lunch. Most patrons that had stopped in for a bite during their lunch break were already gone and, although it was a Thursday, they weren't expecting the usual evening crowd for at least five hours again. The Leaky Cauldron was all but deserted save for two old mean chatting quietly in a corner, Tom and Lily, disguised as Catherine.

The door jangled. "Oi! Legs!" a voice called from behind her. Lily spun around and her hand immediately found the hilt of her wand. When she saw that it was Sirius, grinning impishly up at her as he hauled himself onto a barstool however- Marlene or That Stupid Tosser must have told him about her- she released the breath she had not realised that she had been holding and her defensive stance wavered. Not bothering to reply, she merely raised an eyebrow as if to ask 'what do you want?' "Scotch," he ordered. "Neat. Make it a double."

"You and Marlene have a certain proclivity to drinking in the middle of the day," she commented even as she went about preparing his drink. With a skill she acquired after working there for the past three months, Lily quickly put together his drink and slapped it down in front of him.

With a tilt of his head in acknowledgement, Sirius raised his glass and said, "Cheers," before taking a healthy sip.

As she had nothing else to do, Lily leant forward, resting her forearms against the scrubbed and worn wooden counter top. "So what brings you here, Black?" she asked after he took another large sip. It was not like she had anything else to do.

Sirius smirked and leant back on his barstool as he made a show of looking her up and down. Unimpressed (and having been faced with that situation several times before) she procured her wand from the waist band of her skirt and begun playing with it. She heard a dull thud as he brought his stool back down to all fours. "The scenery" he said succinctly. "I happen to like looking at pretty little things such as yourself."

Lily laughed just to humour him and Sirius smiled. "So tell me, love," he asked, swirling his drink around, "What's your name?"

"Catherine," she replied disinterestedly and started wiping glasses.

"A pretty name for such a pretty flower." She narrowed her eyes in a warning glare. Sirius held his hands up. "I'm just saying. In fact, if you were on the other side of the bar I would offer to buy you a drink."

Lily rolled her eyes at his smarmy display of compliments. "I feel so touched," she deadpanned.

"Careful there love, you don't want to sound too enthusiastic."

She hid her face so that he could not see her growing smile. Though she did not know him all that well, she could admit that she liked Sirius. He had that natural charm around him. Of course, the stories that That Stupid Tosser told her about him when they were training also helped in the situation. They lapsed into a comfortable silence as she continued to wipe glasses and clean down the counter before asking, "Really though, why are you here? Don't you have a job? Or something more worthwhile that you could be doing? Not that I don't appreciate your visit," she tacked on quickly as Tome looked across at her.

"I choose to waste away my hefty inheritance on alcohol and my motorbike- the things I love most," he said at last, raising his glass at her before taking a sip. "Here I can indulge myself in both."

"Maybe you should get a job. Join me here."

He scoffed at her. "Does this face look as though it does any sort of labour?" Lily tilted her head. He had a point. "Unlike my lovely mates who do that work thing- James the dashing auror who goes around saving the day, Peter who works in an apothecary and Remus, poor sod doesn't have a job but helps us out by making potions and things."

"I can make potions!" she objected. It would seem worlds more fun than working as a barmaid anyway, and she liked Remus. She had passed all her N.E.W.T.s with Outstandings and this is what she got stuck doing. It felt vaguely insulting.

Sirius picked up on her worsening mood and said, "You much better off here, love."

"Nothing ever happens here. It's boring." She resisted the urge to stamp her foot. She already knew she was whining like some petulant little child and wanted to give Sirius no more reasons to think so of her.

"Of course things happen here. A handsome bloke like myself pulled up with a motorbike and is engaging you in conversation. You're telling me that that's not the least bit exciting?"

"Sadly it's been the most riveting part of my day." Her eyebrows furrowed. "You have a motorcycle?" she asked, trying to wrap her head around the concept that Sirius Black, pureblood and coming from a muggle hating family, would know about something so trivial and muggle like as a motorcycle.

