A/N: Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy, but here's a new chapter, so review it maybe?
For this chapter we will be covering the Dionysus PJOmetronic. Now, the first thing that you should know is that we're really wondering why on earth you would even bother to buy something like this, but you know, your choice.
Your Dionysus PJOmetronic will include the following:
1. One Dionysus, God of Wine
2. One Olympian Throne
3. One thyrsus
4. All the joy in the universe
5. One Miniature Pac-Man Machine
Note: Item number four, 'all the joy in the universe' is not actually included. Apparently we can get away with listing it anyway for marketing purposes though some sort of legal loophole.
Now, the first thing that your Dionysus PJOmetronic will try to do when it comes out is try to learn your name. As a matter of fact, it will spend around two hours getting your name right. He'll first ask how it's spelled, for you to say it again, what the origins of it are, what it means, why you were named so, etc. It sounds flattering initially but gets annoying in the end. Just bear with it.
Surprisingly though, another thing to note is despite all that time he will not remember your name. At all. He'll mispronounce/misspell it every single time.
So anyway, he'll want the usual things after this, you know, to have his throne placed on whatever you call Mt. Olympus. If you've ever had to babysit for a really spoiled kid who makes a lot of noise and such, raising a Dionysus PJOmetronic is sort of like that, except he has super powers and such.
The first thing that he'll set out to do is go ahead and become counselor for Camp Half Blood (even though he doesn't have to. Our researchers say that he does so because he wants something to complain about, so he won't be happy unless he can complain about it). He'll start going around annoying the PJOmetronics at whatever sort of camp you have, and you should probably be thankful for it because if he didn't he'd be annoying you. He really won't like waking up before ten and so will want that you find him a place to sleep that faces the west.
Anyway, if you don't have a Chiron PJOmetronic and order the Dionysus PJOmetronic, you're going to have a bad time. The thing is that only two things that your Dionysus PJOmetronic will like doing is playing Pinochle and Pac-Man (It's actually three if you count being a total jerk as something enjoyable, but you probably don't want that).
Aside from that, what we need to discuss is the Pac-Man machine. Make sure that you don't lose it, because that is a special model which can't be destroyed. (Your Dionysus PJOmetronic can be a sore loser.) Trust us, if you lose that thing you'll be forced to let him play on a computer or something, which he'll probably go and wreck eventually.
Another thing to remember is that yes, he can drive you insane (though not as quickly as the Hera PJOmetronic of course) so watch out for that. In all truth, you should probably also have a Zeus PJOmetronic in order to keep your Dionysus PJOmetronic in line and prevent him from going around permanently harming people. Also, he can make wine and stuff, but there's no way he's handing any over to you if you're underage. Free coke for everyone is allowed, however.
Just like the Demeter PJOmetronic, your Dionysus PJOmetronic will also be good with plants and make them grow whenever he's around them. He really won't like growing anything, but you can use it to your advantage to grow stuff. We really don't mind.
If you do happen to have any satyr or faun PJOmetronics, they'll probably go around serving him. They might even form their own little glade and all.
Of course, all of this doesn't mean that you and your Dionysus PJOmetronic can't get along. You'll know when you two have really hit it off when he finally remembers how to speak your name properly and you can call him Wine Dude without him threatening to turn you into a plant. You can buddy up to him by learning how to play Pinochle or taking him to see dolphins, If for some reason you've wanted to know what it feels like to be a dolphin, he'll even turn you into one for a while. (Just make sure he remembers to turn you back. If you're not really sure that he'll do so, better get your Poseidon PJOmetronic to be on the ready to turn you into a human again.)
There is one deep, dark secret regarding the Dionysus PJOmetronic though. If, after midnight, you go into your bathroom and shout into the mirror 'Bloody Mary!' three times... then, then,... your Dionysus PJOmetronic will burst in and tell you to keep it down because he's trying to get some beauty sleep. And you do not want to see Dionysus without his beauty sleep. That, customers, is really scary.
Troubleshooting:
He turned one of my other PJOmetronics into a plant: Don't worry, once he's left shout: "Oggly-boogly boo! From a plant, turn into a human you!" (Yeah, trust us, even we don't know what whoever developed that was thinking at that time). Your PJOmetronic will turn back into a human and your Dionysus will forget why he did it in the first place. On the other hand, if you've been turned into a plant, well, let's hope you taught that incantation to one of your other more trustworthy PJOmetronics.
Zeus Fight: While a Zeus PJOmetronic will help keep Dionysus in line, they might start fighting and Zeus might decide to punish Dionysus. In such a case, we've developed another spell for you to use to get them to forget all about it. It goes like this: "Zelpha code five-three-two-nine-three-three-four-seven." Yeah, we don't know where that came from either.
A/N: So that's Mr. D done. By the way, never ask him if he's called Mr. D simply because no one wanted to waste time speaking his full name. And oh yeah, you should probably vote on the poll I set up on my front page on your favorite PJOmetronics. And someone-took-my-name, how can I say your name if someone took it? (Geddit?) Anyway, that's it for now. And NSDCars5, thanks for noticing that error I made, it's supposed to be turn back into a human, not plant.