49

Leonard angrily left CalTech was driving home when his phone began playing the Wicked Witch of the West's theme from The Wizard of Oz.

"Hello Mother. This is really not a good time."

"Leonard, I've been made aware of a development regarding your employment at CalTech."

"Sheldon called you. He should really mind his own business."

"Would you have apprised me of the situation?"

"I suppose I would have eventually."

"What are your plans?"

"I resigned a half hour ago, Mother. I haven't had an opportunity to make plans."

"Then perhaps you shouldn't have resigned until you did."

"I didn't have a choice Mother. The university backed me into a corner."

"According to Sheldon, you backed into that corner of your own volition."

"Well, Sheldon would know. He's the one who got me into this mess."

"Leonard, I am well aware of the mess you are in. Not only was I apprised by Sheldon, but I was informed by your Dr. Gabelhauser and last week I was interviewed by the FBI."

"Why did the FBI interview you, Mother?"

"Their profiler wanted background information on you. They wished to ascertain whether you posed a threat to national security. As a neurologist, a psychologist and your mother I had valuable information."

"Which you gave them."

"Of course. You are aware that I do work for the government on occasion as well, are you not?"

"What did you tell them, Mother?"

"I informed them that your actions regarding the rocket fuel were likely not seditious or malicious but more likely inspired by a desire for coitus with that Joyce Kim person and that you were probably not dangerous just terribly self-centered and borderline sociopathic."

"Thank you, Mother. I'm certain the FBI appreciated your insight."

"Though why you sabotaged Sheldon's research in the Arctic I cannot understand."

"It was a joke, Mother. I don't expect you to understand it."

"Well, Leonard, what I do understand quite well is that it is unlikely that you will find another position at a university very soon if at all. It will take you some time. You have burned some significant bridges."

"You may be right, Mother. But I'm certain I will find another position eventually, a better position that will provide me and Penny with the future we deserve."

"What are your plans until then?"

"As I said earlier, Mother, I don't know."

"What about your fiancé, Leonard? Have you informed her of the situation?"

"Not yet, Mother. I'm certain she'll support whatever decision I make. She loves me."

"Be that as it may, I have a suggestion for you."

"What's your suggestion, Mother?"

"I am on the board of a local private high school near Princeton. I can recommend they hire you as a science instructor. It is a position where you can do little harm to what is left of your career. They will likely listen to me. You can live at home and earn a salary while you search for a new position."

"What about Penny, Mother?"

"There is a new Cheesecake Factory opening nearby. She can find employment there and help out around the house with light housekeeping duties."

"That's very nice of you, Mother. Thank you."

"I suggest you plan to be here as soon as possible. I have a lecture tour commencing next week and would prefer you be settled prior to my departure."

"I'll start packing right away, Mother."