Zevran raised his hand to ring the bell, but then he hesitated for a heartbeat. Everything still looked the same; nothing had changed since that day, six months ago, when he'd left, throwing his keys at Taliesin's feet. The same faded linoleum covered the floors of the dingy staircase. Every scratch on the doorframe was familiar, every dent in the floor, and every smudge on the walls. Not so long ago, this had been home.

With a sigh, he pressed the button. Inside the apartment, he heard a door open at the far end of the hall – the kitchen, his memory supplied – and then quick, decisive steps approaching the door. It's him.

"Zevran!" Yes, it was Taliesin. And he hadn't changed either.

The expression on his face vacillated between joy and surprise, with maybe a hint of anger? It was hard to tell. They had all learned to hide their feelings growing up. But Zevran knew him, knew every flicker of his eyes and every twitch of his expressive mouth. And just like that, the longing was back, and he wanted to kiss that mouth, wanted to devour it, even now, even after all-

"You're back." Taliesin was smiling now, but it was a wary smile, and it didn't reach his eyes. "What are you waiting for? Come in."

Zevran complied, but he didn't return the smile. "Where is Rinna?"

A shadow crossed the other man's face. "Back in the clinic. She did it again, just before Satinalia. Tried to slit her wrists." He laughed without a trace of humour. "Did a damn good job, too. She very nearly didn't make it this time."

Zevran inhaled sharply. "Do you have her address?"

Taliesin nodded. "I do, but-" Taking hold of Zevran, he pulled him into a loose embrace. "There's no rush. Stay with me for a while. We can talk, sort things out." His face was so close it would have taken only a tiny motion on Zevran's part for their lips to meet. "Or if you don't want to talk…" His hand brushed lightly down Zevran's spine. "Come on, amore. You know you want to."

Of course he did. Already his body was responding to Taliesin's proximity, to the deep, soft purr of his voice, and it took all his control to take a step back. "Her address," he reminded his former lover through clenched teeth.

Taliesin turned away with a sigh. "As you wish. You know, maybe she'd get better if you came back to us. You were always the one who could talk some sense into her, when she was in one of her moods. Maybe-"

The white-hot surge of fury made him slam his fist into the wall before he even knew what he was doing. "Don't you dare! Don't you dare suggest we go back to-" Zevran broke off. He was breathing hard. "After all you've done to her."

"We," Taliesin corrected him with a wry smile, handing him a piece of paper. "We did it together. And don't forget it was your own decision. I didn't force you, did I?"

No. It would have been far kinder if you had. Zevran closed his eyes, swallowing down the bile collecting in his mouth. His hand was throbbing with pain, the knuckles scraped raw. Without another word, he turned and left the apartment.

Zevran felt like a complete failure as he made his way to the gate, through the large, neglected park that surrounded the hospital. He had picked a bad day to say goodbye to her. Rinna had been apathetic, her eyes clouded, her motions erratic. Zevran wasn't even sure she'd understood that he wasn't going to come back tomorrow. But it was no use. He had to leave if he wanted to remain sane.

For three weeks, he'd done his best to get through to her. He'd smiled and cajoled and cried and begged. When none of it had worked, he'd talked to all her doctors, he'd implored them to let him take her away. If only he could have her to himself for a while, take her to one of their old haunts, make love to her… He had to do something to make her better, he couldn't just give up on her.

But Rinna's psychiatrist, a tall grey-haired woman with steely eyes, had been adamant. "No, Signor Arainai, I can't allow it. It wouldn't be fair, neither to her nor to you. She's a danger to herself in this condition, and I can't allow you to take on this kind of responsibility. The poor dear girl needs professional help, and we will take care of her."

And maybe the doctor was right. With a shudder, Zevran recalled the look in Rinna's eyes, a week ago, when he'd asked her why. Not for the first time, but this time she had answered, her voice small and tired. "How could I stand it, Zev? How could I celebrate Satinalia, knowing I'll never buy presents for her? Knowing that there'll never be anyone to buy presents for?"

He'd been lost for an answer. What could he possibly say? That she'd never cared about the holiday for as long as he'd known her? That there was no point in mourning what could have been? That she didn't even know if it had been a girl? All of it was true, yet pointing it out would have been cruel as well as useless. Nothing he could say would make her pain go away.

