Watching I keep waiting still anticipating love
Never hesitating to become the fated ones
Turning and returning to some secret place to hide
Watching in slow motion as you turn to me and say
Take my breath away...
~Take my breath away-Berlin~
It had been so many weeks. Cordana missed Khadgar. She missed his wonderful kisses, his smile and his embrace. She missed talking to him, walking with him, eating with him. She missed the times he would tease her and play around with her, and the moments when he held her hand and they just sat in silence, counting stars.
Cordana felt hollow inside, hollow and lonely. Without Khadgar she had no other companions and where once she had preferred that life, now she loathed it. He treated her as he had in the beginning, with respect and gratitude but nothing more. When he went off to Frostwall while she slept, she said nothing to him on his return.
The Warden did as she was asked, carried out her tasks with perfect efficiency as she had been trained to do, and barely spoke at all. Telling him good morning and good night was the extent of their communication for the most part.
The Kaldorei were a sensitive people. When they loved they loved with all their hearts, when they hated, they hated with a vengeance. When they grieved, they often became ill, slipping away into the Emerald Dream, lying in a trance state until their bodies faded and their spirits became a part of that mystical land.
As the days passed, Cordana became even more withdrawn, losing interest in the things that once gave her so much joy. She lost interest in food, barely nibbling on her meals as she sat alone on the stairs or in the dining room. She felt herself weakening and would fall asleep at her post, awake late, and on occasion be unable to rouse herself sufficiently to begin her day, but Khadgar said nothing to her when she finally did make her appearance. He does not even notice if I am here or not, she thought. He no longer cares what happens to me, and it is entirely my own fault.
Cordana came to the realization that she could no longer serve the Archmage to the best of her ability. Being so near to him day after day, feeling the guilt, was slowly killing her. It was time to pay a visit to the Enclave.
The night before she was to go, Cordana was unable to sleep. She felt tortured inside, unsure if she were making the right decision. Would someone else be able to care for Khadgar's safety as much as she did? Would someone else soon see how beautiful and wonderful he was and dare to love him as he needed to be loved?
She didn't want to leave him without trying, one more time, to help him see how much she truly did love him. As she made her decision, her own fear and trepidation no longer mattered. She believed it was most likely too late, but the feeling was so strong that she could not deny it any longer. Cordana crept into Khadgar's chambers after he had crawled into bed. He wore only the bottom half of his small clothes, his beautiful body illuminated by the moonlight from the window, his hair sparkling like the tiny stars he had once conjured in the fountain at Stormwind. It took her breath away. Even the silver hair on his chest seemed to twinkle with every breath.
"Khadgar," she said softly.
He started, and sat up. "Cordana? What are you doing in here? I assure you that Gul'Dan is not hiding in my closet."
"I asked him to leave us alone for a moment," she said wryly. "I came to tell you that I shall not be here in the morning. I am returning to the Enclave."
Khadgar nodded. "That is fine, I will wait for your return before beginning my day. Thank you for telling me."
"I will not be returning, Archmage," she said.
Khadgar was silent for a long moment, then fell back against the pillows with a heavy, sad sigh. "At least tell me what I ever did to earn your scorn. Is it because I am an old man, with scars and lines around my eyes, who cannot keep up with one as young and vibrant as you? Is it my race, Cordana? Did my being human suddenly become an affront to you? Did you ever love me as you say you did? And if so, what did I do to make you change your mind?"
Cordana's hands were shaking as she let her cloak fall to the floor. It became visible even as she did not.
"You are not old to me, Khadgar. I do not see your scars and lines and your vitality is every bit as intact as mine is. Your race is not an issue...and...I do love you. I have more love inside me for you than my heart can hold."
She was trembling as she dropped out of stealth and stood between him and the window, giving him only a silhouetted view of her. She was wearing the dress that he had given her, and she slowly pushed the straps off her shoulders until the garment slid from her body and pooled at her feet.
"What are you doing, Cordana?" he asked softly.
"I refused to stay the night with you because I was afraid...because I am afraid."