His lips twitched as though he was reading her mind and had picked up on her train of thought. "Aye. I bought right after I finished school. They've always intrigued me. Of course, I've also added a few, ah... personal touches."

"I'd love to see it sometime."

The grin was in full force now. "Someday. Do me a favour, Flower, and say that in front of James sometime. I told him that girls would like it and he said that I was mad. Hearing you say that to him would be brilliant."

A grin dashed across her face but disappeared quickly. "I haven't seen That Stupid Tosser since I woke up in his apartment."

The grin he was giving her turned suggestive now as he asked, "And when was the last time you woke up in his apartment, my dear?"

She glared at him. "You know fully well when it was. Don't go jumping to conclusions."

"Sorry, sorry. The opportunity was too good to pass up."

"Do you and Marlene have meetings to discuss these sorts of things? Honestly."

"Oh yes, I meet Marlene every Wednesday and we discuss you and him together over tea and biscuits." Her glare intensified. Sirius sighed and hesitantly ground out the next few words. "He and a few others have been sent on a raid..."

Almost at once the glare vanished. She almost felt sorry for calling him a stupid tosser now. "Well I guess he can't be faulted then."

He fidgeted slightly in his seat, his fingers drumming a hasty tattoo against the wooden surface of the counter. "He's only been gone a week," Sirius said trying to bring up the topic gently.

"Oh."

She took it back. He was a stupid tosser. And an immensely large one at that.

Her eyes fell to her hands that were linked together atop the counter top and she tried her best not to look to hurt or downtrodden. She suspected that she failed immensely at that. "I haven't seen him in a month."

Neither one said nothing for a while nor did the other know what to say. Lily berated herself for feeling that way. She was stupid think that she meant anything to the auror. After all, why should she feel special just because James had taken the time to help her out? Moody told him to do that. He didn't have any obligation to.

So consumed she was in her own thoughts that Lily completely missed Sirius clenching his jaw and almost gnashing his teeth together in his frustration. Not for the first time did Sirius realise to the extent of how stupid his best mate was. It also was not the first time that Sirius felt like apparating to Wales just to smack his friend silly, undercover auror operations or not.

Stretching her lips into what she hoped passed as a proper smile, Lily asked, "So what have you been up to? It's been ages since you've accosted me in the middle of the night."

"I did not accost you in the middle of the night!" he said at once, "You ran into me, Flower."

"No, I was walking, minding my own business and you came up to me. Almost hexed you too."

Sirius grudgingly gave in and answered her original question. He had been on two missions since he last her. One was to collect information from other purebloods and gain some sort of insight on what side they were on. The other involved a little less reconnaissance and a lot more stealth. When she pried further, Sirius brought a finger to his lip and muttered, "Not here, Flower," and nodded his head imperceptibly towards the man who just entered. He was short in comparison to Sirius, but still had a few inches on her with dark hair flecked with grey and was carrying a bulky briefcase.

Lily left Sirius for a moment to see about the new customer and during that time he finished his drink.

"I'm afraid I must depart, my love," he said, checking a pocket watch from within his coat. Lily hid a small smile. It was so Sirius to own an antiquated pocket watch. The man who she just served looked over at them. Sirius fished out the money for the drink- as well as a substantial tip- and passed it over to her. "Until the next time I'm out here in London, Flower." He tipped an imaginary hat to her and left the pub, whistling a jaunty tune.

The dark haired man visited everyday for the next week, spending almost the entire day in the pub. He seemed to be looking for someone- or more accurately, waiting on someone to show up. He was a very amicable person, smiling at Lily and conversing lightly with her whenever she served him. Over the course of the week, she had come learn that his name was Edwin Archibald, he was born in England but had spent the last eight years in Romania and was skilled with magical creatures. He called her his little Golden Girl and told her bad jokes that made her laugh nonetheless.

