So sorry for the late update, Thursday night was a bit of a disaster for me.
I will try my best to get Don't Let Go updated by tonight or tomorrow.
Don't forget to let me know your thoughts...
Every thing that happens next... seems to happen incredibly fast.
Tracy's in handcuffs, Amy is crying in my Dad's arms and Carla is still in disbelief about the whole situation.
She's staring at Amy as my Dad strokes her on the head and as Tracy bursts into tears.
She didn't want this, Carla didn't want the police, Amy inconsolable, none of it and I know that she is going to find what happens after this, very difficult.
The police escort Tracy outside but of course there are already a whole load of people standing outside the pub and their houses because they've heard the sirens.
Sirens on a quiet and residential street only mean one thing... trouble.
Sally and Tim are stood nearby and so is the local busy body Norris Cole.
There are a few other people around, some who aren't so familiar to me but I reckon I know who two of them are, I reckon that boy and girl with the dark hair are Kal's kids.
They have no idea... no one does... yet anyway.
"Please… it was an accident." Tracy sobs as she steps outside the house, she looks at me, petrified and I know that her secret isn't going to stay a secret for long.
"What's she done?" Sally asks as everyone else stares down at Tracy's handcuffs and then at the police who give her the right to remain silent.
She doesn't remain silent though, she cries very loudly and draws a lot of attention to herself as she is put into the police car.
Carla comes out of my Dad's house, still looking totally stunned.
"I can't believe Amy called the police… She's eleven years old Peter, eleven." Carla says, still completely guilt ridden even though she did nothing wrong.
Michelle suddenly bursts out of The Rover's and walks right up to me and Carla, who has her eyes permanently fixed on Tracy.
"What's going on?" Michelle asks, staring as Tracy bawls in the back seat of the police car.
More and more people are stopping now, I swear it's like suddenly everyone seems to be about but it is a Sunday of course and no one is at work or school.
"Carla?" Michelle says, still waiting for an answer, so is everyone else for that matter and I notice that I'm getting a few looks from some people who obviously didn't know that I was back in town.
"Tracy's been… arrested." Carla says quietly. We all ignore the fact that she's stating the obvious as everyone can see that Tracy has been arrested because she is sat in the back of a police car in cuffs.
"What for?" Michelle asks as the police car begins to drive off. Carla bits down on her lip and shakes her head, I know she doesn't want to say it but she knows that word will eventually get around so she might as well.
"The fire." Carla says, her voice is hoarse as she speaks so I think Michelle thinks that she has misheard her.
"What?" Michelle asks, moving closer to Carla and then saying, "Did you just say that Tracy's been arrested for the fire?" She speaks louder than she intended to and some of the other people around us all gasp in shock.
"Yes." Carla says with deep breath, she's trying so hard to stay in control and maintain her strong persona but I know that a few more minutes in this crowd and she is going to crack.
"What? But it was an accident… wasn't it?" Michelle says, not understanding how on earth something like this could have happened any other way because well who would have thought that my sister could have actually been responsible for it, especially with Amy being there.
"No…" Carla says, "She… broke into my flat n… it was her… She lit a candle... Amy's called the police." Everyone's jaws practically drop and Carla is stood with all eyes on her. Michelle is utterly stunned by this news, as is everyone.
"Seriously?" Michelle says as she looks at me. It's like she and everyone else are just waiting for us to say that we are just joking and that this has all been some horrible misunderstanding but it's not... it's not. Carla is innocent and everyone needs to know it.
In the end I just nod my head at her, I'm too busy watching Carla to speak and she is too busy staring at the space where the police car just was.
"Oh my…" Michelle can't speak and neither can anyone else for a moment.
There's a long silence but Steve suddenly bursts out of the pub and breaks it.
"Did ya find out what's going on?" He asks Michelle but then he takes a look at everyone stood in shock.
"Yeah…" Michelle says, "Erm… Tracy's been arrested, Ken will explain but you better go in and see if Amy is alright." She points to my Dad's place where Amy can be heard softly crying. Steve quickly steps inside and it's then that people start talking again.
