Okay... so let me apologise first of all for forgetting to update this last week, I don't know how that happened.
Then let me apologise for not updating Don't Let Go again on Sunday like I said I would, things happened which I really won't get into on here...
I have been so rubbish at updating recently but this weekend is due to be a quiet one (If it's not I might just runaway to a hotel for it ha ha) and I plan on dedicating it to catching up with everything on here.
Thanks to those who have been sending me motivating messages on twitter, telling me not to feel bad and not to give up on my fics.
I definitely won't be as doing this is a real escape for me.
Anywho... that's enough of my ramblings and I hope you enjoy this chapter, thanks to all who have reviewed and don't forget to let me know what you think...
So… L.A was definitely a good idea.
Being here I just feel so… alive again.
Being somewhere where practically no one knows the shit that I've been through over the past month... well it's so refreshing.
The only person who knows about all of that is Susie and she is under strict instructions not to mention it.
After mentioning that I might come out here to Peter, I called Susie and asked her if it was okay for me to come over.
I meant in a week or so but she said come as soon as I want so I thought why not go now?
Sally and Alya had the factory sorted pretty well over those weeks where I was just reckless so I thought what harm is a few more weeks gonna do?
I booked a flight the moment I hung up the phone to Susie because I was scared that I might change my mind.
I'm glad I did it... I definitely needed this break.
I needed a break from Weatherfield, the people, the same boring streets, the horrible "July" weather and from Peter…
Yes Peter too.
As amazing as he had been I reckoned we could both do with some time apart.
It's hard to explain but we spent so much time together since he'd been back that I felt like maybe we should take a break... just to see how we feel afterwards.
He had to go back to Portsmouth anyways and sort out his life down there, he still had a flat and a job there so it made sense for him to go back too.
He left for Portsmouth the same day I left for California.
We're both taking two weeks out... away from each other, away from Weatherfield and whilst I still think that him and me needed some time away from each other to really think about our feelings and our future… I miss him like mad.
I miss him like... well like the desserts miss the rain…
I'm listening to that song right now actually and all I keep thinking about is Peter.
I'm sat in Susie's back yard, the sun is blazing hot, I have a huge glass of wine next to me with my headphones in… it's bliss and yet… I kinda wish I was back home.
Actually scratch that, I wish Peter was here with me.
Yeah... I wish he was in the lounger next to me in a crazy pair of shorts, soaking up the sun and the freshest air, I've breathed in a very long time.
It's been almost a week since I left the grey skies of Manchester and I'm slowly but surely feeling like myself again.
Peter drove me to the airport at seven am the day of my flight and he sat with me until it was time for me to go through security and board the plane.
We had a coffee together and even though we both knew that we'd see each other again in two weeks, we were both really sad to say goodbye.
It actually became really difficult.
We kept giving each other these pathetic looks and in the end, I decided that I just had to go.
I could have probably had another half an hour of Peter if I wanted but the fact that we were both going to be separated for fourteen days seemed to torture the pair of us.
There was this perfect kiss between us before I left his side.
One that I couldn't shake off for hours.
One that left me wishing I could feel that special forever.
Susie picked me up from LA.X airport and when I came out of the arrivals gate she was stood with this ridiculous little sign that said…
"Donovan, Connor, Gordon Barlow."
Only the names, Donovan, Gordon and Barlow had a line drawn right through them, as if they had been crossed out.
Yeah… Susie thinks she is hilarious.
I have to admit though, I did chuckle when I saw her sign, even if it is totally inappropriate.
We flew into each other's arms and then Susie said,
"Do you like the sign? I gotta admit though, after what you've been telling me… I almost didn't cross out that Barlow part out."
"Oh give over." I said although I knew she was not going to shut up about Peter and in fact, for the whole car journey back to her place, all Susie did is talk about him.
As I looked out the window and saw pure sunshine, I just nodded away and answered Susie as best I could.
I seriously love L.A and the closer we got to Susie's place the more I couldn't wait to get out there and just do nothing.
Just sit on the beach, bench where ever and not actually worry about anything.
"Carla!" Susie said cried, obviously after I had spent way too much time lost in the gorgeousness of California. "Ave you been listening to me at all?"
"Corse I ave..." I lied.
"Oh yeah... we'll what did I just ask then?" Susie said, looking very unconvinced.
"Okay... I ave no idea..." I admit, I look at Susie who flashes me a dirty grin and says,
"I ask... about Peter... ave you n him... y'know... done the nasty?"
"No way..." I cried as if it was the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard.
"Really?" Susie asked, "So how come all you're smiling so much? I'm serious, when I spoke to you a few weeks back you sounded totally lost and now... well now you haven't stopped smiling since you got off that plane."
