So I've been back in Weatherfield for about a week now.
I'm slowly but surely getting used to life back on the street but… my god... I cannot wait for Carla to come back.
Being here without her has been such torture.
She was supposed to be back the same day I was but she decided to stay in L.A for another week.
I won't pretend like I didn't feel like bursting into tears when I found out.
I had already packed up all my stuff and booked my cab to the station when she had phoned and told me about it all.
"I've been thinking and I'm gonna stay ere another week." She said.
Casually, like she hadn't of been thinking at all and like it was nothing.
She said she's been having so much fun with Susie that she couldn't bare to leave just yet and whilst I really don't blame her for wanting to get as much fun as sunshine as she can… I'm wondering if she's stalling coming back on purpose.
I wouldn't put it past her and again... I wouldn't blame her.
I mean yes, everyone knows that she is no longer the one who was responsible for the fire but there are lot of things that I think she is still running away from.
I just hope one of those things isn't me.
No, it can't be me.
I really get the feeling that she really depends on me at the moment, even if we are thousands of miles apart.
We've spoken pretty much everyday this week and we're definitely not ashamed of some very heavy flirting. The idea was to not speak to each other because we needed that time apart but there was always an excuse as to why we had ending up calling each other.
Hearing her voice has made my days so much brighter and all this time I've been without her has been ridiculously difficult.
Before he went off to school, Simon asked me if Carla and I are back together and I honestly had no idea what to say to him.
I mean I still have no idea how I would describe us right now... all I can say is that when we are together... things really seem as if they are perfect.
In the end I told Simon,
"We're not together but we're not not together…"
He gave me this very confused look along with a perfectly raised eyebrow and just said,
"Okay… whatever you say Dad."
I don't blame the kid for looking confused because I'm confused myself to be quite honest.
Me Dad mentioned me and Carla too this morning, He saw me sitting and staring at the clock and said,
"What time is Carla back?"
"About Seven I think." I said, it was only nine am and I was already counting down the hours.
"And what happens when she does get back?" He then asked, he followed it with, "You two really seem like you're on the right path to getting back together so...?"
I don't say anything.
I get lost in thinking about my relationship with Carla.
I guess we really do seem like a couple.
We kiss... a lot.
We've said that we love each other... a lot.
We talk about everything and anything, important stuff, stuff that we've probably never told anyone but also silly stuff, stuff that means nothing and yet it suddenly means the world because we're talking about it.
Me and Carla.
Carla and Me... but we aren't officially together.
I've mentioned it to her, that we need to talk about things but all we've discussed it that we'll talk about it face to face.
So I guess face to face is what it shall be.
Now I know exactly what I want from this situation… to be back with Carla for good and to prove to her that I really have changed but this is obviously not just about me.
In fact it's all about Carla... it always will be and it always should have been.
I came back to Manchester to help her and if us being almost together without actually being together help's Carla get back to normal and makes her happy then I guess my job is done.
Not that she's here though, it's been six and a half days since I got back and since I've had to put up with the fact that she's not here and I cannot stand it.
Her flight lands in two hours and eight minutes.
It's not going to be a moment too soon.
That's... if she comes back of course.
The day she was supposed to come back before was the day that she had decided to stay an extra week.
As I said, I had just arrived back in Manchester Piccadilly when I got her call about staying in California some more and as I said before… my heart literally sank.
I can't help the horrible feeling inside me, which is telling me that Carla isn't going to come back.
It's telling me that she really loves L.A, that she won't come back and I really really hate the idea of that.
I can't be without her.
These streets feel so odd without her, it feels like there is something huge missing only I know exactly what it is.
Tis not all bad though...
I adore being back near Simon again.
I'm staying at me Dad's of course and having Simon across the road again is pure bliss.
I don't know how I've ever lived so far away from him.
I don't know how I managed not being able to just pop outside and meet him for a drink in the cafe or a kick about in the park.
Whilst I seem to be droning on and on about Carla, I know that a huge part of me is back for Simon's sake.
He needs me more than ever right now, he's going through a lot and I have to be here for him.
He's found out a lot of stuff that he shouldn't have and I have to help him through it.