"How on earth did Amy find out?" Michelle asks,
"I dunno." Carla sniffs, shaking her head slowly because we don't know and we can only assume that she heard us talking about it or something.
"I always knew that Tracy Barlow was trouble." Norris says being his usual obnoxious self, "I mean imagine making poor Carla take all the blame." I want to tell him to shut up but Carla isn't listening anyway. Her eyes are almost glazed over as she stands outside my Dad's place.
"Carla?" Michelle says, moving slightly towards her as the young boy who I think is Kal's son suddenly comes marching over to us.
"Tracy Barlow killed my Dad?" He says, looking at Carla with anger.
It's an anger which I'm sure is not aimed at her, just the situation but she flinches and then nods. The boy pauses for a moment, like he is taking it all in and then he storms off, presumably towards his house.
"Zeedan wait!" The girl who was with him cries, she has tears in her eyes as she runs after him.
"I can't believe any of this." Mary Taylor says, as if she has come out of nowhere.
This is all getting slightly ridiculous now... I mean people are literally popping up like daisies.
"Fancy her own child calling the police on her as well." Norris then adds, and all eyes are still on Carla at this point.
In the distance I notice that Simon is walking his bike up the road, he looks at all the people, follows their gaze over to me and Carla.
"Dad?" he says, he comes over to us and on his way he hears somebody say,
"That Victoria Court fire... it was Tracy Barlow... can you believe it? Yeah... she's just been arrested for it." Simon's eyes widen then he looks at Carla who looks as if she's about to burst into tears at any moment.
"Dad?" He trails off when I nod and say,
"Maybe you should go and tell your Mum Si... so she doesn't ave to hear it from one of these vultures." Simon nods, hops on his bike and then he rides off towards his flat. Carla shakes her head at me and says,
"Peter... Simon shouldn't ave to tell her... he's just a kid... just like Amy."
"Trust me Carla... she'd prefer to hear it from him then one of these idiots." I say looking at everyone who is still staring at us. Michelle nods at her and says,
"He's right." Carla just ignores us and continues to look completely devastated.
"We should probably get her inside." I say but of course like clockwork, Sophie Webster comes out of her house because she's obviously heard all the commotion and wants to know what is going on.
She sees Carla first and looks at her in anguish but only because she still believes that the fire was Carla's doing and as she joins her mother she says,
"What's happening Mum?" Sally goes to say something as Carla closes her eyes.
"It's Tracy…" Sally begins but I'm still watching Carla who takes another deep breath and then when she opens those beautiful eyes of hers, they are tear filled and they are looking directly at me.
People are still watching her like she's some form of entertainment and I know just how much situation was something that Carla had wanted to avoid.
Other when she's lording it up over everyone at work she hates being the centre of attention, even at the best of times like birthdays and as more and more people keep stopping on the pavement, the staring is only beginning to get worse.
I'll say one thing though, there are a lot of very sorry looking people right now.
I bet they are all hating themselves for the way that they have treated Carla.
They are all quiet now because nobody quite knows what to say, no one is sure who should bite the bullet and say they're sorry to Carla first.
She's still wearing my navy shirt and because it's so big for her, she looks smaller than ever.
Really vulnerable, as if she truly has no fight left in her.
"Peter…" she says, her voice breaking and her lip wobbling. She's almost shaking as I reach out and pull her towards me.
"Hey… it's okay." I say, kissing Carla on the head as Sophie rushes over the road to us. She also has tears in her eyes as she has obviously just heard the news that Tracy is responsible for her girlfriend's death.
"Is it true?" She asks frantically, she's looking at me because Carla has her face buried in my jacket. She has a hand rested on my chest and I swear I can feel her hear racing. I nod at Sophie and say,
"Yes… it's true."
Sophie looks absolutely mortified as Carla cries into my arms.
The whole neighbourhood is practically out at this point and all I want is to get Carla off the street.
None of this is fair on her and I know the last thing she wants to be doing is crying in front of all the people who blamed her for something that my sister did.
My sister.
My sister did this because her fiancé killed my mistress and Carla was the one who did the right thing and called the police.
