"This is a damn good sandwich," Jules said.
"Why thank you." Matthew smiled. "I made it just for you."
There was really nothing spectacular about the sandwich. Matthew had probably made it a hundred times. Jules had eaten many sandwiches like this even before she met Matthew.
She took a sip of her beer. Even the beer tastes better to her. There was something about the place that just seemed right to Jules.
She finished up the last bit of her sandwich I grabbed her plate. "Here." She picked up Matt's plate as well. "I'll do the dishes."
"You don't have to..." he tried to protest.
"You made lunch. I'll do the dishes. It's fair that way," she insisted.
It wasn't that big of a deal anyway. There were only two plates between them in the first place. Jules could feel Matthew's eyes on her, but it wasn't like the feeling was unpleasant. She dried off the dishes and put them away in the right cabinet on the first try.
When she turned around, Matthew was waiting for her with her beer as well as his own.
"What now?" she asked. She took back her drink and gulped back a swig.
"We could see what's on TV. It's not time for me to start dinner yet," Matt answered.
"Sweet." Jules took her beer over to the couch in the living room. She found the remote and turned on the tv.
Matthew sat down next to her. She leaned against him, her head resting on his shoulder as his arm draped behind her. She didn't think anything of it, and neither did Matthew. It was both very natural for them.
Jules started flipping through the channel. "It's nothing but soap operas," she complained.
"It is the middle of the day," Matthew commented. He drank a giant gulp of beer. "You might check ESPN. They'll probably have golf or something."
"What channel is that?" Jules asked.
"213," Matthew answered.
Jules plugged the channel in. Sure enough, it was golf. It wasn't one of Jules favorite sports, but she decided it would do.
She set her beer on the coffee table when she was finished. Apart from the slight burn of alcohol on her throat, she was very warm and comfortable. She wondered if this was what she and Matthew usually did when they were together. If so, she thought maybe being married to him wasn't so bad.
She looked up at him and couldn't help but notice how beautiful he was. His lashes we're golden in the sunlight. His hair looked so soft.
His blue eyes connected with hers. "What? Still bored?" he asked.
His lips looked so kissable. It was that temptation that caused Jules to stretch up and do just that. They were oh so soft and better than she imagined. She lingered there for longer than she intended. She hadn't pulled away very far when his hand reached over to caress her cheek. He kissed her this time, slowly, moving in mesmerizing ways that made Jules fall into a dull state of bliss. She could imagine that it'd be very easy to fall in love with this man simply by kissing him for extended periods of time.
And it got better. When his lips parted, so did hers, eagerly in response. His tongue slid along her lips and into her mouth, savoring every bit of her. Warmth filled Jules from her cheeks to her toes. Her body was tensing and nearly twitching in anticipation.
Next thing she knew, Jules had her back on the seat of her couch. She wasn't quite sure if Matthew had pushed her or if her muscles had just given out. Either way, Matthew was on top of her making her body feel like jello. His hips pinned hers down heavily.
Her breath came in a large gasp. Matthew's lips moved to her ear, making her skin feel like it was on fire. His hips pressed into hers harder. "Ma-" she could hardly speak.
He kissed down to her neck. He could undoubtedly feel her pulse racing as he sucked on her jugular.
Pleasure quickly turned to panic. Matthew was good. Too good. Not one of her old boyfriends ever made her feel like this. She tried her best not to give in, but it was impossible. The feeling of him was inescapable. He was everywhere to her. Each move was calculated and intentional. He was doing all of this on purpose. He wanted her to react this way. He wanted her to feel so helpless.
"Matthew..." she finally managed to say his name.
She could feel him smiling smugly unto her skin. His hips did ease off of hers, but only with enought room to fit his hand. He undid the button of her jeans and slowly pulled down her zipper.
"Matthew, please..." Jules' gasping, at some point, had turned to crying. "Stop. Just please stop."
Matthew's head snapped up. When he looked at her, pure terror came to eyes. "Jules, what's wrong?"
"I've never felt so manipulated in my entire life." Her eyes stung with tears.
"No, no, Jules! I was just trying... I'm so sorry! I thought this was what you wanted. I thought you were starting to remember..." he backed off quickly, trying to defend himself. He edged over to the other end of the couch, scrambling to give Jules space between them.
