A/N: I made a little mistake last chapter. Alex and Nora did NOT share a bottle of wine at the bistro. Nora is a recovering alcoholic as I established earlier and Alex is supporting her. It's been corrected, but those of you who may have read it prior to my late night correction, please excuse the error. Whoops.

42

Leonard unsuccessfully attempted to reach Howard and Raj on after he was asked to leave 2311 North Los Robles Saturday night in an attempt to find somewhere to stay temporarily. He ended up staying in his lab at the university, sending anonymous negative tweets to Wil Wheaton about how bad his SyFy program was and how soon it would be cancelled, and signing Sheldon up for spam email.

Sunday afternoon he called Amy Farrah Fowler.

"Last night didn't exactly go as expected, did it?"

"No, Leonard, it did not. And I am quite upset."

"Have you considered what you'll try next?"

"I need to separate Sheldon from his idiot sister and unfortunately, my bestie. If I can only find a way to get Missy out of that apartment permanently."

"I have an suggestion. It's worked before."

"Please tell me Leonard."

"You should call Sheldon's mom and tell her all the things Sheldon is doing and that he's trying to break up with you. She'll probably fly up and drag Missy back to Texas herself. I'm going to call Penny's dad myself. He really loves me."

"I'm certain that I can convince Sheldon's mother that I am her only viable route to grandchildren via Sheldon. And of course his eventual happiness and success."

"Wyatt already thinks I'm the best thing to ever happen to Penny. If she starts getting pressed by her dad and she'll have no choice but to get back together with me and stop working."

"I was unaware that there was a rift."

"Penny heard some silliness last night after you left. It's not a big thing, just a misunderstanding. It's just hanging around with Sheldon and his family made it seem bigger. I just need to get Penny alone to fix things. I love her but she's pretty gullible. As soon as I can get her in the bedroom and feeling better about me I'm sure I can fix everything. I'm the king of foreplay and after that I'll give her the best 9-12 minutes she's ever had. Then I can convince her to quit her stupid job and give up on acting like she's supposed to."

"That Wil Wheaton is the devil. He probably thought this whole thing up to wreak havoc with your betrothal. He seems to enjoy creating tension for devoted couples."

"Yeah. He's screwed things up for me and Penny before. I just need to remind her why she chose me."

"I am aware that Mary Cooper is in church and partakes of church-related activities until late on Sundays. I will telephone her tonight."

"And I'll surprise Penny tonight and call her dad tomorrow to seal the deal."

Late Sunday night Leonard crept up the stairs of 2311 North Los Robles hoping he didn't run into anyone. He quietly unlocked the door and tiptoed in. The lights were out. He'd spent several hours on Google figuring out what he could do to sexually rock Penny's world so much that she would forget all about what happened at the dinner party and the Arctic fiasco. He took off all his clothes, tiptoed into the bedroom and crawled under the covers next to the figure sleeping there. He reached around and…

"What the fuck!"

Leonard then found himself on the floor with a bloody nose.

The lights came on and Leonard found a very large, very naked George Cooper, Junior towering over him.

"Where's Penny? I checked and her phone says she's here."

"Well she ain't here. And if I recall she said she don't want to see you. Is this what you do when a lady says she don't want to see you? Because where I'm from doin' somethin' like this is a quick route to becomin' a gelding, though from what I see you're already damn close to it already."

"This is my apartment. I live here."

"Penny said stay away. I heard her. And she told Sheldon it was okay if I crashed here because I couldn't get no sleep on Missy's couch."

"Well I want you to leave."

"Not gonna happen, squirt. Now get out of here and you come back when Penny says you can. I'll be gone Tuesday."

"What if I say no?"

Balling his fist, Junior replied, "Well then this would be what my momma would call an opportunity."

Just then the apartment door opened and Sheldon walked in.

"Junior, why are you making so much noise?

Surveying the scene, Sheldon then asked, "Leonard, why are you here?"

"Shelly, I'm pretty sure he came here to surprise fuck Penny. Why else would he sneak in, get nekkid, crawl into the bed 'n' grab me?"

"Is this true Leonard?"

"Penny and I are engaged and what we do in our apartment is none of your business. Now tell me where she is and then both of you get the hell out."

"Leonard, Penny is residing elsewhere for the time being and does not wish me to disclose her location. She gave Junior permission to stay here until his departure for Texas. He signed a Temporary Residency Agreement that Penny electronically countersigned. I can send you a pdf if you like. If anyone is leaving tonight it will be you."

"And where the hell am I supposed to stay until Junior leaves?"

"You seem to have a good relationship with Amy Farrah Fowler. Perhaps there is space at her mother's home for you. Now you have disturbed Junior's circadian rythms as well as mine. Please put your pants on and depart."

"I swear, Sheldon, you're going to pay for this."

"Please submit an invoice and I'll consider an appropriate rental payment."

"Shelly, can I kick him down the stairs instead?"

Leonard grabbed his clothes and ran out the door.

"Hello, Mrs, Cooper? This is Amy Farrah Fowler, Sheldon's girlfriend."

"I don't think so."

"I am quite certain of my identity. Perhaps your advanced age is affecting your memory. If you like I can research and recommend a local neurologist."

"I know who you are. But you are not Shelly's girlfriend."

"But I am. There have been some recent issues but our relationship remains intact."

"Young lady, I saw what being your boyfriend did to my son. I have seen him in a variety of odd states but you helped put him in the worst state he'd ever been in."

"I am certain you are mistaken. Perhaps you have been misled by others. I called to enlist your aid in returning Sheldon to the path he should be on with me."

"Don't tell me I'm mistaken. I speak to my children regular. And what they don't tell me they tell their Meemaw and she tells me. Do you know why my only grandchild is in California while I'm in Texas?"

"That is one of the things I wish to speak with you about. Missy and your grandchild belong with you. They should return to Galveston immediately. Pasadena, California is not an appropriate place to raise a child."

"Do you think I'm an idiot, young lady? Missy and Shelly and I discussed the entire situation. I gave my children my blessing to go to that horrible place together. And one of the conditions for giving my permission was that they stay the hell away from you, may Jesus forgive my language."

"I don't understand."

"I do not know all of the details, but Missy explained what the cost of Shelly having a relationship with you is. And I saw it. Stay away from my family."

"But I called to enlist your aid."

"I spoke with Shelly the other day. He sounded happy. Shelly has never sounded happy in his life. And he told me how well Missy is doing in her new job. He's proud of her. And she's makin' more money than she could ever make here. She can support herself and her son and Shelly is playing a big role in their lives. My children are actin' like a family. Ya know what, that makes me real happy. If I didn't have Meemaw, my church and my friends here in Galveston I'd be movin' to the land of the heathen to be with 'em. And you'd best be glad I'm not there in person. Because if you tried to pull the, pardon me, crap that I think you're tryin' to pull right now I'd tan your hide, and not in the way that Shelly wrote you seem to like."

"But…"

"I advise you hang up, lose my phone number and forget you ever knew the Coopers, Sheldon especially. I'd rather he spend the rest of his life alone than be with someone who steamrolled him and damaged him like you did. Goodbye."

And Mary Cooper hung up. And then immediately dialed Missy.

"Hi, Momma."

"You were right, honey."

"She called?"

"Yup. And I wish I could have seen her face when I tore into her. She thought she was such a smarty-pants she could roll all over me like she did Shelly."

"I wish I could have seen that too."

"Is Junior behaving himself?"

"Well, not at first, but he made up for it and everythin's okay now."