Shaking himself like a wet dog, he dug his hands deeper into the pockets of his jacket. It had started to rain, and the hospital grounds looked even more dismal than before. Time to go. There was nothing he could do.

Zevran arrived at the chalet shortly after noon. It was colder up here in the mountains than he'd expected, and the brisk walk uphill from the station had done him good. The place was nice-looking, if a little rustic for his taste, with lots of wooden panelling and carvings of deer and bears being chased by yapping dogs. Very Fereldan.

In the front yard, Alistair and Sten were busy chopping wood to add to an already impressive pile. Zevran took a moment to watch. Alistair had rolled up his shirtsleeves despite the cold, and the play of muscles in his arms was a pleasant sight indeed.

When they noticed him, Alistair put down his axe carefully, then approached him with a wide, welcoming smile. "Zevran! It's good to see you." He indicated the woodpile with a tilt of his head. "We can always use some more help here."

Sten didn't stop what he was doing, but he grunted a brief greeting in Zevran's general direction.

Zevran felt an unexpected warmth bloom inside his belly. It was nice to be back with them. "Later, perhaps. Where are the ladies?"

"Morrigan's gone shopping, and Megan is inside, cleaning up after lunch." Alistair motioned toward the house. "There's some leftover pasta, I think, in case you're hungry."

Zevran smiled. Food would be nice, but if he was honest, there was another kind of hunger he needed to take care of first.

Megan was at the sink with her back to him, up to her elbows in suds. She didn't hear him coming, or maybe she thought it was one of the others. In any case, she didn't turn around, which gave him a chance to surprise her. Walking straight up to her, he embraced her tightly from behind, moulding his body against hers.

A slow smile spread across her face as she leaned back against him. "Zev. Maker, I've missed you."

"Me, too," he whispered in her ear, inhaling her scent.

She felt so good in his arms, warm and pliant, and suddenly he couldn't wait any longer. With a stifled noise, he spun her around in his arms, not caring that her hands soaked his shirt as they roamed over his chest. Because now he was kissing her, deeply and hungrily, and she was kissing him back with just as much enthusiasm. He pulled her even closer, his hands already pushing up her sweater, because he needed to feel her skin, needed to touch every inch of her, right now.

"Please." He hitched up one of her legs on his waist, grinding hard against her, moaning into her mouth. "Just… please, Megan."

Megan didn't ask questions, didn't so much as raise an eyebrow at the urgency in his voice. She did push him back a little, though, without breaking the kiss. "My room," she mouthed against his lips, pulling him with her.

Only moments later they were tumbling onto her bed together. Somehow their clothes came off, somehow he managed to put on the condom she tossed him, and then he was inside her, all the way inside her as fast as he dared, and it was so incredibly good!

Maker, he'd needed this! He'd missed it all so much: her lips gasping against his; her scent surrounding him; her warm body in his arms; the tingling rush of pleasure building inside him; the promise of a moment of sweet oblivion. He paused, now that he was where he needed to be, and closed his eyes, trying to collect himself.

"Zev?" Megan sounded worried. "Are you all right?"

A wet trickle ran down his cheeks, and he tasted salt. "Now I am."

He rolled his hips, slow and lazy, and Megan whined with pleasure. They settled into a rhythm with easy familiarity. Yes. As long as he was here with her, everything was fine, everything was under control. He knew he was good at making love, knew he could make her shudder with just a little tilt of his hips, knew how and where to touch her if his cock inside her wasn't enough.

Not that there was any need for that today. Megan seemed just as starved for it as he was. She was right there with him, moving in time with him, her whole body taut as a rope. Just a little more, just one more thrust… he felt himself unravel, but yes, she was coming along with him, pulsing around him, and it was perfect.

There was a hint of a frown on her face, though, when she huddled up to him afterwards, and he did his best to distract her. "Well, carissima? Did you sleep with Daveth while I was away?"

"Nope." To his surprise, she shook her head.

"Why not?" He'd noticed the way Daveth had looked at her, and he seemed to be her type. "You know I wouldn't mind."

"It's not that." Megan made a face. "We messed around a bit, and we almost did the deed, but it never worked out quite the way we'd planned. It's a long story. And anyway…" Rolling on her stomach, she fixed him with a determined glare. "What happened in Antiva, Zev? Why did you want to go back? And what has you so rattled?"