"Did you ever even ask if I wanted to remember?" Jules wiped the stinging tears from her face. "If you forcing yourself on me is supposed to trigger some memory, I rather it just stay gone."
"Jules!" Matthew looked like he had been slapped. "I'm sorry. I misunderstood, but..."
"This was a mistake." Jules shook her head. "I shouldn't have come here with you. Maybe, I trusted you too much, or maybe it's too difficult for you with me being here..."
"Damn right it's difficult!" Matthew raised his voice. "I'm trying, Jules. I'm trying so hard to get you to like me. It was never this hard the first time. You're like a completely different person. You're bitter, stubborn, self-important, and I'm beginning to doubt that you ever really loved me at all."
He stared back at her expecting a fight. For her to yell back or offer any sort of rebuttal. "Maybe, you're right," she said in a calm quiet voice. She secured her pants back in place.
Matthew looked horrified. "Jules, I didn't mean any of that. I'm just frustrated..."
"I mean, how am I supposed to know. I really can't tell what I was thinking the first time. Maybe, it's best if we just call it quits," said Jules.
Matthew was speechless for a second. "I know I said I wouldn't make you stay, but does it really have to end like this? Now?"
Jules nodded. "I don't want to be here." She bent her knees up to her chest. "I want to go home."
Matthew got up. "I'll call you a cab." All the life had drained from his voice. "You can go back to Westley's or wherever you want."
He went out the front door and closed it with a slam. Through the window, he could see him flop down in a chair on the porch.
It was a simple kiss, Jules thought. She had only wanted one little kiss to see what it felt like. And all that happened. And she said all that. Everything had blown way out of proportion, she realized that, but her pride kept her from admitting that she was scared. Scared of what exactly Mattthew knew about her that she didn't even know about herself. It really had felt like manipulation at the time. She had no control over how she felt.
Lieutenant rubbed up against the couch. Jules reached toward to pet him, but felt guilty doing so. She was going to leave this regardless. Part of her wanted her to stay, but that part also scared Jules. It was almost like she was haunted by the things she didn't know and couldn't remember.
There was a knock on the door. Jules vaguely wondered why Matthew felt the need to knock on his own door. It only opened a crack. "Taxi's here,' he said, barely loud enough for Jules to pick up.
She passed by him quickly on the way out. She couldn't look at him, not when he looked so dejected of life. She wished he would cry or something. She'd feel better that way.
"You know," she said. "I liked you a lot better when you weren't trying to make me fall in love with you. That day in the hospital..." Jules shook her head. She didn't know what she was thinking saying anything at all. She was only making it worse.
She climbed into the taxi and told the driver the address of Westley's place. He drove away, and Jules tried not to think about the seven chickens, two dogs, and one man she left behind.
They pulled up to Westley's house.
"How much do I owe you?" Jules asked the taxi driver.
"Nothing. The man back where I picked you up took care of everything."
Jules groaned loudly.
"Is there a problem, ma'am?" he asked.
"He shouldn't have done that..." Jules muttered to herself. The whole situation made her feel sick to her stomach. "It's fine. As long as you got paid."
She slammed the door of the car and walked up to Westley's front door. The house looked dark. Jules figured he must have made plans and left. She fished out the key her brother had given her and slid it into the lock.
The house wasn't completely dark, as Jules had first presumed. There were strategically placed candles around the room that gave off a very romantic vibe. Jules prickled when she heard the sounds of heavy breathing and gasps of pleasure. She became horribly aware that she had just walked right into the middle of her brother's attempt to get some private, love time on while she was away. She tried to tiptoe further into the house to get away when something stopped her dead in her tracks. Sitting on the armrest of the couch was a mess of short reddish hair. Low, deep moans escaped from the guest's throat as Jules' brother kissed down his neck.
"Oh my God!" Jules shouted in surprise. She covered her eyes when she saw the terrified faces of Westley and his best friend. "Oh my God!"
"Jules?!" Both Feliciano and Westley scrambled away from each other. Jules could see through her fingers Feli scrambling to button up his shirt.
"What are you doing here? I thought you wouldn't be back until later." Westley's voice was shaking.
