Author's notes:
I've come to the conclusion that I simply can't make quick updates. So, I'm going to stop promising you that I'll update quickly. Ha! Thank you for sticking with me! I swear each chapter is more difficult to write than the last. I hope this one won't disappoint. This is unbeta'd.
As always, thank you for reading, commenting. Thank you for being there really.
I love this community, love the wonderful writers and readers that make Klaroline live on. So a big shout out to each and every single one of you.
This story is going to be a bit longer than what I had anticipated originally. Blame the characters!
This chapter features a flashback that I hope you'll like. Hmm...
Have a good read!
She was holding four grocery bags and she just knew that she was going to drop something before she could even make it to the door.
She could feel it. One of the bag was sliding, sliding –
''No. No. No.'' She hurried, walking awkwardly, but before she could ring the door-bell, the bag fell with a thump, followed by a crinkling noise, and one of the apples rolled on the floor, and ended its course in the stairway.
She dropped the three unscathed bags and rang the bell, and waited for her father to open the door.
She surveyed the content of the bags. Ha! the eggs were intact!
Not bad, Forbes. Not bad at all.
She had managed to bring, single-handedly, four bag of groceries without a hitch – if you did not count the departed apple. She was quite proud of herself, really.
Her dad did not seem to be home yet. She checked her watch. It was almost eight. She could wait for him – maybe even fix him something to eat.
Or maybe not.
She thought back to the last time she had tried to cook dinner. It had ended up in flames. In flames!
And, she was not even kidding, sadly. Luckily, Nik had brought dinner with him – even though she had told him that she was cooking.
Man of little faith.
She took the spare key she kept in her purse and opened the door. She took a look around, to see if everything was in order, and then proceeded to put away the groceries. Ever since his heart attack, a year before, Caroline had been watching her father closely. She had just finished to put everything when her father arrived. ''Hey, Dad!''
''Hey, Care Bear,'' he said, hugging her. ''How's my lovely daughter?'' he asked when he released her.
''I'm good, Dad.'' She smiled at him and looked at him carefully. He was thinner now and the lines of his face were more prominent. He was her only family. And she had almost lost him.
Almost.
To see him in his hospital bed, so fragile, had shaken her; she had thought she was going to lose him. Had pictured herself alone. But Nik had been there. Her rock.
But it was in the past now and she did not want to think about it. These bad memories only reminded her of an other time.
When she had lost her.
''And how's your boy?'' her father inquired, distracting her from her sad thoughts.
''Nik's fine. He's been working a lot lately, I haven't seen him much.'' She put her hand over her stomach to calm the winged creatures. She had felt them the whole day, they soared every time she thought of him.
Nik. Her boy. Who raised waves of emotions and feelings that submerged her, scared her, and left her hopeful at the same time.
''So, any plans for tonight?'' she asked distractedly.
''I'm meeting a few friends,'' he said simply. ''You know the bookstore Once in a Blue Book?'' When she nodded, he continued. ''Well, there's a lecture given by a young author. You could join us if you'd like.''
''Can't. Last minute plans with Bonnie. But maybe we could do something next week-end?'' she suggested.
''I would love that, kiddo,'' he said with a beautiful smile. And she smiled back.
~o~
''I slept with Klaus,'' she told Bonnie without preamble, when they sat at their table. They were having a late dinner in a trendy bistro, in Lincoln Park.
From the way Bonnie's mouth hung open at her little announcement, she guessed that she had surprised her friend.
Yep. Clearly she had not expected that.
When her friend recovered from her shock, she asked her one question, the question she asked herself every single day. ''How did that happen?''
Well, she still did not know how that happened, but she knew, more or less, what led them to that.
''I was feeling down, went out with Katherine, drank too much vodka and the next thing I knew I was in my bed, naked, and very much not alone.'' She winced at the memory. She could not even look Bonnie in the eyes without feeling ashamed. Things had not changed. She was still the same girl – the same pathetic, needy girl who would do anything to get attention apparently. Only it was not like that.
Not with Nik.
When she looked at Bonnie, expecting disappointment and disapproval, she only saw understanding in her kind warm eyes. And the painful weight lifted off her chest. ''Was it a one-time thing?'' her friend asked her softly.
''Yes. Yes, of course.'' She played with her napkin distractedly. Folding and unfolding the white cloth.
''Do you want it to be a one-time thing?'' Bonnie asked her, putting a gentle hand on both of hers.