"Because..." I say shaking my head.
"Because of Peter..." Susie grins.
"No... because I'm ere... n I'm happy to see you." I insist.
"And... because of Peter... I'm right aren't I?" Susie says, looking at me.
"Oh just shut up and keep your eyes on the road Susie." I laugh.
So... here's the thing about Susie and Peter… they got along like a house on fire.
They loved each other.
She adored him from the moment she met him that first time I took him to L.A.
She saw how happy he made me, she saw how perfect we were together.
She used to say that me and him were cut from the same cloth and that we were destined to be.
She said that me and Peter were in the stars and she was almost as heartbroken as I was when she found out that Peter cheated on me.
She said that she cried when I told her, that she couldn't believe it and that this was something that she would never ever get over.
Our Susie can be a tad dramatic sometimes.
Anyways, she spent the whole time driving to her place, saying she wished that I brought Peter with me so that she could give him a piece of her mind for being such a cheating scumbag and then so she could give him a gigantic hug… for being the one who saved me.
At first I scoffed at her but deep down I know that without Peter... I probably wouldn't be where I am right now…
And where I am... is paradise if I'm honest.
It took me a day to get past the horrible jet lag you get when you go to L.A but now I'm all caught up with the American time zone, I am loving it here... (If you don't include the fact that I am Peter-less of course.)
Susie couldn't take time off work last minute, so I don't see her during the day but it's all good because obviously I go shopping or for a walk down the beach which is literally ten minutes from hers.
The beach is heaven.
It's the perfect place for me to do some thinking and "soul searching" if you will, and I am genuinely feeling like my life is in such a positive place right now.
Whilst here, I have come to terms with the fact that Tracy is still walking around town pretty much unscathed by the fire.
I mean people wise, she's not doing too well, everyone pretty much hates her but then again she hasn't exactly been famous for having loads of mates in the past, so I'm sure she's used to it.
I know that when I go back I'll have to work my arse off to get the factory back up to scratch because whilst Sally and Alya pretty much ran the place, there are a few things that can only be sorted out by me… especially when it comes to the financial side of things but I am willing to make it my mission and I know that in a few weeks time everything will be back to normal… well I hope so.
If not… maybe I'll get some help in… there's a couple of almost family members that I can maybe call to help out… but I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.
I'm hoping to start hanging out a bit more with Michelle again as well. Now I'm feeling more positive about myself. I've missed our nights in and out and I really don't give her enough credit for sticking by me for so long.
When I sit on that beach and I look out at the waves... I always try to think about the fact that I have so much to be grateful for.
A few weeks back I was feeling so damn sorry for myself. I was thinking that my life was just a huge mess and I was in a place of real darkness but now I've realised that it's not all that bad.
There are far… far more people who have it a hell of a lot worse than me and that is something I must remember.
I don't always go out of course, some days I just stay at Susie's and relax by her pool.
Yes, she has a swimming pool in her back yard.
I'm sat there right now, on one of the sun lounger things whilst I'm waiting on Susie to come home from work, I am topping up my tan whilst listening to some of my favourite music.
It's about half past seven in the evening and I'm in the middle of painting my nails when my phone rings, I look over it because the only person out here who has my number is Susie and as she's driving, it most likely means the person calling me is back home.
It's Peter.
God, he's called me back.
I reach over and don't care that I've just smudged my nail polish as I scramble to answer the phone.
"Hello…" I say into it, excitedly because I can't wait to hear his voice.
I haven't spoken to him properly since at the airport. We both said that we'd text each other and stuff but that we wouldn't call as it was way too expensive and it might be good for us to maybe not speak directly to each other…
I'd love someone to tell me where we got these stupid ideas from because I've been craving the sound of his delicious voice for days now.
We've sent each other a few pictures, I took one of me on the beach and sent it to him with the caption, "Wish you were ere." And then he sent me a miserable one of him outside his building in Portsmouth.
He was pulling this ridiculous face, one where he was almost pouting with jealously at the fact that I was on a beach whilst he was back home.
He looked so cute that I kept going back and having sneaky looks at the picture whenever Susie wasn't around but then she caught me looking at it and teased me about it for the rest of the night.
Anyways, this morning I caved and I called him at breakfast earlier but he didn't answer and I guessed that he was busy, so I just left him a message.
"Hiya Peter… I was just calling but you didn't answer so I decided to leave this message… I errr guess your working or something like that but I just wanted to say that… Well… I know we said we wouldn't call each other n do stuff like this but... I just couldn't help me self… you don't ave to call me back or anything… I just wanted you to know that I… I really miss ya… I guess I just wanted to hear your voice but seeing as you haven't answered… well at least you can hear mine… all right then. Bye."
