Anywhere But Here

For no wedding to have taken place, the place was jumping. The band played their music loudly and the little kids and teenagers danced and played on the large dance floor. They were having a great time, unaware of the wild occurrence that had just happened. Miranda looked around and didn't see Meredith, Cristina, Arizona or Callie. She also noticed the absence of Derek and Owen. Stephanie, Jo and Alex were gone, too. When she told this to Ben, he shrugged. "Let's just go," he told her. And for the first time in weeks, they agreed on something. She nodded and followed him to the car. "Mind if I put the music on?" He asked for the long drive back to their house in the suburbs. She shook her head and buckled her seatbelt. Miranda thought back to what just happened and she wanted to discuss it with her best friend. Ben. She turned to look at him a little as the song filled the car: I was meant for you and you were meant for me and I'll make sure that I'll be everything you need. Miranda was sure that their marriage would be fine, but she didn't know what to say to him that wouldn't make them fight. She didn't know how to keep her composure when they were discussing about their lives and how they were going to fix their problems. Girl, the way we are is how it's gonna be just as long as your love don't change. This was really a great song, very soothing and it relaxed her body and she fell asleep for the rest of the trip.

Miranda felt the car come to a complete stop and heard the engine turn off. "Miranda, baby, we're home," Ben said touching her shoulder gently.

Miranda licked her lips and nodded. They got out of the car and went into the house. Ben grabbed the mail out of the mailbox and walked into the house, closing and locking the door behind him. Miranda was glad that Tuck was at his father's house. Tucker was taking their son to a college basketball tournament and would have him all weekend. Ben took off his jacket and put it on the chair that was pushed underneath a desk nearest the door. He sat down on the sofa and put his feet up on the ottoman and carefully looked through the stack. Miranda's mind was going a mile a minute. They needed to talk and she had to initiate the conversation. And even if they argued, they would eventually come to a conclusion. Or she definitely hoped they would.

She took a deep breath and started: "Why would you think that I'm quitting surgery?" She was standing a few feet behind the sofa. Ben couldn't see her face and she couldn't see his.

Ben's head popped up and he put down the mail. He didn't look at her. "I just meant that you spent—we spent so much time trying to get you well and now you are, but you're spending time in your lab, more time than you have in a long time."

"Could it be that I just love what I'm working on? That I'm proud of my lab work? Proud of the lives I could potentially save? Of the work I'm doing!"

"Of course, Miranda. I just voiced my concerns. That's all."

She nodded. She was going in for the spike. "So I can voice my concerns as well, right?" He nodded sarcastically. "I want to voice my concerns about why you quit your residency at UCLA, one of the Top 5 centers in the country." Ben started to speak. "They have an acceptance rate of 4%, Ben! 4%! And you were in that small, tiny percentage." She said raising her voice. Miranda slowed down. "I just don't understand. I mean, I hear what you're saying about Tuck and me and how hard it is, but it's supposed to be."

Miranda saw his shoulders rise and lower. "My life is happening, and I'm elsewhere, Miranda."

"You don't love it?"

"You and Tuck?" He asked turning a little. She still couldn't see his face.

"No, not us. Surgery." His shoulders moved again. "You left town a week after we got married to learn surgery, because you were in love with it."

"Yeah, but I'm in love with you more. I wanted to be here. I wanted to help you and be by your side." Miranda started to speak. "But you said you were disappointed in me." She took a step towards him. "And that hurt because I was only trying to do the right thing."

"You quit."

"But tell me I did it for the wrong reason. That being here with you guys isn't for the best. That holidays and weekends shit just wasn't working!" He told her picking up the stack again and looking through it angrily.

"Yeah, I know," she said getting frustrating. Granted, she did need him when she was fighting her illness, but she was better now and it was time for him to continue with his career. "You started the damn program, finish it!" She yelled. Her anger was boiling over. Why was he acting like everything was so simple? "And maybe you could stop acting like a child—" She walked closer to the sofa, trying to steady her breathing with each step.