The Archmage sat up again, this time slowly. All he could see were her unusually brilliant eyes. "Afraid? Of what? Of me? I would never willingly hurt you, Cordana! I would as soon tear out my own heart as cause you any intentional pain!"
Slowly, the Warden walked around to the other side of the bed, her hand trailing along the edge, and crawled onto it. She lay down on her back, as naked, vulnerable and exposed as she ever had been in her entire life.
"If it will prove to you that my love is true, then take me Khadgar. I shall not remain here to vex you any longer than the rising of the sun, or sooner, if that is your wish. But I need you to know that every word I ever said to you is true, and if giving you my body is the only way to do that, then so be it. I am yours, and ever will be."
Cordana was precariously close to tears but she no longer cared. She was trembling and frightened and her heart felt like a raw and open wound. She dared to face anything and anyone in battle, but when it came to intimacy she was reduced to a quivering mess.
Khadgar turned to her and gathered her gently into his arms. He was so warm in comparison to her chilled skin, despite the fire that burned in the hearth. He lay back and let her put her head on his chest, and he pulled the blanket over the both of them.
"I do not ever wish you to leave my side," he whispered. "Nothing about you vexes me. Why did you feel you could not speak to me openly about your fear? You pulled away from me, and made me believe that you no longer, or never had, loved me. I was hurt and rejected and I did not behave appropriately, for that I am sorry. I should have realized that this was not about me, but about you. Can you forgive me, Cordana? As old as I am, I am but a boy in the ways of love, wandering this strange new landscape without benefit of a map."
Cordana traced patterns on his chest, then lifted her chin and kissed his jaw. He turned his head and his lips grazed against hers. He shifted onto his hip and leaned over her, kissing her deeply, his hands caressing her now warmed skin.
"Cordana...I need you to know that I have never lain with anyone before. This should always be an act of love, and I have never known love until now. I am sorry if this disappoints you in some way."
She stroked his cheek. "I have trouble believing that, Khadgar. As beautiful as you are, how could no one have ever loved you?"
He gave her a wry smile. "Perhaps someone did...but I had no time nor interest in such matters. When you came into my life, you ran through my defenses as though they had never existed. I am quite good at projecting confidence...but terrible at feeling it."
Cordana kissed him softly. "Obviously you know that I also have never been with anyone before. That...that is why I was so hesitant. I felt that if you knew that I had no experience you would find me unworthy and change your mind about loving me. I know how ridiculous it sounds and I am sorry Khadgar. I am sorry that my fear took precedence over your feelings. This is uncharted territory for me, also."
He sighed. "Two peas in a pod. Love should not be easily withdrawn for so minor a reason, nor any reason. Even when slighted by the deepest hurt, love does not vanish. It simply changes. I believe that love, if it ever was true, will never leave despite outside circumstances."
"I believe the same, but I am Kaldorei. I know our ways, and sadly I always thought that humans were fickle in nature. I thought you stopped loving me. For weeks now you have not spoken more than two sentences to me. It is why I planned to leave, my heart was broken and I was not serving you to the best of my ability."
Khadgar held her tightly to him, his lips against her hair. "Oh, sweet Cordana, how sorry I am. I believed my silence is what you wanted. I am a stupid old fool! How can you love this ridiculous old man who knows nothing about love?"
Cordana laughed softly. "Because this ridiculous old man loves this silly elfling who knows nothing either!"
They held each other close for a long time, occasionally kissing tenderly and whispering sweet words. Khadgar pressed against her, and she felt how strong his desire was.
"You may touch me, if you like," he said softly. "Perhaps you will see there is nothing about me to be afraid of, I am no different than a Kaldorei sire. I think. I've never seen one in that way, actually. You know what I mean, however." He gave her a nervous smile.
She reached down and carefully touched his hardness through the fabric with her fingertips. He made a gesture with one hand and his small clothes vanished. Shyly, carefully, she curled a hand around him and squeezed gently. Khadgar gave a sigh of pleasure.