I was quite put out with the fact that I got his message tone to be honest.
It reminded of me when I had first called him all those weeks ago and poured my heart out and I didn't want to be reminded of how I felt back then.
I'm such a different person now.
Susie was sat opposite me eating a grapefruit when I left Peter his message and when I hung up the phone, she shook her head at me and just raised her eyebrow.
She didn't say anything but I could tell what she was thinking… that I'm totally love-struck.
I guess I am...
I guess he really has wormed his way back into my heart but then again, if I'm being honest with myself, he never really left it.
"Hey… I got your message." Peter says and his voice is like heavenly music to my ears.
"Good…" I begin although I'm embarrassed to think he has heard my not so casual message and then I realise something, "Oh my god Peter… what are you doing up? It must be like two in the morning."
"Half two actually…" Peter says and I know it sounds crazy but I can tell that he is sat there grinning to himself as he speaks.
"So… how come you're awake?" I ask, putting the nail polish down and making myself comfortable in the L.A heat.
"Can't sleep… I kept replaying your message and thought screw this… I'm gonna call her." Peter says, he sounds tried now that I think about it, but I am so glad that he has phoned me that I don't even care how he sounds. "So… what time is it out there?"
"Half Seven." I say, taking a sip of wine and loving life right now… I mean if I can't have him here the least I can do is speak to him for a little while.
"N what are you up to?"
"Oh I'm just sat by the pool… sunbathing and chilling." I grin because I can practically see Peter's face as I speak.
"Oh brag much?" He moans, "You know it rained all day ere... all day. I mean I'm not expecting blistering heat but some sunshine would do. It is July after all."
"Rain? What is rain?" I joke and I hear Peter sigh on the other side of the phone.
"Seriously Carla… stop it… I'm so close to forgetting all about Portsmouth and joining ya." Peter says… he's joking… I think.
Oh… it would be so amazing if he was ere but I can't…
Nope, I'm not going to, I bite my tongue as Peter then says,
"How's Susie doing?"
"Good… really good actually. Business is booming. She won't stop talking about you actually." I say and sure enough, I see that she's home. She waves at me from the kitchen and I wave back as a curious sounding Peter says,
"Oh yeah… what's she been saying?"
I don't tell him about the fact that she is still livid about Tina.
Even though the reason she is so angry with him is because she genuinely loves him so much and the thought of him not being in my life was really hard for her to get used to. She used to always sigh about it down the phone to me and I used to think… You should try being me love.
She's stopped all that now though, whilst she's still very annoyed about it, she can see what having him around over the past week and a half has meant to me and now all she keeps saying is… "When are you both going to get back together properly?"
I haven't actually given her a proper answer to that question yet actually because I don't know myself.
I don't know what Peter wants from this, he may say that he wants me back but I can't be one hundred per cent sure… not on the phone at least.
"Carla…" I hear and then I remember that he's waiting for me to speak.
"Sorry…" I giggle as Susie comes bounding outside with a glass of wine in hand. She sits down on the lounger next to and takes a sip of her wine as I say, "She's just glad we're on good terms that's all." Susie looks at me sideways and then mouths,
"Peter." at me which means I'm guessing that I've got some goofy look on my face and that it's totally obvious that I'm talking to him. I nod at her, which makes her nudge me in the side. I giggle as she spills wine everywhere.
"Watch it!" I cry.
"Watch what?" Peter says, sounding confused, bless him.
"Oh sorry… I was talking to Susie… she's just got in from work n spilt wine everywhere." I say as she gets up and runs to her kitchen.
"Oh is she back?" Peter says and now he sounds disappointed. "I guess I better let you go then…"
"No!" I practically shout because I so don't want him to hang up yet.
"No." Peter repeats.
"Yeah… unless you want to go that is…" I say as Susie comes back with some kitchen roll and starts mopping up her mess.
"No it's just you said that you n Susie were going to go out that's all."
"Oh… well we're not in a rush, some of her mates are coming so we're waiting for em… they tend to turn up an hour after they say they will but they are a right laugh." I say, "Besides… I'm not done with you yet." I can't help but grin even though I know that Peter can't see me.
Susie can and she rolls her eyes at me again as she finishes cleaning up the wine. As she gets up she leans in and says,
"Hey Peter…"
"Hey Sus…" Peter replies, as I put my phone on loud speaker because I know she'll want to talk to him.
"How you doing down in… Plymouth?" Susie asks, which makes Peter and me laugh.
"It's Portsmouth." I say shaking my head at her because she is useless when it comes to places in England other than London.
"Isn't that the same place?" She asks confused.
"No…" I laugh again.
"Oh… right… well wherever it is, I hope you're doing well honey." Susie says.
