I had some really lovely reviews on the last chapter so thank you :)
If I had to pick, I'd say that last night was probably one of the best night sleeps I've ever had.
I don't know if it's because I've been so sleep deprived for so long, that just getting a proper eight hours of sleep has made a huge difference or if it's because for once I wasn't alone.
For once I actually fell asleep happily and for once I was in someone's arms when I did so.
I didn't have to cry myself to sleep and I didn't have a horrible dream.
I didn't wake up in a cold sweat, in fact I didn't wake up at all, not until I felt him move away from me.
I opened my eyes to see Peter trying to sneak out of my little box room.
"And where do you think you're going?" I say rather bossily if I'm honest but Peter turns around and smiles this incredibly cute smile.
"Ahhh, I was hoping that you wouldn't wake up, I wanted you to stay asleep for a bit longer." He says, closing the door and coming back over to my little single bed.
"Are you tryin to do a runner?" I ask rubbing my eyes, I meant it as a joke but Peter shakes his head at me adamantly and says,
"Of course I'm not..."
"I were kidding Peter." I say, Peter looks very relieved and sits back down on the bed so that he can speak to me properly.
I can barley cope with how sweet he is being to me right now.
"I just thought I'd go n let me Dad know that I'm still alive." says Peter.
"What do you mean?" I ask, sitting up.
"Well when I arrived ere last night, I just dropped off my bag and told him I'd explain everything later…" Peter looks at his watch which says that it's just gone eight in the morning. "It's almost twelve hours later in fact so I reckon I better go and show me face."
"Okay." I nod at him as he reaches forward and gently moves the hair that has fallen in front of my eyes out of the way. I smile sheepishly as Peter keeps his hand tucked behind my ear and then says,
"Maybe later I'll come back n meet you ere for some lunch?" He strokes my cheek with his thumb, which feels so amazing that I almost forget to speak.
"Erm... don't you ave to go and see Simon?" I eventually say because I know that Peter was planning on spending today with Simon and I'd hate to be stepping on his toes, especially if that Leanne Battersby is expecting Peter to show up, she'd have a field day if she knew he was blowing off his own kid for me.
"Simon's actually got plans this afternoon it seems, something about Go Karting for a mates birthday, So I'm free as a bird until about eight." Peter says and I'm secretly thrilled because I was just starting to wonder when I'd see him again and lunchtime is not a moment too soon. "So… how does one o'clock sound?"
"It sounds good." I say shrugging casually like I'm not bothered either way but I seriously cannot wait for one o'clock to come around.
"Right then, one o'clock downstairs…" Peter says with a grin, "Don't be late."
"Yeah, cause I've got so far to go." I smirk as Peter gets up off my bed. He chuckles silently as I lean over and reach for my iPad, which I keep down the end of the bed but then Peter snatches it out of my reach before I can get to it. "Oi! I need that."
"Nope, No work, no emails, no nothing… It's Saturday, get back under those covers and get another few hours kip." Peter says and there he goes again, reading my mind.
"How did you know that I was going to check my emails?" I ask with my head on one side. He bends down so that his head his literally centimetres from mine and for a stupid moment I think that he's going to kiss me.
Thank god I didn't embarrassingly close my eyes or anything because he doesn't kiss me, he just smiles and says,
"Because I know you better than you know yourself sometimes and I was married to you long enough to know that you always check your work emails on Saturday and Sunday mornings, even though you don't have to."
"Ahh what? You knew? I always thought I got away with that one." I say as I genuinely thought that Peter hadn't noticed that I used to do that back when we were together. Peter shakes his head at me and puts my iPad in the corner next to my laptop. "Y'know I could just get up and get that once you've left, right?" Peter thinks for a second, comes back over to my bed and gently pushes me back down onto my pillow, he then pulls the duvet and the sheets up so that they are covering my whole body apart from my head.
"Get some more sleep." He says still leaning over me.
"I'll try… but I can't promise anything." I whisper although I reckon I could probably fall asleep again in minutes if he stayed here with me.
"That's all I ask." Peter says, then he kisses me again and it's a good thing I'm already laying down because he makes me feel giddy.
