How can this be happening?
I know that he said he was going to come but for some stupid reason I didn't believe him.
Why didn't I believe him?
I guess I just didn't want to, I didn't want to think about what would happen if he came back, I didn't want to think just how it would feel to have him here, to have those beautiful brown eyes staring back at me.
I blink, just in case I'm imagining all of this… But I'm not.
There he is.
Peter flamin Barlow is stood in front of me, and my god he looks so good.
His hair is slicked sexily back and his beard is perfect, just the way it was when we last kissed.
Wait… what am I doing? This man cheated on me yet I'm staring at him as if I'm that little smiley face thing off of me phone, the one with hearts instead of eyes.
I can't breathe.
I'm not joking, I can't actually breathe.
He actually came.
Did he come for me? He must have… I mean after the messages, the things that I said to him and that he said to me.
He must ave come for me.
He opens his mouth to speak and I know that this moment right here, right now, is going to send shivers right through me.
"Hi Carla."
Hi Carla?
My mouth goes dry.
The sound of his voice literally makes my heart stop, this is ridiculous, the man has only said two words to me and I already feel weak.
"Hi" I stammer out because I can still barley breathe, yet somehow, somehow I'm already feeling slightly better.
It's as if him being stood in front of me is getting rid of the crippling darkness that I've been lost in for weeks.
It's almost as if I can see the light.
Wait a minute, something's not right ere.
Why am I so surprised to see Peter yet Michelle clearly isn't? I went to look at her but she's smiling.
She is smiling at Peter, appreciatively, as if he's just done her a massive favour.
"Thank you." She says to him and then the penny finally drops.
She knew.
Oh my god she flamin well knew.
That's why she made me come over.
That sneaky little cow.
Peter nods and then looks self-consciously around the pub, He glances at all the familiar faces, at the all the people who are so obviously staring at us. Michelle then says,
"You like to pick your moments don't ya, I mean couldn't you have come round the back?"
"I tried, I knocked loads but there was no answer." Peter replies.
I don't say anything, I am still stunned, I mean this was all part of some ridiculous plan, they must ave cooked it up between em and now I'm stood ere in complete and utter shock.
How could she do this to me?
How could any of this be happening? And why did it have to be in front of everyone?
They're all looking, watching us closely.
I stand there like a right lemon, still not saying anything and still staring, then Peter gives me half of that gorgeous smile of his and I know it sounds crazy but I really start to feel as if maybe everything is going to be all right after all.
Maybe he actually is the miracle I've been hoping for.
Or maybe not.
"I don't believe this." I hear Leanne's foghorn voice cry out, I sigh as she marches her way over to Peter and me. Everyone else in the pub is silent, they are all clearly enjoying the spectacle that is my life right now and I guess its too hard for them to speak and be nosy at the same time.
Peter rolls his eyes a little as he turns and looks at Leanne but me… I still can't take my eyes off of him.
"Alright Lea…" He says casually, as if he's just popped in to his local for a drink and it's just been a while. God he is such an idiot sometimes… okay, a lot of the time actually, in fact he's still a cheating scumbag but yet... I still can't tear my eyes away from him.
"No I'm not alright actually." Leanne snaps and then I know exactly what's coming.
"Leanne let's not do this ere eh?" Peter says because he knows Leanne better than anyone, he knows when she is angry, he knows when she is about to kick off.
I know what she is going to say before she even says it.
"Do what eh? Do ya not want people to know that all it takes one call from her and you come running?" Leanne says and I know she is looking at me with disgust, it'll be the same way she always looks at me these days, so I don't even bother to give her my attention. "What about your family? What about your son? You haven't seen any of them in months yet this is the first place you come."
Wow.
She's right. Everyone knows she is right and even though I still have my eyes fixed on Peter, I can feel them all staring at me, judging me and blaming me.
Leanne Battersby is right and I cannot bear it.
"The family is fine, Simon is fine…" Peter started, although he didn't look too sure that his own son is fine.
