I hold Carla for as long as she needs me to.
I hold her for what seems like forever and when she eventually pulls away from me, it's still as if she pulls away from me too soon.
She's got a very small but a very distinct smile on her face as she lets go of me and I reach over and wipe away that one last lingering tear.
"How do you feel?" I ask,
"I feel… I dunno I feel a little… lighter, like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders or something." Carla says quietly.
"Yeah well you know what they say, the first step is admitting it?" I say with a smile. Carla smiles back and me and says,
"Well what's the next step then?" I look at her tired eyes and her messy hair.
"I reckon… the next step is you trying to get some sleep." I say "I mean, tonight's been one hell of a whirlwind and I don't want to put too much on you."
"Sleep…" Carla says, she looks down at her hands and then back up at me.
"Don't you want to sleep?" I ask because she doesn't look as if she really wants to go back upstairs at all.
"I do…" she says, I watch her as she yawns and then says, "The chance would be a fine thing to be honest... I've really been struggling with my sleep lately, it takes me ages to get off and then when I do, it's only for an hour or so."
"Maybe tonight might have helped that though... It can't hurt to try right?" I say because I really think that Carla needs a good night sleep to also help her through this.
"Right..." Carla hesitates, "Would you come with me?"
"Me?" I say stupidly. Carla nods sheepishly and I swear I could look at the incredibly cute face that she is pulling, forever.
"Yeah… you could... sit with me until I fall asleep?" Carla says nervously.
I say nothing at first. I guess I'm surprised that she is asking this of me, it's the most surprising thing that I've heard all night if I'm honest.
It's more surprising than Carla almost running me over, more surprising at our heated embrace on Roy's table and more surprising than her finally admitting to herself that the fire wasn't her fault.
It's surprising because Carla asking me to come and sit with her whilst she falls asleep is an incredibly intimate thing for her to do.
For her to invite me into Roy's home, into where ever she is sleeping, and to ask me to sit with her whilst she drifts off, well that is something pretty special if you ask me.
I obviously spent too much time thinking about it because Carla then shakes her head disappointedly.
"Peter if you don't want to, you don't have to." Carla says a little put out.
"No!" I say a little too loudly, "I do want to, I'm just shocked that's all."
"Shocked?" Carla says, "Why?"
I shrug idiotically and smile at Carla instead of telling her that just the mere thought of spending the night with her is giving me butterflies.
Carla gets up from her chair and picks up the scan photo that I brought for her.
"Come on then." She says, her voice is still croaky from all the crying but her face is brighter, happier almost.
"What on earth will Roy say eh?" I ask as we make our way upstairs.
"He's probably fast asleep as we speak ." Carla said, opening the door to his flat.
Roy is not asleep, he is sat rigidly on the sofa as me and Carla walk into his flat.
"Oh... You're still awake." Carla says quietly,
"Yes I am." Roy says stiffly, "No offence Peter but I wanted to stay up and make sure that Carla was okay." I nod at Roy because I know that he truly doesn't mean any offence. "Besides it would have been hard to get some sleep, what with all the shouting that I could hear" Roy said.
"Sorry about that Roy." Carla says, "I kind of got a little… emotional should we say?"
"Are you… Okay?" Roy says, Carla looks at me and although I know she's got a hell of a long way to go, she is okay for now. She smiles and nods at Roy,
"Yeah… I'm okay." She says, She looks over at a door and its then that she realises that Roy probably won't take too kindly to me going into her bedroom with her. "I'm actually gonna try and get some sleep now… Peter's gonna sit with me for a while."
"If that's alright with you." I quickly say, I say it a little nervously because I know Roy is probably thinking that I may be over stepping the mark. He looks a Carla and says,
"Well as long as it's alright with you Carla." She smiles a small smile and nods back at him. "Goodnight Carla." He says and Carla goes and gives him a quick kiss on the cheek.
Their awkward friendship is incredibly sweet. I am mighty glad Carla has someone like Roy in her life.
"Night Roy." Carla says and she opens the door to a tiny little bedroom. I walk in behind her and as she shuts the door I look at my new surroundings.
There's a single bed, a bedside table with some flowers on it, a tiny pile of clothes, all of which are black, shoes. Carla's laptop and a whole heap of her work stuff. She catches me looking at all of this and says,
"Yep… That's all I have in this entire world." I look at her and shake my head.