It's the same sort of soft and beautiful kiss that we shared last night, one that I honestly can't get enough of.
When I think about it, I don't actually remember falling asleep so I'm not quite sure if we actually stopped kissing or if we just fell asleep that way.
It's a rather comical image, Peter and me fast asleep, lip to lip. I giggle as Peter pulls away from me, he looks at me with a furrowed eyebrow.
"What's funny?" he asks.
"Nothing." I say shaking my head not wanting to explain that I was thinking about how we fell asleep, I mean just in case I was the one to fall asleep on him first. Peter doesn't look too convinced but he smiles at me as he stands up straight.
"Okay then… One o'clock… downstairs, okay?" He says as he makes his way over to my bedroom door again.
"I'll be there." I say and with one last devastatingly gorgeous grin, Peter leaves me be.
I want to get right up and out of bed but I try to stay in bed for at least a little bit, just so I can say to Peter that I did try to have another snooze at least.
It's honestly the first night I've slept more than a few hours since before Chelle's wedding. It almost feels odd for me to not actually feel exhausted, it's strange that I don't dread getting up and out of my bed.
I'm still unable to believe that last night even happened, I think about the way he was with me, the way he made me talk about the fire and say it was an accident.
Michelle and Roy both tried that with me, they both tried to make me say it wasn't my fault but they both failed and yet Peter has managed to break down every single wall that I tried to put up, in the course of just one night.
I don't know why I'm surprised though, Peter's always been able to go to those places with me, he's always been able to go where I've never let anyone go before and as I hear him talking to Roy I wonder just what they are saying to each other.
I am so curious, I want to get up and listen with my ear pressed against the door but I don't, just in case Peter comes back to check on me.
I'll wait until I hear the door go and then I'll get up so I can ask Roy what they were chatting about.
So I didn't actually get to ask Roy what he was talking to Peter about because I fell back asleep. I didn't think I would but I've just opened my eyes and looked at my phone and it's just gone half past eleven.
There are also a few missed calls from Michelle on my phone and a voice mail message too.
"Hi Carla, So… ave you forgiven me for calling Peter yet?
I'm not happy that you just walked out on me last night but when I came looking for you I saw you and Peter talking in your car, so I thought it was best just to leave you two to it. How did it go anyways?
Call me when you get this.
Bye."
I decide I'll call Michelle back later and finally get up out of my bed. I've only got an hour and half before I see Peter again and I want to get a chance to talk to Roy before he comes as well. I dash into the bathroom to have a long shower and when I get out I see that I've missed even more calls from Michelle and received another message, only this one is just a text.
"Steve tells me he saw a certain someone leave Roy's early this morning? Does this mean Peter spent the night? Does this mean I'm forgiven? Omg Carla please fill me in on everything ASAP! xx"
I grin and shake my head at Michelle's obviously excited text, I text her back with a few sentences which say,
"Yes Peter spent the night… Yes you are forgiven. I'm meeting him for lunch in a bit, will come over and fill you in later. xx"
It feels so good to be texting Michelle something like that, something positive, something girly and exciting rather than a message where I'm trying to pretend that I'm okay.
For the first time in ages I don't have to pretend.
Obviously I still feel a whole load of guilt for the fire but it doesn't feel like I'm drowning in it anymore.
I go back into my bedroom and start going through all my clothes. I know it sounds totally pathetic but I want to look good when I walk into that café in a hour or so.
Of course I realise that Peter has seen me at my absolutely worst, especially last night with my hair practically resembling a birds nest and my eyeliner smudged all over my face but I want to look pretty decent when I see him next.
I try on and discard a few different outfits before opting for a pair of jeans that I bought when dragged out with Michelle a few weeks ago. I rarely wear jeans like this, proper blue jeans with rips at the knees that is. I used to have about four black pairs but obviously they went with the rest of my clothes in the fire.
I put the new jeans on, team them up with a black vest and for the first time in ages I wish that I had a little bit more colour in my wardrobe.
Now obviously I'm not talking about pinks and purples or anything bright like that but maybe some navy blues and some khaki greens perhaps. Maybe when I go shopping next I'll try to pick up some new clothes in those colours and maybe some shoes too, Michelle and me could make a right old day of it just like we used too.