We're both getting along great at the moment and whilst he still has a LOT to sort out with Leanne I know that he'll get there with me around.
I know he'll learn to control his anger and that one-day everything will be sorted between the two.
One day maybe me, him and Carla can be a family again.
Dad seems pretty pleased to have me around, even if he doesn't admit it of course and Tracy… well Tracy should just be lucky there was no real evidence that she was in Carla's flat.
She's moping around and feeling sorry for herself as much as she can but to be honest, no one is paying her the slightest bit of attention.
She's sat in front of me right now at me Dad's table and she's staring down at a magazine looking downtrodden but once again me and me Dad aren't paying any mind to it. She deserves everything that she gets.
I keep looking at the clock and wondering if it's too early to go and get Carla.
She doesn't know that I'm coming. She said that she'll get a cab but obviously I'm going to be waiting for her at that arrivals gate.
At first I didn't think that going and picking her up would be a good idea.
I thought that she might not appreciate me being there and that it might be a little bit too much for me to be waiting for her like that but then I thought screw it.
I'm gonna be there whether she likes it or not.
I made the decision earlier on today to make it my mission to make her see that I've changed.
I want to show her that no matter what happens between us I shall always be there for her.
No matter where I am, where she is, if she calls me I will come running.
I was going to get Simon to come to the airport with me, I asked him but he adamant that he's staying at home.
He says he doesn't want to be a third wheel and that his presence will only make things awkward… those are his words not mine.
I look at the clock again and I see that it's only a minute since I last looked.
I get up and tell me Dad that I'm going for a cigarette and I hope that it will help pass the time.
It doesn't and in the end I've just decided to get en route to the airport anyway.
I'm hoping that there shall be a traffic jam on the way or something but of course the roads are clear.
Typical.
Carla's flight from L.A isn't due to land for another sixty minutes.
Why is time going so damn slowly?
I park my car and get myself a black coffee to keep me occupied during the hour wait, then again by the time she gets through security it'll probably be longer.
I had text Carla earlier. At stupid o clock, wishing her a safe flight but she didn't reply and I can't help but think it's because she hasn't gotten on the plane or something.
I swear if she doesn't come back in the next hour or so I will actually cry.
The next sixty minutes goes by so slowly that I'm not sure that it's actually moving.
Oh I cannot wait any longer and I'm almost on the edge of my seat by the time I've seen that her flight has actually landed.
When it comes up on the screen and I practically jump out of my chair. I run to the arrivals gate but there is already so many people there that I have to crane my neck to be seen.
I feel my phone go off in my pocket and I yank it out hopefully, praying that there will be a message from Carla on it.
There is…
Just landed! Flight was amazing… Will tell you more when I see ya. Mwah x
I smile down at the message and don't reply as I know that I'll see her soon. I don't want to waste a moment looking down at my phone in case Carla walks out and I miss her so I stuff my phone back into my pocket and stare back ahead at the arrival gate.
Ten minutes go by before I finally see her.
She strolls out of the gate, her light brown hair shorter then it was the last time I saw her so I know that she must have gotten it cut. It's sitting just past her shoulders, which are a shade of golden brown. Her whole body is that colour if I'm honest. She's looking extremely tanned in her white vest and black jeans, she looks healthy and really happy too.
She's smiling broadly as she wheels her suitcase and walks along side this little old lady, who also looks very glamorous and is chatting away to Carla as they walk out together.
My heart is literally pounding right now as Carla gets closer and it's all I can do not to scream out her name and make a right fool of myself.
She's now looking down at her phone as I lick my lips nervously and take a deep breath before letting out a cheeky wolf whistle to get her attention.
She looks up instantly at the sound of my whistle and then she catches my eye.
There's this breath-taking smile between both of us and then she flies towards me.
She leaves her suitcase behind, pushes her way through the people who are in front of me and her arms are around me with in seconds.
I pull her tight against me and lift her off the ground as I hear her say,
"What are ya doing ere Peter?"
She drops the t in the middle of my name in her haste and it's honestly so damn good to hear that I hold her even closer if that's possible.
"I couldn't let you come all the way back in a cab could I?" I say as I hear Carla breathe in deeply and I put her down.
She doesn't answer me, instead she kisses me before I can even think about anything else.