I can't help but feel responsible for all of this… I still blame myself and I know that if I had of been a proper husband to Carla that of course, none of this would be happening right now.
I feel a lump in my throat as Carla's sobs deepen and the sound of her muffled crying is utterly heartbreaking but I know that I cannot lose it too.
I have to stay strong to help Carla heal, I cannot make this about me.
She needs me to remain tough, she needs me to protect her.
I'm still not sure where me and her are…
I still don't know how I would describe our current relationship but what I do know is that for the first time she is the weaker one, she's the one leaning on me, she's the one who has fallen and I have to do my very best to pick her back up again.
"Michelle can we go inside." I say because I can't exactly take Carla back to my Dad's where Amy is still sobbing over what she has done to her mother.
"Of course." Michelle says, opening to door to the pub so that we can go in. I take Carla with me as I walk and as we go inside I hear,
"Carla! I'm sorry!"
It's Sophie's voice and I wonder if Carla has heard it, then again I'm not sure that it will make any difference even if she had.
She doesn't want apologies, even I've come to realise that they won't help.
She just wants this all to be over so that she can move on with her life.
I wish I could skip forward to a few weeks later to when Tracy starting the fire would be old news and that Carla could truly start to move on with things.
We go into the living room of the pub and Michelle goes into the kitchen and says that she is putting the kettle on… I think she just needs a few minutes that's all.
It's a lot to process and even when I found out I needed time to try and get my around it.
I still have Carla in my arms and even though it's a devastatingly good feeling to have her close, I try to shake her free so that she can sit down but instead she clings onto me for dear life and says,
"No."
"Carla… it's okay, we're inside now." I say trying to look down at her but she doesn't budge. "Carla… darlin… your safe… it's just me and Michelle in ere."
There's a moment or two where I think that she won't move, where I think I'm going to literally have to push her away from me but then she breaths in deeply.
She lifts her head up slightly and glances around the room we are in. She exhales, blowing her hair out of her face and looks relived to see that we truly are inside.
"I'm sorry… it just got a little too much out there." She said, looking up at me but with both hands still clutching to my jacket.
"Hey… don't apologise… as long as you're alright… that's all that matters." I say softly,
"Peter..." I brush some hair out of her face as she says my name and she says it in that same way she said it before when we were outside and it's in a way that I simply cannot take.
It's full of love and also full of fear and then she says it again, like she's going to ask me something.
"Peter..."
"Yeah?" I ask, my head moving closer to hers by the second, for a moment it feels like we might kiss but we think twice as Michelle comes back into the room looking concerned but she only has to look at the way Carla is still holding on to me before she smirks slightly.
"Am I interrupting again?" She asks, Carla doesn't say anything this time and let's Michelle wonder, as I am the one to shake my head.
"Nah… I'm just waiting for this one to put me down." I grin, trying to make this a slightly light hearted situation.
"Mmmm and what if I don't?" Carla sniffs.
"Then it looks like you're going to be sitting on my lap." I smirk as Michelle smiles and rolls her eyes at us.
"D'ya fancy a brew Peter?" She asks, I nod at her as Carla reluctantly lets go of me and sits down on a chair.
"Thanks Chelle." I say, going and sitting next to Carla, She's got her head in her hands and she stays silent until Michelle comes back carrying two coffees.
"There…" Michelle says, nudging Carla. "Get that down ya neck."
"I'd rather ave a bottle of wine to be honest with ya Chelle." Carla says, lifting up her head but accepting the coffee anyway because she knows the wine thing is not going to happen.
There's one hell of a long silence between the three of us and I'm starting wonder if it's because I'm here.
I wonder if maybe I should give these two best friends time to talk so I get up and then Carla says,
"N just where are you going?"
"I was gonna give you two a minute or so… Y'know… so you can talk… without me."
"N why would we wanna talk without you?" Michelle asks as if I'm just being dense… Which I probably am.
"I dunno… I just thought you might want to." I say and it comes out so ridiculous and awkward that Michelle and Carla both laugh.