''Yes.'' Maybe. No. But she did not want to make it worse. This would annihilate any chance of ever going back to the way they were. Uncomplicated, easy. Safe. Thinking of ever losing this terrorized her and left her feeling exposed.
But if she gave in, if she let him love her, and if she let herself love him back, would it be that bad? She did not know what to think anymore.
''I don't know,'' she said finally, honestly. She looked at Bonnie and let herself say it out loud. ''I don't know anymore, Bonnie.'' And once she let go, she could not stop. ''It's always been us against the world. We've always had this connection, you know? We've always been there for each other. And he might be my favorite person in the world. And... And I don't want to lose him. Ever. But, then that happens and he says he loves me –''
''Wait, he said he loved you?'' Caroline nodded. ''And do you feel something for Klaus, other than friendship that is?''
''Yes.'' It was that simple.
''Did you talk about it?'' Bonnie inquired.
''Yes, and I made a big mess. He told me he loved me. And what did I do? I called him crazy!'' She really, really wanted to slap herself. Why did she have to speak first and think later?
Stupid. So stupid.
Bonnie gave a little wince, and nodded.
''You need to be honest with Klaus. Tell him how you feel, what you feel.''
''He's avoiding me.'' Again, her eyes welled up with tears, only she let them fall freely. She did not want to hide anymore. Pretend that everything was fine, that she just needed to give it time. ''I'm losing him, Bonnie,'' she said in a pitiful voice.
''Care, you're not going to lose him,'' her friend said soothingly. ''He thinks his feelings are one-sided, he's hurt. And chances are, he's probably afraid he's going to lose you, too.'' She gave her hand a squeeze. ''Just talk to him.''
Caroline nodded. She hoped Bonnie was right. She really did.
''But what if we don't work out? What if it messes everything up?'' she asked Bonnie – as if her friend held all the answers.
''Oh, Caroline,'' her friend said with a smile. ''You and Klaus? You're going to be epic.''
~o~
When he arrived, his sister was patiently waiting for him.
He took a moment to look at her before he made his way to her. His baby sister. Who was always there to defend him and take his side no matter what, when it was his job to protect her. He smiled. She looked beautiful in a simple green dress, her blonde hair styled in a low bun. She looked all grown up.
She was sitting straight in her seat, and she was fidgeting nervously with her ring finger. He frowned.
What?
''Nik!'' Her face broke into a smile when she saw him. It was nice to see he could elicit such happiness from someone.
''Bekah. Dear sister. It has been too long.'' He hugged her. It had been too long. But she was studying in NYU and he was a busy man in Chicago. But then she would come to visit during the holidays, mostly to see Stefan, and he would get to see his blonde little sister.
''I've got news,'' she said excitedly. She showed him her hand where a delicate ring was adorning her finger. The ring finger. He looked at it for a moment and looked at Rebekah, a question on his lips.
''Stefan asked me to marry him and I said 'yes'!'' She could not contain herself, and the look on her face was one of pure, unadulterated happiness.
He was speechless. Engaged? His sister? But she was too young. And too delicate, so easily breakable.
He did not say anything for a few seconds and her smile faltered. ''Aren't you happy for me?'' she asked, timid and hopeful.
She had been seeing Stefan for a little over a year, but he had never taken their relationship seriously. She gave her heart too easily, loved too easily.
But Stefan Salvatore was a good man. And a friend. And he made her happy. That was all that mattered.
''I'm happy for you.'' He smiled. ''Congratulations, Bekah.''
She smiled in contentment. How she reminded of Caroline at that moment! Precious innocence. Unsuspected strength and unfaltering loyalty.
The two women of his life.
Leaving his side.
~o~
She found him on the floor, sipping a glass of his most expensive bourbon. In the dark. ''Nik?'' She turned the lights on. ''What are you doing alone in the dark?''
She looked at the glass in his hand and came to sit next to him. ''Are you okay?''
''I'm drinking to Bekah's engagement,'' he said, raising his now empty glass.
It took her a moment to process what he was telling her. ''That's wonderful!'' She hugged him awkwardly. When he did not move or say anything, she made him look at her with a gentle pull of her hand on his chin. ''It doesn't make you happy?'' she asked quietly.
Rebekah had asked the same question. Did it make him happy?
Yes.
But it also filled him with an inexplicable sense of loss. And envy.
''I'm just still a bit surprised. It seems rather sudden.'' She simply nodded.
Everything had happened so fast. Only a year and half ago, Rebekah had left London to study in New York City. She had spent the summer with him and Caroline before she went to NYU. She had met Stefan at that time, and had taken an immediate liking to him. The poor chap, who was still nursing a broken heart, had been completely oblivious.