Despite all of that, Lily was more alert than ever. Sure, the pub had his series of regulars that popped in everyday, but no one stayed for over twelve hours at a time. She noted how every seat he took during his stint there all had a good view of the door.

Still though, she pasted a smile to her face and listened to his stories, laughing when necessary and bringing him coffee, tea and Butterbeer when he requested it. He seemed to find her smart retorts and cheeky witticisms endearing.

"Tell me, why someone as smart as my Golden Girl is working in a pub of all places?" he once asked her in a heavily accented voice.

She flashed him a demure smile and slid the foamy topped Butterbeer towards him. "Most people are afraid to hire anyone in these times," she said, letting just the barest trickle of disappointment slip into her voice. "A girl needs to make a living. At this point I'll take what I can get, even if it was scrubbing cauldrons."

"Poor thing," he said consolingly. "I must agree though; times are pretty bad. I wouldn't have come myself if it wasn't absolutely necessary. Family matters, you see."

She highly doubted that. Family matters and here he was sitting in a pub for the entire day, doing crosswords and drinking Butterbeer. Even so, she nodded along happily. "Oh yes. I wish I had the chance like you do. Sadly I don't."

He smiled sympathetically. "Of course. I'm sure you have important things to here in England. If only it was easier to get you to come back with me, I could have finagled a spot for you back in Romania. I'm sure a smart girl like you can pick up Potion making easily enough."

Lily bit back the retort that rose to her tongue that she would pick up on it quicker than he imagined, instead favouring a sigh and a half smile that she hoped said 'I wish.'

Other than her conversations with Edwin, she lacked plenty in the social interaction department. Sirius did not visit though she knew- as much as he bluffed saying he did not work- he was doing work for the Order. Marlene ducked in and out at regular intervals, though she was always in a hurry, having no time to do other than send her a hasty smile and nod. She had been sending her letters though, and they planned on meeting up next Saturday evening to talk.

She refused to think of James. Lily did not know if his raid was over and she had successfully deluded herself into thinking that it did not matter and she did not care at all. Nope. She was not going to waste another second on thinking of that Stupid Tosser and giving him the satisfaction that he got to her.

Okay, so maybe she had been working more on her Transfiguration and he did pop into her mind when she successfully changed her little nose into a slightly upturned one that was much less softer than her original one, but that was besides the fact.

And she probably thought more than a few times how he might have reacted if he found her laughing at one of Edwin's joke (he would probably shake his head and send her that pitying look that made her angry at him. "Do you have any idea what a real joke is, Evans?" he would ask before grinning wickedly and leaning in so that he could tell her some sort of dirty joke that would have her in stitches. He'd done it more than enough times when they had been training.)

All right, so he did consume a lot of her thoughts and she wanted to beat herself unconscious with one of Tom's frying pans because of it. She tried to weakly defend herself that the only reason she thought of him that much was because the last time she saw him- properly saw him as the Order meeting did not count- he was leaning down to probably kiss her.

(She hoped he was going to kiss her anyway)

(Dammit where was that frying pan?)

Saturday rolled around quicker than she expected and Lily found herself getting ready to meet Marlene. She had just finished a shift at the Leaky Cauldron and was running late. Quickly, she changed out of the skirt and shirt and transfigured herself back to normal. She apparated to the cafe with just a few minutes to spare and immediately caught sight of Marlene waving enthusiastically at her.

"Sorry we couldn't do this at home," she said as Lily slid into her seat. "It's a bit of a mess right now. Healing books all over the place and my kitchen's completely overrun with potions."

"It's all right," Lily reassured her before perking up slightly. "Maybe I can help you with the potions on my off time."

Marlene eyed her critically. "I think not. I'm sorry dear; it's just that Dumbledore only wanted Lupin and I on this. Even after I suggested you, he said that you had other things to do."

Lily visibly deflated. "Oh. Okay then."