"What am I doing? What are you doing! Oh my God," Jules exclaimed, still in shock. "I sleep on that couch."
"Jules..."
"I mean, it's your house. Do whatever you want. I'll just be in the bathroom for an indefinite period of time."
Jules shut herself in the bathroom. She knew she was just running away. She knew she'd have to deal with this all eventually, she just couldn't handle it. First, it was Matthew, then it was her brother in a surprisingly similar situation.
She didn't know how long she was sitting there on the tiles. Long enough to process that her brother was probably gay and that his "friendship" with the boy who lived down the road had probably been more than a friendship for quite a long time. It made sense. Jules couldn't remember a time that Westley ever had a girlfriend.
"Really, it's okay. I was going to have to tell her eventually."
Jules assumed Westley was on the phone considering she couldn't hear the response through the bathroom door.
"Hey, no, don't blame yourself. This situation has been difficult for all of us. You haven't ruined anything. We'll work everything out. I'll talk to her."
Jules sighed. She had overreacted again. She decided it was time to get out of the bathroom and confront her brother.
Westley was sitting on the couch with a phone held to his ear. He turned when He heard Jules. "Ah, she came out. We can talk later. Just promise me that you won't spend tomorrow alone. Bye."
Jules cleared her throat. "So...you and Feli, huh? I should have seen it coming."
Westley put his phone away. "Will you sit with me? I want to give you a proper explanation." He was understandably nervous.
"It really doesn't seem like much to explain." Jules sat down next to him anyway. "You love him, don't you?"
Westley smiled. His eyes watered with relief as he nodded.
"Did...did I know before? How long have you been out?" Jules asked.
"Year and a half. Didn't get to give you my coming out speech that time either. Mom and Dad weren't exactly very understanding when I told them."
Something clicked in Jules' mind. She suddenly understood why Westley hadn't talked about their parents since she mentioned them in the hospital. She could feel herself boiling with rage. She knew her parents. She knew exactly how they would react. She had been on the recieving end of her parents' anger for as long as she could remember. Westley was the favorite child. He had never experienced that. He wouldn't have been prepared.
"Did they kick you out?" Jules seethed.
Westley nodded. "My senior year of college. You took me in and helped me until I graduated. If it hadn't been for you and Matthew, I probably wouldn't be here."
Jules heart broke with all sorts of emotion. Anger for her parents. Sadness for her brother for things already passed. And something else she couldn't quite out her finger on. "Matthew knew, too?"
"He was there when I first came out to you," Westley revealed. "It's when I met him."
Jules groaned and wrapped her arms around the torso of her brother. "Westley, everything's a mess. I don't know what I'm going to do."
Westley took his sister in his arms. "I'm going to tell you the same thing you told me a year and a half ago. The good thing about messes is that they can be cleaned. Even if you have to start from the bottom up, your world will be in order again even if it only makes sense to you. Messes are inevitable, but things can always be made right. You may have to throw out things, but that always makes room for stuff you really love and relationships you really care about."
Jules smiled into her brother's chest. "Damn, I really said that? That's some inspirational shit right there."
"Well, you are a pretty awesome older sister," Westley said. "Want to talk about what happened with you and Matthew today?"
"Not a chance. Did Feli go home? I think I scared him off," Jules avoided her brother's question.
"No. Feli's been staying with his brother for a little bit. Feli and I actually live together now. I should probably call him."
Jules' brows furrowed together. "That's not who you were talking to before?"
"No," Westley said simply. He patted the top of Jules' head.
Jules breathed deeply. "You smell nice. Is that cologne? Do you wear it when you want to get laid?" she teased her brother.
"Okay. Moment over," Westley said as he gently pushed his sister away. "I'm going to call Feli. Unlike you, my sex life is his business, i.e. none of yours. If you ever want to talk to me about something other than sex, let me know."
As Jules laid on the couch that evening, she found it difficult to fall asleep. She kept thinking of Matthew. His lips on her skin. The way he held her. Even the way that he smiled and laughed across the table as he drank beer in their home. It wasn't sex, no, but to her it felt way more intimate than sex had ever been. When she did fall asleep that night, she dreamed. Dreams and visions that felt so real and nostalgic, they could only be memories.