''By the way, you're in charge of her engagement party. It's in two weeks and Rebekah expects it to be nothing short of perfect. She'll call you tomorrow to work on the details.''
''What?'' she shrieked. ''You can't be serious!'' she exclaimed shrilly.
''Don't worry, this will be a very intimate affair.''
Bekah had said that she wanted to have a small party, with only their close friends. He knew it was mostly for his sake. She knew that their mother's betrayal was still raw.
He had been unwanted as soon as he had become a reality. Unlike his siblings, he had been the result of a sordid affair. Not the fruit of affection, or a pledge of love.
Love. It had always been an abstract notion for him. Something he had craved for as a child, but rarely got.
He took the bottle and poured himself an other glass. He shook his head and took a sip.
To love and misery.
He leaned his head back on the couch and closed his eyes. Look at where love had gotten him. He was practically living in his office, living off takeout, going crazy over his unrequited feelings.
Things would be so much more simple if only –
If only he did not feel. And did not care. But he was weak that way.
''What are you thinking about?'' she asked sleepily. ''You're all broody all of a sudden,'' she yawned.
''Nothing. I'm just tired,'' he lied.
They fell into a comfortable silence, Caroline on his side. Maybe it was because of the alcohol, or maybe it was because he was just too tired, but he let himself enjoy the feel of her against him. The weight of her head on his shoulder, the softness of her hair against his jaw, the feel of her breast against his arm.
Running away was tiring.
Exhausting.
And at some point, you just had to lay down your arms and surrender.
But was he ready? Was he ready to abandon all hope of ever being with her?
''I think someone needs to go to bed,'' he murmured, eyes closing. She only nodded in agreement against his neck.
''You're right. You need to go to bed,'' she said getting up from the floor. He chuckled. ''Come on, Nik.'' She held out a hand. He looked at her hand, and at her face. She was looking at him with a raised eyebrow.
Ah. Bossy Caroline.
He let her help him to his feet. ''Let's get you to bed... Hum...'' She looked all flustered all of a sudden, he did not know why –
Ah.
That.
He loved that it still had an effect on her and that, because of it, her cheeks turned a deeper shade of pink. He loved how she worried her lips until they took a berry color. And he loved even more that he was the reason for it. So he did not move, just savored the moment.
''Nik?'' she said questioningly. But he did not say anything. He just pulled her closer to him and buried his fingers in her hair, breathed her scent. ''Nik,'' she repeated, and he left the sweet spot of her neck to take a look at her face, sure that he would see disapproval in her eyes. But it was something else. Something that warmed him and left him nostalgic at the same time.
She was amused.
''You're so drunk.''
He wanted to argue but something stopped him. He missed that. Their easy banter. ''Yes.'' She giggled and he relished the sound. ''Come on.'' She gave his middle a squeeze and they began to walk toward the stairs. It was only when they arrived in front of his room that she let go of him. ''Alright. Do you think you can manage?'' When he nodded, feeling so much like a small boy, she smiled at him and gave him a tight hug, and wished him good night.
When she released him, there was something different about her. He just felt it. Or maybe he was imagining things in his inebriated state. But her eyes seemed more tender, and she was not smiling anymore. She seemed lost in her own little world, when he just wanted to be lost in her. Like he was now, playing with a lock of golden hair.
''Caroline?'' She shook her head, seemingly coming back to her senses. This look, it was reminiscent of –
No.
He had to stop.
''It's been a long day. Good night, Niklaus.'' She offered him an other smile and went in her room.
Leaving him a little bit puzzled.
And a little bit hungry for her.
~o~
He took a swig of his bottle and contemplated smashing it against the wall to alleviate some of the raw anger that was burning his insides. He was angry at the world.
No. He was angry at his mother.
How could she? She was supposed to love him unconditionally. She was the only person who was supposed to love him. No matter what. He took an other swig to get rid of the bitter taste of her betrayal.
Even after all these years, he could not get past the fact that, in her eyes, he was the biggest mistake of her life. And now this. He had to hear from his sister that their mother was getting remarried. Rebekah had tried to minimize the whole incident but all he could think about was how their mother was trying to cut him out of her life – their lives. Like the dead branch of a tree.
He sighed. There was no point in dwelling on it. It was what it was.
That was how his life –
He frowned when he heard noises at the front door, as if someone was trying to get in. Caroline was out but she had keys. And he was not expecting anyone. He listened carefully and heard the distinct sound of tapping and scratching and the doorknob being twisted forcefully. The neighborhood was safe but you never knew.