The blonde gave her a sympathetic smile. "Chin up, love. If you were there I'm sure he would probably send you running back and forth to the apothecary along with me."

"So that's why you've been in and out so often."

"Mmhmm; Pettigrew supplies us with the ingredients Lupin needs and usually Potter or I pay for them. You can't owl order some of those things plus it would look suspicious for owls to be delivering things so often to the same residence. The whole thing's strictly under wraps," she said easily, blowing her tea lightly.

"I would still love to help," sighed Lily, stirring her cup and ignoring the mention of Potter. "Surely there are others in the Order that could take over what I'm doing. It's so boring and I haven't a clue as to what I'm supposed to be looking for."

"Suspicious activity," came Marlene's prompt response. "Anything to do with You Know Who."

"Yes, well, they don't exactly come baring the Dark Mark at the front door," Lily replied tetchily. "And surely I'm not the only one who knows how to transfigure myself."

Marlene brushed her off with a slight wave of her hand. "Be that as it may, most everyone in the Order has an actual job. In fact, I'm fairly certain that the only ones unemployed are you, me, Remus and Sirius."

"Sirius could work at the pub instead."

The older woman snorted delicately. "Right. Sirius doing work. Do you think he's the type to do any sort of labour that doesn't involve lounging about with that dratted motorbike or drinking himself into oblivion?"

"You know," Lily stated wryly as she took a small sip of her tea, "That's exactly what he told me a week ago."

"Great minds," offered Marlene.

"Now that is a truly terrifying thought."

The two women laughed and moved on to other topics. They discussed efforts being made by the Order and how it felt that for every victory they got, two more hardships sprung up in their place. It was like a hydra. They only way to come out victorious in the end was to kill the beast from the centre. Or in this case, Voldemort. When that got too heavy they moved on to lighter topics. Marlene, ever the reliable source for gossip, told her everything from who was hooking up whom (even though Lily did not know half the people mentioned) to who was rumoured to be getting married. Lily noted that she wisely refrained from mentioning the messy haired auror plaguing her thoughts. Sirius must have mentioned something to her.

Nearly three hours later did Marlene finally glance at her watch and swear. "Bugger; I have to get going. I told Lupin I'd be home by six."

"Remus is staying with you?"

"Yes, until James returns, that is."

Lily's previous good mood darkened considerably. It must have shown clearly on her face as Marlene briefly reached across to touch her arm. "Oh yes," said Lily, trying her best not to gnash her teeth. "Sirius told me that he was on a raid."

"Lily-"

"You nephew is a stupid tosser," she said bluntly.

Marlene chuckled darkly. "I've known that since the git was born."

Lily dropped her head to her hands and when she spoke it was slightly muffled. "I'm so stupid, aren't I?" she mumbled. "Nothing more than a stupid little girl that both Potter and Moody thought needed help because she couldn't handle a few Death Eaters. And they were right weren't they? My first mission and I fuck it up. That's why I'm back at that pub, by the way. Dumbledore didn't say it outright, but I knew he wanted me off the field before I got myself killed."

"Sweetheart..." Marlene faltered torn between saying what she wanted to and keeping James' trust.

Lily cut her off. "I was stupid okay? I get that now. He had to help me because Moody told him to. I shouldn't have thought anything of it."

Marlene closed her eyes before muttering, "Oh sod it," and reaching across the table to grab the miserable red head by the shoulders. "Moody didn't make him do anything and neither did Dumbledore. James decided to train you on his own accord and asked me to help him hide it from his mates because he knew that they would take the piss."

Her eyes widened. "What? I don't think I..."