Cordana was surprised at how large he was. Yes, he was tall and well built, but she really wouldn't have guessed that his member would be also. The skin of it was soft and velvety, the soft hairs around it silky and silver just as the rest of his hair. She had had many assignments that also included human males. Some were quite proud of themselves and had no reservations on bathing in rivers and propositioning any female that crossed their paths. One had tried that on her, and found himself with the umbral crescent in a very uncomfortable position. Thinking on it, the Warden could not remember seeing any other human male put together quite like the Archmage. She stroked him tenderly, eliciting little moans from him as she did so.
"You are never going to make this fit inside me," she said to him quite factually. "My flower is so small. Human females must be so much larger than Kaldorei."
"We are all different, and made to fit together just as your people are. It will be fine, Cordana," he said soothingly.
She continued to stroke him and he moved his hips in rhythm with her touch. She quite enjoyed watching the expressions of pleasure on his face and hearing his sounds. It was nice to be able to make someone feel good. However, after a time, he stopped her, taking her hand from him and bringing it to his lips.
"You will bring me to release," he said. "I do not wish to do that yet."
He moved her so that she lay on her back, and slowly, Khadgar caressed her body, circling her nipples, kissing them and suckling them carefully. She loved how it made her feel, and like he had before, she made little sounds of pleasure as her heart raced and her blood felt like fire in her veins.
He rested on one elbow while he made his way down her body with the other hand. Coming to the soft tuft of hair between her legs, he caressed her thighs then came back to it, playing with the soft hairs. She liked it, and smiled. Then carefully and slowly, he slid his finger between the outer lips of her flower. She was very warm and already quite ready. Cordana parted her legs slightly, making it easier for him to stroke her. He circled her firm, excited nub, and sent sensations through her body she never knew existed. This must be why all living things spent their lives looking for a mate...so they could feel this way.
Khadgar was very cautious, and watched her closely as he found her opening and massaged it tenderly, warming the flesh, then pressed his finger against it. As he entered her, she tensed up and opened her eyes.
"It is alright, Cordana," he whispered, and kissed her.
It felt uncomfortable, having someone touch her inside that way, but he found some sensitive places that were quite pleasurable. It was not painful until he tried to open her further. She swallowed hard and pushed her hips down, away from him, and moved his hand aside. He withdrew his fingers from her body and pulled her close, holding her.
"I am sorry my love," he said into her hair. "Your flower is not used to being loved, and it will take some time for you to adjust. There is no rush, we can take our time."
"I am sorry I am so terrible at all of this," said Cordana. "I really did try and learn some things before I lay with you...but being told is not the same thing!"
Khadgar looked at her with a rather amused expression. "I cannot imagine who you would have talked to about this! You are certainly not terrible! Sadly I am the one who seems to be terrible. Perhaps I need to go and ask your source!"
"No way!" she said rather quickly. This made him laugh.
"Are you going to tell me or do I have to guess? I would have to start with the Lady Toriona, as she is the only one I have ever known you to spend any time with."
Cordana shook her head. "I could never ask her. I mean...I'm not even sure she and her mate are able to...to...you know."
Khadgar grinned. "They cheat, Cordana. They use potions."
"What are you talking about, potions?" she asked
Khadgar was surprised she had not heard of such things. "The males take a potion which shrinks them down to human size. It's an old formula, every apothecary I have ever met knew that one. Invented by the Tauren, I believe."
"I truly do not want to know the story there. Maybe we need a potion also, Khadgar!"
He smiled. "It would not work on me, and we do not need that. We just need time. It will be ok my love, I promise you!"
They tried again, but Cordana had a hard time getting used to the situation. Her body didn't want to cooperate. Just trying to open and ready her hurt too much, and Khadgar wasn't willing to keep torturing her. He brought her to release, which was delightful and felt wonderful. He was so pleased.
They caressed and kissed each other and Cordana returned the gesture. Khadgar had never imagined it could be so incredible, to be given pleasure by another person. They caressed and enjoyed one another, and as the night wore on they grew tired, and fell asleep in each other's arms.
For once Cordana did not think of the mission and her duty.
All she could think about was how much she loved the Archmage.