"Simon is not fine!" Leanne cries, "He needs you, he needs you more than she does. What did she do eh? Give you the whole everybody hates me sob story." The stupid woman is actually pointing at me now, I can see her out of the corner of my eye, Peter goes to say something, but I finally come to my senses and my voice comes out of nowhere to say,
"Go and see Simon."
It shocks everyone… even me. Peter looks back at me, completely torn. I know that he desperately wants to see Simon and he really should go and see him.
He shouldn't be in here.
He shouldn't ave come to see me.
This is all wrong isn't it.
Peter should be back for his family's sake not mine, This whole thing is making it look like he is being a bad father.
It's making it look like he would choose me, a useless, worthless, ridiculous excuse of a woman, over his own son and that's not the case at all. I mean how is Peter supposed to know that Simon isn't fine, It's not as if Leanne has told him something about Simon and he just refused to come back for him.
He's only ere because deep down he's a good man, yeah he might ave done some stupid things but I can tell he truly cares about me, he must do because otherwise he wouldn't have come all this way.
"I'll see Simon later…" Peter eventually says but it's not good enough, not for Leanne and not for the people in the pub, Norris Cole shakes his stupid little bald head and actually has the cheek to tut loudly at Peter.
"No you won't see Simon later, you'll see him now!" Leanne says and she goes storming out of the pub before anyone can stop her. Peter doesn't follow her, he just stays put, standing there in front of me, so close yet… So far.
It's silent again, everyone waits for someone to talk first and I just don't know what in the world to do next.
What if Leanne tells Simon that his Dad is back, what if he gets really excited and he sits there and waits for him but he never comes. Simon would be devastated, he might feel like his Dad doesn't care about him and no child should never feel that way.
Not ever.
I've been there, I've had a Dad that didn't give a toss about me, I know what that feels like and there is no way I want Simon to feel that way, not because of me.
"Should we…" Peter gestures towards out back, Michelle nods but I shake my head.
"No… We shouldn't." I say, "Go and see Simon…I know you want to."
"But Carla I…" Peter begins but I interrupt him before he can begin to say anymore. I don't want any form of conversation with him right now, especially not in front of everyone.
I need some time to prepare.
"I'll… wait ere." I say and Peter doesn't look like he believes me, he looks at Michelle who then gives me an incredibly guilty look, She knows she is gonna get it from me as soon as I get her alone. She knows that I am fuming and I reckon she's hoping that Peter says no and insists that we go out back just us two, so that I don't end up arguing with her instead.
The entire pub is still completely transfixed, watching Peter and me avidly, as if we are an episode of Downtown Abbey or something.
"You'll stay ere…" Peter says watching me closely, I nod because it's the only thing I can do at the moment. Peter nods back at me with a soft smile, he then turns around, walks towards the door and is gone in seconds.
I can finally start to breathe a bit easier again.
I waste no time in heading back to the living room and as Michelle follows me, I grab a bottle of red, She owes me for all of this.
"How the hell could you ambush me like that?" I cry as soon as we get into that back room. Michelle bits her lip and I know that she's feeling bad about this but I just don't care.
"It wasn't supposed to happen like that, y'know in front of everyone, he were meant to go through the back." She says looking at the bottle of wine that I practically stole from the bar.
"He shouldn't be here Michelle not for me, he's got a family, he should be here to see them. Did you see everyone's faces? I bet they're all out there thinking I made Peter to come back ere, they're probably all thinking I'm a right little attention seeker." I say as Michelle shakes her head.
"Carla they aren't thinking that." She says although I can tell by the worried look on her face that even she is starting to think what had just happened is probably doing more harm than good for my current reputation. "Who cares what they think away?" Michelle then adds and I know that she just doesn't get it.
She's never been hated by anyone, she's always been Little Miss Popular and I've always been the one people found reasons not to like.
It's been like that since we were kids and whilst me and Michelle are one and the same, she's never understood just how it feels to be me sometimes.
"Michelle, I am feeling so fragile right now… I really don't know if I can take much more of this." I say to her as she stands there in front of me.