She feels so good, she smells so good and I can't believe I almost thought twice about coming here to meet her.
Her hand is wrapped around the back of my neck as our lips meet and it's only when we pull away from each other that I see that the old lady has wheeled Carla's suitcase along with her own and she is grinning at the pair of us.
"Is this Peter?" says the old lady who has platinum white hair and a bright green cardigan on. She doesn't look like a typical mate of Carla's but they honestly look as if they are firm friends right now.
"It sure is…" Carla nods, with an arm draped over my shoulder, as if she is marking her territory.
"You said he was handsome." She says with a nod. Carla giggles sheepishly as I hold out a hand and say,
"Nice to meet ya."
"You too… The names Jolie." She says, moving Carla's suitcase over to her. "You left this behind you were in such a rush... although I'm not surprised given how gorgeous this Peter is." Jolie says as Carla lets go of me. She laughs again as she takes her suitcase and says,
"Awww thanks Jolie you are such a star." Carla then puts an arm around this woman, who I've never met and then she kisses her on the cheek. Jolie hugs Carla back and then says,
"Right I best be off, my son is over there and he's probably wondering what I'm doing yapping away to a pair of people that's he's never met… it was very nice to meet you Peter and Carla we must meet for a coffee soon." I look at Carla wondering if she really wants to meet this random woman for a coffee but it seems like she does because she nods and says,
"Deffo!" Jolie smiles at us both and then walks on ahead of us. Carla and I walk away too so we aren't so much in the way of the arrivals gate.
"So… how was L.A in the end?" I ask, not really knowing what else to say to this gorgeous woman who is stood before me.
"Perfect…" Carla beams, "Well… almost perfect." She then adds.
"Almost eh?"
"Yeah… almost." She says with a cute smile. "I can't believe you came ere… I mean I was secretly hoping you would but…" She doesn't finish her sentence.
Instead she shakes her head and kisses me again.
I know it sounds a little mad but it's like in this kiss I can feel just how much Carla has missed me. Not that it matters because she pulls away from me and says,
"Uh… You have no idea how much I've missed ya Barlow."
This confirms that she has missed me and I have to say I love it.
"Oh yes I do…" I nod, my forehead pressed against hers. "Because I've missed you even more."
"Mmmm I don't think it's possible." Carla says, shaking her head.
"Oh yeah? So why did ya stay away for so long eh?" I ask with a grin. Carla smirks back at me and moves backwards, taking hold of her suitcase handle. "And as lovely as she is, who's this Jolie?" I ask because I reckon she probably doesn't want to talk about stuff like that right now.
"Uh Peter she was a godsend!" Carla says as we begin walking towards the exit. "I met her at the airport right, we got to chatting whilst we were waiting to check in and I were feeling pretty sorry for me self because I couldn't get a first class seat on this particular flight…"
"Oh god…" I say sarcastically, "How on earth did you put up with sitting with all the economy peasants for all those hours?" Carla nudges me in the side and shakes her head but she knows that I'm messing about.
"Well if ya let me finish you'll hear that I didn't ave to after all because get this… Jolie some how gets us both upgraded to first class instead."
"Seriously?" I ask, watching as this little old lady, who is actually shorter than Carla, is walking ahead of us holding her sons hand.
"Yeah then when we're actually on the plane she's got all the staff waiting on us hand and foot. Free champagne and free chocolates… I don't know how she does it but it's like no one can say no to her." I watch as Jolie hugs her son once again and then tip toes so that she can kiss him on the cheek lovingly.
"Ahhh she looks like she is well cute." I say as me and Carla leave the airport and head to the car park.
"She Peter, Honestly she is such a little darlin." Carla says, "Guess how old she is…"
"Erm… seventy." I guess, vaguely at that.
"Eighty eight." Carla says with a nod.
"What?" I cry out loud. Jolie looked old but not that old.
"Yep." Carla says as I point out my car to her.
"N what was she doing in L.A?" I ask because I'm wondering what an eighty eight year old lady would be doing in Los Angeles.
"Visiting friends." Carla said, almost laughing as she speaks.
"Wow…" I say with a smile, thinking about Jolie and her gang of friends.