Evil had many faces after all.
His anger flared at the disturbance. Whoever was on the other side was not being very discreet and was looking for trouble. And maybe he was looking for trouble too. He put the nearly empty bottle on the coffee table and went to the front door. He took the baseball bat that was next to the door and swung the door open, ready to strike.
A mass of blonde hair and limbs stumbled inside and fell on the floor, at his feet. There, on her hands and knees, Caroline greeted him. 'Hey, Nik.'' She looked up at him from the floor, trying to put her hair off her face with one hand, while the other clutched her shoes.
Undoubtedly, she was drunk.
He helped her to her feet. How did that happen? ''Caroline?''
''Yep! That's me!'' she answered with a giggle. And then hugged him. ''And you. You're Mike. Mik. Nik. My favorite best friend in the whole wide world,'' she said against his shirt.
Alright. She was really drunk.
''How did you get home?'' he asked, worried that she might have come home by herself. It was not that he did not trust Katherine but –
No, he simply did not trust her.
''Taxi,'' she replied, her voice muffled by his shirt. The sudden bout of affection made him a tad uncomfortable. And she did not seem to want to let go.
''Caroline.'' He gently took her hands, and tried to make her loosen her grip on him. But she only held him tighter. ''Caroline,'' he repeated. ''Let go. You need to change and go to bed.'' Considering her state, he could only guess that she had drunk a copious amount of alcohol.
It was so unlike her. ''What happened?'' he asked tentatively.
''Matt and I broke up.''
Ah.
''I'm sure it's only temporary,'' he told her. He was not sure what else he could say really. They always found their way to each other. And it was beginning to annoy him to no end. She was worth more than Matt Donovan.
She was worth so much more. But what could he possibly say? That he wanted her? That he –
No. There was no point.
''No. We're done. He doesn't understand,'' she said, and he frowned.
''Doesn't understand what?'' he asked softly, as he let his chin rest on top of her head.
''How much you mean to me,'' she answered quietly. She raised her head and looked at him with serious eyes. Gone was giggly Caroline. ''I will never let you go,'' she said, clutching at his shirt. ''I don't know how to live without you,'' she finished, and he did not understand the sudden change in mood, and how it had become about him.
''I'm not giving up on you, Caroline,'' he reassured her.
''I know,'' she said, and he noticed that their lips were only a kiss away.
She bridged the gap and brushed her lips against his. ''You're my boy,'' she whispered against his mouth. She was drunk and she did not know what she was doing, or saying.
He gently pushed her away. ''You're drunk, Caroline.''
''You too,'' she argued, pressing her lips against his once more, with more force this time. ''I can taste it.'' She tugged at his shirt and began to unbutton it.
''Caroline stop. You're not in your right mind.''
But she did not. Why? What had he done to be tortured like this?
''You're drunk,'' he repeated, taking her hands in his.
''So what?'' she asked him with a smile, and he shook his head.
''So you don't know what you're doing. But I promise you that I won't hold it over your head,'' he said with a gentle smile.
She stopped and looked at him with genuine eyes. ''Maybe I'm drunk just enough to...'' her voice trailed off.
To what?
She tiptoed and linked her arms around his neck and smiled. ''I want you Mikaelson,'' she said very simply. And it was the strangest thing.
To hear those words coming from her mouth.
''Don't you want me?'' she asked with big baby blue eyes. The feel of her body pressed against him, her scent and her fingers in his hair – everything – it was driving him mad with want.
Of course, he wanted her. She had no idea how much he wanted her. He wanted her with him always. Wanted her by his side forever.
''Caroline –,'' he began but her lips stopped him from saying more. ''Sweetheart,'' he groaned. It would be a sin to deny her but he could not possibly do what she asked of him. Even though every fiber of his being wanted it.
''Let's get you to bed,'' he said.
''Yes!'' she agreed and, again, he shook his head with a smile. ''Come on, Caroline.'' He took her in his arms; she was light, a feather, and she took advantage of the fact that his arms were full of her to press light kisses on his neck. He groaned against her hair and he went up the stairs, careful not to drop her or do something stupid like kissing her back.
Finally, he pushed her bedroom's door open with his foot and carefully put her on her bed. ''Alright,'' he said, brushing a few strands of hair off her face. ''Try to sleep.'' When he made an attempt to leave, she took him by the collar of his shirt. ''Nik,'' she said with a look that made him want to take her in his arms and never let her go. Never before had she looked at him like that. ''Please.'' And she captured his lips in a tender kiss.