"Sit ya backside down Peter Barlow." Carla says and for the first time since we before we got to my Dad's she is smiling again. She actually goes as far as yanking my arm and pulling me back into my chair as Michelle picks up her coffee cup.
"You're such a pillock sometimes." She says, watching me with such affection that I cannot help but lean forward and leave another kiss on her forehead. She smiles that stunning smile of hers as Michelle shakes her head at both of us.
"Look at you two eh? Loves young dream… I'm glad you've decided to give things another go." She says.
Me and Carla both pause.
Our eyes both widen and we both look at each other and then laugh… I'm glad we are both laughing here because other wise this could be very awkward.
"Chelle…" Carla begins, "We haven't decided anything… Not yet."
"We're kinda just… Taking each day as it comes." I say nodding along with Carla. Michelle looks dejected and then shakes her head again.
"I'm guessing that wasn't the answer you were hoping for then." Carla says taking a sip of coffee.
"Well… No." Michelle says, "I mean you said earlier that you were coming over to talk to me and I assumed it was that… Although…. Now I realise it was probably more to do with this whole… Tracy thing." Michelle delicately says Tracy's name as if hearing it would cause Carla pain. "So…" she says, sipping coffee before she continues with, "What on earth was Tracy doing in your flat?" Carla sighs and shakes her in a way that says don't ask. I decide to tell Michelle instead so that Carla doesn't have to.
I tell Michelle everything that Tracy told us, about the ridiculous pub story and how Carla has "everything" and how Tracy thinks that she has "nothing". I tell Michelle it all whilst Carla drinks her coffee and when I finish all Michelle can say is,
"Wow."
"I know." I say, picking up my own coffee and drinking it. Carla looks down into her mug as if she can see her reflection in it and there's another silence, which is once again broken by Steve. He comes into the room with alone and looks worried, as if he has interrupted something.
"Sorry." He says awkwardly,
"Hey… how's Amy?" Michelle asks, as Carla looks up from her coffee cup. She's watching Steve and I know she is desperate to find out what exactly prompted Amy to call the police.
Then again we all are, we all want to know what drives an eleven year old to call the police on her own mother.
"She's…" Steve shakes his head in disbelief as he sits down next to Michelle, who puts an arm around him. "She's… Totally devastated."
"What happened? I mean how did she find out?" Carla asks, I can see the guilt on her face and I hate it.
"She said that she overheard it last night, that she overheard and that even though Tracy said it wasn't true… she didn't believe her." Steve explains, "She said that she couldn't believe that her Mum would do something so horrible to Carla and that it wasn't fair… She saw how much everyone didn't like Carla... how mean they were and how sad Carla had become... She said now she knew she had to do what was right and call the police. She said us grown ups complicate things and that none of us would ave been brave enough to do it... which is why she did it."
"Poor kid." Michelle says, with her arm still around Steve as she kisses him on the cheek. "That takes real guts… to call the police on her own mother."
"Where is she now?" Carla asks, still worrying more about Amy than anything else.
"She said she wanted to stay with her granddad." Steve says, Carla nods at him and then looks down again at her cup.
I wonder what's going through that beautiful mind of hers as she continues to sit in silence, Michelle leaves Carla to it and just asks me loads of questions instead and then there's another interruption.
Our heads all swivel over to the door where Liz is stood, with Sophie Webster.
"Carla…" Sophie says nervously, "Can I please please talk to you?" Carla looks as if she's thinking it over for a second but she eventually nods at Sophie.
Steve, Michelle and Me all get up simultaneously but as Sophie comes into the room, Carla reaches out and grabs me by the jacket again, like me walking out the room means that she won't be able to go on.
"Don't go." She begs, looking up at me as Sophie sits where Michelle was sat. Carla then looks at Sophie and says, "Please… can he stay?"
"Of course." Sophie nods, speaking softly because she can see how delicate Carla is right now.
I sit down as Steve and Michelle leave the room and close the door behind them.
"Carla…" Sophie begins, she's obviously finding this all incredibly difficult and I feel slightly intrusive being here, I feel like I should go but I don't because Carla obviously needs me here.