"I know… I hope I still get to go to L.A when I'm her age." Carla says, her newly cut hair blowing in the wind. I smile at her proudly and she smiles back at me but she doesn't know why I was smiling at her.
It's because a few weeks ago she couldn't stand to talk about her future or even see a future and now... here she was talking about being in her late eighties.
"What?" She asks as we get to my car.
"Well…" I say as I unlock it. "It's just… nice to hear ya talking about the future that's all." Carla nods at me and wheels her suitcase in my direction. She doesn't say anything but I know she knows that I'm thinking.
I smile as I lift her suitcase to put it in the boot and it's then that I realise how heavy it actually is.
"Jesus Carla… what on earth ave you got in there." I cry, She laughs as she opens the door to my car and gets inside it, not actually answering my question at all.
By the time I get into my car, she has already leant over and turned on the radio and as I start the ignition she turns it on to a station that is playing that Fifty Shades Of Grey song by Ellie Goulding.
"Uh… really Carla?" I say, but she's grinning at me and I can't pretend like I'm not totally loving this moment.
She's happy which means I'm happy.
"Oh don't be like that Peter… I actually really like this song." Carla says as I reverse out of my parking spot.
At first I couldn't tell if Carla's was being serious or not because she's not your top forty music type of girl but it's not long before she's singing along to the song at the top of her lungs.
"You're the fear, I don't care, cause I've never been so high…" she sings as I begin to make our way out of the airport car park. "…You can see the world you brought to life…"
I'm trying my hardest to pretend like these song lyrics that Carla is belting out right now, mean nothing to me but it's hard to pretend like I don't feel like she is singing to me right now… although her singing voice is an acquired taste and as she tries to match Ellie Goulding's high notes, I cannot help but crack up with laughter.
"Oi… Are you laughing at my singing?" Carla says, midway through the chorus.
"No… course not." I grin, shaking my head and keeping my eyes on the road even though it's highly difficult to with Carla in the passengers seat.
So close yet so far.
It's only when I stop at a traffic light that I can look at her and each time I do it's like she gets more and more beautiful.
When the Ellie Goulding song stops and One Direction begins, Carla knows that it's time to change the radio station, she leans forward and flicks between channels until she comes to a song that she likes. It takes a while but she stops on a very old Mariah Carey song.
"You're not going to try and sing along to this are ya?" I ask worriedly.
"Cheek!" Carla cries as Vision Of Love echoes through my car. She doesn't sing though, she just sways side to side and I assume she is typing a text message on her phone as I continue to drive us back to Weatherfield.
It's a journey that is filled with some pretty dreadful singing by Carla and I. We both sing along to some ABBA, Prince and then I sing along to a song that Carla claims that she has never heard of and she says that I only know it because I'm so old. After a while Carla then plugs in her phone and says,
"Right that's enough of that…" She scrolls through her music collection and I don't have to ask who she is going to play.
It's Lana Del Rey of course.
We both dramatically sing along to various Lana songs and then Radio come on.
Radio is one of Carla's favourites and she gets ready to sing but this time she isn't messing around.
She's singing softly now, like she's really feeling the lyrics... as cringy as it sounds.
"No one even knows how hard life was... I don't even think about it now because, I've finally found you…"
I can't look at her because I'm driving but I smile and I think she's smiling too.
Lolita comes on after Radio followed by Video Games but neither of us sings along to that one… we just listen.. we just listen because that song will always be special to us. Then as I begin to drive towards home properly, Carla stops singing, She sighs instead and then says,
"Uh… don't Peter…"
"What d'ya mean?" I ask with a slight frown.
"Don't drive home." Carla says and as I stop at a light, I turn to look at her. She's staring at me intently. "I'm aving so much fun… Let's not go back yet."
"Really? Cause I don't reckon me ears could take much more…" I joke but Carla doesn't smile at me. She looks down at her hands and then back up at me in a way that I cannot resist.
"I'm serious… I could stay in this car with ya forever Peter… don't drive us back there… Not yet."
"Well… Where should I go?" I ask with a shrug.
"I dunno… somewhere…" Carla says, "Anywhere." She then pauses for a moment as I dither and then she lets out a sweet little giggle.
