I'd be lying if I said that tonight had gone as planned.

I'd be lying if I said that I'd got the welcome I was expecting and I'd be lying if I said that right before walking into the pub, I hadn't thought about turning right around and going back to Portsmouth.

I'm glad I didn't do that though.

I'm glad because not only have I got to see my son, who looked so happy, so relieved when he saw me come in the flat, that I would have made the journey a thousand times over just to see that look on his face.

He's not having the best time here, In fact he's having a miserable time and it seems as if he really is taking it all out on Leanne but I reckon me being here is going to help the both of them out and that also makes me feel glad.

There's one more reason that I'm so glad I was brave enough to walk into The Rover's tonight.

I finally got to see her.

My one and only.

My Carla.

It was only for a few minutes or so but she still managed to completely take my breath away.

Being stood there in front of her like that, without being able to touch her was brutal.

She is still so effortlessly beautiful and yet I could see just how much the past few weeks have taken their toll on her. I could see the lack of sleep she's obviously been having, in the dark circles that were under her beautiful eyes.

I could see a hell of a lot of hurt laced in them too and I could see just how much me being here meant to her.

She looked relieved to see me too. She really did.

The thing is… no one knows just how much I needed to see her, no one knows how much that moment has meant to me… well no one but her.

She knows. I can tell.

We barley said anything to each other but I know for damn sure that spiritually, we had a conversation.

That sounds ridiculous but it's the truth, Carla and I have always been able to read how the other is feeling, just by one look.

That's all it takes sometimes.

I know this sounds bad, I know it sounds downright awful but as I'm sat with Simon and as he's talking to me about everything and anything there's a tiny little part of my brain that is still fixed on Carla.

It's saying,

"She's across the road, She's only minutes away, She needs you and you sure as hell need her. Don't mess this up Peter. Don't you dare mess this up."

I had been planning on seeing Carla tonight and Simon tomorrow, and that's not because Carla is more important than Si but it was because it was almost nine at night when I arrived and I thought as tomorrow was Saturday, I could spend the whole of it with Simon as he didn't have school.

I didn't plan on seeing Leanne and I certainty didn't plan on walking into a pub full of people like that but no one was answering my eager knocks and I was becoming desperate.

I had to see Carla, I had to just have one glimpse of her and now that I've seen Simon it's as if my life finally has a purpose again.

Portsmouth is okay but it's not Weatherfield.

I know it sounds crazy but I love this place.

Yes this miserable and sometimes point-blank awful place to live.

I love the cobbles and the grey skies, I hear that delightfully common accent, that everyone round ere has and I know I'm home.

I wont lie being down south is good for me, especially in the long run. I haven't touched a drop of alcohol since being there but then again I haven't had a chance to, I don't really do anything.

Nothing real.

Nothing that requires me to love, to hold or to feel.

I go to work. I go home to an empty flat. I might go out on the weekends, I might hang out with people who I'd call my mates but they aren't really friends.

They don't know me, not one little bit.

I haven't got anyone there like Michelle.

I haven't got anyone there who would do everything they possibly could do to help me, just like she has done for Carla.

What Carla doesn't realise it that just how much Michelle needs her, how much she relies on her and how much she looks to her for support.

I spent almost an hour and a half on the phone to Michelle last night and whilst we haven't always got along, last night, we both had the same thing in common.

Our unconditional love for Carla.

I really hope she hasn't had too much of a go at Michelle. I saw the look on her face when the penny finally dropped, She was not impressed, in fact she almost angry.

I don't blame her really.

I'd like to think that if my best friend pulled something like this, that I would be understanding but when I think realistically about what me and Michelle have done tonight, I know that I'd probably feel a little annoyed too.

I warned her though. I told her I would come just for my own peace of mind so she shouldn't really be too shocked, should she?

Unless she didn't believe me, unless she thought I was just spinning her a line.

I guess it's not that hard to understand that Carla wouldn't have believed anything that I'd said to her on the phone.

Hell, given my history with telling the truth I wouldn't have believed me either.

But I am here, I am here, I have something important that I need to do and I will do it.

I have to do it.

She has to see it.

Even if after that she decides not to talk to me.

Even if telling me to see Simon was a distraction, a way to get rid of me so that she didn't have to deal with me tonight.

Shit.

She wouldn't would she?

She looked so relieved to see me right? She wouldn't just run off and not wait for me to come back.

Would she?

Yes, she bloody well would.

It's a good thing Leanne has said Simon needs to go to bed because he's got football in the morning because I race out of that flat quicker than I've ever done anything in my life.

I thanked Leanne on the way out and told her I'll be round tomorrow but she just nodded and closed the door on me.

She knows me well enough by now.

She knows where I'm going and who I'm going to see.

It check my phone and it's almost ten o'clock, that means that if Carla has actually made a run for it, that she's had almost an hour's head start.

I bet she has gone. I bet she had a change of mind, a change of heart.

I know that woman.

I know Carla more than she knows herself sometimes, an hour is a ridiculously long time in her fragile mind and as I head back to The Rover's I pray that she hasn't gone anywhere.

Please let her be in there, Please let her have waited for me, Please don't let me lose her again.

I know I said on the phone that she didn't need to talk to me but I desperately need to talk to her.

I need to tell her I'm sorry.

I need to tell her I love her.

I need to tell her that I never stopped loving her and no matter where I go, what I do or who I meet, she'll always be the love of my pathetic little life.

I don't know what I will do if I can't tell her those things.

I don't know how I'll carry on.

I didn't just come back for her.

I came back for me too.

I running up the street now, so lost in the idea of not being able to help Carla that I don't even look into the road before I step into it, I don't see the black car coming towards me at an insane speed.

There's a sudden screech of breaks and I swear my life was just about to flash before my eyes just as the car comes to a halt, it's literally centimetres away from me but it's definitely stopped thank god.

I take a deep breath as I'm thankfully still alive and I turn to look furiously into the car, so that I can give that idiotic driver a piece of my mind and then I see who it was in the drivers seat.

I was right.

I feel my face soften and I feel the anger in my body be replaced by pure unadulterated love, because sat there, with her hands tightly gripped to the steering wheel, is Carla.