"Don't apologise Sophie." Carla says, leaning forward and taking one of the hands that she has rested on the table. "I really really don't blame you for the way you acted, you thought I was the one responsible for Maddie's death… you had every right."
"No…" Sophie says, with tears falling down her cheeks. "That's not what this should be about." Carla looks confused and bits her lip as Sophie shakes her head. "I should be saying Thank you."
"Thank you?" Carla says, shaking her own head this time.
"Yeah… you gave Maddie a chance… you gave her a job and you really changed her life. You made her feel like she was worth something." Sophie says in between sobs. "She really liked you Carla."
"Really?" Carla asks, genuinely surprised by this, as if she is some sort of monster instead of the amazing woman that she is.
God, I wish she saw her self how I do.
"Yeah… she'd heard a lot about you from the others and she really really admired you. The way you'd built the business up and the way you had got through everything with…" Sophie trails off slightly and we all know that she is talking about what I did.
There's a slight awkward silence before Carla says,
"I really liked her too. I used to wish I had had it so together at her age… She were so clever, so pretty... and I know she really made you happy."
"She really did." Sophie says sniffing. "Y'know… she used to say that she thought you were stunning… inside and out." Sophie is smiling now, it's a sad one but it's still a smile. "She really wouldn't have liked the way I treated you… she would ave said it was just an accident Soph… let it go… and I've been trying to. After I saw you in the cafe I wanted to speak to you... I just… I miss her so much." Sophie is actually in fits of tears now.
Carla reaches over and pulls her in for a supportive hug, this is where I try and make myself look busy and I get up to collect out coffee mugs.
I take them into the kitchen and let Carla and Sophie have a moment together. I can still everything so I hear Sophie eventually speak again,
"I know it's too little to late... but I am so so sorry Carla." She cries, Carla shakes her head and says,
"What did I say about apologies eh? We just all ave to try our hardest to move forwards ere." Carla's crying too now but there's a certain look about her that shows me she is almost relieved.
It shows that even though she didn't want this apology it has meant more to her then she has realised, that all of this going to be a part of her recovery.
"I still can't believe that Tracy…" Sophie begins but then she turns to me and stops talking.
"None of us can." Carla says sniffing, her eyes are staring at me even though she is talking to Sophie.
"Let's just hope she gets what's coming to her." Sophie says as I walk back into the living room. "Sorry Peter… I know she is your sister but…"
"Don't mention it." I say, sitting back down next to Carla.
There's a silence before Sophie gives me and Carla a small smile, she's not looking at our faces but down at our hands which instantly joined together when I had sat down.
It wasn't like we had planned it, it just happened.
"Well… I'll leave you both to it." She says softly as she gets up off her chair.
"Thanks for coming ere Sophie." Carla says, Sophie nods at her, still with tears in her eyes but she is smiling at Carla and it's so good to see people other than me, Michelle and Roy smiling at Carla, that I end up smiling too.
"Bye." Sophie says on her way out of the room, Carla and me both say goodbye too and then are left well and truly alone.
I then feel Carla lean over and rest her head on my shoulder, I love just how much she is leaning on me right now.
It makes me feel wanted, needed and I honestly feel as if I have a goal in life.
Obviously I know I need to be here for Simon and he is truly the most important thing in my life… but Carla… I honestly feel like after all this... we might have a future together.
"That wasn't half as bad as I thought it would be." Carla says, "It was nice… to talk about Maddie like that."
"She seems like she was a really good kid." I say because even I'd met her a few times but never really got to know her.
"She was." Carla says with a sad sigh.
"It sounds like we ave a lot in common." I say, which makes Carla sit up and look up me to see what I'm getting at. "Well… It just so happens that I think you're stunning too." I say, Carla smiles cutely down at her lap and then rests her head against me again.
I put my arms around her and pull her closer because I love the way she clings on to me and as her arms slide around me she says,
"You know what… I think… I'm gonna be okay."
It's the first time I've heard her say this out loud and I can honestly say the sound of that little sentence has made me feel so proud that I could burst.
She is going to be okay, I can feel it.