55
Back at CalTech a bit later
"Good morning. Dr. Cooper's office. This is Penny."
"Good morning, Penny. Why are you still there?"
"Um, who is this?"
"Amy Farrah Fowler."
"Sorry, Amy. It's not a very good connection."
"I was forced to purchase a temporary phone when the lab demanded I turn in the one they gave me."
"Okay, Amy. So what do you want? I have standing instructions from Sheldon to not put your calls through."
"I wish to know when you will be joining Leonard in New Jersey. I went over to 2311 North Los Robles to inspect your old apartment and that harridan friend of Alex Jensen's would not grant me access. And what was she doing in Sheldon's apartment in any case?"
"That's none of your business, Amy. And I don't know where you got the idea that you're moving into my apartment. It's not happening."
"Leonard informed me of your impending move to New Jersey late yesterday evening. Perhaps I misunderstood. Will you be joining him at a later time? In that case I would be happy to be your temporary roommate until your departure. I foresee us having lots of girlie fun in advance of your nuptials. I understand that some brides take part in sexual experimentation prior to devoting themselves to their husbands. I would be available for that if you so desire. In any case we would be able to better plan your pre-wedding festivities if we cohabitate temporarily."
"Oh God, where do I start? Okay. Leonard is moving to New Jersey. I am not. We are not getting married. Ever. I will be perfectly happy if I never see him again. I am not moving out. You are not moving in."
"Penny, I have known you for a number of years. You and Leonard have had a tiff. But you love him and he loves you and you are destined to be together. I suggest you find him and apologize for this mix-up and then we can shop for my new Maid of Honor dress."
"No mix-up, Amy. And you and Leonard are delusional if you really believe that I'm going to wake up and realize I made a mistake and go running to New Jersey to start pumping out lactose intolerant babies. It's not gonna happen. Ever. I finally have a pretty good life coming together and Leonard really hates that. He especially hates that it's happening while his life is falling apart."
"Is it not your duty as his future bride to stand by Leonard in times of difficulty? He stood by you while you were jobless and had no hope for the future. He even agreed to marry you. It was all quite romantic."
"No Amy. It was not. Leonard didn't want me working. He was afraid that I might meet other people. Discover other things. Maybe be successful. And maybe fall in love with someone else. He wanted me all to himself. And he wanted to show me off like a trophy."
"Well, of course he would, who wouldn't he? Your luminous beauty reflects on anyone at your side."
"Stop it, Amy. When you say things like that it just sounds creepy."
"There must be a logical explanation for your actions. Have you fallen in love with someone else? Is it that woman Nora? She seemed to act quite possessively when I encountered her. Leonard inferred that there might have been a dalliance. I always hoped that if you decided to experiment with Sapphic tendencies you would come to me."
"Damn it, Amy. Stop going there. I am not attracted to you. I'm not even sure I like you as a friend any more. And Nora, unlike you, has been supportive of the decisions I'm making because they make sense for me, not because of what they might mean for her. That's what real friendship is about. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm at work and it is inappropriate for me to continue this conversation now."
"Perhaps we can convene later over dinner. Perhaps at The Cheesecake Factory."
"I don't think so Amy. I don't think I want to see or talk to you at all. And let me give you some advice. Stop scheming with Leonard or on your own to get things back to how they were. It's not going to happen. I'm moving on. Sheldon is moving on. And we're very happy with how our lives are now going. You and Leonard are just anchors dragging us down and I really don't appreciate you showing up every couple of days with another plan to make my life and Sheldon's life over in your image. From what I understand your life is kind of in the crapper because of things you yourself did. And so is Leonard's. Both of you would be better off working on yourselves instead of trying to make me and Sheldon responsible for your well-being."
"I don't see how you are in any position to offer advice of any kind."
"Hey, you called me. I'd be perfectly satisfied if we never spoke or saw each other again. You and Leonard are toxic. Goodbye, Amy. And good luck."
And Penny hung up.
"Hey Sheldon, let's go to lunch and review that contract. Alex, you come too. I'll call Nora and have her meet us over there."
A/N: I was asked whether Missy's baby in this story has a name. I've always been uncomfortable naming existing nameless characters. The baby hasn't been named on the show, so he's not here either. In another one of my stories Penny's mom was a major character. I never used her first name. You might say "But you gave Penny a last name and on the show she doesn't have one." True. But that's actually a serious issue I have with the show. Penny's lack of a last name diminishes her as a person and implies that she will never really be a person until she has Leonard's last name. Virtually every other character on the show has a first and last name. Not Penny. It's not funny. It's not right. So I have gone along with what seems to have become a TBBT fanfic convention and given her the last name of Queen. I don't know who first came up with that. I know it wasn't me. But it works, because for me and in my stories Penny is a fully realized person and not an appendage who depends upon another person for her legitimacy. And now I will step off my soapbox.