Wow... I must be getting better.
I know I'm getting better because I'm starting to think about doing stuff again, I'm thinking about going shopping and having fun with Michelle again.
Once dressed, I straighten my hair and do my make up, I'm ready by twelve but I try to defer going downstairs for a bit... I don't want to look too eager after all.
Who am I kidding?
I'm making my way down to the café by ten past twelve and as I walk in, I'm not surprised to see that Peter isn't there yet as I'm fifty minutes earlier for god sake.
Anna is helping Roy out behind the till and there are various people in the café enjoying their lunches as I walk over to where Roy is stood.
"Good Morning." Roy says with a smile, I smile back at him in a way that I think is totally normal but then he says, "Wow."
"What?" I say, glancing around me to see if I've missed something.
"No it's just… well your smile just then, it was one I haven't seen on you in a very long time." Roy says,
"What d'ya mean?"
"Well normally you give me your pretend smile, the one that you usually hide all your sadness behind but that smile you just gave me was a real, genuine Carla smile… one that could light up a room." Roy says.
I won't lie he's kind of embarrassed me a little bit there. I shrug at him happily with another smile and then he asks me if I want something to eat.
"Erm… I will ave something in a little bit… I'm sort of meeting Peter in ere for lunch only I'm rather early for it." I say and I know that I've still got a big smile on my face as I speak. Roy nods at me and pours a cup of coffee, which I know he's going to give to me whilst I wait. He doesn't have to say anything and just hands it over once he's put in the milk, which he insists I have because he doesn't like serving me too many black coffees as he says that they are bad for me. "Ta Roy…" I say taking a sip and sitting down at the table closest to the kitchen.
The very same one that me and Peter ended up kissing on in fact, I look down at it and grin and when I look back at Roy I find that he is still watching me.
"What?" I ask again but Roy smiles at me in a way that only he can do and says,
"I am just so relived to see you like this that's all…" He says and as the café isn't too busy for now, I decide that there is no better time than the present to ask Roy what he and Peter were talking about.
"So… what did Peter say to you before he left then?" I ask, getting straight to the point.
"Well he apologised for the table incident again to start with." Roy say's walking over to the table and he doesn't quite look me in the eye as he says it, I know that kind of thing makes him feel uncomfortable so I don't push it by smirking again.
"And…" I say curiously. I'm so intrigued to find out what they said to each other.
"And then I asked if you were okay and he said he thought so." Roy says sitting down opposite me at the table. "Then he said that he was going to see his Dad and that he would come here to see you later."
"Is that it?" I ask because I kind of wanted more from them both, I don't know what I wanted but just... more.
"Yes." Roy says but I've known him long enough to know that that he isn't being entirely truthful with me.
"Roy?" I say looking him right in the eye, he's a hard guy to read sometimes but he is definitely keeping something from me. "I know that you two spoke for at least a couple of minutes… I was listening from me bedroom."
"Well if you were listening then why are you asking me what we spoke about?" says Roy.
"Well I couldn't actually hear what you were saying but I definitely heard your voices." I say, Roy smiles awkwardly at me and I know now for sure that he is hiding something. "Ohhh come on Roy… Don't leave a girl hanging, what did he say?" I beg but Roy is having none of it.
"Carla… all you need to know is that that man who was here last night honestly thinks the world of you… and by the looks of it, him being here is definitely doing you the world of good." Roy says and then he stands up and goes back behind the till with Anna.
Roy didn't have to tell me that Peter thinks the world of me.
I can tell by the way he held me close last night and I'm still thinking about the way that we kissed in bed together.
As corny as it sounds I felt like I was in a movie or something, it was so romantic and I'm almost dreading the idea of going to sleep tonight because I know that I'm going to have to do it without Peter.
Even so, I literally cannot stop smiling as I sit and sip my coffee, time seems to go so slowly whilst I wait for Peter. It gets to about half past twelve when I've finished my coffee and when I can no longer sit still anymore. Roy sees me looking up at the clock, which I'm sure has stopped working and says,
"A watched pot never boils Carla." I roll my eyes at him with another cheesy grin and get up to go to the toilet.