"Oh, now I'm a child?" Miranda nodded to herself. "Oh, that's great," he said as he took his legs off of the ottoman. "I'm childish. I caused your OCD." Ben stood up and faced her for the first time since they'd gotten back from the non-wedding. "What-what else you got? Did I cause global warming? Maybe-maybe I killed JFK!" He told her throwing down the mail, some of it landing on the floor. "That would explain a lot, right?"

"You quit surgery!" She yelled. "See this was supposed to be different than my first marriage." Miranda looked him in his eyes. She wanted him to know that she meant every word that she was saying. "I thought you understood what it means to be a surgeon! Until you dropped it!" She looked at her husband, his hands were on his hips and he was glaring at her, looking angry and sexy at the same time and turning her on. And his tie was crooked. And all she wanted to do was fix it. "And now, here I am, once again… married to a man who's waiting to see me at the end of the day, waiting to see what I'm gonna do…" Miranda looked around the home where they laid their head, the home that they'd built their lives around. "…when I'm gonna come home!"

She looked at Ben and saw a fire in his eyes that she'd never seen before. He was fed up. He'd had enough. He was tired and his body language showed that. "You think I was happy to walk away from a surgical residency? You think you were what? A—a convenient excuse to dump it?" Ben walked around the sofa, gesturing wildly. He stood directly in front of Miranda and he was close enough for her to smell his cologne.

"Well, yes—" She said trying to get back into the conversation.

"No, I was a damn star!" He yelled at his wife, making her listen for the first time. "I had found what I'd been looking for for decades and I walked away from it, yes, because I wanted to be here with you!" He gestured to her with both hands, sending an invisible shock to her body. "And it was the hardest choice I ever had to make."

"You didn't want to leave surgery?" She asked him, squinting up at him.

"No! I did not want to leave surgery!" He shouted gritting his teeth. He stared at her, challenging her. Miranda was quiet, she had no response. Her heart was pounding as he spoke, admitting things that he'd never said to her before. Maybe because he'd been keeping it inside. Or maybe, and this was probably the reason, she never gave him a chance to. Ben looked sad and brushed past her and went up the stairs.

Miranda sat on the sofa. She could hear Ben moving about upstairs. She was shocked; Ben seldom yelled, hardly ever raised his voice and never to Miranda. But he'd just done it—with great style, leaving her stunned. Completely stunned. Her phone rang on the desk and she got up to get it. It was her dad. Miranda was not in the mood to talk to him right. She'd call him back later. Miranda picked up her phone and went upstairs. She went into the master bedroom and saw the light underneath the bathroom door and knew that Ben was in there. Miranda took off her dress and went to her dresser and pulled out a t-shirt and pajama bottoms. As she was getting into bed, Ben came out. She waited for him to speak. When he didn't, she did: "Hey."

"Hey," he responded. One thing Ben wasn't was rude, if she spoke to him, he'd respond.

"Going to bed?" She asked. He nodded. If he moved behind her, they would definitely make love tonight because Miranda was still turned on by his yelling. And that meant that they would be able to get past this marital division, but if he just leaned over and kissed her, telling her that he loved her, then… she didn't know what and she didn't even want to think about it. Miranda closed her eyes and heard the lights click off.

Ben climbed into bed next to her. Miranda could feel her heart beating inside of her t-shirt and she could feel him moving closer. She smiled. He kissed the side of her neck. Her body throbbed. They would be— "I love you, Miranda. Goodnight." The bed moved and Miranda found herself on her side of the bed: alone. She didn't know how he could rest so soundly when they were fighting because she was feeling wretched. Miranda almost wanted to poke him and duke it out some more, just because she knew it would annoy him. And somehow she figured that fighting with Ben was better than not fighting; at least they'd be talking to each other and not ignoring one another. Miranda yawned; it had been a long day. She kept her breaths smooth and fell asleep to one of her favorite sounds in the whole world, Ben's snoring.