"James, my stupid idiot boy James, wanted to help you with your duelling and snuck out every evening- even after pulling double shifts at the ministry mind you- just so he could do that. I don't know why, he never told me, but I have a few ideas. All I know is that after meeting you at that one Order session he went completely head over arse and it only got worse once he started seeing you every day. 'Lily was absolutely brilliant today Marly,' 'You should have seen Lily's shield charm; I never saw one that powerful before!' 'Lily's so great at this; Lily's so great at that.' Hell, I've never seen someone so happy to be punched before." Marlene told her in one go looking both parts exasperated and exhausted.

"Do you have any idea how hard it is to lie to the Marauders about James sneaking out to see you? And for some reason I kept on doing it because the damn kid always looked so fucking pleased afterwards even though all he managed to do when he came home was kick off his shoes and pass out on the couch just because Lily Evans smiled at him or laughed at one of his jokes," she shook her head and stifled a laugh at Lily who's mouth was open from the shock. "He practically swore me to bloody secrecy about the whole thing and when you got injured, well, he blamed himself."

Her chest tightened and for a moment she forgot how to breathe.

Well.

That certainly changed things.

Lily was suddenly caught in wanting to snog the stupid boy senseless and hit him hard on the head several times with one of those large History tomes she once saw in the library. Maybe she should do both. Snog him (just to get it out of her system of course) and then knock him out, claiming that he just imagined the entire scenario.

She shook her head. "But... why?"

Marlene stared at her and Lily was not sure if it was because she wanted further elaboration or just wanted to smack her with a large History book. Finally, she dropped her head to the table with a pitiful groan and said, "Idiots. All of you. See! This is why I wanted a cat."

She furrowed her eyebrows in confusion at the blonde's words. "I don't think I-"

"Hush Evans," Marlene ordered, riffling around her purse for a moment before throwing a wad of crumpled up notes on the table, ignoring Lily's proposal to pay half the bill. "I'm late, you're thick and James is an idiot who I will cheerfully beat up next time I see him. Cheers Evans." She did not wait to hear any more of what Lily was saying as she gracelessly got up and walked out of the cafe, disappearing before she even turned the corner.

The events which had unfurled at the cafe stuck with her for the next few days. At first she was torn, flickering back and forth between the two sides of the war raging inside her. She tried to quash any sort of hope that blossomed in her chest. She refused to hope. Allowing herself to hope meant that she was leaving herself vulnerable and would inevitably hurt if what she thought turned out to be false. Similarly, the anger was simmering right below her surface. Lily went from being mildly irritated to incredibly furious as the days passed.

It was Tuesday night- almost three whole days had passed. Besides Archibald, there was no one in the pub. There might have been the odd customer stopping for a quick drink and more than a few people went out to the back to Diagon Alley during the day but now, nearing midnight, the place was deserted. Lily was once again back as her blonde counterpart, flipping through the newest Witch Weekly magazine that someone forgot and trying to keep from yawning. Tom was in the kitchen and Archibald was sitting at a table with a pipe in his mouth humming slightly.

Lily was debating whether or not she should ask Tom if she could leave a few hours early when Archibald's head shot up. He stumbled over himself as he hurried over to the door, slipping out. Without missing a beat she called out to Tom, "I'm taking my break!" She heard a faint grunt in response but did not wait around, wand out and already casting a disillusionment charm on herself.

Archibald was not far ahead- eight paces at most- so Lily had no trouble keeping up. She moved as quietly as she could, her grip on her wand tight and she barely breathed. A hand snatched out at him from an alley next to a boarded up drug store. She hurried over, missing only the first part of the conversation.

"... No one followed you here?"

"The pub was empty except for the owner and a ditzy barmaid," said Archibald, coolly. Lily glared slightly at being referred to as a ditzy barmaid. She berated herself slightly for letting the man's compliments sway her slightly. She knew that he was acting suspiciously; why the hell was she stupid enough to believe that he meant those things. It was a dumb thought, but it flittered through her mind that this situation with Archibald and her feelings was remarkably similar to another dark haired wizard. Honestly, why did she have to have so much feelings?

