This chapter contains very brief mentions of suicide. Nothing major, but I thought I should point it out.
Thursday rolled around faster than it should have. Chad stared at himself in the mirror in his dressing room. The suit he was wearing was unlike any suit he had worn on Mackenzie Falls. There was no bright blue or purple dress shirt under it. His dress shirt was grey, just like his eyes seemed to be. Maybe his eyes used to be so blue because of all the blue shirts he used to wear. Or maybe because he was happy. Who knows. He adjusted his jacket for the millionth time when Sonny walked into his dressing room. She stepped into the view of his mirror so he could see her. She looked beautiful. She was wearing a simple black dress, long and flowy. Her hair was tied back and her make-up was simple, yet stunning. Chad turned around to face her.
"You look pretty."
Sonny blushed a bit. "Thanks. You look...great." She breathed. She just wished the reason he looked great wasn't because of a funeral for his parents.
"Thanks." He mumbled back to her. He really didn't want to do this. He figured tears would come, but maybe he was all cried out. He clenched his jaw and looked at himself one more time in the full-body length mirror. Who was he? That sounded so cliche to say. but really, it was like he couldn't recognize himself anymore. He used to be so goofy; so full of life. He used to talk so highly of himself, and he and Sonny used to laugh all the time, and he used to feel whole. And now he was an orphan? Everything felt wrong.
He felt a hand on his. Sonny's. And he glanced at their intertwined hands in the mirror. He doubted Sonny liked him the way he liked her. There was no way. He had a billion things wrong with him and she was perfect. She gave him a small smile in the reflection, and he couldn't give her one back.
"Are you ready to leave?" Sonny asked quietly.
No. No way in hell was he ready. But what could he do? Nothing. He had to suck it up, go to the funeral where he would "see" his parents for the last time and try not to bawl his eyes out right then and there.
He gripped his tie and turned around to face Sonny. "As ready as I'll ever be." He mumbled.
She held his hand as they left his dressing room and walked out of the studios. Sonny was driving, as Chad would probably be tempted to crash the car if he had driven. And that was the sick part; he couldn't get these horrible scenarios out of his head. He had never contemplated death at all before this week. But now it was like - what was the point?
Everything was falling apart.
He sighed as they drove, watching the trees and the sky. The funeral was taking place around five pm. They were early. It was 4:37 currently. Maybe he could sneak somewhere and cry for ten minutes straight. How pathetic. He scoffed at himself. Why was the sky so bright? What was bright about this day? He scoffed again, and his eyes started to sting.
"Chad? You okay?" He heard Sonny ask quietly.
He didn't answer. There was nothing to be okay about.
She pulled up to the area where the funeral was taking place five minutes later. "We're here." She stated the obvious.
"Sonny, I can't. i can't get out of the car. You know there's about twenty people out there who never even took the time to get to know my parents? They knew nothing! Why are they here?" He asked bitterly.
"Chad, they just want to support you. They know this is extremely hard on you. They just want to be there for you." She explained.
"I don't need anyone to be there for me!" Chad snapped his head over to look at Sonny, whose eyes looked extremely apologetic.
"I can't do it, okay?" His voice sounded frightened and small.
Sonny surrounded one of Chad's hands with both of hers. He was no longer staring at her. Suddenly, he was staring at his feet, as if they were the most interesting thing in the car.
"Chad. You can do it. You're Chad Dylan Cooper, for crying out loud! I know you can do it. And I'll be here the whole time, you know that, right?"
No response.
"Chad, look at me."
He obeyed. His eyes were misty; tears ready to fall at any second.
"You can do it." She gave his hand a supportive squeeze and he nodded.
"Thank you, Sonny. For everything."
He took a deep breath and opened his car door. The air was kind of cold. Maybe it wasn't. Maybe everything was just kind of cold to him. he ignored it, anyway, and walked to the grave site. Sonny was by his side the whole walk over.
There was tons of people. Some Chad had never seen before. He saw that some people were already crying. There were jumbles of groups and Chad didn't want to join any of them. Look at him, the sad little orphan with no one to talk to.
"You really do look great." Sonny admired after a moment.
"Really?" Chad asked. He didn't feel so great. For the first time in his life, he didn't feel like gloating about his appearance.
Sonny smiled. "Of course."
Chad shoved his hands in his pockets; feeling shy all of a sudden.
"Well, you look gorgeous." A corner of his mouth turned up in a tiny grin.
Five o'clock rushed by and the whole funeral was a big blur. He paid attention, but maybe there were tears in his eyes the whole time, so he couldn't see. He surprisingly did not shed a tear.
Somebody held his hand the whole time. Sonny, probably.
A lot of people gripped him into unwanted hugs and he just felt so angry the whole time.
These people explained how sorry they were, but would probably never speak to Chad ever again. Chad's family was never that close.
And he can't even explain how his heart felt when they lowered the casket into the ground, and buried over it with unworthy dirt.