Please.
She was asking so sweetly that he could not say no.
That he did not want to say no.
But he had to. He gently broke the kiss and got up from her bed. ''Sleep,'' he said once more, before he left her room and closed the door behind him.
He let out a breath. What had just happened?
This was maddening. To know that she was behind that door and that she wanted him. But he could not –
Not like that.
He was caught off-guard when the door opened. He turned to look at her. She was no longer wearing her dress. She stood there, beautiful. Breathtaking. And she was no longer out of reach.
''I'm cold,'' she said simply.
Screw this.
He took her face in his hands. ''Caroline. Do you want this?'' He had to ask. When she only nodded, he asked again. ''Do you want this? Tell me.''
''Yes. I want this.'' He brushed his nose against hers and kissed her hungrily.
She took him by the hand and led him to her bed. He let her unbutton his shirt, caress his chest, kiss his skin. His shirt fell on the floor, followed by his jeans.
Her bra.
His boxers.
Her panties.
They lay down facing each other. He caressed her arms, her hands, brushed her mouth with his fingertips. He was discovering her and she let him. She was a wonder and slowly, silently, he explored her. With the back of his hand, he caressed the valley between her breasts, brushed a nipple with his thumb as he cupped her breast, feeling the drum of her heart in his palm. A familiar feeling of possessiveness washed over him and, with his lips, he washed away the touch of the men before him. And he felt glorious pride when he heard her moan his name.
She was his.
He moved over her and she arched under him, her body taut, when he took the pink pebble in his mouth. ''Niklaus,'' she moaned again and he looked up. Flushed and ripe under him, lips red from being kissed and bitten, soft blonde hair, she was glorious. He dropped kisses here and there, continuing to explore her body with his mouth. He kissed a hipbone, a thigh. She buried her fingers in his hair, and he had to close his eyes at the pleasure it brought him. Her hands caressed his neck, his shoulders. And he went back to the trail his mouth had made, travelling up.
He brought his lips to hers and they kissed deeply. He savored her touch. Her breasts pressed against him. Her hand on his cheek. His back. Caressing him. Her whole body under him. He felt her thighs opening, inviting him. He nestled between them, and kissed her mouth once more.
''Caroline.'' She ran her fingers in his hair once more and smiled at him, nodding. He braced himself and filled her, ever so slowly.
She closed her eyes and let out a sigh. ''Caroline,'' he gasped, resting his forehead in the crook of her neck. He felt her, only her, warm and soft and tight around him. He tried to calm his heart but it would not listen – because it needed her entirely, completely.
Only her.
He lifted his head off her neck and dropped kisses on her eyelids.
''Caroline, love,'' he repeated, his body tense. ''Look at me.'' Her eyes fluttered open and she looked at him with heavy lids. Ethereal. And yet, she was in his arms. He knew now that he would never let her go – as long as she wanted him. He put his hands on each side of her face, his lips hovering over hers, and time stood still.
He loved her.
And he hoped that maybe one day...
But now – now – he had her. Almost. She was just one breath away. ''Kiss me, Nik,'' she asked, tenderly. And so he did. Slowly, languidly.
They were one and the same.
Finally, he broke the kiss and began to move inside her, at a leisurely pace. Took her hands in his, their fingers intertwining above her head. Never taking their eyes of each other, skin on skin, they felt the other. Like they never had before.
She raised her head to press a quick, clumsy kiss on his lips and let her head fall back on the pillow, arching against him, as his strokes grew in intensity.
He had to close his eyes again at the delicious tightness that surrounded him and he let himself experience everything. Felt her head against his shoulder. Her breath. ''Nik.'' Her lips. Her teeth, as she bit his shoulder – marking his skin like she had marked his heart.
''Nik. Nik. Nik,'' she was chanting in his ear. His strokes became more frantic, less controlled, and he stifled her moans with a kiss. He wanted to take her whole.
They began to soar higher and higher until they reached the invisible ceiling. He felt her convulse around him and the pleasure blinded him. Pure light.
Happiness.
Spent, he left her warmth and collapsed next to her, gathering her in his arms. And, as they lay on her bed, her head on his chest, his eyes heavy with sleep, he kissed the top of her head.
Pure contentment.
To love and to be loved.
''I love you.'' The words were ripped out of him before he could think. He was not sure she had even heard him. Half hoped she had not heard him.
But evidently she had, because her response soothed his wary heart.
''I love you, too,'' she said sleepily, pressing a single kiss over his heart.
To love and to be loved.