"Why did ya think I called him Carla?" Michelle says. So she was the one who phoned him then? So it wasn't his decision. What did she say to him to make him come? She obviously pressured him into it somehow. "I've been so worried about you recently, you've been so down and then the other day, when you were talking about that message Peter had left you… Carla you were almost happy again."
I knew I shouldn't have told her about that, I sigh as I put the bottle of wine on the table in front of me.
"I know that me calling him behind your back was a bit sneaky but Carla I'm not sorry for it." Michelle says and I know for sure that she means it. She's not sorry and deep down I'm not sorry that he's here either. We are silent for a moment as the noise levels in the pub start to return to normal. I breathe out deeply, trying to ignore the bottle in front of me and concentrate on my best friend instead.
"Chelle... why didn't you tell me he was coming, you could ave at least prepared me for it." I say, sitting down on the same chair I was on before.
"Because I was scared… I thought you'd say you didn't want to see him…" Michelle began, she still looks guilty but she is so right about me saying that I wouldn't want to see him. I mean of course I want to see Peter but I would never admit it to anyone, how weak would that be? Anyways its as if Michelle can read my mind because she sits down opposite me and then says "Carla you might try and fight it but I know that Peter is the only one who can make you feel better, I saw it in your face when he was stood there in front of us… You need him Carla."
She's right. She's always flamin right and I hate that about her. I do need him, I need him more than I've ever needed anyone before, but again there's no way I'm going to admit that.
Although I guess it's sort of too late to be pretending though, I mean I've already told him that I needed him, it was when I left that message on his phone, He's probably got it saved onto his phone as proof.
What am I going to say to him when he finally comes back over ere? It's so much easier to talk to someone when they aren't actually there in front of you. I can just say everything that is on my mind and then hang up, just like that. I don't ave to hear what he's going to say, I don't have to see him face to face.
It's weird because whilst we were leaving each other those messages, it was like he was still able to be there for me but it was okay because he was away at a safe distance from me. I didn't have to get too close but now he's back, back in Weatherfield and I don't know what to do.
I can't let him back in, I just can't.
If I tell him everything, if I pour out my heart to him then I'm bloody screwed, Game over for Carla Connor.
That delicious wine is sitting there in front of me, it's calling my name and I am so desperate to open it, that I start forgetting to listen to what Michelle is saying. It's something about me though, something about how she really thinks that "I need to talk at Peter and how it will be so good for me" but that's all I can make out.
I just want that wine so much.
Steve soon pops his head around the door awkwardly and says that he is desperate for the loo and that he cannot leave the bar unattended, He looks as if he really doesn't want to be asking Michelle to come out to the bar but he obviously has no choice. She looks at me with that same concerned look she had earlier and I know that she is going to say no to Steve, so intervene and say,
"Go on Chelle. I'll wait ere… It's not like I've anything better to do is it?" She thinks about it as Steve shuffles about by the door, it looks as if he's going to burst any minute, So Michelle finally leaves me alone, alone with my favourite drug…
Well my second favourite drug but as my first one is over the road, hopefully bonding with his son, I'll ave to make do with the bottle.
I'll just open it, sometimes that helps, sometimes it's all I need to do and sometimes... it's just the start.
Maybe I'll just have the one glass, I mean Peter's gonna be ere soon right?
I'll just have a little bit.
Just for Dutch courage...
First I want to say thank you to all those who left reviews on the first chapter, I loved reading them and second I just wanted to say that I've been having a hard time with this site this week, I don't know why but I haven't been receiving any of my emails and it says I have three reviews on my new fic (Which is called The Carter Collection in case you haven't seen it) but I can only see one at the moment? I'm not sure if it's just me or if everyone is having trouble here but it's mega annoying.
Anywho there was a new update for Everything Has Changed this week too. I thought I'd mention it here just in case some people hadn't seen it yet or.
Keep an eye out for Don't Let Go tomorrow as well, I have a feeling you'll like the next update.
:)