"Honey?" I scoff. "Since when?"
"Ohhh I think someone's getting jealous…" Susie smirks, speaking into my phone again.
"Uh as if." I say, as Peter is the one to laugh this time.
"Oh you so are…" Susie grins, "She misses you like crazy Peter…. She's always talking about you."
"I am not…" I shout giving Susie a nudge. She cackles away as she disappears back into her kitchen as I hear Peter chuckle and say,
"Well it sounds like you're having fun."
"I am… I really am… n how are you doing?" I ask because being in Portsmouth again must feel a little weird for him.
"Yeah… I'm okay." He replies not sounding convincing at all, I turn the speaker phone off now.
"Only okay?" I ask as Susie comes back and sits down next to me.
"Yeah… it's a little depressing … I mean I've realised that I really don't belong down ere to be honest… All I keep thinking is… I can't wait to get back up north." Peter says.
"So… are you going to come back to Manchester then?" I ask, sitting up a little and listening closely. "For good?"
"Yes." Peter says. "I'm coming home… for good."
That's all I need to hear.
"Oh…okay." I reply. I try not to sound too excited although my face must be a picture right now.
"Only okay eh?" Peter says and once again I can tell he must be smirking like mad.
"Well… I guess it depends doesn't it… is there anyone in particular that you're coming home for?" I ask coyly, Susie shakes her head at me with a grin as her own phone starts to ring.
"Well… Simon, me Dad and Amy…" Peter begins.
"Anyone else?" I ask, finishing off my glass of wine and even though I know he's doing it for me I need to hear it.
"Oh… and Norris… can't forget him." Peter says, and I can tell by his tone that he's sat thinking that he's a right joker.
"Is that it?" I ask.
"Well there is someone else… but I don't want to scare her… I mean after all… me n her aren't officially anything… and she might think me coming back to Manchester for her is a little too much." Peter says.
"Well maybe not… maybe she's secretly hoping that other than Simon... she is the reason that you want to come home so bad."
"Hmmm maybe… I guess me n her should probably discuss it... what do you think? Although maybe face to face." Peter says and then I hear him yawn.
"And not when you're totally exhausted I expect." I say as Susie hangs up her phone and says,
"Carla we're being picked up in five..." I nod at her and I'm guessing Peter heard what she said because he then says,
"Tell you what… I'm gonna try to get some sleep and let you go out n party but I'll definitely speak to you more about this beautiful girl tomorrow."
"Beautiful? You never said she's beautiful." I smile.
"Didn't I?... well she is… ridiculously so…" Peter says back, then he foolishly adds, "You realise I'm talking about you right?"
"Yeah…" I say, blushing slightly because even after everything I always feel like this when Peter calls me beautiful.
"Good…"
"Although I'm gonna end up looking very odd if I keep sitting out in the sun like this… I mean you should see some of the tan lines I ave." I say looking down at my brown legs and slightly less brown thighs from where I've been wearing different length shorts and skirts. My shoulders are even worse because I've been wearing various different bikini tops and vests whilst out here.
"Oh... I'd love to see your tan lines…" Peter says, and his tone of voice is so excruciatingly suggestive that I shake my head and say,
"And on that note… I'm going to hang up on ya..." I hear Peter chuckle infectiously into the phone and as I laugh back he says.
"Ave a good night won't ya… oh… n I miss you too by the way."
I try not to smile as love sickly as I feel but I do and Susie sees it as she stands up.
"Bye Peter." I say and then Susie leans into my phone and shouts.
"Bye Peter!"
"Tell Susie I said bye." He laughs.
"He said bye." I say to her as she picks up her phone off the table that's in between our sun loungers.
"Bye Carla…" Peter says and I say goodbye one more time before hanging up, other wise we'll be at this all night.
"What?" I ask Susie who is watching me again.
"Are you sure you two never…. You know…" She winks.
I know exactly what she is referring to as she winks suggestively at me like that and I shake my head truthfully and adamantly.
"I told you... we aven't done anything other than kiss." I say but the thought of what will probably happen the next time Peter and me see each other and are alone makes me smirk naughtily.
"Mmmmmhmmmm so what's that face for then?" Susie exclaims as I begin to walk away from her. "Don't turn your back on me Carla…" she laughs.
"I'm going to get changed for tonight…" I grin back before going back into her house.
She runs after me and follows me upstairs as I get changed into a dress for tonight.
She continues to not believe that Peter and me haven't had sex yet and goes on about it as I get dressed but I genuinely don't mind.
Even whilst we are out and she mentions Peter and all of her friends start agreeing with her… but I still don't care.
I swear I feel like nothing else matters but me right now and even though I'm missing Peter so bloody much…
I truly am happy.