I come back into the café minutes later, to find Peter, sat down at the table I was just sitting at.
He's wearing a navy blue plaid shirt but it's buttons are undone so that I can see that he has on a white T-Shirt underneath it.
He looks absolutely gorgeous.
"You're early." Peter smiles.
"So are you." I say trying to act casual and not as if I'm melting on the inside.
"Well what can I say… I guess I couldn't wait to see you." Peter says as I sit down opposite him. "You look..." He pauses for a moment and looks me up and down. "Radiant." He eventually says,
"Radiant..." I say impressed and slightly embarrassed by his choice of word.
"Yeah... Radiant… Glowing… Like you're happy." Peter says, "It's a good look on you."
"Thanks." I smile as Roy brings Peter over a coffee and another one for me.
"What can I get you two to eat then?" He asks and Peter being Peter just shrugs and says,
"Can I ave a full English please Roy?" Roy nods and looks at me although I think he thinks he knows exactly what I'm gonna ask for.
"Bacon barm for you Carla?" He says and I shock him by shaking my head.
"Can I get the same as Peter please?" I say. I haven't completely got my appetite back yet but I think I can definitely mange something more than a bacon roll.
"Coming right up." Roy says and walks away from the table.
"So… How you feeling this morning?" Peter asks taking his coffee and drinking it.
"Yeah… I'm okay actually." I nod.
"And did you manage to get back to sleep?"
"I sure did." I say sipping my own coffee this time.
People come and go into the café as me and Peter talk and wait for our brunch and those people who weren't in The Rover's last night, are mighty shocked to see me and Peter sat drinking coffee together. One of those people is Sophie Webster.
I swallow my coffee and yep, there's that dreaded feeling of guilt that I get every time that I see her. She doesn't give me any eye contact but she's with her delightful mother Sally, who says enough for the both of them. She goes to say hello to me first I think but she is obviously diverted by the sight of Peter Barlow being back in town.
"Peter!" She cries. The ridiculous woman actually cried it out loud like he was the last person she was expecting to see in here. Peter smiles at her a little and nods,
"Hi Sally." He says and then he makes a point of looking directly at Sophie, who's looking extremely irritated that her mother has even acknowledged me and Peter in the first place. "Hi Sophie." He says to her. She doesn't know what to say or do at first I can tell but she really has no reason to ignore Peter, so she quickly nods at him.
"Hiya." She says. It's quite indifferent but it's a hiya all the same. It's more than she's said to me over the past few weeks anyway.
"What are you doing back then?" Sally asks Peter although she's looking at the pair of us eating together and I can just see her little mind working away, She's smiling at me and she's putting two and two together and coming up with five.
"Just came back for a visit that's all… I mean there are lots of people I love very dearly up ere." He says giving me a wink, I know that I've gone red but Sally just smiles away at Peter and continues to ask him a never ending bunch of questions.
Things like "When did you get back?" "How long are you staying for?" and I switch off completely to be honest because I don't want to hear anything that Peter might say about going back to Portsmouth.
I just want to think about the here and now and not about what's going to happen when Peter leaves this place.
Eventually Sally leaves me and Peter to it and takes Sophie with her. I try to make eye contact with her as she leaves but again she doesn't even glance at me. Peter's obviously been watching me like a hawk because he says,
"She just needs time."
"Who?" I say but I know he's talking about Sophie.
"Sophie… She's still in mourning, so is Leanne and so is Kal's family." Peter says, "Once they've had time to grieve properly and once they really think about what happened... They'll realise it wasn't your fault... just like you did last night."
"Hmmm I'm not so sure." I say because as much as Peter convinced me, I don't think anyone else is going to believe that I'm not to blame for the fire.
"Carla honestly… I've been there, remember?" Peter says as Roy brings over our breakfasts.
"Thanks Roy." I say but as I look at the huge amounts of food on my plate I realise that I might have made the wrong decision in choosing such a big breakfast.
"You don't have to eat it all... Just leave what you don't want." Roy says because it seems he knows me just that well these days. Peter's looking at me too, he's got this cute little concerned expression on his face as well.
I feel like a little kid again. I mean between Peter tucking me into bed last night and Roy telling me to leave what I don't want to eat, I could honestly be about seven years old.