"Okay…" I say struggling to think of somewhere to drive that'll be open at this time.
It's about eight thirty pm and as I feel my stomach rumble, I end up driving to a drive thru McDonalds.
"Trust you Peter..." Carla laughs.
"You hungry?" I ask with a grin.
"Not really…" She says, "I mean it's about lunchtime for me but nah… I ate on the plane."
"Really?" I say because the idea of plane food sounds like hell to me.
"Yeah… not the plane food mind but I ate enough chocolates and crisps to make up for it."
"So I see you've still got those terrible eating habits then." I say as I queue up behind the cars in the drive thru.
"Says the man who has driven to McDonald's." Carla grins with an eyebrow raised. I drive up to the window and turn to her, before ordering.
"You sure you don't want anything?" I ask, she shakes her head at me but I roll my eyes and say,
"Can I get a double cheeseburger, a large chips, a coke and a banana milk shake please?"
The milkshake isn't for me, it's for Carla and she knows it. She smiles as I pay for the food and as I hand her the milkshake.
"Thanks…"
"You're welcome." I say as I park in the car park. I park there so I can eat my food and Carla snakes a hand into my bag of chips so predictably that I just shake my head.
"Thought you weren't hungry." I say, She grins as she puts a chip into her mouth and chews it before saying,
"Yeah well… you got a large chips… I know you got em to share em with me." I chuckle as I pick up my drink and as she puts the music back on.
We listen to it together and chat about the most random things before Carla says,
"Before we head back… I've got somewhere I wanna go… can we go?"
"Sure… where?" I ask.
Carla gives me directions and we end up driving to the Quarry, which is just outside of town. I park the car and when Carla gets out I wonder why on earth she has made us come here.
"Carla…" I say as I get out the car too. She's still got hold of her milkshake as she stands in front of my car. The sun is setting and the view looks pretty damn amazing so it's rather a nice place to be but I can tell by the way that Carla is staring ahead of herself that there is something behind this. "So… what are we doing ere?" I ask.
"Well… I'm glad to be back I really am I just… wanted a moment that's all… a moment with just us two." Carla says. "Just before we had back to the madness of Coronation Street."
"Sounds fair." I say watching Carla closely. "So... why ere?" I ask. She sighs nostalgically and then begins to speak.
"I used to come ere all the time…. back in the day with Chelle, Paul and Liam… Rob when he was old enough." Carla says reminiscently. She sucks milkshake through her straw and then looks at me. "It was our place y'know…. If one of us were in trouble and we hadn't come home from school then the other would know that we were ere…" Carla leans against my car bonnet and then sighs, in a way there tells me there is more. I sit next to her and wait for here to continue. "I hadn't been ere in years, hadn't wanted to because of all the memories…. But I… nearly came ere a few weeks ago."
"Yeah?" I ask, swallowing and looking at the edge of the cliff, which is suddenly looking so dangerous to me that I shiver.
I know why she wanted to come here... I just can't say it.
"Yeah…" Carla says quietly, "There were this one night where I couldn't think of nothing else… I nearly came ere… I nearly did and I nearly… well I thought about how it would feel to sit on the edge of that cliff… I thought about how it would feel to just let go… to just… drop off and never look back... I didn't though... Peter I am so glad I didn't... I'm glad i held on." A tear runs down Carla's cheek and I don't know what to say here, I just move up and I put my arm around her. "It's fine Peter…" she begins, but I'm too overwhelmed to speak. I actually have tears in my eyes.
"No… it's not fine." I eventually croak.
"Yes… it is." Carla says with a nod. "It's fine because I'm… fine. I'm okay now… I'm not aving those thoughts… I'm not in that dark place… not any more and that's because of you, so believe me when I tell you that things… they really are fine." She smiles and me and moves in and hugs me as I try to fight the tears that are in my eyes.
We hold each other close for the longest and most quiet time.
One where, the sun sets behind us and we just appreciate this peaceful time together.
"Come on…" Carla says, with a sigh as she pulls away from me. She kisses me softly on the cheek and says, "I'm knackerd... Let's go home." I smile at her and nod as she gets off the bonnet of my car. She opens the passenger door and with a grin she says,
"Right... what we listening to? Any requests?"