59

Meanwhile, back at the office

Penny dialed Missy over at the Humanities Cafeteria.

"Humanities Café. Missy Cooper speakin'."

"Hi sweetie. How are you doing today?"

"Doin' okay, Penny. What's up?"

"Alex, Nora and I were thinking of having a little Girl's Night thingie tonight and we were wondering if you'd like to join us. Sheldon said he'd babysit."

"Wow. Get out and be with some folks who don't dribble and burp and treat me like a walkin' talkin' meal? Sounds great!"

"Well, I can't promise about the dribbling and burping. But yeah, we're adults. Sort of."

"I'm in. What time?"

"Work it out with Sheldon. And he can give you the address. We should all be home after 7."

The FBI agents dropped Sheldon off at 2311 North Los Robles at about 4:30. He knew he had enough time to organize his evening. Before they dropped him off they assured him that they had done him the favor he requested. Leonard Hofstadter was now on the 'No Fly List' and it would take a great deal of time and effort to remove him. Sheldon chuckled. An hour later Missy and the baby were home.

"Shelly, did you really tell Penny you'd take care o' the baby tonight."

"I did. You've been kept very busy by the various events going on around here and you've not complained at all. You deserve a bit of down time. You've been working very hard at your new job, taken excellent care of your son and of me I might add. And you have provided support to Penny in her time of need. You deserve a bit of time for yourself. In fact, we should try to work things out so that you have some time to yourself on a regular basis."

"Now how are we gonna do that, Shelly?"

"Perhaps we should seek out a babysitter to come in on a regular basis. Or I could do it. Or perhaps our friends can aid us. It's just a thought. We don't need to do anything about it now. Please just give me the baby and get on about preparing yourself for an evening out. I have already prepared his dinner and I have some work to do once he gets to sleep. I promise that I will not get so involved in my work that I won't hear him if he is in distress. And I will remain awake until you come home."

"Sheldon, that's silly. Why don't we just move the baby's crib to your room for tonight? That way you can go to bed whenever you want and I don't need to be concerned with wakin' anyone up when I come home. I know that if the baby cries you'll take care of him. I trust you."

"Alright."

"Okay. I'm gonna take me a shower and then get dressed and head over to Alex and Nora's. Y'all think I should bring anything?"

"Well, typically there was a great deal of wine consumed at these gatherings. However, I suspect that will not be the case tonight. Perhaps dessert would be appropriate. I recall that there is a very nice bakery between here and there. Perhaps an assortment of pastries?"

"Great idea. Could you put the info in my phone while I'm in the shower, Shelly."

"I can."

A short time later Missy was showered, refreshed and ready to leave.

"The information is all in your phone. Just turn on your GPS program and it will guide you to the bakery and then to Alex and Nora's. A favor please?"

"Sure."

"Please purchase some cannoli for me? I have a bit of a hankering."

"Will do. If the baby gives you any trouble I'm only a phone call away."

"I doubt I'll need to call but thank you. Please enjoy yourself and convey my greetings to Alex, Nora and Penny."

"Good night, Sheldon."

"Good night, Missy."

Missy had no trouble finding the bakery, picked out a nice selection of pastries and a separate box of cannoli for Sheldon and some cupcakes for herself. She arrived at Alex and Nora's building at 7:15 and knocked at their door a few minutes later. Alex answered.

"Hi Missy. Welcome to our home. Please excuse the mess."

"Um, Alex, this is not a mess. I've been to Leonard and Penny's place."

"Hey!" Penny interjected.

"C'mon, sweetie, that place was a pigsty."

"Okay, you're right. I know I can be a little messy but most of that was Leonard."

"Fine. We believe you. But once you move back home we'll be checking in and we'll see exactly how messy you are."

"I swear I'm even going to use Sheldon's organizational chart. If I'm going to be working two jobs I'll need to know where everything is. I'm just not gonna have time to look."

"Hey guys, where's Nora?"

"We made her get dressed."

"Excuse me."

"She likes to walk around with nothing on. I decided that it wasn't appropriate to walk around with nothing on when there's company coming," answered Alex.

Nora walked out of the bedroom wearing a pair of cutoffs and a Wonder Woman tank top.

"Is this good enough?"

"Fine, sweetie."

Missy looked around. "So are we doing dinner?"

"We ordered a couple of pizzas if that's okay. There's juice and soda in the fridge."

"Works for me."

They all sat down in the living room Penny sat down next to Missy.

"Missy, there's been so much going on about me and my bullshit I feel like I haven't really paid any attention to you. You're in a new city, with a new job and you're living with your brother, which isn't an easy thing in the best of times. How are you doing?"

"Actually, dealin' with all your crap has been a big help. Between that and the job and the baby I really haven't had any time to do much thinkin' at all."

"I'm sorry."

"No, sweetie, that's a good thing. Back home I was just feelin' sorry for myself. I had way too much time on my hands. That's one of the reasons I wanted to leave. Here I'm just really, really busy. And, trust me, my brother has been amazing. He's a surprise every day. A good surprise."

"How's the job?"

"I really like it. A lot of it is just organizing stuff like deliveries. All the booths take care of their own orderin' so I don't have that headache. And I decided we should try and take over the catering for the whole campus. When I found out that for Sheldon's tenure reception all they served was stale sponge cake and Kool Aid I knew I could do better. I put a proposal together and put it in and it got approved. I just stole all the Physics Cafeteria's catering business. My boss is pretty happy."