When he didn't reply, she nudged him gently with her head. "Come on. I didn't ask before, and I wouldn't badger you now, but you're a mess. You need to talk about it."

"Why?" He sounded sharper than he'd intended.

Megan didn't reply, just kept looking at him, waiting with uncharacteristic patience until he gave in.

"Fine. But be warned. It's not a pleasant story."

She shrugged, motioning for him to continue. With a sigh, he began to explain. He told her about Taliesin, as much as he dared, because some things he couldn't bring himself to mention. And about Rinna, though his voice choked on a sob, when he tried to describe what she'd been like, before all of this, so full of laughter and energy and mischief.

Megan listened quietly, though her eyes narrowed a little when he explained about their little ménage à trois. "We were doing fine. Of course we quarrelled, but that didn't matter. It was hot and exciting, and we had a really good time together." Zevran swallowed. "Until the test came up positive, and we had to decide what to do."

Rinna had wanted the baby. He'd seen it in her eyes as soon as the thin line had shown up, the hope, the joy, the anticipation. But Taliesin…

"You're not serious, are you?" His voice was cold with contempt. "None of us is fit to care for a child. If you insist on this madness, don't expect any help from me. I'm not ruining my life over this." Ignoring the pained look on Rinna's face, he turned away from her. "I can't speak for Zev, of course. Maybe he wants it. It's probably his anyway."

Zevran hadn't replied. Taliesin had been right, actually. Considering their usual preferences, it was probably him who'd messed up and gotten her pregnant. Not that it mattered.

For more than a week, they'd been in limbo, trying to find a way out. Taliesin had never budged, and he'd spent hours talking to Zevran behind Rinna's back, painting a horrible future for him: the two of them, stressed and exhausted, all their energies taken up with caring for the baby, without money, without support, without even a roof over their head, since Taliesin was the one who paid the rent on the apartment. In the end, Zevran had been so worn out that he'd agreed it was for the best. Together they'd banded up on Rinna until she let them take her to a discreet doctor who wouldn't ask any questions. Antivan abortion laws were draconian, and they were running out of time.

Zevran would never forget the disappointment in Rinna's large dark eyes when she'd realized he'd betrayed her, too. From that point onwards, she'd resigned herself to whatever Taliesin had suggested.

Megan still hadn't said a word, and Zevran desperately wished he could stop now, but the hardest part of the story still needed to be told. "The doctor… If he even was a real doctor… He botched it. We had to take her to the ER afterwards, and she just barely survived. They said… They said she'd never be able to have children."

Megan flinched in sympathy. "Ouch. How did she handle it?"

"Not well." Zevran picked at a loose thread on the blanket. "She's tried to kill herself four times since that day. She's in a psychiatric ward right now, getting treated for severe depression." Finally, he dared to meet Megan's eyes. "I ruined her life. She'll never be the same."

Megan was silent, and for a moment he felt icy fear grab his heart. Would she kick him out, now that she knew? It would be understandable, certainly. He would never forgive himself for his callous, selfish behaviour.

But instead of pushing him away, Megan pulled him closer, holding him tight. "Oh, Zev." She sighed, stroking his cheek softly. "What a mess."

He nodded, gripping her so hard it had to hurt. For a long while, they kept still, just holding each other. And then she shifted in his arms, offering her lips for a kiss, and he gladly obliged, drinking her in, eager for her taste, eager to forget about it all. Megan made a small, soothing noise, and she let him, allowed him to take what he needed, without judging him, without questions or criticism. It was such a blessed relief.

"Now you understand, yes?" He was babbling, breathing the words against her cheek in a frantic rush. "Now you know why I-"

"Shhhhh. It's all good, Zev." Her voice was warm. "We're friends, remember?"

Yes. They were friends. Megan understood. She was travelling light herself, for reasons of her own. She had never asked for more.

"I'm sorry, cara." He nearly choked on the words. "I wish I could give you more."

"It's enough, Zev." Pulling him down into another kiss, she shook her head. "It's more than enough."

Seems I couldn't keep the plot from creeping in after all *sigh*.

Many thanks to suilven for her betaing help.