"Did you bring the items that were requested?" the voice asked roughly. She could not see the speaker; the dark cloak was drawn up over his head- she assumed it was a man from the timbre of his voice- and his voice was gruff. He released the hold he had Archibald's arm and the shorter man stumbled backwards into the wall.

He stood up straight and dusted off his robes as he collected himself. "Of course not," he said coldly. "You told me you would have met me the Thursday before. I brought it then. I am not thick enough to go walking around with dragon eggs in my briefcase. You are lucky I didn't move on to the next highest bidder after you failed to show up."

Lily bit back the gasp that rose to her lips. Dragon eggs. It did not even matter anymore what he was going to do with them; the mere fact that Archibald was caught trading them was an offense on its own.

The cloaked man chuckled darkly. "Do you think he would have let you get away with that, halfblood?"

Archibald's upper lip curled slightly at the derogatory term and when he spoke, his accent became more pronounced despite his frigid tone. "I have other buyers back in Romania. Many of whom treat me with far more respect that you certainly would ever give to your master."

"Watch your tongue!" The man brandished a wand. "The Dark Lord is to be revered by all and soon he will be. He is ridding our world of the filth that taints it, slowly and one by one. It will be a much quicker process when he gets the items of course."

Archibald did not look impressed at the cloaked man's speech. In fact, he looked vaguely afraid. "You are going to raise them to kill muggles and mudbloods, then?"

Her blood boiled as the derogatory phrase slipped out and became further incensed when the cloaked man- Death Eater, she corrected herself; he surely had to be a Death Eater to be talking that way- merely shrugged and said, "It will make things much easier that way. Those bloody Ministry ponces would be running around trying to contain them. The Ministry is already in shambles. It just needs a little push to fall entirely. And then the Dark Lord will rise."

The shorter man visibly shrunk and Lily wondered if it was because he was just realising what he had gotten himself into. Nonetheless, he said in a quiet but determined voice, "They will take at least a year or two to mature, you know that?"

The Death Eater waved his hand impatiently. "Semantics," he scoffed. "It would be lovely if we could use them right away- after all, we do have plans this weekend- but it will be worth the wait. The aurors won't know what hit them. If there are any aurors still alive by then that is."

It was as though someone clenched an icy hand around her heart and froze her lungs. She wanted to gasp for air. Oblivious to their hidden onlooker, the Death Eater continued. "Our master will be very happy once he gets his goods. Just bring them here tomorrow. Same place, same time. You will get your payment then," he said dismissively. With a swish of his cloak the man stalked out of the alley and Lily pressed herself against the wall to remain concealed. Archibald's body sagged and he seemed to be gathering his bearings. She wished she could do the same, but Tom was expecting her to resume her shift in a few minutes. Lily quickly stumbled back to the pub and headed straight to the loo where she proceeded straight to a sink and wrenched the pipe open. She hoped the cold water would help her settle down a bit.

Checking her reflection, she was surprised to find that her exterior belied none of the shock and horror inside her. Her face might've been a bit ashen and her eyes wide and glossed over, but she looked normal otherwise.

Lily removed the disillusionment charm and took her position back at the counter and feigned disinterest in the magazine. Not a moment later did Archibald return, looking perfectly normal. He collected his things and paid her for the day before leaving.

"Tom," she said softly, her voice trembling slightly. "I do believe it's time for me to go home. I'm not feeling particularly well."

Tom glanced at her from the kitchen and seeing her pasty skin he sighed and muttered, "Off with you, then."

Lily flashed him a small smile and grabbed her coat from the back before leaving. Instead of disapparating to her small flat though, she spun on the spot with only one destination in mind:

Hogwarts.

Dumbledore needed to know about this as soon as possible. Perhaps he was right about having stationed her at the pub.

About 2-3 more chapters left and an epilogue. My exams finish Wednesday so hopefully I can finish this story out before the end of July.

Reviews are like finding out you've aced all your exams ;) 3