"That's not all you have…" She smiles at me coyly and gets where I'm coming from.
"Well that stuff plus Chelle, Roy and… you." She says and she takes of the black jumper that she was wearing, she's not wearing anything but a bra underneath it and despite the sudden rush of desire that I feel for her, I wonder if maybe I should turn around.
"Should I wait outside?" I ask eventually as she pulls down her black jeans and leaves herself stood in her lacy black underwear.
I'm desperately trying not to stare but I know that she knows I'm transfixed by her.
"Its fine… You've seen it all before Peter." Carla says with a smirk as she bends down and starts rifling through the pile of clothes. "Unless you want to go outside of course… I won't judge you if you get a little bit too excited." She grins.
"I think I can control myself…" I say although I'm struggling to do so. Carla nods and continues rifling through her dark clothes until suddenly there's the bright tone of white and she's holding a oversized white T Shirt. She gives it a quick sniff and pulls it over her head, it's too big for Carla so I know that it's not hers, it stops just past the start of her thighs and as I look at it I realise that it's a man's T Shirt. "Who's is that?" I ask, Carla suddenly looks sheepishly at me as she runs her hands through her messy hair.
"Mine…" She says pulling out a hair brush from her bag and then brushing her hair.
"It just looks like a man's that's all." I say and then Carla looks even more sheepish "What?" I ask because she looks so cute and embarrassed right now that it almost hurts.
"Well… I kinda… stole it." She says, I look at her slightly confused,
"You stole it?" I ask and Carla nods.
"I said kinda stole it…" She's still acting sheepish as she starts fiddling about under neath her T shirt and in one quick motion she pulls her bra out from underneath her T shirt and adds it to the pile of clothes that is on the floor. It has always amazed me how women can do that and once again Carla can tell. "I'm just gonna go to the loo and wash me face." She said and she leaves me in her tiny box room all alone.
I sit down awkwardly on her single bed and it's not long before Carla has returned, she's removed all the smudged eye make up and any other make up that she might have been wearing and as I look up at her from the bed, I swear to god I've never seen her look so heavenly.
I don't know if it's because she is now wearing white rather than black and because now she's washed her face, I'm reminded of just how naturally gorgeous she is but as she closes the door to her room and I stare at her again, she actually looks like a goddess.
There's a long and lingering moment of silence, where me and Carla just gaze at each other. She then leans forward and I actually think she is going to kiss me but she doesn't, she gives me a playful shove and gestures for me to get off her bed. I get up clumsily and let her get into her sheets, sheets that Roy has obviously ironed meticulously because there isn't a crease in sight.
I wonder if Carla finds it irritating having to sleep in such a well made and properly put together bed because she's the kinda girl who loves a messy bed, she loves really big duvet and barley even makes her bed because she thinks there is no point because she's only going to get back in to later, also whenever we'd go on holiday together or to a hotel she'd always pull all the sheets out and make it so that they were untucked and just the way that she liked it.
"Roy insist's on making me bed everyday." Carla says quietly with a grin. "It's almost like being in a hotel." It's like she could read my mind but then again she always has done so I don't know why I'm so surprised. I smile at her and linger awkwardly in the corner for a moment.
"Do you want me to turn the light off?" I eventually ask. Carla nods at me and giggles,
"I feel like a little kid." She says as I turn out the light, it's not pitch black as there's a window in Carla's temporary bedroom so there is still some light from one of the lampposts outside.
"Well I would offer to tuck you in but I think you got it covered." I say,
"Well you could tell me a bedtime story." Carla grins.
"Oh I'm no good at making up bedtime stories." I say but Carla shakes her head,
"That's not true, I remember the ones you used to tell Simon." She says tiredly, then she stretches out her arms and says with a yawn, "Would you come and lay with me Peter?."
I nod even though I'm not sure where I'm supposed to lay on this single bed. Carla moves up right against the wall and opens the bed sheets so I can get in with her.
I slide in next to her and she lays down so that her head is rested on her pillow. There's another silence as we hear Roy's bedroom door click shut.
"Roy's not too impressed that I'm here is he?" I ask but I almost whisper it because it's now dead quiet and I don't exactly know how much Roy can hear from his bedroom.