"The baby seems to be adjusting pretty well."

"He is. He likes the childcare folks and he likes when he stays with Sheldon and you guys."

"He's a good baby."

"Penny, when do you think you're comin' home?"

"I think maybe next week sometime unless these two throw me out before that. I still need to buy a new bed and I have to pay Sheldon back the advance he gave me last week and start paying him back the money he gave me for Leonard."

"You know my brother ain't in no hurry."

"I know, but I just feel like I'm taking advantage."

"You didn't ask him for that. He offered. And you know why."

"Yeah."

"Um, speaking of the lactose intolerant elephant in the room, an idea what he's up to now?"

"I don't know. After the bullshit he tried to pull with my apartment…"

"The sooner he's three thousand miles away the better."

"I know. I just can't believe what an idiot I was."

"Sweetie, he took advantage. His mother trained him really well. He saw you were in a weak position…"

"Which he helped put me in…"

"And he swooped in. And he kept you drunk half the time. So did that harpy Amy."

"I still kinda feel sorry for her."

"Don't you dare feel sorry for Miss Amy Farrah Fowler!"

"Missy?"

"That woman tore my brother down to nothin'. She made him think everything he did was worthless except for his science work and then she helped tear that down. She did the same thing to Shelly that Leonard did to you except without the liquor. Don't you feel sorry for that bitch. I just wish I could've torn her a new one."

"A little angry there, aren't you, Missy?" asked Nora.

"Y'all didn't see the state Shelly was in when his friends were done with him."

Penny started crying. "I'm so sorry, Missy. I should have seen it. I should have helped."

"Penny. Sweetie. You did the best thing you could have done. You told him to leave. It was the only thing he could do. Nothin' would have got fixed here. He would only have gotten worse. And besides, from what Shelly told me, y'all weren't in much better shape than he was."

"You're probably right about that."

"And remember, if Shelly didn't leave we all wouldn't be here now. I wouldn't be livin' here. You wouldn't have a job. Alex might not have a job. Nora would probably still be walkin' around with no clothes on but…"

There was knocking at the door.

"That's probably the pizza."

Penny got up. "I'll get it."

Penny opened the door.

"Leonard, what the hell are you doing here?"

"I'm not an idiot. I figured that if you weren't at the apartment you'd probably be with your new friends."

Alex, Nora and Missy got up and joined Penny at the door.

"What do you want, Leonard?"

"You know what Sheldon did? I'm sure he's the one. He got me put on the No Fly List. I was going to leave for New Jersey on Sunday but I found out my plane reservation was cancelled. I have to take the freaking train now. Three freaking days on the freaking train. And I have to leave tomorrow to get there before my mother leaves on her lecture tour."

"So what does that have to do with me?"

"You're coming with me."

"No I'm not. We've been through this. We're over Leonard."

"You're just having some kind of episode. That crazy ex-roommate of mine has sold you a bill of goods. As soon as I'm gone he's going to fire you and you'll be back to fucking meatheads."

"Leonard, why don't you just leave?"

"Not without you. I worked really hard to get you and I'm not letting you go. And besides, you're never going to be able to pay me the money you say you owe me so I'm going to be in your life for a very long time."

"Oh, really? Wait right here."

Penny grabbed her bag and pulled out her checkbook and wrote a check for the amount she had determined with Sheldon and handed it to Leonard.

"What's this?"

"That's what I owe you. Every cent."

"This barely covers the car I bought you."

"That's bullshit. Leonard. I know exactly what the car cost. And you got more than your money's worth."

"I don't care about the money or the car. You're coming to New Jersey."

Leonard grabbed Penny's arm.

"Let go of me, Leonard. You're hurting me."

"No. You're coming with me. Once we're settled in New Jersey you'll thank me. And then life can get back to normal."

Missy had heard enough.

"That's it!"

Missy moved past Penny, shoving Leonard in the chest and pushing him against the wall across the hall. Then she put her hand on his throat and slid him up the wall until his feet were dangling.

"I've heard enough bullshit comin' out of your whiny little mouth. Penny said you 'n' her are over. You're over. You are out of her life. You are out of my brother's life. You are out of all of our lives. Your schemin' and your bullshittin' and your manipulatin' and your blamin' everything that happens to you on everyone but yourself are over. Now get the hell out of here or I will hold you here until you black out, which won't be very long. Then I will drive you into the dessert, bury you up to your neck and leave you there. And y'know what? Nobody will ever ask where you went. Because nobody cares. You just ain't worth carin' about. Now blink your eyes twice if you're ready t'leave. And I suggest you not test me. And you'd better stop harassin' Penny. You try one more stupid trick and me, Alex and Nora will hold you down while Penny goes Junior Rodeo on your tiny little pecker."

Leonard blinked twice and Missy backed off. Alex and Nora moved in front of Penny. Leonard tried to speak but could only wheeze. He searched his pocket for his inhaler.

Alex spoke up. "Leonard, you have until the count of five before I call the police."

"One."

Leonard was still wheezing.

"Two."

He took a tentative step towards Penny and the others and Missy stepped directly in front of him.

"Three."

Leonard tried feinting to the right and going left but Missy just shoved him back toward the wall.

"Four."

Alex took her phone out.

"Five."

And then Leonard threw up all over Missy and ran for the stairs.