A/N: Once again, my apologies. I fell out of my storytelling groove and it's been difficult getting it back. Honestly, life got a little chaotic and it still is but I'm committed to finishing this story well. I know where I want this to end up and I think I finally figured out how to get there in not too many steps. So bear with me. And thanks for sticking around.

68

Penny had an appointment with her therapist Melanie the next day.

"Penny, how have you been?"

"I'm not even sure where to start."

"Well, how about we pick things up where we left off. You were going to tell Leonard that you thought that you shouldn't be living together, that you two needed time to figure out whether you wanted the same things."

"Yeah, that didn't go so well."

"What happened?"

"Leonard quit his job at the university that afternoon and decided we were both going to move to New Jersey. He was going to temporarily be a high school science teacher and I was going to go back to waiting tables at a local Cheesecake Factory and also keep house for his mother."

"And how did you feel about that?"

"I broke our engagement. Does that sum things up?"

"Actually, that's what you did. How did you feel?"

"I felt like Leonard was making decisions about my life without asking me. I really resented it. I thought he was being really disrespectful of my feelings and my desires."

"And how did Leonard react to that?"

"Not well. Not well at all. I think he couldn't accept that I was making a decision about my life that didn't place him front and center. Me and my friends have spent the last week dealing with him acting out about it."

"How so?"

"He tried to force me out of my apartment so I'd have no choice but to go with him. He implied that I was cheating on him with Nora. He tried to physically force me to go. He had my friend Missy, Sheldon's sister, arrested after she stopped him. He said he wasn't going to give up until I went with him."

"How did that make you feel?"

"Scared. Nervous. Afraid for my friends."

"Penny, you do understand that you don't have to wait for our appointments to speak to me if you're having problems, don't you? I'm available to you if any time you feel you need to speak to me."

"I get that. Thank you. I probably should have called. It's just things moved kind of quickly and between Leonard and work with Sheldon and getting set up at my other job and not really living anywhere…"

"It was a little crazy. I understand. You lost your center. I hope that in the future you remember that I can be helpful with that kind of thing. When stuff like that is going on…that's when you really need to speak to someone, to me."

"I guess I'm kind of lucky then because my closest friends rallied around and supported me. Sheldon and Missy were great. Alex and Nora gave me a place to stay with no conditions."

"What ended up happening?"

"We all got together with a few others and moved Leonard out of my apartment and ultimately out of Pasadena. He's in Jersey now with his mother who has him getting full-time psychiatric treatment. He really has lost it."

"How does that make you feel?"

"Well, we figured out that Leonard was making me responsible for his happiness and that wasn't right."

"Penny, please try to move away from describing the events and conversations. You are really the only one who knows how you feel about what Leonard was doing."

"I guess I feel like I was in a relationship where I didn't really have a say."

"And why was that?"

"I wanted Leonard to be happy and I figured that would make me happy."

"Did it?"

"Did it what?"

"Did Leonard being happy make you happy?"

"Not really. And his happiness was a moving target."

"Tell me about that."

"First he was happy to spend time with me. Then he was happy to have sex with me. He once told me that after we broke up the first time that he would say or do anything to have sex with me. Even after we started going out again he would trick me into having sex with him."

"How did you feel about that?"

"I didn't feel much of anything. To be honest, even though he did lots of research the sex was hit or miss, mostly miss."

"But he was happy."

"He said he was. He kept saying he loved me."

"But how did you feel?"

"I started to think that maybe there was more to a relationship than good sex and that eventually I'd figure out what that felt like if I stuck with Leonard."

"Okay, well there is definitely more to a relationship than good sex. But Penny, physical companionship is important too. You are a physical person. You shouldn't deny that part of your satisfaction."

"But that isn't all there is, is it?"

"Of course not. A good relationship has intellectual, emotional and physical elements that all contribute. It sounds to me like you weren't getting any of those things from Leonard and he was only looking for one of those things from you."

"But I figured that over time the other stuff would happen."

"How long were you with Leonard?"

"On and off around four years plus a couple of years as friends in there."

"And it was still mostly unsatisfying sex along with emotional neediness and a helping of emotional manipulation."

"Yeah."

"Penny, now that the relationship is over, how do you feel about it."

"I feel kinda stupid."

"You aren't stupid. We've only spoken a few times but one thing I would never call you is stupid. Maybe a little naïve."

"I don't understand."

"You thought that because you found someone who said he was head over heels in love with you, who was different from every guy you'd ever gone out with, who met with the approval of your family and your peer group, that you needed to commit to him. You thought that eventually it would feel right and that you'd be satisfied."

"Sounds right."

"You deserved better and you couldn't see a way of getting there so you settled. You're not the first woman to do that. You won't be the last."

"So what now?"

"This is a process, Penny. Hopefully I can help you figure out what you need and what you want and you'll be able to take it from there."

"Sheldon and I kind of figured out the same thing."

"We haven't really talked much about Sheldon."

"I know. It's a little weird. I really care for him and I know it's mutual. He's probably my closest friend in the world. But he's been through some changes too. He was also involved with someone who was pushing him somewhere he wasn't sure he wanted to go. He's still kind of recovering from that. And he just told me some stuff that I'm a little bothered by."

"I'm not a mind reader, Penny."

"Sheldon had a little to do with Leonard's problems at work and Amy's too."

"Did he create those problems?"

"No. No he didn't. But he kind of exposed them."

"Did he do anything that made them worse?"

"No. Leonard and Amy did that themselves."

"Did Sheldon believe he had a good reason to expose those things?"

"Sheldon thought he was giving Leonard and Amy a chance to address some things they'd done in the past which weren't so good."

"I know you're probably getting tired of me asking…"

"How do I feel about that? To be honest, I'm not sure. Leonard did something hat he never took responsibility for and Sheldon gave him the chance to do that. He didn't. He actually tried to shift the blame to Sheldon and a couple of other friends. Amy was involved with a really bad person."

"What do you mean by involved?"

"He was funding her research and she was technically engaged to him."

"I'm not sure what 'technically engaged' means."

"Yeah, me neither. But she referred to him as her fiancé."

"Then she was engaged to him."

"I guess. But when the FBI, who Sheldon told about them, told Amy what kind of bad things this guy did she refused to hear it."

"Okay. I can see how you might be concerned about what Sheldon did. He played around with these people's lives. And that's a bit morally murky. But I think he was hoping something good would come out of it."

"But it didn't."

"Is that really Sheldon's fault?"

"No."

"I sense that you might want more from Sheldon. You should be very careful. You are both very vulnerable right now. You shouldn't mistake mutual need for something else."

"We kinda talked about that. We both think that we're not ready for another relationship right now. We need time."

"That was a good decision to make. I'm proud of you."

"I'm a little worried though."

"Why?"

"Well, to be honest, I like sex. I'm used to being sexually active. And, well, even if we decided to start seeing each other it would probably be a long time until we were physically intimate. He has some issues. I think he'd get there but…"

"You don't know if you can wait."

"I can wait for the relationship. I think it'll be worth it. I'm just not sure I can wait for the sex. And I work for him and live across the hall and I don't know how he'll react, how he'll feel if I just take care of my needs. Nothing more than that."

"Are you sure he'll find out?"

"He'll know. It's not like he's stalking me it's just that he's really aware of me and what I do. Partly because of proximity. Partly because he cares. I don't want to hurt him."

"Maybe you and Sheldon need to have a talk."

"I guess we do"

A/N 2: I'm sorry that I haven't been very good about responding to your comments and reviews lately. My very dicey Internet connection makes it very difficult. Please know that I appreciate your reviews, favorites and follows very much.