"Roy's very protective of me…" Carla whispers back, "but I reckon he's glad you're here… Just like I am… Thank you Peter."
"You're welcome." I whisper.
I am so glad that I am here. It was difficult at first but I do really feel that I've made a positive difference in Carla's life and after all the pain I've caused for her, it was the least I could do.
I mean what I said earlier as well, I honestly would rather be here, in Weatherfield with her, than anywhere else in this world.
There is some thing that's bothering me though and that's Portsmouth, I know that it's been such a life changing experience for me and even though I didn't feel like myself there I knew that it was a healthy place for me to be, but as I lay here, next to Carla in this little single bed, I know that I really don't want to go back.
I don't speak for a while because I think that Carla might actually be drifting off to sleep but then she opens her eyes and quietly says,
"I ave a confession to make…"
"Oh yeah?" I ask because I wonder just what she could be talking about, she looks embarrassed again and then looks down at the White T shirt that she has on.
"This… T Shirt… It's yours."
"Mine?" I swallow and look down at the top that she had been rifling all through her clothes for. "Where did you…?" Carla shakes her head sheepishly and then sighs, she looks so adorable right now and it's all I can do not to place a kiss on those luscious lips of hers.
"So… I ran into your Dad one day a few weeks back…" Carla begins, she is still talking quietly so that she doesn't disturb Roy. "It were just after you'd left me that first message of yours actually, anyway he had this box of clothes that he were going to give to this charity jumble sale, he'd come into Roy's for a brew and he'd left the box in the corner to be picked up later… I don't know what came over me and I soon found me self going through the box and I found this… I instantly recognised it and then I just took it and shoved it into my bag."
"And you told me there were laws against stalking." I say with a grin, remembering what she said to me earlier when I told her that I wouldn't stop until I found her.
"Stop." Carla giggles and nudges me in the stomach. "That doesn't class as stalking anyway."
"Oh yeah? So what would you call it?" I ask playfully, Carla bites down on her lip and shrugs,
"Hmmm stealing your ex's old T Shirt from a jumble sale collection and sleeping in it, I'd say it's more like… Infatuation or even obsession." Carla says but she's not giggling anymore. "I honestly don't know what came over me… Even when I got home that night I sat there thinking to me self, Did I really just do that? I just chucked it aside and tried to pretend like I forgot about it. Then… after I went to see my flat with Chelle… after I'd seen the state of everything, after it became obvious that I'd lost everything I ever had... Something changed. It was like seeing the destruction that I've caused…" I go to interrupt her but she catches on and says, "That the fire caused." I nod at Carla proudly and then she continues, "Well it all made it a thousand times worse. I came back ere in such a state and there was no one home. One minute I was just crying like any normal person and the next… Peter I could barley breath, I couldn't control myself. I was actually beginning to worry that I was going out of my mind because I was acting so crazy and then… Then I saw it, Your white T Shirt was sticking out like a sore thumb amongst all my black clothes. It was almost like a beacon of hope. I grabbed it, put it on and suddenly everything felt… better, it calmed me down and it gave me so much comfort… Just like you're doing right now."
I am speechless. That entire story has actually made me well up and I know now that I never want to leave this woman's side. I put my arm around Carla even though I promised myself I wouldn't let myself get too close. She's finding it hard to stay awake, I can tell by the way that her eyes keep closing of their own accord and by how much her breathing has slowed down.
"Thanks again Peter." Carla says softly,
"Don't mention it." I say back, I then raise my hand to move the hair that has fallen in front of her eyes out of the way. I want to be able to see as much of that breath taking face as possible. "Goodnight Carla." I add because I know that within minutes, she'll be fast asleep.
"Night Peter." She says and I lean forward to kiss her on her forehead but my lips somehow completely miss her head and end up pressed against Carla's lips instead.
I panic for about a millisecond but as Carla lazily responds to the kiss, I relax and pull her close to me.
This moment is way too precious to ruin.
I keep my arm around Carla and she lightly has hold of the top that I'm wearing.
We continue to softly kiss, gently and tenderly moving our heads in complete and utter sync with each other.
I don't think about how much things got out of hand when we kissed earlier. I can tell that this isn't a sexual moment between Carla and Me, this kiss is about comfort and about love.
I don't think about tomorrow, I don't think about Portsmouth, In fact all I think about is Carla…