I know they both mean well so I just smile politely at them both and pick up a piece of toast.
"So… What are you doing with the rest of your day then?" Peter asks me, I chew my toast and shrug, I mean what plans does he think a loner like me could have?
"Nothing." I say.
"Nothing?"
"Yes nothing, my schedule is wide open Peter." I say miserably picking up my fork and starting on the egg that Roy cooked me, he's cooked it perfectly, just how I like it. I look at Peter who's still staring at me and it's like I suddenly realise how lucky I am to have them both, and Michelle.
They've all been so good to me and here I am, acting like a right martyr.
I really have to stop this self pity parade, I have to try and move on from this, I have to show everyone that I'm stronger than this.
"Do you want to come out with me and Simon later?" Peter asks whilst he starts on his bacon.
"No ta." I say shaking my head, I know that he's asking me to be kind and because he doesn't want me to be on my own. "I think I'll spend the night in with Roy."
"You sure?" Peter asks with an eyebrow raised.
"I know a night in with Roy sounds like a chore but we really do enjoy each other's company." I say to Peter because I know that he thinks I'm just saying no so I don't gate crash his night out with Simon… Although that is part of the reason I'm saying no. Whilst Simon has been quite nice to me lately I don't think he'll be too pleased to see me interfering on a night out with his Dad. He doesn't get many of those so it wouldn't be fair on him for me to turn up.
"Okay okay… If you say so." Peter says then he grins, "You'll tell Roy I offered though right?"
"Well yeah… Why?" I say suspiciously, I knew those two were up to something.
"Nothing I just want him to know that I invited you out that's all." Peter says not quite looking at me in the eye.
"Peter…" I say watching him, he rolls his eyes and swallows the rest of the food that he has in his mouth. "What are you and Roy up to?"
"Nothing." Peter says with a mouth full of food,
"You're such a liar." I say reaching over the table and giving him a poke, Peter doges my poke as best he can but sends his coffee flying across the café in the process.
"Oh what you doing Peter...?" Anna says, shaking her head as she comes over with a cloth and a mop whilst me and Peter giggle childishly, "You've only been back ere one night and you're already causing chaos." says Anna with a grin.
"Yeah Peter... honestly control your self." I say shaking my head at him.
"Me?" Peter exclaims, "It's you that can't keep your hands to yourself." He says, Anna finishes cleaning up the spilt coffee and shakes her head at us,
"What are you two like eh?" She says before going off and leaving me and Peter alone again. We smile at each other idiotically for a moment before I remember the topic of conversation we were having before Peter spilt his coffee.
"I know you and Roy are up to something." I say getting back on topic before Peter thinks I've forgotten.
"When did you get so suspicious eh?" Peter asks grinning.
"Hmmm I dunno, maybe around the same time you and Roy started aving little chats about me." I say.
"And how do you know me and Roy ave been chatting about you, I mean we could ave been talking about the weather or something?"
"Because I heard me name… You were only next door Peter… Hardly espionage is it?" I say finishing my bit of toast. Peter chuckles and shakes his head at me.
"Let's just say me and Roy thought that you could do with a night out that's all." Peter says, "Come with me and Simon tonight, We're going out to dinner and then to a movie…"
"Peter..." I begin but Peter shakes his head at me with a devilish grin.
"Do you want me to get on me knees n beg Carla, cause I will y'know." says Peter, I glance around the café for a moment and then Peter gets up off his chair as if he is going to actually get on his knees.
"Get back on that chair now." I say. Peter chuckles and sits back down on his chair, He licks his lips and me and asks me one more time.
"So are ya coming tonight or what?"
I say yes.
How could I not say yes when Peter is looking at me in that totally adorable way.
He is so bloody attractive and not just in his good looks but also in the way he acts.
Agh how did I end up here again?
I know that I shouldn't let him effect me this way but as he looks thrilled because I finally caved in on the whole going out thing, I really do feel like today is the first day of the rest of my life.
I know that I still have a long way to go before I start to feel normal again and I know even though we kissed last night, me and Peter will never be the same again. Too much has changed, too much is different.
But... maybe different is good…
Maybe different is just what I need.